Innholdsfortegnelse for April 2021 i Psychologies

Yvette Ankrah Business coach Yvette Ankrah MBE is a transformational business coach, consultant and recovering overachiever! She works with high-achieving female leaders and business owners, helping them find success without burnout and make the most of their potential. She has more than 20 years of experience in business and is an accredited NLP and performance coach with a PhD in sociology. Yvette will be chatting live to Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker on our Facebook page. Watch and catch up @psychologiesmagazine. Nicola Graimes Food writer Nicola is an award-winning health and food writer. A former editor of Vegetarian Living magazine, she has written 30 books, including The Right Carb and The Right Fat (both Pavilion, £9.99). Nicola won the best vegetarian cookbook and best family cookbook prizes in the World Gourmand awards…

Star letter NATURAL CONNECTIONS The Eco Worrier column ‘What do we mean by climate justice?’ (February) was extremely interesting. I agreed with everything the writer, Ellen Tout, felt. While many people have cut the environment adrift, others have tried to protect it. We need to stand up for this planet we live on, so thank goodness for them. The world has become a hotter, more dangerous and more divisive place in the past few years. We’re one of the first generations to know we’re destroying earth, and we could be the last who can do anything about it. Speaking up is one of the most powerful things we can do, especially if it is to the right people.›I write to my MP regularly to tell them to commit to action…

MANY OF FEEL TRAUMATISED by the threat and repercussions of the pandemic – how they shape our experience of the present and what they may represent for the future. Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of extraordinarily stressful events that shatter our sense of security, making us feel helpless. Psychological trauma can leave us struggling with upsetting emotions, memories and anxiety that won’t shift. It can also leave us feeling numb, disconnected and unable to trust others. Trauma can result from the following: 1 One-time events such as an accident, , injury or violent attack, especially if it was unexpected or happened during childhood. 2 Ongoing, relentless stress, such as living in a crime-ridden neighbourhood, battling a life-threatening illness or experiencing traumatic events that occur repeatedly, such as…

1 Don’t try and do it all. Brenda was a busy working mother but, even in the sexist 1970s, she and Harry would share household chores and she would supplement her excellent cooking with ready meals. 2 Be kind to others. Brenda never prejudged people. Her instinct was to make everyone feel welcome. This was one of the things I loved most about her. 3 Value close friendships. Brenda and her best friend spoke every day. It may have only been a five-minute call to catch up on each other’s day but it meant so much to both of them. They supported each other from childhood to Brenda’s death. 4 Recognise your achievements. Brenda had worked for the BBC and she would talk with pride about her job. She ensured…

• TheUK Council for Psychotherapy(UKCP) is the leading research, innovation, educational and  regulatory body working to advance psychotherapy for the benefit of all. We have a register of more than 8,000 individual members, who offer a range of therapy approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. We also have more than 70 training and accrediting organisations for those who wish to become psychotherapists. • To find the right therapist for you or learn how to become a therapist, visit psychotherapy.org.uk…

SPRING IN YOUR STEP Ah, springtime… Designed to enchant every sense, it’s an opportunity for ‘spring-spotting’, my seasonal take on the mindfulness practice of ‘letting in the good’. Neuroscientific studies show that memory has a negative bias, which means that we remember more bad things that have happened to us than good. This leads to a pessimistic view of the world, looking out for threats, missing out on the positives and causing unnecessary suffering. So, let’s embrace the magic of spring and use it to open up our senses and allow the positive to balance out our negative bias. Read Parental guidance With a chapter on siblings, Philippa Perry’s The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read offers real and human ways to unpick our upbringing. The goal? To understand…

Follow the m*lky way Protein is not only an important part of a nutritionally balanced diet, it also helps us feel fuller for longer and can stop cravings for processed food.* This thick, creamy mint choc m*lkshake is 100 per cent natural and contains 20 grams of pure plant protein per serving. It’s dairy-free and vegan, with a paper-based recyclable carton. It’s great post-workout or yoga, so you can have your shake and drink it too!…

Cook Miso good “Fermentation preserved our food but, with the invention of fridges, we lost the need to practise the technique” Miso Tasty produces my favourite miso pastes that are brilliant for making dressings for veggies and salads and even stirring into overnight oats. Avoid heating if you want to keep the beneficial microbes alive, but miso also works wonders in a marinade with soya sauce and sesame. Read Leaven heaven ‘The Sourdough School: Sweet Baking: Nourishing The Gut & The Mind’ is a delight of recipes and insightful info. It also features author Vanessa Kimbell’s awesome sourdough doughnuts! Bacteria basic Activia natural yoghurt pots contain billions of live cultures in a blend that shows your gut some love. Yummy too!…

