Innholdsfortegnelse for September 2025 i Psychologies

''I’ve been dabbling with the paints this month, getting my hands dirty with watercolours and gouache during a holiday to France. It started out a few months ago as supporting my son with his schoolwork, then this trip I bought my own sketchbook and brushes and gave myself permission to have a proper go myself. And I loved it! The end result is absolutely beginner (please don’t judge me!), but the process itself is joyful. Speaking of creative endeavours, we’ve given the mag a little glow-up this month too. We’ve worked our socks off, hope you like it!…

If, like me, you have a sister — or sisters — you may sometimes find that you compare yourself with them too. I don’t just mean comparison in a competitive sense, but in wondering about who you are in relation to who they are, and how that dynamic might have shifted — sometimes in big ways — since childhood. I speak with psychotherapist and coach Karin Peeters about how having a sister can shape us. ‘I have three younger sisters,’ she shares with me. ‘I’m the oldest. There’s a protectiveness that comes with it — I was always the babysitter, and I really liked that. ‘It made me feel very caring about them, but I think sometimes also it made me feel overly responsible. When I had my first management…

''When I was seven, I wrote a poem at school that won second prize in a local library competition. I don’t remember exactly what it was about, only that it was made up of fragments: small moments from my day, my thoughts, and things I had noticed. What I do remember clearly is standing in front of that poem, displayed on the library foyer. That moment changed something in me. For the first time, writing from my own life made me feel good about a life that, even then, carried its challenges. Poetry helped me see that even the ordinary parts of my day were worth something. I knew I wanted to be a writer. More recently, I was on an early morning train into the city when I missed…

Is your phone spying on you? Apps are accessing your microphone, location and other files on your device, cybersecurity experts say Top apps are demanding ‘shocking’ levels of access to your devices and data in a potential breach of your privacy, experts have warned. Consumer group Which teamed up with cybersecurity firm Hexiosec to investigate 20 of the most popular apps, including Facebook, WhatsApp, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok and Amazon, to see which permissions they requested from users. They found that 15 wanted your location within 5m, 15 asked for access to files, and 14 wanted permission to access the microphone, even when unnecessary. Four also requested to see what other apps you have recently used, despite Android previously removing this access over privacy concerns. The apps have a combined total…

From an early age, the message is subtle but persistent: being liked matters more than being clear. Good girls say yes. Assertiveness is risky. Discomfort is dangerous. So when conflict starts to simmer, at work, at home, or anywhere else, something in us reacts before we can explain why. A lump in the throat. A tightness in the chest. We second-guess what we were about to say. That reflex to shrink into ourselves, or to simply clam up, takes over. According to confidence coach Chantal Dempsey, this isn’t a personal flaw, it’s learned. ‘From a young age, many women are conditioned to prioritise harmony,’ she says. ‘Traditionally, children model one of their parents, and for generations, the roles were clear. The father figure was often seen as the authority and…

I discovered a new word recently: ‘crumpsy’. It means irritable, tired and grumpy and I love the deliciously satisfying sound of it. Not only that, but crumpsy seems to perfectly encapsulate how I am feeling at the moment. The word resonated somewhere deep in my soul, and I felt I’d found the perfect way to describe the feeling, which I had been struggling to articulate, both about my own mood and the general mood around me. Everyone seems to be a little bit grumpy lately. From the woman who loudly complained ‘for f*cks sake!’ through her open car window at someone daring to take more than 0.8 seconds to park their car, to the person who aggressively barked ‘Move!’ to a lost-looking tourist on the Underground. I look around and…

When we think about the factors which may affect our levels of desire, housework isn’t an obvious one. But to what extent do these mundane domestic tasks impact our sex lives? It turns out, quite a lot! I caught up with sex therapist and author of How Not to Let Having Kids Ruin Your Sex Life (Headline Home, £16.99) Dr Karen Gurney to find out if there really is something to be said for a partner doing the housework that has us feeling hot under the collar. She clarifies that while it may well be a turn on for some people, she never heard of it referred to as erotic by any clients that she has seen in sex therapy. ‘In my experience this term is more of a reference…

''Jill had come for coaching to think about the future of her 30-year marriage. During our first session together, she had said out loud, for the first time, that her marriage had run its course. Hearing herself voice those words had taken her by surprise and left her feeling sad and scared but also excited. I hadn’t seen Jill for several weeks as she wanted time to reflect and to talk with her husband before the next coaching session. When she did arrive, I was taken aback by the change in her. The sassy, polished, confident woman I had seen last time was barely recognisable. ‘How are you arriving here today?’ I asked. ‘Confused. Worn out. Deflated. Uncertain. Like I am a villain.’ I asked Jill if she was okay…

I always felt ‘different’ growing up, like there was something wrong with me. But in the past few years, as I have heard more about the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), it all makes sense. Dr Elaine Aron coined the term, and explains the core traits. 1 HSPs think deeply about everything, taking time to process information, emotions, and experiences. 2 Due to heightened sensitivity, HSPs easily become overwhelmed by sensory input such as loud sounds, bright lights, or busy environments. 3 HSPs experience intense emotions and possess a heightened capacity for empathy. 4 HSPs notice the smallest details others might overlook. Her work fascinates me in that it highlights sensitivity as a distinct trait, not a disorder or condition to be fixed. In fact, she argues that it offers survival…

Whilst there is no doubt that wider world events, the news and social media are all impacting on our mood, trainer and coach Dr Jen Surtees believes one source of grumpiness may be closer to home. When considering ‘Why are we all so grumpy at the moment?’ Dr Surtees asks: ‘Are you around lots of other people who are grumpy?’ It’s a good point; we are strongly influenced by those around us. There can be nothing nicer than getting together with friends and putting the world to rights over a cuppa, and it often leaves us feeling connected and fulfilled. However, there can be a more negative side. ‘People are having a good moan,’ Dr Surtees observes, when I ask her how she is seeing grumpiness show up around her.…

''September always makes me think of fresh starts. Autumn is well and truly underway, especially in these strange new times when leaves begin to curl and turn brown in July, and blackberries appear in hedgerows weeks earlier than usual. The world is speeding up too fast and we are in a race against time to save it. My life at the moment feels like autumn in so many ways, if winter is the final season and autumn is its prelude. Of course nature is cyclical, while the human lifespan feels much more linear, a series of mini cycles rolling from beginning to end. In a couple of years I will be 50, and it will no longer be possible to describe myself as ‘young’. I will definitely have tipped over…

We drove home, and I jumped out the car and quickly checked. Yes, the hob was off. And, as I locked the front door, the front door was definitely locked. We were a few minutes late to dinner but, I told myself, at least I wasn’t worrying about the house burning down. The problem is, this kind of thinking happens to me quite regularly. Talking about experiencing intrusive thoughts can be difficult — we may feel confused or upset by them, or think other people won’t understand. According to the charity Mind: ‘An intrusive thought is an unwanted thought that pops into your mind.’ They explain that this thought could be experienced in various ways, such as a feeling or sensation, memory, urge, or mental picture. Sometimes, there may be…