Innholdsfortegnelse for November 2024 i Psychologies

Life’s too short for ‘what ifs’ Your article on Isn’t all this ageism getting a bit old, in the August issue, was an interesting read, and very true! Positive self-talk is the key. We all know our worth, but for a lot of people, age is the downside, and with new technologies and changing practices in the workplace, it can be off-putting. I have personally had three career changes and loved every one of them. Having to do some sort of training prior to the job also gave me the confidence to buy a business with a partner, which – apart from the money side of things – was scary. But we both decided we knew what we were doing and had to be positive about it all. This was…

On my first day of high school, I met a girl called Urma. Except that wasn’t her name. There was a typo in every class register, so that she had to exclaim, rather persistently, that her name was actually – Urmi – and endure the raised eyebrows, and the unspoken question of, ‘Are you sure? That’s not what it says here’. I admired her tenacity. If it was me, I’d likely have accepted it, gone home, and announced to my parents I had a new name. I mean, I’d already done a version of this in primary school. My name was pronounced Gree-ta for the first five years of my life. But when everyone at school called me Greh-ta, I kept schtum – too shy to say anything. When my…

We’ve all seen the movie version of a first date, where sparks fly the second a couple meet, but if you’ve ever been set up by a friend or tried online dating, you probably know that the reality is often rather different to the movie-fantasy version. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of putting far too much expectation on these meetings, questioning if it could be the start of something, piling a huge amount of pressure on it, and yourself, to come across as the best, most fabulous version of you. And all that pressure can make dating no fun at all, as well as leaving you a complete bundle of nerves! But Dr Lalitaa Suglani, psychologist and relationship expert, says it’s ‘completely normal’ to struggle to be…

Winter is my favourite season for reflection. Whilst I absolutely love a goal, a list and a plan, my deeper-thinking happens when the temperature cools and distractions are minimised. For this reason, I launch my ‘new year’ resolutions in April, gifting myself an indulgent extra three months to think and plot and plan. Prior to this practice, I started January with a list of resolutions for the year ahead that just didn’t resonate with me. Goals that I felt I should do rather than what I really wanted to achieve and so, inevitably, they were discarded before the month was out. I need my time to meaningfully reflect and the natural conditions of winter are perfect to do so. That said, it took me a while to get comfortable with…

COMMUNICATION This summer, debate has been raging on our letters pages over whether we at Psychologies should do more to cater for men. The consensus seems to be that we want to keep Psychologies focused on women, but with some helpful insights as to how to help the men in our lives to deal with their mental health, too. So this month we’re kicking that off with some ideas about how to start conversations with men around how they’re feeling. Because the reality is that society has come a long way when it comes to discussing our mental health, but it can still be difficult for men in particular to open up when they’re struggling – or for us to know how to broach the topic with them. ‘We know…

I’ve got a confession to make; I like to sit in stillness and quiet about as much as I like to pull hair out of the shower drain. Yet the older I get, the more I crave a slower, more contented pace. I’d like to be less consumed by my phone. I’d love to be less easily fooled by the ‘perfect lives’ I see when I doomscroll the socials – and I don’t just want this for myself. It’s a longing for a fuller, more connected life for my screen-hooked kids and stressed-out friends, too. Could it be that the life I’m longing for, that maybe what we’re all longing for, is the other side of a breath, a pause? Maybe even a power cut? Last week the power went…

Autumn has arrived. The leaves are a warm russet, fireplaces are crackling in to life, and – just like that – Strictly is in full swing again. For many of us, this glittering show is the heartbeat of Saturday nights. And this year, as Strictly celebrates its 20th anniversary, one familiar face is returning to the ballroom with a sparkle in her eye: Amy Dowden. Teamed up with JLS’s JB Gill, they’ve already danced their way to the top of the leaderboard in week one. But rewind a year, and Dowden was watching from the wings. Dowden revealed she had stage three breast cancer in May 2023, after finding a lump the day before she went on her honeymoon. ‘It was on a busy day, we were up in Blackpool…

Session three I was looking forward to seeing Betty again. Our last session together had been energetic and powerful, and Betty had decided that she was going to make some big changes and reclaim her zest for life. But as soon as she arrived, it was clear Betty wasn’t very ‘zesty’ today. She had her hands stuffed in the pockets of her hoody and the hood pulled as far over her forehead as it would go. ‘I don’t think I need to ask how you are,’ I said, gently. Betty shook her head, looking at her feet. I waited in silence. So did Betty. ‘I am here for you and available to you, Betty. What is the most useful thing I could offer you right now?’ ‘Don’t suppose you have…

Pass the tissues! It’s the usual refrain at this time of year, as the cold, flu and whatever else germs seem to be gearing up for the winter. To try to head off the worst of them, we instinctively focus on bolstering our physical immunity. So we stock up on vitamins, get our flu jabs, and bundle up in warm clothing to protect ourselves from the cold. It’s a good idea to take care, and these actions are essential for staying physically healthy during the colder months, but there’s another type of wellness that all too often goes overlooked: our psychological immunity. Keeping this in tip-top condition is key to how well we cope with life’s ups and downs. Because the reality is that we are constantly encountering challenges, setbacks…