Book of the month PLAIN BAD HEROINES By Emily M Danforth (HarperCollins, £14.99) Queer feminist history, a cursed book and a Hollywood horror movie collide in this playful, gothic read. The plot is wonderfully convoluted: it opens in 1902 at the haunted Brookhants School for Girls, with the gruesome deaths of two pupils obsessed with a devilishly good memoir, The Story Of Mary MacLane, a ‘plain bad heroine’. In the present, an author is transforming the story of the deaths into a screenplay, while contending with the on-off affair of the two leading ladies, and the unnerving occurrences that mirror the sinister backstory. Strange, spooky and beguiling, it’s a delicious distraction from everyday ennui. LOST IN TRANSLATION Frileux (adj) Language: French “Alex was alone, and the one thing…

1 Arvon. Writers of all kinds who want to hone their craft can book writing retreats online and in gorgeous, inspiring houses in West Yorkshire, Devon and Shropshire. 2 Tuscan Getaway. Lift your spirits with a Virtual Happiness Retreat, and wellbeing weeks at a boutique villa in Tuscany. 3 Yobaba Lounge. Monthly online retreats that focus on breathing, mindfulness and visualisation techniques, and divine breaks in a quirky chateau in France. 4 The Bespoke Retreat Company. Energy healer and mentor Lynn Jackson hosts emotionally healing retreats with a mystical twist online, and in glorious, hand-picked locations in West Sussex. 5 The Sharpham Trust. Those keen to embrace and practise meditation will relish these Buddhist-focused online mindfulness meditation retreats, as well as secular retreats in Devon. 6 Reclaim Your Self.…

The mantra ‘everything in moderation’ is particularly pertinent when it comes to what we eat and drink. But, with so many conflicting messages around what we should and shouldn’t put onto our plates, it’s difficult to find the right balance and know that you are doing what’s best for your health. One example is the debate around carbohydrates, and how much is too much. We’ve all been fed the science behind low-carb meals but research* shows that a diet that includes a moderate amount of carbs – 50 to 55 per cent of your calories – is best for long-term health and wellbeing. This is great news because comfort food twins so warmingly well with carbs that make us feel satisfied and blissed out, which is also a scientific fact!**…

Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com “We can use our difficulties and problems to awakeen our hearts”…

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My colleagues, There has been some restructuring at work and I’m no longer going to be working with the wonderfully talented team that has been by my side for the last four and a half years. I know good things will come my way and it is for the best, but the hardest part about leaving is knowing that we will no longer be working together. I want to say a massive thank you – you are so much more than colleagues, you are my dear friends and have been a huge support to me during some incredibly challenging times, even pre-Covid. I hope 2021 will be a better year for us. One day, I believe we will defeat the galactic empire and restore our freedom. Here’s to being free!…

THE MORE I write about environmental issues, the more I realise that there are two sides to every topic. We live in a complex world, so questions such as ‘which milk is the most sustainable?’ or ‘what’s the greenest heat?’ do not have quick and easy answers. The key is to arm yourself with information and choose what feels right for you. The new book Is It Really Green? by Georgina Wilson-Powell helps you do just that. Examining home, food, fashion and technology, it sheds light on the repercussions of our everyday actions and shows how, with tweaks, we can reduce our environmental impact. Wilson-Powell, founder of pebble magazine, aims to reduce overconsumption through positive storytelling. Fellow eco worrier? Read Ellen’s column on page 69, in which she discusses the…

With the ubiquitous presence of social media, I’ve realised how easy it is to become, first, a voyeur and, second, a jealous cow. The truth is that however much I remind myself of the many wonderful things I have in my life, there are still moments when I look at those around me and feel deeply, bitterly offended by their success. It’s a horrible thing to admit! In an ideal world, I’d never want to be jealous of another person’s achievements and I’d want to celebrate the successes of my friends with all the vigour of a woman who hasn’t been to a party in a year. But sometimes we’re not in that space and it’s hard to celebrate others’ accomplishments, even when we want to. But I don’t want…

1 Take a moment for yourself. Allow yourself time and space to process your emotions. Whether you feel the need to cry, shout or be alone, that is perfectly normal and healthy. 2 Write down and read over your emotions. Pick a time in the day to begin creating your own emotional bank of resilience following disappointment. For example, while drinking your morning cuppa, write down how you’ve been feeling and reread your notes. They will form a basis for understanding how you best move on from disappointment. 3 Open up to people you trust. Share your disappointments with your close friends or family. Doing this can offer you reassurance that your feelings are normal and that you are not to blame for them. Just as importantly, opening up…

