Innholdsfortegnelse for February 2021 i Psychologies

Katie Thistleton Presenter, trainee counsellor and author Katie is a presenter, DJ, journalist, trainee counsellor and author, best known for her work at the BBC. With a keen interest in mental health, Katie presents documentaries covering topics such as depression and sex education, and is host of Radio 1’s Life Hacks. She also writes a monthly digital column at psychologies.co.uk. She says: ‘I’m a huge fan of Psychologies. I feel in tune with what young people are going through and I want to write about my personal experiences to help others.’ Lovelda Vincenzi Business coach and speaker Business coach to female speakers, international MC, moderator and host Lovelda specialises in MCing and moderating business events. She built her speaking business in 18 months, going from an unknown name to facilitating…

POSITIVE PRESCRIPTION Jackee Holder’s column, ‘Write the bad, feel the good’ (November 2020), struck a chord with me. After 13 years , I a blog years ago my experiences and what I had learned. I found this process to be cathartic, and it helped me process some of the grief I hadn’t even realised I was harbouring. I have managed to achieve a lot despite facing adverse circumstances, so incorporating the positives into my writing also awakened me to my own power. I hope others can also benefit from putting their experiences into words, as described in Jackee’s column. Leanne WIND OF CHANGE I WAS HEARTENED TO READ your ‘Reinvent your career’ Dossier (December 2020) because I am in the middle of a job search. I have been a stay-at-home…

My wonderful nan, my soulmate, Has it really been 40 years? If I say it quickly, it doesn’t seem that soon I remember now you were my sun, my stars, and my moon I still miss you every day Our adventures, our walks, memories we made in our own special way How I wish I could live every moment again, but slowly so I don’t forget to say I’m so grateful to have had you in my life, you taught me the importance of how to overcome strife You will always be my role model, my guiding light, and although I still fight back tears, I will treasure your memory for the rest of my years You helped me believe that anything’s possible, that you can be anything you want…

The Tate Modern is hosting the first major UK survey of South African visual activist Zanele Muholi. Muholi rose to prominence with photographs that told the stories of black LGBTQIA+ lives in South Africa, such as the image pictured, part of an ongoing series titled ‘Somnyama Ngonyama’, in which Muholi turns the camera on themself to explore the politics of race and representation. The portraits are photographed around the world, using materials Muholi sourced from their surroundings. Writer Maisie Skidmore explains its importance: ‘These photographs are tender, joyful and determined. Black, queer narratives have been ignored, dismissed or oppressed; Muholi reclaims the photographic image to document people who have been deprived a place in visual history.’ • The Zanele Muholi exhibition runs at the Tate Modern gallery in London until…

MAKE 2021 THE YEAR you work towards creating a life you love, rather than a life that others expect of you. To start the process, find crystal clarity on: • How you want to feel • What you are passionate about • What you are curious about exploring Journal around these prompts to reveal what drives you, then use the ‘why technique’: Take statements from your journalling notes and ask yourself ‘why?’ over and over. Repetitive questioning will reveal your core beliefs and desires, and help uncover your purpose. Join Kia Cannons for our ‘Do What You Love’ video series and more happy hacks at tinyurl.com/psyhappyhack; psychologiestv.co.uk is a platform where world-class experts are interviewed and discuss subjects ranging from productivity and work-life balance to improving communication in relationships; happyhacks.libsyn.com…

Andrea McLean has just come off air after squaring up to social media bullies, telling them she’s ‘not letting them get away with it any more’ and they should be ashamed of themselves. McLean, who suffered a mental breakdown in 2019, describes herself as ‘the most polite anarchist anyone could wish to meet’. ‘I am so polite you don’t even know your arse is being kicked,’ says the ‘Loose Women’ host, who is leaving the show at Christmas. The presenter, journalist and author has been in broadcasting for 25 years and began her career presenting the weather. But her new vision is to inspire millions of women around the world to›‘live, learn›and thrive in a life they love’ through her female empowerment site, This Girl is on Fire. McLean’s books…

