Innholdsfortegnelse for July 2024 i Psychologies

HEALING Not so long ago, I had an epiphany: it was time to quit therapy. A mortgage hike made sessions feel increasingly unaffordable, and I realised dropping the weekly schlep to town would free time to use a pottery studio membership that’s been guilting me for months. I fairly bounced into my next session, where my therapist was supportive, but curious. ‘Do you feel relieved?’ she asked. ‘Facing the things we talk about is hard, right?’ And there it was. As we discussed my antipathy to her gentle probing, I finally acknowledged an elephant that had been hovering by the giant box of tissues for weeks: I find it very difficult to show fragility. It felt like a huge breakthrough. Deep down, I knew I was in the right place…

For too long, we’ve been living on the edge of burnout, with to-do lists growing longer, calendars crammed full, and deadlines that seem never-ending. It’s not a secret that busyness has been worn like a badge of honour, while moments of down time are seen as unproductive. But if there’s no time to breathe or room to think, how are we able to forge new ideas, let alone implement them? I didn’t realise how ingrained this lifestyle had become for me until I ventured into self-employment in 2023. Balancing busy periods with quieter ones unexpectedly brought anxiety and self-judgment instead of the anticipated relief to pause and reflect. However, the tide is turning in the world of work; there’s a growing pushback against non-stop demands, and increased awareness about the…

psychologies DOSSIER With you in mind We can have different kinds of friendships throughout our lives. You may have had besties at school who meant the world to you – who you shared sleepovers and secrets with, and laughed over quizzes in teen magazines – but whose life has now taken them on a different path. There may be the friends you’d go for nights out with at university but only interact with on social media these days. Or perhaps you have kept close bonds with people who you’ve met as an adult but have now known for many years; the kind of friendships that have stood the test of time. Our jobs often bring friendships – sometimes fleeting, sometimes more long term. Friendships can be circumstantial…

We’ve all been there, mindlessly scrolling our feeds, to switch off at the end of a long day. But it isn’t something we could ever have imagined ourselves doing when we were back at primary school – unlike our own kids. According to Ofcom, almost two fifths of five- to seven-year-olds now use social media – despite the fact users are required to be at least 13. A quarter of children aged five to seven own a smartphone, and more than three quarters use tablets. And the numbers among older children and young teenagers are even higher. So what impact could this be having? ‘The unspoken rules of social media can be challenging to keep up with, and teenagers can experience high levels of anxiety as a result,’ says Fiona…

5 Ayurvedic tips for a joyful summer transition ‘As the sun climbs higher and the days get longer, Ayurveda invites us to dance with the rhythms of summer – the season of the Pitta dosha, characterised by qualities of heat, intensity, and sharpness,’ shares physician Dr Avanti Kumar-Singh. ‘To counterbalance these qualities and maintain harmony and health during the summer, Ayurveda encourages us to transition to daily routines, diet, and movement with qualities that are cooling, calming, and soothing,’ she adds. Here are five ways you can tap into the wisdom of Ayurveda to thrive this summer… 1 Hydrate intentionally Start your day with a glass of room-temperature water infused with lime, mint, or cucumber to refresh and balance your body’s internal heat. 2 Choose seasonal foods Enjoy the bounty…

It wasn’t very long ago that chronic fatigue was thought of as being ‘all in the mind’ – and, in fact, it turns out it is. It is now recognised that much of fatigue is driven by an inflamed brain, and certain inflammatory molecules show a connection with fatigue and depression. An imbalanced gut environment with too many unhealthy bacteria can result in fatigue, sadness, anxiety and loss of motivation. However, the brilliant news is that scientists have discovered a new type of brain nerve cell that actually protects the brain against inflammation when it receives information from friendly bacteria in the healthy gut. Food for the brain A great way of bringing these very helpful bacteria into your gut is by consuming them. Food and drinks such as sauerkraut,…

Caitlin Moran, the irreverent voice of modern feminism, is proudly telling me that she is ‘team tits ’til I die’, but for her latest book, What About Men?, it’s not women’s issues that have caught her attention. When I ask what inspired this shift in direction, in true Moran form, she offers me two explanations: ‘The jokey answer is that I’d written everything on women,’ she laughs. ‘My menopause is a bit late, and I thought I would have had that to write about by now, but I’m still thoroughly perimenopausal and the HRT is working! But the serious answer is, I kept, in a really annoying way, getting asked about men. And, in the past, I didn’t care; compared to women, they seemed to be fine.’ It was only…

