Innholdsfortegnelse for March 2021 i Psychologies

Suzy Ashworth Entrepreneur, author and coach Suzy is a mother of three, entrepreneur, author, keynote speaker and quantum transformation and embodiment coach. She loves to help entrepreneurs create business breakthroughs and make a positive difference. Go to psychologiestv.co.uk to watch her talking to Psychologies about the secret to dealing with disappointment and becoming empowered. She will be chatting to us live once a month, sharing her business and life experience and wisdom. Graysen Hall LGBTQIA+ coordinator and writer Graysen works with LGBTQIA+ youth and uses their experience as transgender and queer to give support. They have a master’s in literature and have given a TEDx talk on being non-binary in a binary world. On page 34, Graysen writes about the journey to finding their fiance. ‘I want to show young…

WHATEVER YOUR INTENTIONS at the beginning of this year, whether they were health-related, spiritual or professional, they are still very much within you and your reach. Through writing my books and producing my podcast, I’m fortunate to have spoken to a range of successful people – but, more often than not, their success stems from hardship. They all have one thing in common – determination. I know from my own experience that setbacks and disappointment are what motivated and allowed me to become more robust, which helped me never give up. So, how can we have this drive in abundance? My top tips are: 1 Be prepared This may be getting ready for the day ahead the night before, fuelling your body correctly with healthy food and enough sleep, or…

Left from right Unlock your creativity and tap into your inner wisdom with this book from a pioneer in the field of journalling. • ‘The Power Of Your Other Hand: Unlock Creativity And Inner Wisdom Through The Right Side Of Your Brain’ by Lucia Capacchione (Conari Press, £13.88) A head start What does the year hold for you? Journal around your goals, ideas and reflections for clarity. • Map journal and hand-marbled journal, £19.95 each, sukie.co.uk Stitched with love Made from reclaimed and sustainably sourced materials, this multipurpose pouch has people and the planet in mind. • Handmade and recycled pouch, £25, wearthlondon.com…

JOSH BRADLEY BECAME a Stagecoach franchisee when he began to dread his job as a sixth form drama teacher. He wanted to pursue a venture that fulfilled him, rather than restricted or undervalued him. ‘As much as I love my subject, I craved a better work-life balance,’ he says. ‘As a teacher, my social life was pushed aside, and I was frustrated by the low value the education system puts on the arts. I wanted to combine my passion for education with my desire to do something rewarding with my life. The opportunity to become a Stagecoach franchisee and be my own boss intrigued me. And Stagecoach is a household name, which is a huge advantage!’ Franchisees undertake an expert induction and receive ongoing training and support in marketing, customer…

• TheUK Council for Psychotherapy(UKCP) is the leading research, innovation, educational and regulatory body working to advance psychotherapy for the benefit of all. We have a register of more than 8,000 individual members, who offer a range of therapy approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. We also have more than 70 training  and accrediting organisations for those who wish to become psychotherapists. • To find the right therapist for you, or learn how to become a therapist, visit psychotherapy.org.uk…

IN THE DEPTHS OF WINTER, it can be hard to remember that brighter times lie around the corner. The days are dark but they are getting lighter… Yet how do we give ourselves a sense of optimism and ease while dealing with the fallout from the global pandemic? This Dossier offers a road map to help you find solace and build strength right now. Anita Chaudhuri consults experts in the field of self-care for their best strategies to find comfort. It may be tempting to binge on cake or box sets, but the pleasurable techniques in this Dossier will nurture the future you and soothe your soul, including a guide to attaining balance with tips that will last a lifetime. Take our test by therapist Sally Brown to discover where…

• NURTURE PERSPECTIVE. Start by reminding yourself that when we go through tough times, there’s a real danger that we start to see it as a forever state. Remind yourself that whatever you’re going through is a temporary period of time. It can help to read or watch narratives from history to put what you’re going through into perspective. • AVOID FALLING INTO VICTIMHOOD. Every human being has choices about how they can move their life forward. Remember that you can choose to take responsibility for your own happiness. One of the most important things you can do is focus on your wellbeing and make it a priority. There’s no point in waiting for someone else to make you feel better, sometimes you have to make it happen for yourself.’…

