Innholdsfortegnelse for May 2024 i Psychologies

I grew up with the family mantra ‘Don’t waste the day’. But while I appreciate the value of seizing life’s opportunities, this philosophy often left little room for prioritising rest, pleasure, and play. I suspect I’m not alone in admitting that when life gets hectic, self-care can easily slide. In fact, it’s a sentiment echoed by writer Yasmina Floyer this month, as she shares her ‘non-negotiables’ on page 36, and offers insights into how we can all learn to safeguard these essential rituals. Not sure where to begin? Yasmina started by posing a simple question: ‘Productivity aside, what activities enrich my life?’ Presenter Cherry Healey also emphasises the importance of activities that uplift us, on page 98, saying ‘It’s vital to schedule in things you know are going to make…

Star letter Go gently I’ve been a subscriber of your wonderful magazine for a while now, and absolutely love it. Your January issue was so refreshing to read that I felt moved to write and tell you (although I’m a little later in doing this than planned!). The theme that weaved consistently through the issue, and delighted me so much, was around ditching New Year’s resolutions in favour of embracing a gentler start to 2024. For many years, I’ve started my new year’s diaries by writing down a few ‘aspirations’. As I read your January edition, it dawned on me that I’d stopped doing this. Curious, I sought out past diaries and found that it was 2021 when I last made a note of my wishes for the year ahead.…

We’ve all been there: tossing and turning at 3am, overwhelmed by a flood of worries and imaginary disasters. Ruminating over things that will probably never happen, and filling our minds with ‘what ifs’. It can feel like you are stuck in a loop of negative thoughts that can easily spiral out of control, as you lie catastrophising until the sun comes up. Worries, doubts and anxieties are a normal part of life. It’s natural to think about an unpaid bill or an upcoming job interview. However, constant, habitual worrying, negative thinking, and always expecting the worst can take a toll on your emotional and physical health. ‘Habitual worrying can impact both our mental and physical health in a similar way to anxiety and stress,’ says Dr Sheri Jacobson, founder of…

1 Spotlighting strengths Positive psychology research shows that when we utilise our strengths, we have increased motivation, happiness, and success at reaching our goals. Activating your strengths not only boosts your confidence but also introduces a sense of purpose and fulfilment to our days. If you’re stuck in a rut, you’re probably not leaning into your strengths, so review where, when and how you are utilising your skills on a daily basis, spotlighting the things you’re naturally really good at. 2 Vision boarding A great way to shift a rut is to take a positive look into your future. Reconnect with what you really want from life, and make a visual representation of what that could look like by pinning pictures and words to a vision board. Have it somewhere…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find out how to get moving again 1 Right now, you’d most benefit from more ■ Stability ........................................... ■● Opportunities.................................. ■◆ Support ........................................... ■♥ Guidance.......................................... ■ 2 Failed attempts to make changes ♥ Are your worst nightmare .............. ■● Add to your overwhelm..................■◆ Knock your confidence.................. ■■ Happen too often............................ ■ 3 You know you’re in a rut when you feel ♥ Lost................................................... ■● Overwhelmed.................................. ■◆ Judged............................................. ■■ Low................................................... ■ 4 You secretly admire people who are super ■ Motivated ........................................ ■♥ Proactive.......................................... ■ ◆ Confident ........................................ ■● Organised........................................ ■ 5 You tend to put things off if you ♥ Aren’t good at them........................ ■◆ Think you’ll…

Is it so wrong to hold onto the past? Q I have two children and I know I don’t want to have any more, but I am struggling to let go of their baby clothes. I’ve lent some to close friends, but I always ask for them back when their babies outgrow them. My husband says I am a hoarder; I think I am sentimental. Either way, I don’t know what to do – is it okay for me to keep the baby clothes, or should I really be trying to get rid of them? I’ll put my hands up, here. I’ve been hoarding my daughter’s teeny tiny baby clothes since she was born. Now we have a second daughter, she is getting great secondhand use of everything. But with…

As someone who has brought thousands of people together to sing over the past decade, I am convinced of the powerful effects of communal singing. For me, it’s a simple equation. We know that singing, in itself, is good for us, with a multitude of associated health benefits, such as improving posture, oxygenating the blood, and reducing cortisol. We also know that humans, as a social species, need to connect and feel part of something bigger than themselves. In a so-called ‘age of loneliness’, where more and more people are feeling disconnected, I think communal singing has a powerful role to play in improving all three pillars of health: physical, mental and social. Here’s why: 1. Connection When we sing, we’re connecting to our breath, voice, and sense of self.…

DR SHERI JACOBSON ‘Habitual worrying can impact both our mental and physical health,’ says founder of Harley Therapy, Dr Sheri Jacobson. Turn to page 22 to learn how stepping back and observing thoughts mindfully, without buying into them, can defuse worry, and help us to become more resilient to problematic situations and our own negative thoughts. DR EMMA HEPBURN Making space for enriching activities that are meaningful to us is fundamental to our wellbeing, giving us purpose and helping us to navigate stress, says psychologist Dr Emma Hepburn. Commit to your happiness and health on page 36, and discover how to pinpoint the non-negotiables that you need in order to thrive. ZOÉ CARROLL Talking in front of a room full of people can be daunting – the fear of judgment…

