Innholdsfortegnelse for May 2020 i Psychologies

Rosie Mullender Writer Rosie is a writer from London who has contributed to a host of national publications. She recently finished writing her first novel. A dyed-in-the-wool extrovert, this month she writes about the challenges of dating an introvert (page 30). She says: ‘Learning to live with an introvert has been an interesting path but, by talking through every step, we’ve reached a place where we’re both happy.’ Katherine Baldwin Coach Katherine is a love, dating and relationships coach, midlife mentor, speaker and the author of How To Fall In Love (Soul & Surf, £9.99). She specialises in helping people break free from self-sabotaging patterns in their relationships with themselves and others, form healthy connections and create fulfilling lives. Katherine blogs for our Life Labs website (lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk) and hosts live…

HUMAN INTEREST I’m a new subscriber and, as a woman who struggled with unexplained infertility, I was drawn to read ‘At the end of the rainbow’ (March). It took me back to when I completed more cycles of IVF than I could count. With each failed one, my hope morphed into sadness and despair. Although I’m pleased for the writer, Laura Cannon, stories like these are over-represented. There are many who, after working through the heartbreak of infertility, have used that strength to forge alternate fulfilling paths. Psychologies does so much to celebrate women and their varied lifestyles. Please continue to champion all humans, including those without children. Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED…

My new neighbours, I am beyond grateful and touched by your thoughtfulness and kindness. I moved to a new area just a few weeks ago with my little one. This tough move followed a long and painful separation from my partner. However, you invited us over for play dates and unexpectedly cooked dinner for me. You welcomed me into your home on a Sunday evening when you knew I didn’t have my boy at home, and you told me there was enough roast dinner for me to stay for tea. Connection with other humans is everything and you’ll never know how much these small acts of kindness have made me feel supported, happy and at home in our new house. Thank you with all my heart. This month’s gratitude letter,…

HOUSEPLANTS PURIFY the air and bring uplifting greenery into even the most urban of nests. ‘Plants play a key role in wellbeing, positive energy, happiness, love and creativity,’ say Igor Josifovic and Judith de Graaff, interiors enthusiasts and authors of new book Plant Tribe: Living Happily Ever After With Plants. They believe plants can teach human beings important lessons: ‘Life changes with the seasons. Every moment has a reason, and every low will eventually pass,’ they say. ‘Embrace your love of plants as you embrace life, which is all around us; buzzing, blooming and thriving.’ Their new book explores the fascinating relationship between plants and our wellbeing. It provides sneak peeks inside the homes of fellow plant lovers, such as Julie Hagan (pictured). Julie has more than 600 plants in…

HAPPY PEOPLE live longer because life satisfaction and positivity improve our health.We tend to wake up thinking about what we need to do; instead, focus on that for which you’re grateful. Face challenges by asking,‘What can I learn from this?’. Difficulties can be opportunities to grow. Before bed, acknowledge what you’ve achieved during the day. The tendency is to list what you didn’t get done, but you’ll be surprised by how much you did – and be ‘happy hacking’ your health in the process! Join Kia Cannons for our weekly ‘Do What You Love’ video series and more happy hacks at lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk. Life Labs is a blogging platform where world-class experts write about everything from productivity and work-life balance to improving communication in relationships; lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk; happyhacks.libsyn.com…

QI have recently discovered that my daughter’s boyfriend of two months is self-harming. I am concerned for him, of course, but my big fear is that my daughter will start self-harming too. She had a period of bad depression last year and is vulnerable. I have tried to talk to her about it but she refuses to discuss their relationship with me – I found out about the self-harm through another parent. They are both 16. I am so worried. What can I do to support her? Name supplied A Self-harm is frightening for all concerned, including the person doing it. You your against anyone who tries to hurt her, but what if she’s the one doing the harm? When we went through this in our family, I didn’t know…

• Cover ground for each other. Introverts can take a back seat while their partner acts as a social surrogate. In return, the introvert can provide respite, encouraging their partner to focus on their life together. • Acknowledge your differences. In relationships, we naturally tend to provide others with what we need. An introvert might assume their partner wants space, while an extrovert could interpret that as neglect. If you speak two different languages, be willing to translate for your partner, and keep communicating. • Embrace the chance to grow. It can be easier if you both gravitate towards the same social environments – but, when you have differences, you can stretch each other in positive ways. If you’re willing to work on it, you can expand your collective lives.…