FIBRE IS A TYPE of carbohydrate found in plant-based foods (veggies, fruits, whole grains, nuts and seeds) that we can’t digest but provide food for our microbes so they can support us in all their myriad and marvellous ways. Special types of fibre that have an enhanced feeding effect on our beneficial gut microbes are called prebiotics. I like to think of them as fertiliser for the gut. There is evidence that three main prebiotics can have a marked positive effect on our gut microbiota: fructooligosaccharide (FOS), galactooligosaccharide (GOS) and inulin. These can be found in thousands of foods, including top hitters such as garlic, onions, leeks, Jerusalem artichokes, asparagus, almonds, cashews, pistachios, mushrooms and whole grains, such as oats. When raw is a better deal Most of these foods…

“In case you’re wondering, you need chocks to drive in Estonia, you have to get damaged bodywork certified when you enter Slovakia and it’s illegal to drive a dirty car in Romania” ON THE DAY I WAS LEAVING on my adventure, it was brilliant 25ºC sunshine in London. I was trying to keep my luggage down to one bag then, at the last minute, my partner suggested that I take a jumper. But it didn’t fit in my bag. I had a waterproof with a warm lining, surely that would be enough? In the end, I threw it on the back seat. It might come in useful at some point, I thought, though in that heat it seemed excessive. I took a deep breath, got in the car and headed…

MY KITCHEN WINDOWSILL usually boasts an array of herbs. Sweet basil for Italian dishes, chives for new potatoes, maybe some coriander for when the mood strikes! Outside, you’ll find rosemary for Sunday roasts and mint for mojitos or tea. Herbs are a wonderful addition to any garden. Recent years have seen a surge in popularity of planting schemes of purple sage and lively oregano with its striking flowers. Others, such as rosemary, have a sumptuous scent to enliven your senses. The good news is that herbs are relatively easy to grow – requiring, for the most part, only a good sunny spot in the garden or warm window ledge. Aside from my new hanging herb pots in the kitchen, this year I’ve decided to grow some herbs from seed in…

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Annie, Danny and Tracy, My mum has been living with ill health for years and my father died young, when I was just a child. Mum lives up north, I live down south. With the challenges of life, work, children at school and pets, I haven’t been able to be there for her even half as much as I would have liked. My heaven-sent angels, Annie, Danny and Tracy, you three wonderful people have stepped in and taken care of her every need. Annie goes round to change her bed every Saturday. Danny and Tracy call in, run errands and do anything she needs, week in week out. I would like you to know that my appreciation is indescribable. I don’t know how I can possibly thank you. Sometimes, I…

EVERY YEAR, THE WILDLIFE TRUSTS run the brilliant 30 Days Wild, encouraging us all to embrace more time outdoors. Last year’s project saw participants feel up to 56 per cent* more connected with nature, as well as happier and healthier. This year, remember to look out for International Dawn Chorus Day on 2 May and, from 1 June, the annual nature challenge inviting everyone to create a ‘random act of wildness’ every day – such as eating your breakfast outdoors and seeing what you can spot. I’ll be sharing my wild moments on social media, and you can register to take part and receive free activities and resources at wildlifetrust.org/30dayswild Fellow eco worrier? Read Ellen’s column on page 67, in which she shines a light on our throwaway culture and…

My friend, Angelika, started a business as a personal stylist and offered to give my wardrobe an overhaul. The thought of someone culling my clothes sounded good to me. She went through my cupboards with a warm but brutal efficiency that saw at least 50 per cent redirected to the nearest charity shop and another 20 per cent put into storage until the weather was warmer. The free space was joyful, and I realised that every item she had left me was something I truly adored. We played around with different ways to style them and wrote lists of what I could add for a little va-va-voom, then she went on her merry way, leaving me restyled and hopeful. Until the next day… I stood in front of my wardrobe,…

1 Try to create boundaries between the various parts of your life and don’t let them become blurred. Don’t let work eat up your leisure time or demanding friends encroach on your family life. 2 Make a conscious effort to think about work, relationships and leisure as areas with more than one side to them. For example, don’t write off your job as boring, but think about the bits you enjoy and the opportunites to learn. 3 The triangle is the strongest shape. If one side collapses, the other two hold it up. If one aspect of your life is going badly, think about the things that are going well.…