First, she tackled parenthood, now she’s turned her attention to our relationships, including the one we have with ourselves: if there’s one person who can unpick the inner workings of human connections, it’s Philippa Perry. Psychotherapist, artist, and the nation’s favourite agony aunt, she shares yet more pearls of wisdom in her new book, The Book You Want Everyone You Love To Read (Cornerstone, £18.99). ‘This book is for people who were put off by my last book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (Penguin, £10.99), because they thought it was just for parents. This time, I wanted to talk about all relationships, and how to make the most of them. Not just romantic relationships, but connections with friends, acquaintances, and colleagues; the people you meet on the…

Over the past few months, my sleep has been erratic, and I have been engulfed in a long period of silent grief at the loss of an older sibling. And, at the same time, I have been deeply immersed in the fresh heat and thrill of a new relationship that has been both intense and exhilarating. Tough times and joy have the unspoken ability to inhabit the same spaces. It’s funny to think that back when I was in my mid-30s, I would dream of a day when I was in my 50s and free from parental responsibility. I imagined my days filled with long walks, uninterrupted time in my journal, my nose in a book, ready to turn my pen to a blank page. Instead, now I find my…

‘Love, whose month is ever May,’ said Shakespeare. Forget February and all it’s Valentine’s romance: if we are to tune into the famous playwright, now is the perfect time to celebrate love and romance. And he wasn’t alone in his thinking: Chaucer and multiple other poets from the days of old also chose May as the month of love and, in fact, many countries around the world hail May as Lover’s Month, too. With warmer weather and longer days, it’s perhaps easy to see why so many herald this time of year as the most romantic of all, with love very much in the air for many. They say love is the universal force that binds us all, and indeed it’s one of the few things that we all have…

Tamarind rice salad with crab & green chillies Tamarind, with its sour-sweet tang akin to apricots and lemons, really brings this rice and green chilli salad to life. The dish is full of different textures, and the Camargue rice, cooling cucumber, puffed spelt, luxurious crab meat and spicy green chillies make this salad perfect for entertaining, be it a light lunch or an evening with friends. SERVES 4 ● 200g red Camargue rice, cooked according to pack instructions and cooled● 1 long cucumber, halved, seeds removed, and cut in half moons● ½ red onion, thinly sliced● 20g puffed spelt● 40g peanuts, coarsely crushed● 400g white crab meat● A handful fresh mint, leaves picked● A handful fresh coriander, leaves picked● 1 long green chilli, thinly sliced diagonally● 4 spring onions, thinly…

Very often, we say that we want something in our lives – yet when we are always busy, always rushing, always switched on, there is no room to be able to receive it. As women, especially, we often struggle to truly receive. With many of us recovering people-pleasers, fixers, givers, and the ones who take care of everyone else, we feel the burden of having to do it all, yet struggle to accept or ask for help. Our ability to receive is also equated to our levels of self-worth and whether we believe ourselves to be deserving of receiving what we want. So often our minds want to try to have it all figured out and to have guarantees. We end up doing mental gymnastics trying to micromanage, grip, hold,…

Recently, I found myself back at the Tube station that had been my ‘home’ station when I first lived in London in my 20s. Although I’d obviously known where I was going, when I stepped off the train and onto the platform a strange thing happened. For a moment, I felt time collapse, and my feet automatically picked up the route they’d followed every day for seven years. In that instant, I couldn’t have told you whether I was 24 or 42. The girl from the past and the woman here now were one and the same. I felt her enthusiasm and sense of self-belief, her energy and fears flowing through me, recognising them as real and as a memory at the same time. When I came out of the…

Session two… Liz had come to see me to help her decide whether to take voluntary redundancy from her current role. She was a woman of few words, and very matter-of-fact. I knew that in our first session I hadn’t succeeded in following the coaching mantra of ‘meeting your client where they are’ – instead of responding to her energy levels and preferences, I had thrown her straight into an energetic, creative visualisation exercise. So I was determined to let Liz lead the agenda in this next session. I asked Liz what she wanted to think about during our meeting. ‘I don’t really know,’ she responded. ‘To be honest, I’m scared stiff.’ ‘Of what?’ I asked (hoping she wouldn’t reply ‘of this coaching session’!). ‘I’ve realised I am very frightened…

Three surprising tips for better sleep ● Track your infradian cycle. ‘Studies have shown that you’re twice as likely to experience insomnia before and during the menstruation phase (days one to five of your period), says sleep expert Martin Seeley at MattressNextDay. ‘Progesterone levels are low, which can cause you to have difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. In the follicular phase (days six to 14), oestrogen levels start to rise, which boosts your mood and energy levels, leading to a deeper, more restorative sleep. You’ll often experience increased rapid eye movement (REM) sleep and have more vivid dreams, too. This is generally the best phase for sleep, so make sure you allow yourself to prioritise rest at this time, to make the most of the quality sleep you’re able…

Cherry Healey says the anxiety she experienced with perimenopause left her worrying she was having ‘a breakdown’. The TV presenter and women’s health advocate started noticing symptoms a couple of years ago, after entering her 40s. But like a lot of women, she didn’t realise what was going on. ‘I think I sometimes underplay how awful I was feeling at that time,’ says Healey, now 43. ‘I didn’t understand why I was waking up at four in the morning. And it affects everything when you’re not sleeping well. I just thought, what the hell is going on?’ Healey considered herself quite well informed when it came to women’s health, but it still took her unawares, ‘even though I was making a Channel 5 show called Women’s Health: Breaking The Taboos…