Innholdsfortegnelse for February 2022 i Psychologies

I love a good dusting of snow. The seven-year-old child who still lives inside my heart can’t help but squeal with delight when the first flakes start to fall, and I’ll gaze in raptures if we’re lucky enough to get a few inches, rejoicing at the sight of the garden with a fresh covering of the white stuff, as yet unsullied by footprints or snowmen or whatever else. And I get the same feeling at the beginning of the year – snowy or not – as a fresh start beckons. I love the feeling that anything is possible, that we can make this year just what we want it to be. But this year has been more challenging than many we’ve faced. The world around us is changing – and…

With so many amazing benefits, it’s no wonder ashwagandha’s popularity is soaring. ‘Thankfully, it’s readily available, safe and well tolerated by most,’ says Etheridge. ‘Purchase it in dried form (roots or leaves) to brew, in capsule form or even as a tincture. Due to its unique scent, ashwagandha is rarely used in aromatherapy or any topical creams, ointments or candles.’ For overall wellbeing, try East Meets West Ashwagandha Complex capsules, £18.99, hollandandbarrett.com For a rejuvenating drink, try Pukka’s Peace tea with camomile, lavender, ashwagandha and hemp, £2.99, pukkaherbs.com To give water or smoothies a boost, add Organic Traditions ashwagandha root powder, £9.99, planetorganic.com…

Readers of Psychologies are eligible for a 20 per cent discount on Karin Peeters’ Find Your Path online coaching programme. ‘Give yourself permission to pause and explore your thoughts and feelings with self-kindness and compassion,’ says Peeters. ‘Video coaching exercises, immersive worksheets, a step-by-step e-book and a relaxing guided meditation make it easier to find out what you really want, and what is needed to make it happen.’ The ‘Find Your Path’ course has a regular price of £29, but is priced £23.20 in this exclusive offer. To claim your discount, go to courses.innerpilgrim.com and use the code ‘Psychologies’ at checkout. Offer valid until 30 April 2022.…

Happy new year! Sure, on the face of it 1 January is just another winter’s day but, imbued with all our hopes for the coming year, the sky seems to be that little bit brighter, and I can’t help but be swept along on the wave of optimism that a fresh start brings. Of course, we all know the stats: most resolutions will be abandoned by mid-February but, from where I sit, that isn’t due to a lack of desire. The majority of people just don’t know quite how much their brains dislike change. So, to help you put your best foot forward, here are my resolution fundamentals: First up: Motivation is a false idol. Motivation is great for getting you started, but it won’t keep you going once the…

This is a beautiful exercise from coach Shannah Kennedy’s book The Life Plan (Lantern, £13.24). Make a list of memories to treasure as they unfold in your life. These are snapshots for you to take daily and are to be held dear and archived in your mind for ever. There is gold around you all the time if you choose to look for it, engage with it and be present. It is what gives depth to our lives. This simple act of mindfulness, of tuning in and being truly appreciative of the small wonders happening around you, while calmly acknowledging and accepting your thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations, is an oasis you can tap into anywhere, at any time. Look for, and savour, the golden moments occurring in your life…

Lie or sit comfortably and put your arms around yourself. Hold yourself as if you were cradling a small child who is in pain. Use your hands to soothe and stroke yourself. Breathe slowly and imagine directing your breath under your hands. Gradually allow your hands to move over your body, sensing what feels good. You may find yourself stroking your face or putting your hands on your heart, running your fingers through your hair or exploring your hand as if you had never seen one before. Give yourself the fullest attention you can. Notice what you are feeling, moment by moment, using your breath to bring focus to the different areas of your body. Open and close your eyes. Notice if you can be more present with eyes open…

In addition to the way we can lose ourselves in the everyday demands of life, for those of us who are single as a result of the end of a relationship, or perhaps even the death of a partner, we are navigating a grief that can be overwhelming. When I climbed on to the train clutching a coffee and a novel, my divorce was only days old. I needed time just for me, when I could begin to put myself back together and reassess what my future might look like. After years of untangling myself from a difficult marriage, I wanted to acknowledge the pain and move forward. It is surprising to me that it is still possible to encounter negativity around the concept of divorce and single-parenting. As a…

