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I recently bumped into the man who sold me my antique globe.It’s a small world. Did you know that before the crowbar was invented…Most crows drank at home. Officer: “I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.”Man: “No wait! I can explain everything!” I didn’t think vodka could help my problems.But it was worth a shot. I’ve been prescribed anti-gloating cream.I can’t wait to rub it in. What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe?Kilometery Cyrus. I said to my boss, “Can we talk? I have a problem.”My boss replied, “Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!”I said, “Okay, I have a serious drinking opportunity.”laffgaff.com…
“If you got sunburnt I’d laugh at first, but then I’d love to help you put your aftersun on” 01 On the first night, the local sleazeball tries to muscle in on her “Getting chatted up by the locals is something every girl has to put up with when they’re away. Obviously, it’s awkward if I’m there with you. The best way to handle it is to give the guy a talking to, without being violent. If he isn’t listening you can be more forceful, but no girl is impressed by a man who uses his fists before his brain.” 02 You’ve fallen asleep in the sun and the results aren’t pretty “I think it’s OK for a guy to admit he’s sunburnt to shit. If you’re bright red it’s…
“One of sour, two of sweet, three of strong, four of weak.” As memorable rhymes go, this one doesn’t really have the sticking power of, say, the Um Bongo advert. But these 12 words hold the key to opening up your summer to unbelievable levels of increda-brilla-sexy-coolness. This rhyming formula is the age-old bartender-only code to perfecting a summer punch. Gone are the days of raiding your mum’s dusty booze cabinet, hurling a crusty bottle of port in with a cherryade and hoping SEASON-WINNING BARBADOS PUNCH Whack these ingredients into a massive jug, ice it up, pour it out, kick back and get your face in the scorching sun… you’ve not birthed a genetic freak with the power to make you pass out before the barbecue gets lit. This year, with…
It was time again to cast off the shackles of the cocktail shaker, time to say “YES!” to the jigger, to the stirring, to the mastering, and time to rise up to the challenge and declare the king of bartending skills in the 2019 Monkey Shoulder Ultimate Bartender Championship (UBC). This year’s Ultimate Bartender Challenge, which took place at Saigon Suzy in Johannesburg, South Africa saw some of the regions best bartenders battle it out to be crowned South Africa’s ultimate bartender and win an all expenses paid trip to the London Cocktail Week in October, 2019. We’ve all heard the saying, “don’t let the same dog bite you twice”, but in this case, the same man has claimed the UBC title for a second year running - Michael Stephenson,…
Angel Allison is a California native. Living her best life in sunny SoCal. She travels as often as possible & lives as a free spirit. Tell us something interesting about yourself people would not ordinarily know about you. I have been celibate for all of 2019 If you weren’t a model, what would you be? I work full time as a Sex Therapist, modeling is a fun side gig. Who is your celeb crush? Peter Dinklage, from Game of Thrones What is the one thing about yourself that you wish more people knew? I was the NRA World Shooting Ladies Champion. What does your typical day look like? I start with a coffee enema, move to a 16 minute kegel sesh, followed by a chakra alignment before heading into the…
MAIN COURSE PAN FRIED HONEY-MUSTARD CHICKEN FILLETS PREP TIME: 5MIN COOKING TIME: 10MIN SERVINGS: 4-6 INGREDIENTS 1 tbsp olive oil 1 large red salad onion diced 600g chicken fillets tenderised 1/2tsp salt 1/4 tsp ground black pepper 1 heaped tbsp onion flakes 1 tsp mustard seeds 1 heaped tsp mustard powder 1/2 tsp onion powder 1/2 tbsp honey 1tsp dried rosemary Serve with rice, sweet potato, butternut or side of your choice. INSTRUCTIONS Start by frying the onion in olive oil over medium heat. Once the onion is brown, move to the side of the pan and add the chicken fillets. Before starting with the salt and spice, cook on both sides till the meat is white. Once meat is cooked on both sides start by drizzling the chicken with…
