Innholdsfortegnelse for March 2024 i Psychologies

Star letter Joy in small wins I was reading some of your recent January features about New Year starts, treading old ground, when I stumbled upon one of your writers whose view felt somewhat more aligned with my own. Why is it that somewhere along the way, someone decided that the wonderful warmth, excess, fun, twinkling lights, gifts, and company of December should be promptly followed by a period of cold, bleak, darkness and hard resolutions (usually involving some form of abstinence or pain)? It is certainly useful to recognise that seasonal excess cannot continue without some short- or long-term consequences, but to meet the joy of one way of living with the puritanical hardship of another doesn’t feel like such a sensible choice. At least this is the opinion…

According to Owen O’Kane most of our bad days are caused by an emotional response to an event, rather than the event itself, and if we take simple steps throughout the day to calm our stress response, we’ll feel more in control and less reactive when things don’t go according to plan. ‘These little microinjections can make the most enormous difference,’ he says. ‘Things might still annoy you, but you’ll feel calmer, and more able to understand why you’ve been triggered and how you can get back to a point of stability.’ When you wake up Instead of rolling out of bed and crash-landing into your day, take a few moments to check where you’re at. O’Kane likens it to getting in your car and doing your safety checks. ‘It’s…

There’s a chance that this month’s column could be slightly controversial. I am aware that those of you who read this magazine do so because you are reflective and interested in mental health and human connection. Me too! But, recently, I have been struggling with my love-hate relationship with gratitude, that buzz word that embodies mindfulness and, if I admit it, the calm demeanour I frequently crave. Psychologists have long agreed that the act of feeling grateful boosts happiness and encourages better physical and psychological health. Focusing on what we are grateful for can veer us away from negative emotions and thought patterns. I know all of this – but I still find it hard to get my head around the concept. “Sometimes, the expectation of gratitude forces me to…

REFLECTION We’re all leading such busy lives nowadays that it’s easy to lose track of time. Weeks, months and whole seasons can drift by amidst a blur of to-do lists. ‘Must catch up,’ we say to each other, thinking, ‘I’ll just get through this particularly busy spell, and then I’ll have more time for everyone and everything.’ And yet the calendar keeps on spinning, with work issues, family palavers, finances, and all the rest of it to juggle. It’s not a huge surprise that so many of us feel that we’re on a treadmill, running as fast as we can but getting precisely nowhere. I’ve found that, sometimes, it’s only when you force the clock back momentarily by revisiting a place that was once deeply important to you, that the…

Go to your happy place Picture in your mind a place that represents beauty and peace. Experience everything you can about this place (the colours, sounds, and smells), and enjoy the tranquillity it brings you. Choose a word that you associate with this safe place – maybe ‘calm’ or ‘joy’ or ‘peace’, or something else of your choice. Say the word out loud a few times. Finally, tap each thigh alternately with your hands in a slow rhythm for about 20–30 seconds. ‘This is a technique called bilateral stimulation,’ says Owen O’Kane. ‘Your imagination has gone to a calm place and your chosen word reinforces that. The act of tapping is a further physical reinforcer, which sends a message to your brain that you don’t need to be in “threat…

Picture the scene. Two of my closest friends are coming over for dinner. The table is laid, the playlist is on, the prosecco is in the fridge. So far, so good. Corrine* arrives first, a little flushed, explaining that she’s come straight from the gym and has brought her appetite with her. Corrine upped her fitness game last spring, and our friendship group has been really supportive: we’ve celebrated every Personal Best, and reacted with strong-arm emojis for every #gymspiration post shared. As Corrine is telling me all about her latest progress, Hayley* arrives, grimacing in pain. Hayley explains that she couldn’t find a parking space close by and so had to walk from the top of the road. Hayley struggles with back and knee pain, which is getting steadily…

Customise your skincare routine to suit your cycle GP and functional medicine and hormone doctor Sohère Roked explains how to tailor your skincare regime to sync with your menstrual cycle, for optimal skin health… The menstruation cycle is divided into menstruation, followed by the follicular phase, ovulation, and finally, the luteal phase. The phases of the cycle are the same for all women, but the length in time of each phase can vary. ● Menstrual phase Loss of oestrogen and progesterone during the menstrual phase can influence skin’s dryness; this is a good time to be moisturising well or to use hydrating facial oils. Gentler ingredients at this time are helpful for supporting the skin barrier. ● Follicular phase Oestrogen rises during the follicular phase, which can be beneficial and…

