Innholdsfortegnelse for December 2022 i Psychologies

How do you feel about this time of year? Do you love the cold, bright mornings, and enjoy kicking up autumn leaves, or are you mourning the long, sunny days of summer? It’s true it can be an odd time: there is often a rush at the end of summer, as people return from holiday (or simply juggling the kids) and focus really comes back to getting on with things and making progress. Then, once September is a distant memory, there is usually a bit of a lull, when we fall into more regular, gentle patterns, before things start to get frenetic again as the festive season approaches. However, in today’s crazy, always-on world, it can be easy to miss this natural fallow period, and feel you have to keep…

Expert advice Tom Young is an improvisor, founding member of The Same Faces improv group, and an organiser of The British Improv Project. british improvproject.com Emma Hackett is a wellbeing coach who works with people who are chronically stressed, drawing on positive psychology and mindfulness-based stress reduction. emmahackett.co.uk Would you ever (in a million years) put yourself in the position of performing an improvised dramatic or comic scene in front of other people? No preparation, no time to plan, a completely spontaneous creation? There are plenty of folk who thrive on this kind of thing, and even if you’re a bit of an introvert like me, or you think that putting yourself in that situation will bring nothing but unnecessary anxiety, it’s worth considering. Counter-intuitively, taking part in an improv…

Eat well No more midnight feasts! As the nights draw in and the weather gets gloomier, out go early alfresco suppers, and in come late dinners on the sofa in front of the TV. But new research has found that eating later at night actually makes you more hungry, burns fewer calories, and increases your level of fat. The study by Brigham and Women’s Hospital in the US, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, compared two groups eating exactly the same meals, with one eating early in the day, the other four hours later, which was found to have a negative health impact. Homemade heroes When you’re short on time, it can be tempting to rely on ready-made shop-bought food, but a new study has given us yet another reason…

Sarah Chakin’s young face glows with pride and gratitude as she shares her story, which is more inspirational than perhaps she realises to a westerner like me, who is familiar with a contrasting model of youth. Were it not for her hunger for knowledge and almost unattainable dream of a different life, Chakin would have undoubtedly followed the same path as her sister and been married at the age of 14, possibly to ‘an old man’, she says with a grimace, a multi-generational fingerprint of her High Atlas mountain world. Instead, the Amazigh girl from a remote village went to a school run by an independent charity, Education for All, and became an electrical engineer. Chakin, pupils and volunteers at the school near Asni village welcome me excitedly with cascades…

ROXY RHODES ‘Any time we are expecting a day to be picture-perfect, we are setting ourselves up to fail,’ says psychotherapist Roxy Rhodes. ‘What we want to happen versus how life turns out, are often two very different things.’ Learn how to embrace the now and rediscover the joy this festive season, on page 28. DR MARISA G FRANCO When friendships fall into choppy waters, it can be easier to avoid confrontation and sidestep conflict. ‘But it is by not confronting the issue that we force the friendship to end,’ says psychologist Dr Marisa G Franco. Discover how to restart communication and take steps towards reconciliation, on page 58. ALICE BENSKIN ‘Just as a car requires the correct fuel to run optimally, the brain requires the correct fuel to function…

Recently, I have fallen into the habit of snacking throughout the day. Despite starting each day with good intentions – meditation and a spot of journalling – I began to notice how there would be a gradual decline in my eating habits as the day unfolded. Our relationship with food is complicated – and often emotional. But that’s were journalling comes in, as an antidote to the mindless snacking it’s so easy to fall into. When it comes to food consumption, the notebook can be transformed into a paper tracking device. It’s surprising how helpful it is to see the list of foods you’ve consumed in a day looking back at you from the page. But the information captured in your notebook becomes even more informative when you notice the…

‘If you want to tune in, you need to tune out,’ says Fernández Julián, in her book Balance. ‘A head full of thoughts and a noisy environment are not going help you tune into your intuition.’ Clearing some mental space will allow you to listen to your intuitive mind, she says, which helps you to make better decisions and choose what’s best for you, rather than what people expect from you or you think you should be doing. To do this, Fernández Julián suggests planning a bit of time to yourself free from distractions. This can be hard, particularly if you live in a busy household, but you could try setting the alarm and getting up earlier than anybody else, and making the most of the silence and the space.…

When we stop rushing around and take time out to rest and reflect, it can trigger a release of emotions. If you’re feeling angry or sad or frustrated, let it out. ‘When you’re sad, cry until you have no more tears. And when you’re done crying, let all the emotions go,’ says Fernández Julián. ‘Crying is the best release mechanism,’ she adds. ‘It’s comforting and helps us to express sadness, pain and frustration.’ If you stop yourself crying, your emotions will be felt elsewhere – you might end up being ill, or experience pain and tension in your body, or have an emotional breakdown by bursting into tears or losing your temper in a stressful moment. ‘Letting anger and sadness and steam out at the right time and in the…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find your psychological barrier to rest 1 You feel most nourished by 2 The root of stress for you is often 3 You’d feel more rested if you could 4 An ideal weekend is 5 After restorative rest, you feel 6 People often tell you to 7 You’re most likely to worry about 8 You often feel overwhelmed by 9 You’d relax more if you could 10 You feel recharged by Turn the page to find out what you need in order to recharge and recalibrate What do you most need to take a break from? IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Caring For you, meaningful relationships are…