Q My partner and I have both been working from home for a while and, at first, we had fun taking lunchtime strolls and tea breaks together. But now we seem to be in a bit of a rut. Workdays blend into evenings and every day passes in a blur. We don’t have as much to say to each other because we are in the same space all the time. How can I keep work out of my relationship at home and keep our love alive? Arya, 39 A Working from home together for a long period can slip into what feels like a tiresome situation. To help you escape the humdrum and enjoy your time together, explore these options: • Share your emotions. Be honest about how you feel…

1 Choose your journal. If you are planning on writing a lot of text, steer clear of conventional photo albums and opt for a blank book. Daler-Rowney spiral-bound sketchbooks, available in multiple sizes, work well for this. 2 Print your photos. The easiest way is to print images at home and add them to your pages using photo corners. However, if you order prints online, you can always incorporate them later. In one of my journals, I filled the pages with words and added the images with a strip of washi tape (decorative Japanese masking tape) later, so I can lift the pictures to read the text. 3 Organise your tools. If you prefer to make a digital journal, GoodNotes is a useful app for combining words and photos, allowing…

• TheUK Council for Psychotherapy(UKCP) is the leading research, innovation, educational and  regulatory body working to advance psychotherapy for the benefit of all. We have a register of more than 8,000 individual members, who offer a range of therapy approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. We also have more than 70 training and accrediting organisations for those who wish to become psychotherapists. • To find the right therapist for you, or learn how to become a therapist, visit psychotherapy.org.uk…

WHEN TALKING about protecting the environment and making societal change, we should be aware of the concept of intersectionality – and how those who suffer the most oppression are most likely to pay the price in the climate crisis. Movements such as feminism, LGBTQIA+ rights, racial equality and environmentalism have intersectional goals with fairness at their heart. So what does climate justice mean? Friends of the Earth describes it as ‘addressing the climate crisis while making progress towards equity and the protection and realisation of human rights’. When we move towards creating a better future for the planet, it’s an opportunity to create a fairer, greener society for all. Rich, industrialised countries are most responsible for the climate crisis. However, it is the poorest, most vulnerable communities that feel its…

Usually, new year is my favourite time – and not just because I am Scottish. I love the ritual of gathering coloured pencils, stickers and all my shiny new stationery in order to create a plan of action for the coming months. The problem is that life is about as far removed from usual as I’ve ever known. Is it even worth bothering to dream big when the future is so unclear and unpredictable? “The brain needs a plan and it needs instructions. We need to set goals and feel as if we’re in the driving seat of our life” Life coach Shannah Kennedy, author of The Life Plan: Simple Strategies For A Meaningful Life (Penguin, £27,99), suggests starting from a more inspired place. ‘Right now, we need to adopt…

1 You lose sleep when you: ♥ Feel as if you have upset someone ◆ Spend too much time scrolling on your phone • Have something important coming up ■ Feel as if you’ve let yourself down 2 Your worst nightmare is seeming too: ■ Uptight ♥ Needy ◆ Competitive • Pessimistic 3 You would most benefit from more: ♥ Self-confidence • Self-belief ◆ Self-acceptance ■ Self-compassion 4 Sometimes, you wish that you cared less about: ■ Doing everything right • Planning for the worst ◆ Other people’s lives ♥ Other people’s opinions 5 When you are with a successful friend, you can’t help wondering:  ♥ What they think of you • Why you made certain life choices ◆ Whether you need to raise your game ■ What you can…

“Add nut butter and berries to oats, sprinkle seeds over salads and aim for three types of veggies at lunch and supper, and you will hit your quota!” IF WE WANT a happy gut, we need to satisfy the taste buds of our gut microbiota. One of the key ingredients in the recipe for a healthy gut is dietary fibre. Fibre is a type of carbohydrate that we don’t have the ability to digest, but provides a veritable feast for our gut microbes. They gobble up fibre with delight and, in return, provide us with plentiful amounts of positive substances that help support our immune system, manage inflammation and even influence our mood. Dietary fibre is found in all plant-based carbohydrates, encompassing all types of vegetables, fruit, whole grains, nuts…