Polly Downes AFTER 20 YEARS in the corporate world, I decided to retrain. After some initial experience holding group coaching for children, I recognised that adults would benefit too. I contacted Barefoot and the founder, Kim Morgan, answered. She was inspirational! I had no doubt Barefoot was the course for me, especially their ‘Coaching skills for families’ workshops, which gave me the knowledge to create a programme for parents returning to work. I’ve since worked with exciting businesses, including the National Theatre. Jackee Holder IN 1985, I was in my early 20s and had just started my role as a full-time youth and community worker. I was young and inexperienced but, in my first one-to-one session with a coach (then called a non-managerial supervisor), I felt seen and heard. Her…

Forget owning the room, we now have to own the Zoom, but that can present fresh challenges. As an introvert, I love how I can work from home in my PJs and slippers, network from my spare room and have a peek into other people’s lives during a video call. But group calls can be challenging – especially when the wifi is misbehaving or the house is a tip. There’s an added level of stress if you think people are judging your space. I make it a rule to ensure that the corner behind my desk is always presentable. Zoom calls can be exhausting, particularly for introverts. No matter your disposition, your brain has to work harder to process facial expressions and tone and pitch of voice because you’re not…

MY FIRST EXPERIENCE of psychotherapy came in my early 30s at an introductory workshop. Until then, the most connected and engrossing experiences of my life had taken place when talking to other people about their lives, hopes, fears and problems. Of course, such conversations are rare in everyday situations. Disillusioned with my life and feeling a void as if I was starved of something, my experience of sitting in the therapist’s chair was one that solidified my future in psychotherapy, satisfying my desire to be there for others. Psychotherapy continues to give me a sense of purpose and meaning. I have been working as a psychotherapist for more than 17 years and find fulfilment every day that I practise. I feel honoured and humbled to have this opportunity. nicholas-rose.co.uk…

Let’s face it, most of us could do with cheering up right now. But, by the time I’ve reached the end of my working day and listened to the latest round of bleak news, the last thing I feel like doing is anything self-improving. Yes, I know there is free yoga all over YouTube, not to mention a freezer full of healthy meals I made in a frenzy of optimism – but, most days, all I really crave are a couple of glasses of Merlot, a family-sized bag of posh crisps and all the episodes of The Crown. “What we know about human distress is that the more you fight against what is happening, the more you suffer” Rocky patch-ready ‘What’s happening right now is a bit like when you’re…

BLOOM WHERE YOU’RE PLANTED The early buds of  spring soon on way – little declarations of hope sprouting from Mother Nature herself, reminding us that brighter, warmer days are not too far away after the austerity of winter. Hope is a courageous thing; it takes belief – just like we believe the trees will blossom again every year. So, what do you believe in? And do those beliefs help create your hope and allow it to blossom? Or do they keep it in the dark winter of ‘impossible’? This month’s Mindful Health practice helps us take a step back to observe our thoughts and see them for what they really are… Psychologies Wellness Director, mindfulness expert and yoga teacher FOLLOW US! #mindfulhealth@aliroff @psychologiesmagazine, psychologies.co.uk…

‘THEY DON’T MAKE THINGS LIKE THEY USED TO!’ We’ve all said it – but the truth is that they really don’t, and it’s not by accident. Planned obsolescence is when manufacturers plan for products to break or become useless, and they end up in landfill. That phone that stopped working when an update came out… That vacuum they no longer sell spares for… Sound familiar? There is also the concept of psychological obsolescence – when we are made to feel that we are less if we do not replace working items with newer, ‘better’ alternatives. Tara Button, the founder of BuyMeOnce, is an expert on this topic and describes one of the first proven cases in her book (right). In 1924, lightbulbs lasted an average of 2,500 hours but companies…

1 Cover all the practicalities. Get breakdown, travel and health insurance… and make sure you have enough funds on your credit card for emergencies. Get a loved one to track you via your phone, then go and enjoy it. I didn’t experience one moment of fear from people or being alone, only from those driving more dangerously than me. 2 Don’t pack too much. Carry as little as possible, especially clothes. I was determined that if the car broke down, I could walk somewhere for help, with my stuff. Many B&Bs and Airbnbs have washing machines, so take the minimum, wash and reuse. I took walking shoes, sandals, a dress, jeans, walking trousers, shorts, five T-shirts, five pairs of socks, five pairs of knickers, two bras, a swimsuit and a…