Tree pose (vrksasana): This pose is a standing balance that tones the legs, stretches the groin and strengthens the arches of the feet. Balancing poses encourage us to be present by zoning in on a dristi (a single point of focus), diverting the mind’s attention from repetitive thoughts. Child’s pose (balasana): This pose encourages the body to release tension, facilitates deeper breathing and aids digestion. With the forehead pressed against the floor for support, awareness shifts from the emotional limbic system to the more rational prefrontal cortex, calming the mind. Legs up the wall (viparita karani): This gentle, cooling inversion aids blood and lymphatic circulation, soothes tired legs and eases back pain. With the legs elevated and supported, the body’s rest and digest mode is activated, which settles a restless…

Are you hoping to make 2022 the year that you truly feel better in body, mind and soul? The chances are that you probably don’t need us to tell you that piling your plate with fruit and vegetables and getting regular exercise will improve your wellbeing; supporting your sleep, making your skin brighter and helping your favourite skirt feel less snug. However, while it’s easier to eat well in summer, if you’re not feeling your best and brightest on colder, darker January days, we know very well that it can feel like a challenge to reach for the fruit bowl instead of the biscuit tin – there’s a reason they call sweet sticky puddings and chocolate bars comfort foods, after all! But now we can share exciting evidence that might…

“Journalling and expressive writing can be playful as well as resourcing, so this month let’s focus on the poetic Japanese practice of haiku. Traditional haikus are short poems originally designed to reference nature or the seasons, blending in an element of surprise between lines two and three. Haikus are composed of three lines made up of five, then seven, then five syllables. Here’s an example by one of Japan’s great haiku masters Hasegawa Kanajo: The autumn drizzling rain In a flash The pine trees get wet Short and sweet but speaking volumes is how I think of haikus. The idea of writing three lines is appealing for those with busy lives, and it’s a way of practising mindfulness. Haikus are a perfect format for writing in the moment. Break from…

BRENÉ BROWN ‘Significant parts of our lives, including our future, are shaped by comparing ourselves with others,’ says world-renowned author and researcher Brené Brown. But it’s possible to choose how we’re going to let it affect us, and escape the comparison trap. Discover how on page 24. SOPHIE MORT ‘Trying to block troubling emotions can be like blocking a wave; it doesn’t stop the wave or disperse its power – it sends it back temporarily, ensuring its return,’ explains Sophie Mort, a clinical psychologist. Lean in and soothe anxiety with six techniques that truly work on page 34. KARIN PEETERS Challenging life events can shake our sense of identity, explains Karin Peeters, a coach and psychotherapist. ‘We can never fully go back to the old version of ourselves, but we…

WATCH – Cow is a surprisingly moving documentary, taking a close-up look at the life of two residents of a British dairy farm. From Oscar and Cannes-winning director Angela Arnold. Out 14 January. LOOK – Amy: Beyond The Stage at The Design Museum, London, celebrates the creativity and legacy of the iconic singer Amy Winehouse, with handwritten lyrics, outfits and her guitar on display. Open now. LISTEN – Podcast The Line-Up, with Shaun Keaveny, sees the former Radio 6 DJ challenge musicians and famous names to pick their fantasy festival line-up. Available to download now.…

My wonderful midwives, Tina and Juliette, You were there by our side when my husband and I lost our darling daughter, Pip, who was stillborn in July. Giving birth to Pip could have been such a terrifying time, but you were both a constant source of support, and this gave us strength. Thank you for the respect and warmth you showed our baby girl as you delivered, handled and cared for her. Thank you for helping us find our way when we first met her and for being there to hold our hand when it all felt overwhelming. Thank you for the visits you paid us afterwards to check that we were doing OK; for the tree you planted in Pip’s memory; and for being there on the day of…