For emotional breakthrough CHATEAU DE MOUILLAC offers intensive emotional breakthrough work in a home retreat via Zoom or Skype as a five-day blitz or spread over a few weeks with the client doing homework between sessions. If you want to follow the cleansing (and utterly delicious) meal plans, information is supplied so you can create the supporting menu at home. • Prices from £1,950 for a five-day retreat; chateaudemouillac.com For life direction GET UNSTUCK RETREAT Mentor and coach Jessica McGregor Johnson offers a virtual two-day retreat to help you find the clarity you need to get life moving again using focused tools, techniques and discussion. Delve deeply into the root cause of your issue and focus on becoming empowered to move forward. Follow-up sessions are included. • For more, go…

1 Little Scratch By Rebecca Watson ( Faber & Faber, £12.99) Free-form, funny and fragmented, this fearless debut recreates a day in the life of a woman who’s been sexually assaulted. It’s spiky and sharp, as raw as the scratches she inflicts on her body to counteract the emotions that threaten to overwhelm her. But it’s also brilliantly defiant, as she tries to reclaim her body and her passion for her boyfriend. Fresh and overwhelmingly honest, it’s not an easy read, but it is an essential one. 2 White Ivy By Susie Yang (Headline,£14.99) Ivy is ‘a wayward branch’. Planted in the same soil as her Chinese family, but fixated on the American dream, Ivy is caught between two worlds. Schooled in shoplifting by her…

Every January, millions of people begin a new year’s revolution and go meat-free for a month for the Veganuary challenge. Not only is a plant-based diet good for your health, it’s beneficial for the planet, and vegan cooking is a million miles from daunting or dull when you are privy to a few tricks. Author, photographer and TV chef Karoline Jönsson knows a thing or two about creating simple and satisfying meat-free meals that bring pleasure and warmth. In her new book, Happy Vegan Comfort Food (Pavilion, £14.99), Jönsson invites us into her Swedish country home to enjoy traditional winter European dishes that will become firm favourites throughout the year. We’ve selected a classic in shepherd’s pie made with protein-packed lentils, a focaccia toastie because, well, it’s a toastie, and…

Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com…

As we ease into 2021 and recover from the ravages of 2020, Harriet Minter suggests we start with a ‘gentle celebration’ on page 17, assuring us that ‘we don’t need the fizzing stimulants of a buzzing party to find joy’. Gentle sounds good. Our cover star, Andrea McLean, is listening to the whispers. ‘For every “what if you fall” thought, there’s a “what if you fly” whisper, she says on page 18. She is walking her talk – making her big leap by leaving Loose Women to focus on her dream. If you set the same goals every year but never progress, learn from coach Kim Morgan, who helps a woman build a strategy for consistent action on page 32. Our Dossier (page 48) builds on this with a guide…

@tippy_toes86: The perk of a miserable weekend is snuggling  up with the latest @PsychologiesMag. @MichelleEwen_: @heidiscrim: Thank you for your feature on  pivoting in @PsychologiesMag. It’s the hope and encouragement I needed today. I am happy you have found your new path and wish you all the best. @Lizziebeemurray: I know it’s going to be a good day when my  copy of @PsychologiesMag arrives. @somecallme_Jem: @PsychologiesMag Jackee Holder’s  piece, ‘Write the bad, feel the good’, is spot on and a helpful reminder. As a keen writer, I journal, but lately I am only capturing the woes and forgetting the good points. This year is mentally tough and your magazine is helping me, thanks. @an.yakovleva: Peaceful moments with #psychologies magazine @emmski37: Today is a housework day! I have a few more…