1 Gratitude By Delphine De Vigan (Bloomsbury,£14.99) This slender volume packs an emotional punch. Eloquent Michka’s age is catching up with her. A move to the retirement home is unsettling, reigniting memories of a long-standing debt she longs to repay. But, as her grasp of language slips away, Michka struggles to explain her wish. With the help of neighbour Maria and Jerome, a speech therapist, Michka finally finds quietude in this novel that celebrates communication and connection. 2 Thin Places By Kerri ni Dochartaigh (Canongate,£14.99) The author grew up in the divided city of Derry. Marked by trauma – a bomb was thrown into her bedroom, and haunted by her country’s losses, she wanders ‘rootless, lonely, and never quite knowing how to ask for help’. But,…

“Inner peace begins the moment you choose not to allow another person or event to control your emotions” Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com…

‘The days are dark but they are getting lighter,’ writes Anita Chaudhuri in our Dossier, which is all about finding the best, healthiest strategies for comfort and self-care as we wait for the brighter days to come. Find out more on page 44. A sense of balance will surely help… ‘My resolution is no longer to climb a mountain or anything else that requires supreme focus, but to adopt a more balanced approach to all areas of my life,’ says Lizzie Enfield on page 22, as she discovers an imaginative way to bring herself back to centre. Two writers take month-long trips and return transformed (page 72). Planning our getaways with a renewed sense of gratitude gives us something to look forward to and hopefully we can all commit to…

WHY DO YOU want what you want? Be clear about your desires. Journal around these prompts:› • things I daydream experiencing… • I want these things because they will make me feel… • I want to feel like this because… Look for the recurring themes in your answers. If you long for something that is impossible right now, such as an expensive art studio, by revealing the essence of what you want – to enjoy more creativity – you are more likely to reveal your next attainable step. Join Kia Cannons for our ‘Do What You Love’ video series and more happy hacks at tinyurl.com/psyhappyhack; psychologiestv.co.uk is a platform where world-class experts are interviewed about productivity, work-life balance and relationships; happyhacks.libsyn.com…

She’s had a run with her dogs, the children are at school and Gabby Logan arrives at her desk ready to throw her boundless energy and passion into the day. The former international rhythmic gymnast and BBC Sport presenter is bursting with ideas for projects that give her meaning and feed her creativity, and she’s endlessly positive about her family and colleagues.› Mother of 15-year-old twins, Lois and Reuben, wife of rugby player Kenny Logan and daughter of footballer Terry Yorath, Gabby’s life and career have been immersed in sport. As a youngster, she had ambitions to be a human rights lawyer and gained a law degree, but Gabby was sidetracked into broadcasting after landing a job at a radio station as a student. Her talent and enthusiasm shone through…

Q I love my job and the immediate team I work with. I am a contractor, so the benefits to me are that I can fit my work around childcare, I plan my diary and choose when to go on holiday, and I do the work my way. The cons are no sick pay or holiday pay, no guaranteed salary at the end of the month nor any other additional benefits that come with being an employee. However, I feel as if I am being treated very much like a staff member, expected to be available and at my desk all day, yet without any of the benefits. I know it would do me well to shift my perspective but I am struggling to do this. Can you help me?…

“I hate to write, but I love having written”DOROTHY PARKER WHEN I NEED TO FIND new ways of looking at something or I feel stuck, I switch my pen to my other hand and write with my non-dominant writing hand, which is my left. Art therapist Lucia Capacchione’s longitudinal work confirms that writing with your non-dominant hand helps stress and anxiety, and is a great way to access the voice of your inner child. It can be used to gain insight into relationship dynamics and can go as far as alleviating some physical pain. Latent insight The practice of writing with the hand you don’t normally use is straightforward but don’t be fooled by its simplicity. Anita* arrived at a coaching session stressing about her partner and the impact of…

