Innholdsfortegnelse for Xmas 2023 i Psychologies

Study aid I regularly purchase your magazine and have a particular fondness for your smaller version, which is perfectly stowed away in my handbag. I’ve used your excellent quizzes in my mentor sessions to encourage discussion. In your October issue, you asked the key question ‘What makes you flourish at work?’, covering the important areas of collaboration, autonomy, challenge and balance. Some of my students struggle with group work and maintaining a healthy work(study)/life balance, and your tips and advice hold a special place in opening reflectiveness and conversation. Moreover, in your article named ‘What’s stopping you?’, the vital areas of procrastination and perfectionism were addressed. In an academic context, perfectionism is on the rise in universities. In some of my sessions, we look at how students can gain self-esteem…

So, you’ve figured out that, this Christmas, you’d like to bring the family together and have a few days that are sprinkled with moments that matter to each of you. There will be your favourite Christmas music playing as you open presents; warm mince pies to nibble while watching The Snowman and the Snowdog;a board games evening that you hope doesn’t get too competitive; and a Christmas dinner that brings everyone around the table to enjoy a delicious meal. It sounds lovely, doesn’t it? And it may well be a wonderful celebration. But, chances are, there will be pressure to pull off a brilliant day – or several days – and to make sure everyone is having the best time. This can be especially true if you’re hosting, but even…

“The moment when I count all of the heads in the car and know we are together again is like a warm blanket” Christmas suits our family well, because it’s a repeated occasion that is steeped in tradition. For those amongst us who appreciate predictability and a routine, Christmas is the gift that keeps on giving. I have children who like to know exactly what to expect, and rituals like pictures behind windows and baubles on trees offer a soothing familiarity. However, there is a sadness – maybe more of a wistfulness – that visits me every year, because Christmas reinforces the traditional idea of what a family should look like. It reminds me of an absence rather than the fullness of the life I live with my children now.…

Make Christmas mindful Christmas can be a joyful time but, for some of us, a heaving to-do list can turn the festive season into the stressful season! If you enjoyed our 12 Days of Christmas Calm feature on page 30, here are a few extra mindfulness-based tools to help you survive the season… ● Be kind to yourself. Remember, you’re allowed to relax and enjoy it all, too. If you’re someone who spends a lot of time making sure everyone else is having a magical time, now’s the time to extend the same wishes towards yourself. Pull on a cosy jumper, light some Christmas-scented incense, and settle down in front of your favourite festive film ● Notice the ‘glimmers’. If you find yourself experiencing panic ‘triggers’ around Christmas expectations, for…

From sipping mulled wine at festive markets to bringing the family together around the table to laugh at silly cracker jokes, Christmas can be the most wonderful time of the year. But it can also bring with it a huge amount of stress, whether that’s the pressure to make magical memories while worrying about the cost, or the intensity of hosting lots of people and ensuring everyone has a great time. But stress aside, Christmas remains for many a truly special time: it may be a rare opportunity to be with loved ones, to take a break from work and routine, and to join in fun activities. ‘Christmas is quite a stabilising factor for many people,’ explains Dr Tara Quinn-Cirillo, a chartered psychologist. ‘A lot of people like the containment…

For decades, we’ve been sold the EastEnders’ version of Christmas. A huge table; turkey with all the trimmings; crackers and silly hats; a tree teeming with presents. But most of all, family – whether squabbling, serene, raucous, or murderous! We’re also told in myriad ways – from films, to adverts, to the King’s annual broadcast – that family is the crowning jewel of the festive season. The thing that makes Christmas, well, Christmas. The trouble is that, for many people, this simply isn’t true. In fact, according to the charity Standalone, one in five families in the UK are affected by family estrangement. Life changes can mean that, this year, you might be facing the first Christmas after the death of a loved one. Or the first one away from…

Have you ever felt that pressure to go along with what others want in order to keep the peace over Christmas? Do you bite your lip when making plans with your nearest and dearest, or keep all too quiet on the family WhatsApp group for fear of offending someone? It’s a situation many of us fall into at this time of year. But whilst there needs to be a healthy give and take in our relationships, this can be a challenging balance to find alongside societal and family expectations, and even more so when we ‘people please’ or take on the responsibility of making everyone happy. People pleasing is a compulsion to look after others at the expense of your own needs and wants. It’s particularly prevalent at this time,…