Swimming is the trifecta for me – exercise, meditation and alone time. When I’m swimming laps you can’t call me or talk to me, it’s just me and the black stripe. The only thing that can ruin a swim is when I shift my attention from my lane to what’s happening in the lanes next to me. It’s embarrassing, but if I’m not paying attention, I can catch myself racing the person next to me, or comparing our strokes, or figuring out who has the best workout set. When I go into comparison, I completely lose the meditation and alone time I need. And I once hurt my shoulder trying to race a twenty-something triathlete in the next lane. I have a picture hanging in my study as a reminder…

Think about how you talk to yourself. Do you talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend? The chances are (particularly if you are a people pleaser) that you lavish praise on others, give them compliments and forgive them if they make a mistake. How well do you do the same for yourself? Or do you criticise yourself, call yourself names and beat yourself up? Do you focus on your negatives, rather than your positives? What many of us don’t realise is that it doesn’t matter who is using these words to us – you or someone else – the effect on our self-esteem is the same. Start checking your inner voice and speak to yourself like you would speak to your best friend. Congratulate yourself when you…

“George Michael said we gotta have it, others say we’ve got to keep it… We should take a leap of it and others call it blind… Faith. I am not talking about hope and optimism, faith’s wispier sisters, but the unshakeable confidence that there is something more to this merry dance that we call life. Faith is the unquestioning certainty that a higher power is the benevolent creator and we are part of a grand and, yes, completely secret, scheme. I want some of that, because such conviction means our earthly trials are merely stepping stones to the pearly gates of our choosing, before a blissful eternity with our dearly departed and a host of harp-playing angels. Studies reveal that religious people are happier, and others find that atheists are…

That sense of a blank slate is what has always excited me most about saying goodbye to the old year and ushering in the new. And yet, though I’m a lifelong Hogmanay fan, even I can’t help feeling daunted by this one. Everything we’ve lived through over the past two years has left us bothered and bewildered. I yearn to feel that familiar sense of delicious anticipation but, at the same time, my mind is now a whirling sea of negative what ifs? What will happen with the new Covid variant? What if there are more lockdowns? What if the HGV driver crisis has an impact on supplies of my beloved Tunnock’s Caramel Wafers? The daily bombardment of negative news headlines doesn’t exactly help. So how might we generate a…

“No matter how positive you are as a person, there will be times when you succumb to pessimism. came January year, as I endured another Groundhog Day of freezing walks through muddy parks with my two sons, Ralph and Max, then aged four and 18 months. Pandemic fatigue had set in and we were all miserable. The mental load of lockdown, homeschooling, running my own business and a cancelled Christmas reunion with my family meant the miserable January weather was a challenge too far. Instead of my usual can-do attitude, my mood was defeatist and low – a state reflected in my joyless daily uniform of thermals, jumpers and snow boots. I’d become trapped in a cycle of negativity. But as I scrolled through Instagram one evening, I saw a…

DRINK UP! Raise a glass to vitality and happiness OHMG sparkling magnesium water, £23.40 for 12 cans, ohmgwater.com Ditch fizzy drinks in favour of these delicious flavoured sparkling waters – they contain magnesium, in which many of us are deficient, along with fruit extracts and botanicals. London Nootropics Mojo coffee, £15 for 12 sachets, londonnootropics.com Swap your caffeine fix for this adaptogenic mushroom coffee blend. Perfect for a mid-morning pick-me-up, it’s made with cordyceps and Siberian ginseng for a boost of long-lasting energy and strength. Sea Change organic wine, £13.99 a bottle, seachangewine.com Keen to clean up your act but don’t fancy Dry January? Swap your usual tipple for this tasty organic wine with no plastic in the labels or on the bottle neck.…

