Innholdsfortegnelse for June 2024 i Psychologies

Are there any words you just can’t spell? It’s rather embarrassing to admit, as the editor of a national magazine, but there are still some words I always have to double check, even now. Words like desperate, and separate (is it an ‘a’ or an ‘e’ in the middle?) – and how many ‘c’s and ‘m’s are there in accommodate? They’re not difficult words, and not uncommon, but they can still trip me up. As a result, I consider them my linguistic blind spots, so I aways make sure I check them, just as I always look over my shoulder when I’m driving. And this month, our outgoing acting editor Holly Treacy has written a brilliant dossier examining what other ‘blind spots’ we might have, and how they could be…

Star letter Brave new world I’ve been subscribing to your magazine for a few years now. Today, I read the May 2024 edition ‘Coaching in action’ article, and the discussion around ‘inheriting behaviour’ really resonated. My dad passed away in December. Never had I realised how I have inherited his lack of bravery and confidence in some areas of life until I read your article. It was an emotional eye-opener, if I’m honest! Dad lost both his parents before he was 15 years old. He chose not to take on the risk of owning a property or business with my mum, yet his older siblings all did. In fact, he didn’t take any risks. In some areas of my life, I am also like that, and it frustrates me. I…

● Reparenting ‘This can help us uncover our potential and change our core beliefs,’ says Rawlinson. ‘Reparenting simply means recognising the unmet needs of your childhood and giving those things to yourself now. It’s about becoming a kind parent to ourselves, and relearning to care, love, and protect ourselves through small daily practices.’ ● Nurturing ‘This means taking care of your emotional and physical needs, and restoring your sense that you are lovable and deserving of care. Examples include self-care, validating our emotions, and regulating our nervous system.’ ● Self-protection ‘Standing up for yourself and setting boundaries, and restoring your sense that the world is a safe and protective place. Examples include unfollowing people on social media who trigger you, being mindful about what films or TV shows you consume,…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find out your personal self-awareness block 1 Your self-awareness is clearest when you feel ◆ Confident ........................................ □● Grounded ........................................ □■ In control ........................................ □♥ Understood ..................................... □ 2 Truly self-aware people seem ♥ Realistic about their expectations .......................... □◆ Grounded and self-assured........... □● Happy in their own skin.................. □■ Sure of their path ........................... □ 3 You remind yourself to just ♥ Be kind ............................................ □◆ Do it ................................................. □● Be yourself ...................................... □■ Say no .............................................. □ 4 Right now, you’re craving ■ Calm................................................. □● Clarity .............................................. □◆ Belief................................................ □♥ Peace................................................ □ 5 Your most common negative emotion is ♥ Guilt ................................................. □● Anxiety............................................. □◆…

"Am I duty bound to become her carer? Q Is there a moral obligation to your parents? My mum has recently been diagnosed with dementia, but we have never been close. She’s not a bad person, and she didn’t abuse me, but we can go for months without speaking to each other. I feel torn by the duty of becoming her carer and not wanting to give up my time and energy for her. This is a nuanced and complex question that you can look at from the point of view of morality, culture, gender, age, or societal expectations – and depending on who you are and where you are, you may end up with a very different outcome. This is also one of the few situations where we judge…

Many of us pursue our hobbies online these days, such as taking a remote yoga class or joining an online book club. But how does this work for singing? Whilst the technology doesn’t yet exist to synchronise singers’ voices in real time, as you would in a face-to-face choir, there are a number of ways that you can sing with others online. It’s accessible, it’s fun, and it can support your wellbeing – all from the comfort of your own home. There was an explosion of digital singing at the start of the pandemic, with many existing choirs moving to online, alongside new initiatives (such as my own Sofa Singers!). However, the concept of a ‘virtual choir’ was pioneered a decade earlier by LA-based composer Eric Whitacre. In 2010, a…

Jenni Falconer doesn’t believe we should ever put ourselves in a box: ‘If you have an opportunity, then go for it,’ says the Scottish presenter and podcaster. ‘Because you never know how many chances you’re going to have.’ Falconer, now 48, began working as a TV presenter after appearing as a contestant on game show Blind Date as an 18-year-old student, eventually working on shows including GMTV and This Morning, before shifting to radio (she currently hosts Smooth Radio’s Breakfast show). She recalls: ‘When I started, I was doing an action-adrenaline sports show on BBC Scotland, and it was brilliant, but I had come from Blind Date and people were like, “Oh no, you’re the contestant from Blind Date. Not interested.” ‘Eventually, I earned the reputation of being a presenter.…