Nutritionist Fiona Berry is so passionate about living seasonally, she has made it the focus of her whole career. ‘When I was little and people would ask “what’s your favourite season?”, my answer was always “all of them”,’ Berry tells me. ‘I love the change. Every season offers an opportunity to live life in a different way.’ She supports clients to embrace seasonal living and make the necessary adjustments to move through seasons with ease, especially winter. Far removed from the pressure of once-a-year new year resolutions, Berry tells me that living seasonally allows for continual adaption. ‘I’m constantly playing with the habits I want to build and how I support my wellbeing. Regularly reviewing and adjusting food, movement and habits makes it all feel quite gentle.’ As we continue…

In November, autumn gradually becomes winter. Long nights and colder conditions return and those changes bring different experiences. With strong winds, most trees will be bare, but on a woodland walk you can still find colour and brightness through fallen leaves, fungi, acorns and chestnuts. It can be easier to spot lichens, too. Garden birdfeeders will get busier, perhaps with some new visitors, such as redpolls, bramblings or siskins. Blackbirds and song thrushes will be hopping about searching for worms and fallen berries. In the field, corvids, such as rooks and jackdaws, will gather. By the coast, large flocks of waders can be seen. This is also a peak time for grey seal pups. VIRTUAL NATURE As the days shorten and winter takes hold, getting out and noticing nature can…

Book of the month Some Of Our Parts by Laura Kennedy (Bonnier, £14.99) Labels can be a shorthand way to define who we are and find our tribe, but they can also be a curse, robbing us of complexity and humanity. Philosopher and journalist Laura Kennedy explores the labels that have been attached to her to explore why and how we use these powerful descriptors, in a sharp and distinctive book. Each chapter combines memoir with incisive analysis, as she reflects on personal identifiers like Irish, working class and neurodiverse – some inherited, some bestowed and some proudly claimed. There are moments of warmth, humour and naked honesty, and the end product is wise, thoughtful and much more. Kind: The Quiet Power of Kindness at work by Graham Allcott (Bloomsbury,…

Good hair day Afro hair should become a protected characteristic in law to prevent race discrimination in schools and the workplace, say leading Black Britons. More than 100 public figures including Mel B, Fleur East and Beverley Knight have signed an open letter to MPs calling on them to update the Equality Act 2010. The campaign is led by Michelle De Leon, who set up World Afro Day (WAD) in 2017 to improve societal attitudes towards this natural hair texture, inspired by her daughter. Research shows that 98% of British Black people feel that their identity is compromised to fit in at workplaces, with their hair being a key issue. Baby Boomers are the age group most likely to seek ‘friends with benefits’, with a quarter looking for that relationship…

In the moodWISDOMLIFE AS I KNOW IT “Do you have a hobby? This question fills me with fear. I know that as a well-rounded adult I should indeed have a hobby, maybe even a couple, and yet, when asked to examine what extra activities my life includes, I come up blank. Does a dog count as a hobby? Someone asked this question at an event I attended recently and there was a fairly even split between those who could confidently say they had a defining activity in their life and, well, the rest of us. And when I listened to those people describing their hobbies, I was hit with a surge of jealousy. There were paddle-boarders who’d cruised their way across the UK, knitting maestros who turned out blankets for…

‘Go away, Mummy,’ is what my two-year-old says to me every time I’ve set a slight boundary. As I hold that boundary his words become louder, more frantic and laced with tears, but the phrase remains the same. However, I’ve come to learn that he doesn’t want me to go away at all, but to sit quietly, holding space for his emotions until he is ready to melt into my arms for comfort. So that is exactly what I do. Fellow parents will probably know how tricky it can be to navigate toddler tantrums amidst the backdrop of juggling work, a cost-of-living crisis and a plethora of other daily stresses. And somehow, in the midst of the emotional chaos you have to manage your own emotions as well as someone…

“Winter gives us that signal to rest, be quiet and use that time to reflect” It is easy to think of winter as a season of nothingness. The rhetoric we are sold is of hibernation. A fallow time of year, where nothing much happens. Yet there is a definitive energy to winter which leaves us feeling reenergised, restored and rejuvenated. Unlike other seasons, winter energy is gentle, presenting not with a loud ‘ta daa!’, but quietly pulsing through the season. With a little care, we can plug into this gentle energy and feel the benefits of winter. When we celebrate the flowers blossoming in spring, we forget that all the essential growth of those buds and leaves happened over winter. Far from being a ‘dead’ season, it is a season…

“I am very bad at asking for help. I am not proud of this, but it’s true. This weekend, the one I love observed that I hold things very tightly, that I am reluctant to let go in case everything tumbles to the ground. Earlier, we’d been walking along the coastline near a city during a brief weekend away from the everyday. It’s the same sea as the one I spin in like a whirling witch, but instead of treading barefoot across bladderwrack and barnacled rocks, the beach is edged with a pavement, so I was walking in my trainers with the black and white satin laces. I love those trainers, they make me feel a bit glamorous when the rest of me is tired and sagging. I was also…

If you’re starting to think ahead to the festive season, before you get your party dress ready and the turkey on order, there’s another important job you’d be wise to do: have some conversations about money with your nearest and dearest. Because unless you’ve recently won the lottery, this time of year can put a strain on all of our purses. It’s easy to get into trouble by spending a little extra here, or splashing out there, all in the name of making Christmas ‘special’ – or to keep up with, and perhaps impress, friends and family. But all those little treats and extras can quickly add up to a big heap of cash. This type of spending during the festive season – and the looming fear of debt that…