Session one Harriet was a previous client of mine who had originally come for coaching after her marriage had ended. I was pleased to see her again and asked, ‘What brings you back here, Harriet?’ She held her hands up in despair, ‘I don’t know where to start…’ ‘Start anywhere you like,’ I said. ‘We’ll arrive at what is foremost in your mind wherever we start.’ Harriet took a deep breath: ‘Such a lot has happened since I last saw you. My kids are 22 and 23 now. Both finished university and have good jobs. Ben* has a girlfriend. Molly* is enjoying city life. I am so proud of them. I waited until they had both graduated before I started dating, and I met someone a year ago. We are…

psychologies DOSSIER With you in mind For all the joy friendships can bring, they have their fair share of challenges, too. You might know someone who’s been a friend for a while, but you feel there are problems in the relationship and you aren’t sure whether to try to fix things – or whether it’s best to let it go. ‘Friendships are generally built on common ground – this might be school, a workplace or a living situation, or a shared hobby or interest,’ says counsellor Georgina Sturmer. ‘What’s tricky about friendships is that we sometimes expect them to last forever. There’s a road map for romantic relationships to ebb and flow, to make up and to break up, but there isn’t the equivalent framework for friendships.…

“The siren song of the water is so powerful” You know those icebreaker games – you might have played them in a new workplace or at a party – where you have to describe yourself with three adjectives? Well, I’ve always found them faintly dissatisfying. It’s no easy thing to distil our identities down in such a way – and such adjectives often end up being so broad as to be meaningless. Maybe it’s because when I think about my own identity, it’s the slightly quirkier aspects that seem to get more to the heart of the matter of who I really am. It’s the things I love or feel drawn to that I suspect speak more eloquently about my personality and my priorities. Connect with nature Let me explain:…

Book of the month How To Have Extraordinary Relationships by Lucy Cavendish (Quadrille, £16.99) Connection with others is what makes life joyful and meaningful, but modern life is plagued by loneliness and isolation. Therapist Lucy Cavendish believes we all have the power to enjoy better relationships – with lovers, family, friends, and strangers – but we need to work at it. She knowledgeably and encouragingly guides readers through the seven elements to forging those positive and sustaining bonds, such as active listening, empathy, and making the right choices. But Cavendish doesn’t just explain – there are real-life case studies of clients, as well as engaging quizzes and practical activities to get you practising what she preaches. The Feel Good Fix by Lavina Mehta (Penguin, £18.99) Many women lose their mojo…

Uniquely you Children might be called a chip off the old block, but a study has found they are less like their parents than previously thought. While genetics might influence physical attributes and health outcomes, research by the Estonian Biobank suggests that people inherit surprisingly little of their personality. Researchers compared the character traits of parents and their adult children, such as how neurotic, extrovert, open, and conscientious they were. The data came from both self-reporting and a ‘second opinion’ of a close acquaintance. They concluded that, on the whole, parents and offspring are only slightly more likely to resemble each other in temperament than pairs of strangers. 3 books to lose yourself in… 1 Piece Of My Heart by Penelope Tree (Moonflower, £18.99). A nostalgic tale about an aristocratic…

We’d all love to surrender to giddy anticipation as we look forward to a holiday or special occasion, but how many of us, instead, become fixated on all that could go wrong? Of course, disastrous outcomes can be part of life, and considering all eventualities helps us take preventative action – but if we frequently dwell on the what-ifs, it’s wise to take action. There’s hope for the serial worriers among us, though – experts say that even those who dive deeply into the potential pitfalls of every situation are capable of changing their mindset. Why do we catastrophise? Catastrophic thoughts are opportunistic and intrusive, and they can sneak in without warning. Psychiatrist and author Dr Karen Graham recognises that a human craving for certainty can explain many of these…

Making friends can be a big challenge, especially in adulthood. ‘It can be tricky to meet new friends as grown-ups, because we move in different settings once we leave educational spaces such as school and university,’ explains clinical psychologist Michaela Thomas. ‘That’s why lots of adult friendships often start in the workplace or in the local community, such as in baby or toddler groups, or school parents connect with other school parents. If you work from home or don’t go out much, it can be even harder to meet new people to make friends with.’ I’ve had periods in my adult life where I’ve felt lonely, and wished to have more friends. It can be painful when you see big groups socialising together over drinks at a restaurant, or to…

As the pandemic moved into its second year, and in the months that followed, my oldest daughter was very ill and I couldn’t leave her side. The lockdowns had taken on a grim, relentless dystopia that wasn’t helped by dark nights and grey skies. I looked back on the previous summer’s lockdown with a guilty nostalgia; after the initial weeks of being unable to get into the car, restrictions were relaxed sufficiently so that I could drive my children to the nearest beach. The weather was endlessly warm and bright, and the constant fear that I might contract a deadly virus and leave my children motherless was soothed by days spent lying on sun-drenched rocks. But, months later, when the world was broken and exhausted and no one really understood…

Have you ever looked at someone and been struck by their beauty? I have, and more often than not, I’ve found that it’s those that demonstrate positive energy, inner peace and kindness that really look radiant. And it seems the skincare industry is catching on that beauty truly does start from within. According to Mintel data, Neuroglow is poised to be the next big trend in wellness, and the mind-body connection is vital in elevating beauty’s role in whole-body health. I’m no stranger to stress and anxiety, and it’s quite literally written all over my skin when worry is bubbling to the surface. I’ll have acne breakouts, eczema flare-ups, and that elusive ‘glow’ is far from reach. So it’s not surprising to learn that if we’re feeling frazzled on the…