Choose one situation where you are not getting the outcome you want. Run through it in your mind or write it down in a notebook in the present tense so you are reliving what actually happened (in your perception). Don’t get caught up in truth or not truth. If you think it happened, it will be affecting you whether it actually happened that way or not. When you have explored your perceived reality, imagine that you can change it so that it happened just the way you would have liked – you get as many attempts to rewrite history as you want. It can be helpful to imagine that a fairy godmother sprinkled fairy dust on the whole scene, because it gives you permission to allow yourself a different experience…

“My husband has given up on sex and I feel neglected Q My husband has switched off sexually. He sleeps in the spare bedroom and, rather than addressing the issue, we spend more time arguing, being angry at each other and stressing over silly things. I feel like a plant without water, starved emotionally and physically. I’ve read endless books about desire and asked him to go to counselling with me multiple times, but he refuses. What more can I do? You don’t use the word lonely, but I imagine it’s occurred to you. And that feeling is a real danger sign in a relationship. The good news is that the world of therapy has become much more accessible online, and most couples counsellors would see you individually. You might…

Count your colours ‘Concentrate not just on getting your five-a-day but on how many colours you are having,’ says Pete Williams, a functional medicine practitioner. ‘Try sticking an A4 rainbow colour sheet on your fridge so you can tick off how many colours you have had in the day,’ he suggests. Not only will this system encourage you to increase your intake, but variety is also important when it comes to good gut health. Research indicates that a diet consisting of different food types can lead to a more diverse microbiome, which in turn results in a healthier gut. Say bye-bye to beige We’re not obsessing with colour or anything, but if your plate is looking too, well, beige, shake it up. Traditional carbs, such as pasta, rice, bread and…

Although they can sting undamaged skin, when nettles come into contact with a painful area of the body, they’re believed to alleviate pain, a process known as urtication. When it comes to foraging, there are few foods easier to get hold of than nettles. It might be famous for its sting, but this feisty shrub has been consumed by humans for centuries, and is packed with nourishing goodness. Historically, nettles were used as a food source in the early spring, before other vegetables appeared, and the tender young leaves provided valuable and much-needed nutrients after a long winter. Young nettles are extremely nutritious and full of chlorophyll, silica, calcium, potassium, iron, manganese and vitamins A and C, which means they are brilliant for our brains and our bodies. An anxiety…

A Terrible Kindness By Jo Browning Wroe Faber & Faber, £14.99 Jo Browning Wroe’s delicate, elegant debut will break your heart into pieces and then gently put it back together as hope, compassion and the power of community carefully repair the hurt. Talented singer and newly qualified embalmer William Lavery, just 19, heads to Wales to help with the terrible aftermath of a landslide at a school. Estranged from his mother and his best friend, and with a promising music career left behind him, William faces an uncertain future which, over the course of this moving book, settles into something generous and ultimately forgiving. The Love Songs Of W. E. B. Du Bois By Honorée Fanonne Jeffers 4th Estate, £20 Ailey Pearl Garfield is smart, scathing and volatile, and the…

“Despair is often premature: it’s a form of impatience, as well as of certainty” Rebecca Solnit Q My work has changed a lot since my firm merged with another business. Throughout the pandemic, I’ve been one of the people saying, ‘Let’s make this work,’ even though things were also challenging for me in my home life. Now I’ve run out of steam. The changes implemented are making my job even harder, and I feel as if things are being hidden from us. I just don’t like the new vibe. How can I rediscover the old resilient me? Resilience is one of my specialist subjects – with a few words of caution first. Commonly, we think of resilience as the ability to bounce back, and much of the language surrounding resilience…

All of us have a version of an inner negative ninja that is generally critical, making harsh judgments about us and what we do from deep inside the inner workings of our brain. Fuelled by negative bias, the ninja’s critical judgments affect our thoughts, our body’s stress response, our emotions, our behaviour and how we interact with the world. I’m not going to suggest that you dismiss your ninja outright – this would make it angry and fight back stronger, and you really don’t want to fight with a ninja, do you? Instead, I’m going to argue that you treat it with compassion, be gentle on it and understand it, because this helps calm your ninja and helps it start to see another point of view. Compassion is a far…