1 Before you even call the meeting, ask yourself if there really needs to be a meeting. 2 Allocate five minutes per person for individuals to speak about anything that is on their mind, and invite the rest of the team to listen. 3 Mix team members into small groups and ask them to come up with ideas for the whole team. 4 Make sure that you collectively focus on solutions rather than problems. 5 Use open coaching questions beginning with what, who, when, where and how, and avoid closed questions that can be answered with yes or no. 6 Have clear boundaries about the purpose, topic and duration of the meeting. 7 Use a flip chart to park ideas that can’t be discussed in the meeting but can be…

AS I CHILD, I REMEMBER being scared of the old lady who lived down the street. She hid behind her grey, lace curtains and rarely left her house. But, in the weird and often isolated reality in which we find ourselves, I identify with her. Apart from my walks in green spaces and school runs at times, I could stay at home forever. But I’ve realised that the more time I spend at home, the less sociable I feel, and it can become too much. A year of Covid has facilitated my introversion. I have to force myself to get out, otherwise even chatting to a neighbour from a distance is a novelty. But, some days, the thought of venturing out makes me anxious. Working from home is an introvert’s…

I BEGAN TRAINING as a psychotherapist almost 30 years ago. I trained with Relate as a couples counsellor, then as a psychosexual therapist, which is how I became a psychotherapist through the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. With a previous career in marketing, I had always been fascinated by psychology, what motivates people and makes them content. Perhaps it’s not surprising that I specialised in helping those who struggle with compulsive sexual behaviour and porn addiction. Training to be a therapist was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The work isn’t easy, but it’s hugely rewarding. One of the most enjoyable aspects is facilitating groups, and being part of the birth of new, supportive and caring relationships that continue long after therapy has ended. paulahall.co.uk…

If time is the currency of your life, how are you spending yours? When the clocks spring forward and you lose an hour, you realise the value of 60 minutes! But how can you use your time more meaningfully? Our four-week programme, ‘Make time count’, with Katherine Darbyshire-Evans will help you understand what time means to you and how to create an abundance of it. Discover how to use time more consciously, uncover where you might be wasting it and figure out where you want to spend more of it.…

Mindful Health Club We’re evolutionarily hardwired to look out for threats, but while our negative bias is important for survival, it doesn’t account for our happiness. Springtime is a wonderful opportunity to balance this bias by encouraging the brain to spot the positives using the mindful practice of ‘letting in the good’. It’s time to go spring-spotting! 1 Take a walk in your local park, nature reserve, woodland or garden without any external distractions, such as a phone, music or a podcast. 2 As you walk, do so slowly; there’s no goal to get from A to B. Simply allow your senses to absorb everything your direct physical environment has to offer. Focus on the scents, visuals, temperatures on your skin and textures underfoot, as well as what you…

Marichyasana A This posture is named after the sage Marichi, which in Sanskrit means ‘ray of light’. ‘A’ means ‘version one’. Traditionally believed to inspire inner light and wisdom, the pose stimulates digestion, strengthens the hips, improves spinal flexibility and opens the chest and shoulders. • Begin seated. Bend your left knee, placing the sole of your foot on the floor close to your groin. • Bring your left shoulder inside your left knee and reach your arm forward, turning your hand so your elbow and palm face outwards. • Arrange your left armpit on the front of your left shin. Bend your elbow, wrapping your arm around your leg, until the back of your hand sits on your thigh or back. • Now reach your right arm out and…

1 Raceless By Georgina Lawton ( Little, Brown, £18.99) In Georgina Lawton’s childhood home, her blackness was never acknowledged; she had white parents and a white brother, but the family practised a kind of colour blindness that left her bewildered about her heritage. After the death of her father, she decided to seek the truth.A DNA test, investigation, therapy and difficult conversations with her mother helped her deal with a long-held secret in this beautifully written memoir that gracefully grapples with family, race and identity. 2 The Long, Long Afternoon By Inga Vesper (Bonnier Zaffre, £14.99) It’s 1959 in California and wife and mother Joyce Haney has vanished, leaving behind two terrified children and a blood-stained kitchen floor. Housekeeper Ruby Wright and detective Mick Blanke investigate…