DR STUART BROWN ‘Play is more than just fun,’ says psychologist Dr Stuart Brown: science has shown that it is vital at any age; relieving stress, stimulating the mind, boosting creativity, improving connection to others, and enriching our adult lives. It can even help us keep physically healthy. Discover how to embrace a more playful mindset on page 20. DR STEPHANIE FITZGERALD ‘Smartphones are named as such because they are changing how our brains work – but it’s definitely not making us smarter,’ says psychologist Dr Stephanie Fitzgerald. Find out more about the hold that our phones and scrolling habits have on us, and how to regain control – especially in times of stress – on page 34. DR PRAGYA AGARWAL ‘Being a parent can become our only identity,’ says…

In the tumultuous wake of the 2020 pandemic, a wave of introspection swept across the globe, prompting countless individuals to reevaluate their paths in life. This transformative period birthed what has been coined ‘the great resignation’, a phenomenon where droves of people bid farewell to their conventional roles, seeking, instead, a deeper resonance with their true passions. Among them is Kate Silverton, a familiar face from the BBC news, who found herself at a crossroads, and decided to step away from her journalism career, embarking on a journey towards becoming a child therapist. But this wasn’t merely a response to the pandemic’s disruptions; rather, it was a choice deeply rooted in the profound shift that occurred when she became a mother. ‘You don’t get a handbook when you become a…

Session three… It was my final session with Liz. She had been trying to decide whether to take voluntary redundancy or remain in the safety of her long-standing secretarial job. Liz had warned me from the outset that she was ‘not a fan of change’. As I waited for Liz, I thought to myself that she would probably have turned down the offer and decided to stay in her job. But when Liz arrived at my office, I noticed immediately that she looked different. She had a sassy new haircut, and her appearance was more ‘put together’. She had new glasses, too – and she was holding her head high. I commented on how good she looked. Liz smiled and thanked me for the compliment. ‘I have lots to tell…

"This month, I’d like us to explore the practice of introducing a writing ritual; a series of actions you take before starting a journalling session. Almost 20 years ago, I had an early morning ritual that began with a dawn run and finished up under the shade of a sprawling oak tree in my local park. Every morning, I would sit under the tree’s canopy and write in my journal. This space at the start of my day was often where I did my best thinking. It was home to a deeper intimacy with myself, where my confidence and self-belief took root and blossomed. It was a space where my creative juices flowed, and where great ideas and solutions showed up without hesitation. Rituals thrive when activated regularly. Rituals can…

How often do we find ourselves walking through life’s well-worn routines, lost in the rhythm of our daily grind, oblivious to the world unfolding around us? It took the inquisitive curiosity of my toddler to jolt me into the power of noticing: an aeroplane soaring high above, a vibrant yellow flower swaying in the breeze, the sweet melody of birdsong weaving through the trees. Each day, my son’s keen observations pull me out of the tunnel of future worries and immerse me in the wonder of the present moment. Yet, amidst these newfound discoveries, I couldn’t help but think: what else have I been missing? What hidden marvels and subtle cues had escaped my notice in the rush of everyday life? “As humans, we form biases that help us to…

There is nothing that’s guaranteed to up our feelgood factor – and our libido – like a little bit of sunshine! So as we feel the fledging rays of summer this month – with beach holidays and cocktails hovering just over the horizon – I’m taking the focus of this month’s musings to matters beneath the sheets… Brits typically find talking about sex tricky – it’s often shrouded in embarrassment, and conjures up images of peeking out from behind fingers, muttering in a very Carry On style, ‘Ooh matron!’. But sex is a wonderful (and, for procreation, very necessary!) act that anyone of legal, consensual age can enjoy. Yet, as a relationship coach, I find that so many individuals and couples feel confusion around what they think a ‘healthy’ sex…

It almost seems like a modern-day given that we’re constantly exhausted – reaching for coffee or sugar to perk us up and keep us going. But wellness influencer and cookery writer Radhi Devlukia-Shetty reckons it can all be solved with food. ‘If we’re eating foods with almost dormant energy, which actually don’t give us the nutrients that we need, of course we’re going to feel tired,’ says the 33-year-old. Coming from a long line of vegetarians, the qualified dietitian and wife of monk-turned-life coach and podcaster, Jay Shetty, Devlukia-Shetty says: ‘I don’t drink coffee. I’ve tried to not get into things that my body becomes reliant on for energy. Because, when I do crave sugar, I know it’s a sign that I’m not getting enough of what I need.’ Food,…