DIVERSITY IS IMPORTANT in engaging more people with sustainability – and art is a brilliant way to do that. Season for Change is a UK-wide arts and events programme celebrating the environment and inspiring inclusive action. Projects will explore the impact that the climate crisis is having on communities that are often excluded from the conversation. Artists are currently working on pieces, and digital content, talks, performances, exhibitions, film screenings and workshops will take place from February to May 2021. Programme manager Salome Wagaine says: ‘Our aim is to refocus the lens when talking about sustainability and hear from groups and communities that are most adversely affected.’ seasonforchange.org.uk Fellow eco worrier? Read Ellen’s eco advice in her monthly column on page 43. This month, Ellen explores intersectional climate justice. For…

WHAT DOES SELF-CARE REALLY MEAN? It’s become a well-used term of late and, truth be told, it can mean different things to different people – and that’s perfectly OK. I believe self-care is strongly linked to your levels of self-esteem. If your self-worth and confidence are low, you won’t believe that you are worthy of love, attention and repair from anyone, including yourself. Standing up to your inner bully is difficult. It’s easy to be unkind and harsh on ourselves, even when we wouldn’t dream of being that way to others. In therapy, we are encouraged to recall our inner child and speak to ourselves as we would speak to a young person, with compassion and empathy. 3 As I’ve grown older, I’ve realised that self-care is essential…

Psychologies’ partnership with Barefoot Coaching  gives you the tools to find a coach who meets your needs. Barefoot Coaching has been at the forefront of coaching and coach training for 25 years. It has a proven track record as a provider of high-level coaching and coach training to organisations and senior executives, nationally and internationally. Train as a coach with Barefoot Coaching The Barefoot Coaching International Coach Federation- accredited Postgraduate Certificate in Business and Personal Coaching is one of the most well-established coach training courses in the UK. Barefoot runs regular, free introductions to coach training throughout the year. Visit barefootcoaching. co.uk/taster-mornings to book.…

QI am not usually competitive, but I am jealous of my sister, who has made a lot of money and plans to retire soon and travel the world. We are both in our 40s. I have struggled for money all my life as a single mother. Envy has changed the way I think of her and I almost wish her bad fortune (only about money). I compete with her over silly things, such as how much exercise we do, who works harder and who is the better parent. Help me accept that our lives followed different paths and, while I do meaningful work I love, I will never be rich. She owns houses, cars and has a trust fund for her child, who is brainy and a gifted athlete. I…

TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT, WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT! If you have set out to achieve something but it is not happening, ask yourself the following questions to help you develop precisely the right goal for you: • Why am I doing this – for what purpose? • What will be the long-term benefit for me? • What will be the long-term cost of not doing it? • What matters most to me about this? • How will I know when I have achieved my goal? What will I see, hear, feel and experience? • Is there any good reason not to do this? • By saying yes to this, what am I saying no to? • By saying no to this, what am I saying yes to? •…

I HAVE VIVID CHILDHOOD memories of waiting in the staff room of a psychiatric hospital for my father to finish work. He was a psychiatric social worker who went on to train as a group analyst working with psychiatrist Robin Skynner. I would sit quietly, listening to the staff talking about their patients and my interest in people’s stories was ignited. I qualified as a mental health nurse 23 years ago and that frontline experience still grounds me today. In my work as a family and systemic psychotherapist, my time is split between being co-director of systemic programmes at the University of Exeter, my private practice and work on an NHS inpatient unit. My psychotherapeutic work has also afforded me other opportunities. In 2019, I took part in the BBC…

1 Unravel 2020 Anne Ditmeyer is a Paris-based designer and coach who launched her popular life map courses on Skillshare seven years ago. ‘In order to figure out where you want to go, start by creating a map of where you’ve been. If you review 2020 in your mind, it’s easy to only focus on the negative stuff. But, when drawing it on paper, people are surprised to see that they learned something new or accomplished something unexpected,’ she explains. Drawing allows you to be playful and to access your subconscious mind. Ditmeyer stresses that you don’t need to be artistic, and that beauty lies in simplicity. Hers has an arrow running across the centre of the page – a timeline – and a dotted line that runs…