Switching half of the clothes in our wardrobes to pre-loved could collectively prevent carbon emissions equivalent to those produced by 261,000 flights from London to Greece, the charity Oxfam has recently suggested. So, what’s the enduring allure of buying brand-new clothes, when we know it’s worse for the environment? Well, there’s a reason we refer to shopping as ‘retail therapy’. Whether it’s a going-out top grabbed on your lunch break, or a designer bag you’ve had your eye on for months, fashion acquisitions have the power to lift your mood, thanks to the chemical dopamine. ‘Dopamine is known as the reward agent,’ said cognitive psychologist and business consultant Dr Carolyn Mair, author of The Psychology Of Fashion (Taylor & Francis, £12.99). ‘We produce more dopamine when we’re on the hunt…

Love must be one of the most complex and confusing feelings in the human experience. It is an integral part of our existence, and we remain preoccupied with it throughout our lives – from cradle to grave, from our prehistoric origins to these digital times. When we find the one, or at least the one who is better than anyone who came along before, it’s time to realise that, from this moment, biology and the wiring in our brains are working against us. Our genes do not encourage us to love for life, but to attract diversity. As evolved social mammals, we have every evolutionary reason to fail to form a lifelong, sexually monogamous relationship. This is because, in conditions of abundance, monogamy does not present a significant genetic survival…

Labour of love Married women lose that loving feeling faster than their husbands do. Researchers tracked the feelings of couples every 30 minutes for ten days, with participants ranging from two-year engagements to 20-year partnerships. They identified the amount of love felt for partners over time and discovered that, after three years, women had 55 per cent less. But the equivalent fall among men was only nine per cent. The study, in Psychological Science, also found that women in longer relationships spent more time doing chores and cookery, while their partner spent more time relaxing and sleeping. Experts say this could be why female feelings are weaker in long-term couples. 3 reads… for the fireside 1 Come And Get It by Kiley Reid (Bloomsbury, £16.99). This book takes a razor-sharp…

Do you know what drives you? Recently, I’ve been studying the work of Carl Jung as part of my therapist training, and I’m in a deep-dive into what motivates us as humans. Jung argues that while we are all driven by the fundamental desire to feel safe, what makes us feel safe can vary. He comes up with a series of archetypes and their needs and behaviours, but it can be broken down on a very basic level to this… Some of us like to be right. We want to know that we have the answer, that there is a piece of logic or knowledge out there that will unlock any problem, and then we make it our mission to find it. Others want to be successful. They want to…

Savour life’s small pleasures instead of constantly searching for more, and forge a new path towards long-lasting fulfilment, writes Kellie Gillespie-Wright Do you ever find yourself trapped in a perpetual cycle of desire and dissatisfaction, constantly chasing after the next big thing on the horizon, because you believe it will make your life better – only to find it makes no enduring difference? It’s a cycle that can be exhausting and, ironically, deeply unsatisfying, and in the long term, can rob us of the joy available to us in this very moment – if we were just able to stop and appreciate it. This phenomenon, known as the hedonic treadmill, can leave us feeling exhausted, unfulfilled, and no happier than when we began our pursuit. Our relentless quest for more…

Here’s a thought: absolutely everything that we have ever learnt, thought, or felt came to us via one or more of our five senses, directly impacting our perception of the world around us and changing how we think and feel. But did you know that your senses not only perceive the external world, they also metabolise and digest those inputs into your mind/body system, so that whatever enters your ears, eyes or nose, or touches your skin and tongue, becomes a part of you and influences your health and happiness? As with food, the ‘sense impressions’ you ingest can have either a nourishing or harmful effect, so it’s important to be aware and selective about the information that you allow into your sense organs. Of course, we can’t control the…

Love By Design by Dr Sara Nasserzadeh (HarperCollins, £16.99) We all live to find love, but what if building a lifelong relationship based purely on a feeling isn’t the key to success? Dr Sara Nasserzadeh believes we’ve been sold an ideal that isn’t making most of us happy, and that we need to foster foundations that aren’t just the first flushes of passion. Instead, the sexual psychotherapist advocates for practising ‘emergent love’, which has six ingredients – attraction, respect, trust, compassion, commitment, and loving – on an ongoing basis. Her advice on how to nurture these feels wise, rational and – most importantly – achievable, allowing you to give your heart a break, rather than just heartbreak. Sleep Reset by Natalie Pennicotte-Collier (Ebury, £16.99) Most of us are well-versed in…