“A house is not a home until it has a dog” said naturalist and writer Gerald Durrell, and research has proven that owning a dog can be beneficial for our mental and physical health. But, with all the paraphernalia that comes with a pooch, how can you welcome your best friend into your home without compromising your need for a beautiful sanctuary that reflects your personality and puts a wag in your tail too? Dog lover and interiors expert Geraldine James leads the way with practical tips and inspiration in her book Cool Dogs, Cool Homes. It’s full of fresh ideas and heart-warming images to inspire homely spaces for dogs and their owners to live contentedly side by side. It features thoughtfully designed homes from city to country and…

‘Do what makes you feel alive and connected to the world,’ advises introvert Lucy Griffiths on page 39, as she ponders re-emerging from the comfort zone of home. This month, we look at how to make the most of every minute. Whether rich or poor, we are all given an equal amount of time every day. In our Dossier, we explore how to harness this precious commodity and use it wisely. Turn to page 44 to learn strategies from the experts on how to spend the currency of your life with care. It has felt as if we’re battling a sea of dashed hopes recently – cancelled holidays, weddings and far worse, nothing has worked out as we thought it might. But, whatever we must face, we can learn to…

Psychologist Gail Matthews, a professor at the Dominican University in California, led a study on setting goals and the results showed that you are 42 per cent more likely to achieve your ambitions if you write them down. With that in mind, I invite you to journal without restraint using these prompts, and dare to dream big. Tip: Write in Technicolor detail – the more sensory, the better. • My truest definition of success is…• I want my future self to…• If I could choose to be anything, I would be a… Join Kia Cannons for our ‘Do What You Love’ video series and more happy hacks at tinyurl.com/psyhappyhack; psychologiestv.co.uk is a platform where world-class experts are interviewed about productivity, work-life balance and relationships; happyhacks.libsyn.com…

Watching Lorraine Kelly ricochet between heavyweight topics and light entertainment, a twinkle in her eye and in full command of the studio and a million viewers is exhilarating. In our new home-centric reality, her appeal on daytime TV is greater than ever, offering escapism, laughter and a reminder of life beyond Covid. She describes the studio as her living room, a place where only guests she respects and admires are welcome. Lorraine is married to cameraman Steve Smith and is mother to Rosie, 26. She is a reassuring presence and grounded – despite George Clooney singing happy birthday to her via Zoom on her 61st birthday last year as she sat at home in her slippers! She started as a newspaper reporter and was one of the first journalists at…

Q My problem is that my boss is not good at her work and I know that I could do her job to a higher standard. She has been with the company for a long time, her ideas are out of date and she is uninspiring. A couple of times, when I’ve been talking to our MD, I’ve sensed his frustration with her too, and I know he values me. Should I take some sort of action? I feel guilty because she is not a bad person, but I know that if this carries on I will end up leaving. Name supplied A Before you take any action, I would encourage you to think about your next job interview, whether at this company or elsewhere. Most recruiters will ask why…

“I make writing as much a part of my life as I do eating or listening to music ” MAYA ANGELOU I KNOW FROM YEARS of writing lists that they can be the paper nectar for the serial procrastinator like me. Lists require minimal time and there’s no need for long sentences that you convince yourself have to make sense. Lists make writing feel way less daunting… And, in the words of writer Umberto Eco, ‘The list does not destroy culture: it creates it.’ My client, Jamie* , was struggling with valuing her worth as a female leader in a global organisation. In one coaching session, she made a list of small and large achievements from the past year. As her list grew in her notebook, Jamie verbally shared the…

Ten years ago, I was chatting in the kitchen to Brenda, my mother-in-law, while making coffee. We were talking about a trip I’d planned with my seven-year-old daughter, Alice, to go clothes shopping. ‘She has a definite idea of what she likes, so it could take some time,’ I said. ‘Steve and I went to so many shops the other day to buy him a pair of flares,’ said Brenda. ‘Mind you, it’s lovely seeing them pleased when they find what they want.’ The conversation was not all it seemed. The last time Steve – Brenda’s son and my husband – wore flares was as a child in the late 1970s. Brenda had Alzheimer’s, but it didn’t prevent her from teaching me so much about parenting, and from being a…

1 Are you spending more time watching porn than you would like? There is no right amount of time, but you may find that you are doing less of the things you would usually do because you would rather watch porn. 2 Do you feel that your sexual needs are greater than you’d like them to be? Again, there is no right measure, but if you are straying from your partner or spending more time on dating apps or escort sites to find a sexual partner, then you may want to ask yourself if your behaviour is compulsive. 3 Is your porn usage or sexual behaviour getting in the way of other things? You may want a relationship but are struggling to find someone because of your…