1 In the first session with a couple, I always ask what brings them here, so I can develop an understanding of what is happening in their relationship. I look at both sides and seek to understand the dynamics they have created as a couple. 2 A therapist plays one of three roles in a couples session – mediator, facilitator or referee. I will figure out which role I perform the most throughout the sessions and explicitly state it with the hope that the couple can reintegrate this skill into their relationship on their own in the future. 3 Throughout the sessions, I also look at what isn’t being said by either party because sometimes that is what needs to be said the most. For example, if a couple…

AUTHOR ANNA MCGOVERN defines pottering as: ‘To occupy oneself in a pleasant way but without a definite plan or purpose. “Pleasant” implies comfort. “Without a definite plan or purpose” implies freedom.’ After a traumatic period caring for her father and family while working full-time, McGovern decided to make a few life changes. ‘When things got calmer, I decided to take a day a week for myself. I started to say no to other people. I didn’t say it forcefully, I simply withdrew my effort from some things. It gave me such solace, having no one to interfere with my time.’ McGovern didn’t know it but she was creating a manifesto for pottering, which resulted in her book, Pottering: A Cure For Modern Life (Laurence King, £12.99). ‘I sorted out the…

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Spiritual When events make you question life’s meaning and purpose, it’s not surprising you crave spiritual comfort. It’s easy to misinterpret an existential crisis as simply dissatisfaction with your work, home life or relationships. Focusing on what you want to change might help, but if the deeper existential need is not addressed, superficial changes will serve as only a temporary distraction. When choice is taken away and routines are restricted, it can feel more challenging if you’re not certain that you’re on the right path. Spiritual comfort comes in all guises. For some, it’s about rituals that allow time for reflection. It’s also important to connect with others who share your spiritual interests. But there are small shifts everyone can make, such as reconnecting with…

Routine thinking Cultivate and stick to your goals with these brilliant habit hacks. ‘Contrary to popular belief, habits are more about who you’re being than what you’re doing,’ author Jen Sincero notes. This book is for anyone looking to create new habits to live in greater alignment with not only who you want to be, but who you are. QUOTES TO LIVE BY “No winter lasts forever: no spring skips its turn”HAL BORLAND Skin drink In Sankrit, ksoni means ‘earth’. Fitting, seeing as this range has been designed to love our planet (and bodies). Sulphate, paraben and SLS-free, vegan and 100 per cent free of single-use plastic, the range comes in fun ‘drink can’ packaging, so there isn’t even a nasty plastic bottle top to contend with. Just don’t make…

“Having a month to take this journey felt so luxurious; there was no need to rush or push through to the aha moments – instead, they came to me” THE FIRST TIME I TOOK A YOGA CLASS, I was that person I’m sure you’ll relate to; arms shaking in downward dog, rushing through the five breaths for which I’d been told to hold the torturous pose, then collapsing to my knees and feeling cheated – yoga was meant to be relaxing! I remember clumsily copying the teacher, singing an awkward ‘om’ at the end of class. However, after a few weeks of perseverance, I found my body asking to be stretched and wrung out, craving that savasana bliss. Yoga became a place of solace for me – it never failed…

TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS ‘THERE’S something growing in your compost heap?’ I questioned. His eyes lit up, like a child who’d just found a shiny penny. ‘Yes, it’s an avocado, I want you to have it.’ He was beaming, but then looked bashful. ‘But only if you want it.’ And so I did, lovingly transported home in a doggy poo bag, then potted up and watered. Essentially, a gift of trash but, in my view, the gift of a small miracle. We haven’t always seen eye to eye, me and Mr M, but gardening has made me a worthier person. I’m more open and connected. In my previous life, I may have missed these small acts of kindness. These are the foundations on which relationships are built. Working in the…

1 Ctrl Alt Delete With Emma Gannon Writer and speaker Emma Gannon’s been podcasting for yonks and she’s so cool! This is kind of a careers podcast, but it’s also about wellbeing and creativity. Walking her talk, Emma’s books include The Multi-Hyphen Method (Hodder & Stoughton, £9.99) and her first fiction, Olive (HarperCollins, £12.99). She even set up a virtual book club during lockdown. It’s a cracker! 2 Squiggly Careers Apparently the UK’s No 1 careers podcast, this show is so practical and understated, it’s the place to go for real, straight professional advice. Career development experts Helen Tupper and Sarah Ellis never let a podcast go by without a gem of a practical tip, which will stay in your brain and give you the option of putting change into…