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Mind-reading When you’re an empathetic and reflective person, wondering what others are thinking is second nature. But there is a difference between wondering and mind-reading – compulsively trying to work out what other people are thinking. Often, there are triggers – what appears to be a change in someone’s mood may result in hours of thinking about whether you did or said anything to upset them. It’s exhausting and never-ending because, of course, you can never know what’s going on in someone else’s head. You might seek reassurance from the person or ask other people’s opinions, which can make you look needy. Chronic mind-readers can seem self-obsessed, with their assumption that they have an influence on everyone else’s emotional state, but the root cause is…

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MY PHOTO REFLECTS the transition between seasons. I struggle with the lack of light in winter and, during autumn, I fear the dark inward turn everything takes. A walk in the woods with my sons and seeing how excited they were about the autumnal colours changed things. I looked through their eyes and all was transformed. There is light in autumnal colours, teaching us to be grateful for what we have and nurture ourselves on the journey within. I am thankful for nature’s lessons, when we open our senses to them. I will walk regularly to build resilience and be in sync with nature for my wellbeing. Geeta Would you like to showcase your photographic talent in ‘Psychologies’? What moment has made you feel inspired, grateful or moved this month?…

Available on demand from Amazon Prime Video Gangster films often focus on the exploits of the criminals, which makes I’m Your Woman such a compelling story because it turns the tables to explore the consequences on their families. We meet Jean (Rachel Brosnahan), who goes from being a wife to a mother before the opening credits have even finished. Her husband brings home their newly adopted son and, with barely a moment to settle into her new role, she is forced into hiding in the aftermath of his crimes. Jean has been dependent on others for most of her life and must quickly learn about resilience, friendship and motherhood. Brosnahan has a chameleon-like ability to reflect the culture of American period pieces, from 1950s New York in The Marvelous Mrs.…

A few years ago, I decided I would start the new year as I meant to go on by attending a gong bath at 11am on New Year’s Day. Despite the usual overly indulgent evening the night before, I made it to the class and took my place with the other bleary-eyed wannabe hippies. The gong master, as such people are called, arrived and it was clear that he’d had a different new year to the rest of us. Bright-eyed and overflowing with enthusiasm, there wasn’t a moment when I wondered whether a hangover would impede his swinging (at the gong, you know). So attracted to his health and vitality was I that I began to wonder if this year was in fact the year I was meant to date…

The Psychologies-endorsed ‘Find a coach’ directory with Barefoot  Coaching provides readers with a choice of top coaches, all with postgraduate training and accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coach Federation. Find a coach who suits you to help you navigate and transform your life – in the areas of work, money, parenting, relationships, leadership and self-development. Editor-in-Chief…

RECENTLY, I HAD TO SEARCH through old papers to find some of my academic certificates. Holding the gathered papers in my hands made me appreciate those earlier achievements of my evolving younger self. But what’s on paper did not capture the fullness of my potential back then. Those qualifications ignored the resilience of the girl who took on greater family responsibilities when her mum had to travel back to the Caribbean. Academia did not showcase the courage of the young woman at university, who showed staying power and creative savvy – completing her studies despite the haunting of an unsatisfactory romance. Shine a light on your triumphs One journalling practice I work with is the visual career or life map. Whether you illustrate it on a large scale or in…

THE JOY OF JOURNALLING is something I discovered at the tender age of 10. I vividly recall receiving my first diary, a five-year volume with a pillar-box red cover. Best of all, it had a padlock and key. No need for the ‘Top secret: Keep out!’ stickers I was so fond of back then. I’ve kept a journal ever since. There’s a simple joy in documenting for posterity the rocky times, as well as the happy ones. I’ve always incorporated imagery on my pages, sticking in photos cut out from magazines, ticket stubs and brightly coloured doodles, but it was only recently that I discovered the concept of visual journalling through photographer Susannah Conway’s online course, Journal Your Life. ‘The power of journalling with words and images is that it…