Amid the hurly-burly of everyday life, it is easy to get stuck in a rut of working, worrying, helping everyone else, and completely losing connection with your true self. Particularly over the past couple of years, many of us have found that it has been a real challenge to tap into our inner wisdom and free up space to allow us to live as we really want. And that’s what this little journal is all about: it is filled with thought-provoking prompts and questions to help you get back in touch with your inner voice and turn the volume up to 10! We hope it will help you remember what you used to love doing, think about the things you enjoy now, and dream about what you hope for the…

Psychologies’ mission is to provide you with inspiration and advice to support you to improve your emotional wellbeing. We aim to help you boost your happiness and resilience and lower your stress and anxiety. We do this by providing simple, achievable steps to make small changes that can add up to a real difference. Embracing the four pillars of your life, from mind and body to heart and soul, Psychologies engages with the world around us as well as the world within to help you discover inspiring ways to make every day better and create a life you love.…

1 Money Magic by The Money Witch (Chronicle, £14.99) uses a seven-step system that  combines practical advice and mystical rituals to help you manifest your financial ideals. 2 List Yourself Happy by Jess Indeedy (Quadrille, £12) explains how to use list-making as a therapeutic tool and a way to have a more upbeat outlook on life. 3 Rise And Shine: How To Transform Your Life, Morning By Morning by Kate Oliver and Toby Oliver (Little, Brown, £9.99) teaches you how to use the ‘silence, happiness, intention, nourishment’ exercise to build positive daily habits.…

When Kimberley Walsh looks back on 2021 it will be with conflicting emotions. Little Nate, her third son with her husband, Justin Scott, is now six months old and, with his big smiles and easy-going nature, has slotted into their busy family like a dream. ‘We got so lucky with this one,’ she says, her West Yorkshire brogue still strong despite 20 years of living in London. ‘Obviously, I adore all my kids, but Nate has been the easiest – which was a relief, with him being the third. Even the breastfeeding, which I’ve struggled with in the past and has put a dampener on those first few weeks, has been brilliant. He came out of the womb, latched on and fed for an hour, and I was more excited…

Ready to put the spring back in your step, fire up your motivation and rejuvenate mind, body and soul? Then this month’s herbal hero is a real gem! Hailing from the nightshade family, ashwagandha has been a steadfast favourite in Indian medicine for centuries, revered by generations of herbalists and renowned for its medicinal prowess. One of the most important herbs in Ayurvedic medicine, this leafy evergreen shrub, with its pops of yellow, orange and red berries, has historically been used to fight fatigue, lower stress, increase energy levels and bolster brainpower. Chris Etheridge, a medical herbalist and chair of the British Herbal Medicine Association, tells us why ashwagandha is a perfect winter tonic… The energiser ‘Modern herbalists consider ashwagandha to be an adaptogen,’ says Etheridge, ‘which describes a herb…

All this dreaming and scheming is all very well, but it’s unlikely to get you very far unless you take action – something the bestselling book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (Simon & Schuster, £16.99) failed to address. ‘The trouble is that people are often very cagey about taking any action unless they can see the whole way ahead,’ observes Shomit Mitter. ‘In reality, that’s rarely possible. It’s only by taking the first step, and being open to opportunities that things start to change. You go from A to B, and when you reach B, something surprising happens that you could never have predicted, and that takes you further towards your goal. If you want to succeed, you need to take bold action, even though you can’t see how you…

Circle the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you circled most to find out what you need for a hopeful new year 1 Hope for you is tied up with ♥ Making a difference ......................... ◆ A sense of certainty ........................ • Knowing you belong ........................ ■ Being your best self ......................... 2 Your biggest barrier to change right now is ■ Finding headspace for it ................. ♥ Knowing what to do ......................... ◆ Confidence it will go OK .................. • Having the right support ................. 3 On low days, you can often feel ♥ Trapped ............................................. • Alone ................................................. ◆ Panicky ............................................. ■ Overwhelmed ................................... 4 Right now, you’d get a boost from ■ Having a break .................................…