Mary Oliver’s poem Snowy Night opens with the image of an owl filling the night air with its call. The fact that Oliver doesn’t know the name of the owl is mentioned throughout, woven between imagery of her outstretched hands catching falling snow, the darkness of the trees, and the glittering landscape. The poem closes, ‘I wish great welcome to the snow/whatever its severe and comfortless/and beautiful meaning’. In the poem, the beauty of winter is laid bare, yet it has taken me years of wishing away the season before finally finding a way to experience some of this wonder for myself. The autumn equinox marks the point in the year when the light dissipates like mist, the darkness bleeding into the days like ink into paper. Previously, my thoughts…

Book of the month One Win A Day by Charlotte Greedy (Bantam, £16.99) Charlotte Greedy is here to help, with 365 acts of self-care to bring you fulfilment and a sense of achievement, and to put a sparkle into every day. Some of the usual suspects are here – such as breathing and stretching – but there are plenty of leftfield suggestions, too, like making an effort with an ‘almost friend’, building a healthy treats stash, and cleaning your plants. This motivational workbook also has monthly projects on topics of your choosing, and weeks with themes, such as ‘heroes’. It’s the perfect motivation to make your new year a truly happy one. AL Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday by Nick Viall (Abrams, £11.99) Nick Viall doesn’t claim to be…

Deck the halls! While late decorators may scoff at those who put up their trees on 1 December or sooner, this increasingly common trend for early trimming can make you feel happier. Psychologists say it’s because baubles and fairy lights reconnect you with your inner child, creating anticipation, reminding you of a simpler time, and extending the excitement of the season. Don’t forget to share the joy with others, too; research in the Journal Of Environmental Psychology found that people who decorate the outside of their houses are perceived as friendlier than their neighbours who don’t. Genes for greens? Do you prefer eating nut roast to the traditional Christmas turkey dinner? Being a veggie could be in your DNA. Scientists from Northwestern University have identified 34 genes that could predispose…

The hustle and bustle is as much a part of Christmas as Brussels sprouts, lukewarm mulled wine, and Slade belting out It’s Christmas! And while we wouldn’t be without these cherished traditions, sometimes the stress of running around trying to make everything perfect can be too much for even the most festive among us. ‘I’m a very calm person – you wouldn’t write a book called How To Find Calm In Five Minutes A Day and not be! – but even I can start to feel a bit overwhelmed at Christmas,’ explains author Joanne Mallon. ‘Luckily, there are so many ways you can ground yourself at this time of year. The key is to look for things that are simple and evocative but don’t take a lot of extra effort.…

Getting to the root of what a truly meaningful and joyful Christmas would look like to you means taking some time to understand your fundamental values – and these might be quite different from your goals. It helps to realise the difference between the two, advises Dr Quinn-Cirillo. ‘Perhaps your goal might be to get everyone together,’ she says. ‘And then you think, well, we must have this lovely table, like I saw on Instagram, with wonderful decorations.’ Suddenly, you are focused on the image you’re creating, the decorations to buy, and the food to impress your guests with, rather than thinking about what you really value about it. Getting in touch with what your values are can help reduce some of the pressure you may feel to keep up…

For years, Christmas was a high-octane muddle of dawn rising, discarded wrapping paper, the emergency scrabble for AA batteries, mounds of roast potatoes, thundering James Bond theme tunes and finding melted pieces of Terry’s Chocolate Orange down the back of the sofa. With three boys, it was a glorious rampage, only survived by manic list-making and swigs of mulled wine. But nothing stays the same. Those rambunctious times are now a memory, and I’ve curated a new Christmas. A quiet Christmas. For now, at any rate. I’m single, my darling dad passed away some years ago, and my brother and his family live in Australia. My boys are all grown up, with girlfriends and other demands upon them, so nowadays we all meet up for a weekend in December to…

When my son started school and became caught up in his first full-on Christmas, he had a question for me: ‘How does Santa go to all of the houses in the world in one night?’ I didn’t know how to answer him. You see, I hadn’t explicitly encouraged the whole Santa thing – but nor had I actively discouraged it. When he asked me if Santa was real, I asked him, ‘Do you think he’s real?’ At the time, he said ‘Yes!’ ‘Okay,’ I said. My husband and I had agreed that whilst we wouldn’t reinforce the veracity of Santa, we would not challenge our children if they expressed their belief in him. The following year brought more questions regarding the logistics of how Santa knows what each child wants.…