What does home mean to you? More than a place to lay our heads, it can be a reflection of our identity. Our notions of home are shaped by our culture, family and experiences. Exploring our sense of home can help us understand more about ourselves. In this month’s podcast, I speak to UKCP psychotherapist Hannah Sherbersky about psychotherapeutic support and how it allows us to grasp the implications of how we view home. CEO of the UK Council for Psychotherapy Hannah Sherbersky explains how examining our sense of home yields a deeper knowledge of ourselves Home holds many varied and complex meanings. Our sense of home can change dramatically throughout our lifetime, and we are seeing this magnified through the pandemic, wit h home taking on different meanings during…

1 Safety versus confinement. Is your home a place of safety from the virus or do you feel trapped in it while in lockdown or working from home? Are you bored with being at home? If so, try changing the way the space looks to make it feel different. 2 Can you separate work from home in the same space? If you are working and living in the same place, it is important to set boundaries. Try to implement starting and winding-down rituals to signify when the workday begins and ends. 3 Is your future home uncertain? If you are at risk of losing your home or your accommodation isn’t guaranteed, call the charity Shelter on their free helpline 0808 800 4444 or visit…

Life has been unsettled to say the least and waiting for it all to be over isn’t an option any more. But what if we could navigate change with emotional flexibility? What if we could let go of our need for certainty and make plans more suited to our new normal? Our four-week online coaching programme, ‘How to be agile in a post-Covid world’, led by Helen Burgess, helps you surrender to uncertainty and thrive. It addresses mental health and how to cope with financial instability – and will prepare you for what’s next.…

TIMES LIKE THESE We often judge these back-to-work days negatively, allowing them to hang over us like a dark January cloud, seeming all the bleaker in contrast with the twinkling lights of December. But what if we could meet these days afresh, without judgment or comparison against brighter days? What if we could allow them to greet us every morning, and notice them for all that they are, without labelling them with a downcast view? We need a couple of mindful ingredients to do this – kindness and non-judgment. The result? Freedom to see what else is evident after the labels have been removed… Psychologies Wellness Director, mindfulness expert and yoga teacher FOLLOW US! #mindfulhealth@aliroff @psychologiesmagazine, psychologies.co.uk Contemporary thinking From Instagram’s @thepsychologymum, clinical psychologist Emma Hepburn, comes this brilliant book,…

Penninghame, SCOTLAND This life shifter is an intense, immersive week of inner enquiry that’s also fun and liberating. ‘The Process’ takes you on a healing journey into your subconscious. From daily dynamic meditation to deep self-enquiry, ritual drama and transformative body work, you come out feeling as if your psyche has been scrubbed and the shutters of your heart flung open. • Prices from £1,595 for seven nights; penninghame.org Aluna Healing, SCOTLAND Join this cleansing and spiritual retreat to reconnect with nature and your body. Stay in woodland cottages against a backdrop of mountains near Loch Torridon and enjoy yoga, healing practices and walks led by yoga teacher Daniela Lanaia. Join others this spring, summer or autumn or book a bespoke retreat for your own group. • Prices from £820…

SWEET PEAS CAME AS A SURPRISE love to me. I always saw them as a bit messy and old school! I soon realised that not only are they one of the earliest seeds to start but they are also comparatively easy to grow. They flower repeatedly for a long season and do just as well in pots as trailing over a wall or climbing up a fence. Best of all, you can save your seeds every year and continue for many years for free. With so much choice, look for some of the more striking varieties. Be sure to choose ones that are highly rated for their divine smell. They like a deep pot to start off in and set down roots. This year, I will be making my own…

1 The Michelle Obama Podcast The author, lawyer and former First Lady has created a revealing podcast in which she talks to a range of guests, from her brother to her gynaecologist. Obama is as wise as we have come to expect, so you won’t be disappointed. She explores substantial subjects and weighty questions we are all trying to answer – ‘to spark conversations that otherwise would not have happened’. 2 How To Wow with Chris Evans I love this grown-up, touchy-feely version of DJ Chris Evans. It’s a long way from TGIF and The Big Breakfast. The only annoyance is that a lot of the time he is interviewing mates and he can be a bit ‘me too, me too’. But, after nearly 40 years in the business, he…