Make mindful eating one of your 2022 resolutions and avoid these common pitfalls, says Rhiannon Lambert, a nutritionist and author of The Science Of Nutrition: Debunk The Diet Myths And Learn How To Eat Well For Health And Happiness (DK, £20), out 30 December: Snacking throughout the day. This will more than likely lead to energy spikes followed by blood-sugar crashes. Eat substantial meals with complex carbohydrates for a slower release of energy. Not chewing. Shovelling down food makes it harder for the body to digest, and will leave you feeling unsatisfied and likely to overeat. Allow time to enjoy your food. Skipping breakfast. This can seem like a quick fix if you’re in a hurry or cutting down, but taking time for a healthy breakfast will set you up…

Exercise incidentally Incidental exercise means moving whenever you get the opportunity. ‘No special clothes or equipment are required. Simply put a reminder in your phone to move at least once every hour,’ says David Wiener, a training specialist for the fitness app Freeletics. This could be running up the stairs, mopping the kitchen or playing with your kids. If you’re still working from home, make the most of the multitasking opportunities. You can take calls while walking around to raise your step count, or sit on an exercise ball as you work at your laptop. ‘Use the ball to perform some quick exercises throughout the day – search online for how to do seated marches or stability ball wall climbers, which can easily help you work up a sweat,’ Wiener…

Nettles aren’t as tasty as spinach, but they have a similar texture, so work wonders alongside it in this Thai spinach and nettle soup: • Fry 1 medium onion, 1 medium potato, 1 garlic clove and 1 tsp ground cumin. • Add 1 litre vegetable stock. • Cover, bring to the boil and simmer for 15 minutes. • Stir in 50g creamed coconut and 250g chopped nettles. • Cool, liquidise, reheat and stir in 2 tbsp fresh chopped coriander. • Add a squeeze of lemon and a pinch of salt and pepper to taste.…

Curious House East Sussex Painting Bloomsbury-style lampshades, willow weaving and even iPhone photography are just a taste of what’s on the menu at the inspired Curious House, which runs many of its courses from the boutique pub The Bell, in Ticehurst, East Sussex. On 18 January, join Melissa White to learn decorative painting and ageing and distressing techniques to create your own heirloom painted treasure box. From £130pp. curioushouse.net The Travelling Bookbinder, Iona Run by the author and artist Rachel Hazell, a Driftwood Binding Retreat break on the spiritual isle of Iona, off the coast of Scotland, will teach you the art of folding, stitching and binding books. Through step-by-step exercises, you’ll make your own book with wooden covers. The next course is 29 March to 2 April. From £1,495pp…

By Hanya Yanagihara, Pan Macmillan, £20 Hanya Yanagihara’s unforgettable second novel, A Little Life, was a word-of-mouth sensation – a compelling sob fest of pleasure and pain. Her latest novel returns to the tricky territory of relationships – who we fall in love with and why, and how a tangled skein of contradictory emotions can enhance or erode a life. Told as a trio of stories – each a hundred years apart – and with a cast of characters who share names but are entirely different in each section, it’s set in an America that is at once familiar yet entirely fictional. There’s love, loss, shame and desire, plus a futuristic world that slowly seems to be descending into chaos as pandemics change how lives are lived. It’s a powerful,…

CONNECTION • One to one Prioritise those relationships where you can talk about what matters to you. In the words of Bill Withers: ‘No one can fill those of your needs that you won’t let show.’ • In a group The need for community is hardwired into us. It might be faith-based, signing up for group lessons in a new skill or joining a walking club. Finding something in common with other people reminds us that we are not alone in our challenges. THE BODY • Physical Carrying stress in our bodies is both a reflection and cause of mental distress. It’s easy to let the basics slip when we’re under pressure. Remember when an hour’s walk outside felt like a gift? Or try five minutes of stretching. • Look…