Innholdsfortegnelse for October 2022 i Psychologies

Institutionalised by almost two decades in education, even now, 20 years since my last graduation, I can’t help feeling that this is the real new year. You can keep January – for me, this is the period of new beginnings and fresh starts; a time of bright-white school shirts, too-large blazers and, best of all, beautiful new pencil cases, as yet unsullied by pencil sharpenings and dust, shattered rulers and, worst of all, the dreaded leaking Biro. We’re trying to capture that feeling this issue: that lovely air of possibility and newness, and look at how you can make this a joyful time of possibility, creativity and happiness. We’re taking a deep dive into happiness habits and how to make them easier to stick to on page 30, and working…

GOOD NEWS As human beings, we always seem to be chasing the next big thing. Whether it’s a new job, a new house, or the next life milestone, we move from one goal to the next and forget to live in the present. But I’m learning that taking pleasure in the little things can make life so much richer. While setting goals can have great benefits, continually striving to get ahead can remove joy from the present moment. Life has been busier than ever recently, but I’m learning to take the time to find happiness and gratitude in the day to day. Simple pleasures like ordering my favourite drink from my favourite café, lighting a candle, or listening to my favourite song can be just as joyful as achieving a…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find out what will help your self-confidence flourish 1 More confidence would give you permission to 2 Your confidence takes a knock when you feel 3 In general, you wish you could be better at 4 Before any big change you 5 You’d have more confidence if you could stop 6 You most regret time spent 7 When you’ve achieved a goal, you think 8 True confidence means knowing 9 As a child, you were a bit of a 10 On the whole, it’s most important for you to feel Turn the page to find out what you need to grow your self-belief What’s your personal confidence-boosting…

MARY FENWICK is a writer, speaker and executive coach. She is also a mother, divorcee and widow. GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY? Email letters@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘Mary life’ in the subject line. FOR MORE about Mary’s work in leadership and team coaching, her ‘Writing back to happiness’ programme and free resources, go to maryfenwick.com When will he realise it’s time to take responsibility? Q My 21-year-old son lives with me, but says ‘charging me rent will just delay me moving out’. He’s never even emptied the dishwasher. When I ask him to do something, he’s always ‘just about to’ join a work call or leave the house. I’ve tried getting angry, being sad, and staying calm, as well as appealing to his kindness – but he’ll make me laugh, cajole me,…

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Your attention is pulled towards threat, and negative information demands your attention. Let’s take a random – ahem – example of an author who just happened to be a psychologist: even if you get hundreds of five-star reviews, you will be pulled towards that one one-star review. The negativity will sometimes fill your attention. The same applies to everyday life: you’ll mull over that one negative comment about your work, when you had twenty positive ones. Don’t beat yourself up even more for doing this – it’s a natural brain process. Some research even suggests that all events aren’t created equal: we need a ratio of around five positive events to one negative event to make us feel good. Let’s step back, notice what is demanding your attention, and think…

LUCY SHERIDAN ‘As uncomfortable as it may be, I always invite clients to greet envy as a friend who is a messenger,’ says comparison coach Lucy Sheridan. ‘Envy forces us to remember what we want most; of our unfulfilled desires and unmet needs.’ Discover how to use envy as fuel for your own ambition on page 20. GRAHAM MUSIC ‘Most of our challenges can make us more resilient,’ says psychotherapist Graham Music. ‘Of course, some can floor us. But if we can recover, we get to know deeply that bouncing back is possible, and that we hold muscle memories of this.’ Find out how to rise again when life brings you to your knees, on page 60. SUZY READING ‘Art has the power to lift the mood, to assist people…

Growing up, when I did something that made my mum angry, like talk back, she’d furiously rush to the corner of the kitchen where she kept the broom. She wouldn’t say anything at first, but I knew what the broom meant, so when she did this, I’d run up the stairs as fast as I could. She’d come after me, yelling, ‘What did you say?’ My sisters and I didn’t have locks on our doors, so once I’d get to my room, I’d hide in my closet or under my bed. If I had a big enough head start, I’d sometimes sneak into my parents’ room and hide in their closet under my dad’s suits. As I got older and my legs got longer, I was able to keep my…