Earlier today, faced with a looming deadline, I realised that I was cutting it too fine for comfort. ‘I just don’t have enough time for everything!’ I wailed in exasperation, as I typed a message to a stranger on Instagram asking her where she got her armchair reupholstered, and what the courier costs were. It pains me to admit that I don’t even have an armchair. “Even with a vast tundra of white space in my diary, I wasn’t making progress on any of my yearned-for life changes” This, in a nutshell, seems  to symbolise our problem with time and managing it cleverly. When we don’t get around to making our most cherished goals happen, we blame our overbooked schedules, but is a lack of time really the reason? During…

1 You’d get more done if: ♥ You could be more focused ◆ There were more hours in the day • You knew you would get it right the first time ■ Things were more straightforward 2 At the end of the day, you often feel as if you: ■ Can’t switch off ♥ Have only just got started ◆ Have been busy but not done enough • Have run out of time again 3 Unexpected free time… ♥ Can get used up by deciding what to do • Comes with pressure to make the most of it ◆ Is usually a chance to get ahead ■ Is wonderful if you can relax and enjoy it 4 Your default mindset is feeling: ■ Anxious • Stressed ◆ Fragmented ♥ Guilty…

Breathe A BALM FOR CALM IN MOMENTS OF ANXIETY, focusing on something in the here and now, such as three deep, slow breaths, can provide us with the space we need to pause, gather our thoughts and step out of autopilot. This affords us the chance to respond to our situation, rather than emotionally react to it. Enhance the moment with this blissful Eve & Keel balm, which contains eucalyptus and spearmint to aid the breath, frankincense to slow it down and camomile to comfort and soothe. It’s natural, organic and packaged in a recyclable glass jar.…

TRADITIONALLY, FERMENTED foods played a significant role in our diet to preserve foods but, with the invention of fridges, we lost the need to practise the fermentation technique. The main thing to understand is that it relies on a thriving set of live microbes. It is mostly an anaerobic process, which means the absence of oxygen, and it is the happy end product of microbes that ‘pre-digest’ foods and liquids into their fermented forms. This can be based on a starter culture of microbes to kick-start the process – these foods typically include cheese, yoghurt and milk or water kefirs. The latter rely on kefir-grain starters that look a bit alien-like. Kombucha, a fizzy fermented tea, relies on a culture called a SCOBY (symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast) which…

… an eco outfit Asquith makes beautiful, comfortable clothing that is kind to people and the planet. Psychologies has teamed up with Asquith to give away an ensemble of your choice from its new collection. To enter, see left. Conscious crafting There are many vegan and ethical yarns, such as these recycled (made from reused cotton and fibres from old jeans) and bamboo varieties.…

Dogs are life-enhancing and good for our wellbeing, but not always so good for our furnishings – shed fur, dirty paw prints and unfortunate accidents are an inevitable part of being a dog owner. Make your dog feel at home by adding throws and comfy cushions to your furniture. Choose tough fabrics that are easily cleaned or treat with non-toxic protective sprays and coatings that repel watermarks and stains. Less expensive rugs in muddy areas are a practical option, along with stylish baskets and bags to store toys and accessories. It’s a dog’s (and owner’s) life! Reader offer Psychologies readers can buy a copy of Cool Dogs, Cool Homes by Geraldine James for the special price of £14 (RRP £19.99). To order, go to rylandpeters.com and use the code ‘COOLDOGSPSYCH’…

NOW IS A WONDERFUL TIME OF YEAR to collect cuttings from the garden and ‘force’ the buds to bloom early in a vase. Many trees and shrubs lend themselves to this, such as cherry, magnolia, lilac, forsythia, willow (for catkins) and quinces, my personal favourite. This practice seems to have fallen out of popularity in recent years, but the method is simple once you get the hang of it and can provide free flower displays throughout February and March. Always be respectful. There’s no need to hack chunks out of shrubs and spoil their shape. All you need are a few well-chosen stems to make an impact. If you have winter shrubs to prune, save a few of the best-looking stems as you go. Place the cuttings straight into a…

1 Out To Lunch with Jay Rayner During lockdown, food critic Jay Rayner had the brilliant idea of sending a well-chosen posh takeaway from a local restaurant to his celebrity interviewee. This is useful for narrowing down the overwhelming choice when we’re housebound, and when we’re allowed to visit restaurants in a normal way. The conversation is pretty delicious too. 2 The Food Programme This is the real, factual foodie show from Radio 4 – so big and important that it even has its own gongs, the Food and Farming Awards. Food journalist Sheila Dillon is your knowledgeable host, with a string of experts who make interesting reports on everything from chocolate to how to repurpose leftovers. Relish thousands of episodes of this classic radio show. 3 The Food Chain…