MARY FENWICK is a writer, speaker and executive coach. She is also a mother, divorcee and widow. GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY? Email letters@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘Mary life’ in the subject line. FOR MORE about Mary’s work in leadership and team coaching, her ‘Writing back to happiness’ programme and free resources, go to maryfenwick.com Am I wrong to turn a blind eye? Q The neighbours are complaining about my daughter smoking weed. They don’t like the smell, and seem very judgy about me as a parent. I have to be honest and say that it doesn’t really bother me, because I’d much rather she was smoking at home, and I knew where she was and what she was up to, than going out and getting drunk. Am I acting irresponsibly? Should…

Often, we know what makes us happy... but, despite this, often we don’t put the theory into action. I’m going to use myself as an example: why do I (the person who tells you that taking breaks reduces stress and makes you more efficient) sit at my computer eating my lunch, while working to the point where I can’t remember if I’ve even eaten that lunch? I know this is unhelpful for me, so what on earth is going on? To answer that, I’m returning to our old friend (or perhaps, more accurately, our ‘frenemy’), the brain. This behaviour is habit. I didn’t always do this; it started at a time of huge pressure when I was training (and it was probably also the cultural norm), and I began eating…

Whatever Stacey Solomon is putting in her tea, she should bottle it. She’d make a fortune. Not only does she possess an indomitable ability to see life’s brighter side, but you’re also unlikely to meet anyone as comfortable in their own skin. ‘When I’m doing a shoot, people ask: “Are you happy with the pictures?” and I say: “Well, yeah, because that’s what I look like.” I can’t change me; I’ve looked the same for years! ‘In my head, I’ve always thought I was really pretty, and so it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, does it? Maybe that sounds big-headed, but I do think I’m really pretty! And I don’t get why it’s shocking to hear someone say that. It’s not that I’m showing off; it’s more that I…

Expert advice Judith Kleinman is a musician and Tai Chi, yoga and Alexander Technique teacher, who is focused on integrating these practices into education and performance. Her new book, Finding Quiet Strength (Hawthorn Press, £24), is out now. Findingquiet strength.com Marina Fernández Julián is an advanced executive coach, NLP master trainer, and author of new book Balance: Living A Life True To Yourself (£14.99). marinazest forlife.com Stuart Sandeman – aka Breathpod – is a breathwork expert, host of BBC Radio 1’s Decompression Sessions, and author of Breathe In Breathe Out (HarperCollins, £16.99) . @breathpod; breathpod.me Taking time to slow down, turn it down, and recalibrate in these quieter autumnal weeks will help build up some reserves in your tank. When December comes, you’ll be feeling stronger, calmer and ready for…

Feeling secure and comfortable with yourself helps you to interact well with others and be open to new experiences. It’s all too common for women to put themselves to the bottom of the priority list, perhaps moaning from time to time about how we look after everyone else but nobody looks after us. ‘But caring for yourself is actually your responsibility and nobody else’s,’ says Fernández Julián, and accepting that will help you switch some of your care and attention onto yourself. The first thing you need to remind yourself is that you are good enough. ‘When you know you are enough, regardless of what’s been happening in your daily life, you feel safe and adequate; you have faith that everything will work out fine.’ You could use this time…

Have a hug Hugs are hugely comforting and soothing. Make sure you remember to hug your loved ones and hold it for a bit longer than usual. You can also hug yourself. Place your right hand under your left arm pit (near your heart), and your left hand on your right shoulder or upper arm, noticing the movement of your breath and the touch kindly containing you. Sense you are soothing yourself, giving yourself a kind and friendly hug. Take a child’s pose A child’s pose in yoga is like sending a ‘do not disturb’ signal to the world. It’s a safe and comfortable place where we can withdraw, hide, retreat and rest. From a kneeling position, fold forwards from the hips, keeping your sit bones on your heels, and…

REST Slip into a peaceful slumber… RELAX Aromatherapy treats to help you unwind RESET Get your energy flowing again…

Caramelised Onion and Tomato Tart ‘I didn’t think I could make stuff like tarts before I went on Celebrity MasterChef – but look at me now! Nadia Sawalha is a good friend, and she was such an amazing support to me when I was on the show. She’d give me loads of good advice on things like making good pastry. For this tart, make sure you cook the onions for a really long time, so they get all soft and delicious.’ Serves 4 ● 1 portion shortcrust pastry (see right), or 450–500g shop-bought pastry ● Plain flour, for dusting For the filling: ● 2 tbsp olive oil ● 15g butter ● 3–4 medium onions (about 500g), finely sliced ● 1 tbsp sherry vinegar ● ½ tsp demerara sugar (optional) ●…