When Edith Bowman moved her family out of London for a fresh start in the Gloucestershire countryside at the end of 2019, it was with a fair amount of apprehension. After more than 20 years of going at full pelt since starting out on MTV in the late Nineties, the Scottish-born broadcaster was ready for more of a balance between work and life with her young sons and rockstar husband. But Bowman, 48, admits that she was also fearful about the impact living away from the capital would have on the career she had worked so hard for. ‘I thought it might stop me from doing things or make me less available,’ she says. ‘That was my big worry. But work wise, it hasn’t been restrictive at all and, especially…

Lately, I’ve been dreaming of poems. Poems I’ve encountered over the years come to me in my sleep, and I think about slipping them into my clients’ dreams as antidotes, a form of word whispering to the experiences and turbulences that confront them on a daily basis. Hafiz’s poem, My Brilliant Image, with lines like, ‘I wish I could show you, when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being!’ relays emotions about loneliness and a lack of support we can’t always find the language to express. But a poem can. Find a poem that you’ve been drawn to over the years, create an intimacy with it, and copy it into your journal or notebook. Research tells us that writing by hand strengthens memory retention.…

It’s a gloriously sunny day, I’m surrounded by people I know and love, eating delicious food, but my heart is racing. Everyone around me is deep in conversation, laughing away while sipping their Prosecco at this family party, while I fiddle with my bag and worry what to say. From school reports lamenting ‘Caroline needs to be more confident in class’ to feeling too afraid to speak up in meetings at work, self-confidence – or a lack of – has always been a common feature in my life. That’s not to say it’s all bad. I’ve definitely grown in confidence over the years, and have far more of this most illusive of characteristics now, compared to in my younger years – and I can happily say that I have delivered…

After speaking to Dr Trent, I spend some time thinking about what’s holding me back. It’s a mix of things, and having this sense of why I struggle with self-confidence is helpful. But, once we’ve identified why we may have reduced levels of confidence, what can we do to get more of it? I have a fascinating conversation with Jo Emerson, a coach specialising in confidence, where we talk about ideas we can all use for increasing our self-confidence. ‘Without self-confidence, we’re doing things in fear, or we’re doing things half-heartedly, or we’re not bringing who we really are to a situation,’ Emerson tells me. It’s clear that working on our self-confidence has a range of benefits. ‘It underpins how we parent, how we dress, how we work, how we…

I was 30 years old when the words ‘You have cancer’ were hurled like a grenade into my world of work, the gym, and Saturday-night parties. With a bald head and a 10cm scar slashed across my left breast, I feared no man would ever desire me again. I acquired a deep distrust of my body, every cough and twinge magnified – in my mind – to a secondary and incurable cancer. But I also acquired, during that time, a sense of wonder for the seemingly ordinary. Like the coppery autumn leaves crunching beneath my feet as I walked to radiotherapy. And the life I rebuilt post-cancer was, in many ways, more meaningful than the one I’d had before: 60-hour weeks at the office replaced by freelance architecture work from…

Eat well 3 SNACKS TO POWER A WORKING DAY Nutritionist Hannah Hope shares three energising snacks proven to boost productivity. Discover more of Hannah’s recipes at hhopenutrition.com Dark chocolate and walnuts (30g of each) Walnuts not only look like brains but studies show they improve cognitive function through their high levels of DHA. Alongside a small amount of caffeine, dark chocolate contains a substance called theobromine, which affects alertness in a positive way. It’s also a source of magnesium, enhancing learning and memory. Mackerel pâté and veg sticks (1 can mackerel mixed with ½ tub cream cheese, juice of 1 lemon, and topped with parsley) Mackerel is an oily fish full of brain-boosting omega-3 fatty acids. It enables blood flow to areas of the brain responsible for learning. This snack…