She may call herself an ‘ordinary alcoholic’, but there is nothing ordinary about bestselling novelist Marian Keyes, whose contemporary tales of relationships, family, and the ups and downs of life have earned her millions of fans. In January, she celebrated 30 years of sobriety, feeling ‘pride, pleasure and delight’, posting a heartfelt Instagram message to those who are struggling with alcohol issues. Today, she openly admits that she still goes to support meetings regularly. ‘I’m just an ordinary alcoholic, trying my best to stay sober one day at a time,’ she says. ‘It doesn’t go away. It’s not like you’re unwell and then you get cured. But meetings work for me.’ There have been other landmark events lately, too: a portrait of Keyes was recently unveiled at the National Gallery…

"I’m writing this from a blow-up bed in my partly-renovated flat. It’s a long story but, in short, there was a flood, my flat was destroyed, and nearly five months after the whole palaver started I am nearly– so nearly! – at the end of putting it back together. This has included nearly two months of dealing with builders; a steep learning curve! If you’d told me six months ago that it would be a group of middle-aged, white blokes who would truly teach me how to ask for what I want, I might have rolled my eyes. But I was wrong. Here’s what happened… I have a leasehold flat, so when the flood happened, the first people I spoke to about the whole thing were my managing agents, who…

Good girl conditioning is something that comes up a lot in various cultures. Societal pressure for women to act in a certain way isn’t yet a thing of the past, even though some would like to believe that it is. In many traditional households, women still fall into the role of quiet, abiding conformists. It is usually through the university of life that we discover that this type of conditioning is not conducive to creating clear and healthy boundaries in the modern world. The behaviours of good girl conditioning are internalised from a young age. It is a collective insistence upon women that they please other people, at the cost of their own wellbeing. It’s the moulding of a female into behavioural patterns which are deemed appropriate. Clinical psychologist and…

Expert advice Abby Rawlinson is an integrative therapist who specialises in anxiety, imposter syndrome, and low self-esteem. She is the author of Reclaiming You: Your Therapy Toolkit For Life’s Twists And Turns (Ebury, £16.99). therapywithabby.co.uk Natasha Clewley is a counsellor who specialises in workplace mental health and wellbeing in leadership. As a biracial woman , she champions diversity and equality, and works hard to understand how bias plays out in the lives and experiences of others. For more information, visitbacp.co.uk.co.uk Tamu Thomas is a transformational coach for women in leadership. She is trained in somatic coaching, and has a background in social work. She is the author of Women Who Work Too Much (Hay House, £14.99), a keynote speaker, workshop facilitator, podcaster, and community builder. livethreesixty.com As I navigated the…

3 science-backed joy boosters ‘Joy is different from happiness. Joy doesn’t dismiss the heaviness of life; it helps hold it,’ explains Tanmeet Sethi, author of Joy Is My Justice (Hachette, £22). ‘As summer’s longer days invite you to be more active, you can boost joy in simple but powerful ways,’ says Sethi. ‘Moving your body, however you are able to, is a direct pathway to joy. Muscles, no matter how small the movement, produce myokines, anti-inflammatory neurochemicals that scientists call “hope molecules”.’ Here are three ways to amplify joy through movement… 1 Move to music to stimulate dopamine and endorphins, and literally move your emotions through chemistry. 2 Move outside and inhale the phytochemicals of the trees that then reduce the stress hormone cortisol in your body. 3 Breathe deeply,…

While clearing out my office recently, I stumbled on an old copy of this magazine. About seven years ago, I wrote my first feature for Psychologies, on the value of taking a duvet day from life. Life was something of a whirlwind – my children were three, ten and 12 years old, and I was juggling the demands of full-time parenthood with building a writing career. Suddenly overwhelmed by chaos, I felt compelled to go AWOL from my life for a day. It was an impulsive coping mechanism – the domestic equivalent of reaching for the emergency pull cord – but it later evolved into a regular self-care routine. I wrote: ‘Elbow-deep in dirty dishes and battered by the noise of squabbling siblings, I wanted to walk out and leave…