• The UKCPThe UK Council for Psychotherapy or UKCP is the leading research, innovation,  educational and regulatory body working to advance psychotherapy for the benefit of all. We have a register of over 8,000 individual members who offer a range of therapy approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. We also have over 70 training and accrediting organisations for those who wish to become therapists. • To find the right therapistfor you or to learn how to become a therapist, visit psychotherapy.org.uk…

Ask yourself these questions to help you cope with criticism, says coach Ruth Thomson • Could my reaction be a legacy of my childhood? ‘I hated being told off at school and feared doing something wrong – and I feel the same way at customs or passport control,’ says Thomson. ‘If you’re struggling with criticism, remember that as adults we have the power to change how we feel. The human brain has a huge capacity for change.’ • Is this assessment helpful? Activate the judgment and critical thinking part of your brain, the prefrontal cortex, by asking yourself rationally: Is this useful feedback? If the criticism relates to something you could improve, commit to taking action to use the criticism constructively. If it’s unfounded or designed to be hurtful, consider…

During my seven years as Editor-in-Chief of ‘Psychologies’ magazine, I’ve interviewed so many brilliant experts and met some inspirational readers and leaders along the way. Over time, I’ve realised that we are so much stronger, more resilient and creative than we think. We survive crisis upon crisis through sheer adrenaline, will and thinking outside the box. But I’ve observed – and learned the hard way myself – that if we are to sustain our efforts and momentum over time, we need to address our self-care. In this Dossier, we invite you to take a deep breath and start to create some self-care practices that will top up your energy levels, allow you to rest and keep you grounded as we contemplate an unknown future. If you learn to look after…

I’VE BEEN A JOURNALIST FOR 30 YEARS, and the news definitely has an inbuilt bias towards the negative. Research shows that reading or watching positive things has a physical effect* – in the jargon it’s called ‘embodiment’. Words and sentences that emphasise the positive activate the main facial muscle used for smiling, while negative statements or words activate the frowning muscle. Some evidence** indicates that images without words have an even more powerful effect in both directions. One tip is to find books, comedy shows, or simply people who you know will make you smile. I read PG Wodehouse in the hospice while my husband was dying and still remember this, from the perspective of Bertie Wooster: ‘There are moments, Jeeves, when one asks oneself, “Do trousers matter?”’. Sometimes, all…

Handmade healing Winner of our Editor’s Choice award, this face cream is completely plastic-free, natural, vegan and cruelty-free. Handmade in Ireland, where possible the ingredients are wild harvested and selected for their natural properties. The cream comes in a beautiful jar with a cork stopper. This cream is excellent. It has been an absolute game changer for my skin”SARAH, reader panellist, Wiltshire • Barbary Fig Moisturiser, £24, whitewitch.ie From the Kent coast Our panel loved this cream and gave it top scores, earning it our Readers’ Choice award. Haeckels is a small business making products from sustainably harvested seaweed and natural ingredients on the Kent coast.This cream is vegan and cruelty-free. “I feel more confident • Eco Marine Cream, £48, haeckels.co.uk Refill and repeat This face cream is certified cruelty-free…

• OUR ECO CHAMPION, this deodorant is vegan, plastic-free and organic, and is delivered in reclaimed packaging. Fit Pit Natural Deodorant, £10, thegreenwoman.co.uk • THIS FRAGRANT RANGE is vegan-friendly and certified cruelty-free, and the company recently removed all plastic from its large jars. Orange + Bergamot Active Balm, £11, naturaldeoco.com • THIS SENSITIVE SKIN balm supports the work of Save the Chimps and is part of the 1% for the Planet scheme. It is natural and plastic-free. Natural Deodorant Balm, £9.95, purechimp.com • AWARDED OUR READERS’ CHOICE, this vegan, plastic-free and natural balm from Pit Putty smells amazing. Lemongrass Natural Deodorant, £11, pitputty.eu • EASY TO APPLY and completely natural, this soda deodorant ticks all the boxes. It’s cruelty-free, vegan and plastic-free. Pure Natural Soda Deodorant Stick, £9.95, benandanna.uk…

SCRUBS UP WELL Beauty brand UpCircle started by saving 100 tonnes of landfill turning waste coffee grounds into scrubs and serums, and chai spices into soaps. Now, they are repurposing discarded olive stones from the olive oil industry, powdered into face scrubs, and a powerful anti-inflammatory. “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared”BUDDHA Mindful act of kindness SET A TIMER for five to 10 minutes. Bring your mind to your breath and rest here as your mind settles and slows.Then bring someone you love to your mind’s eye, and tell them ‘May you be well’. See them smile. Do the same with someone you feel indifferent about. Now try it with…

CAMEL POSE Ustrasana This is a power pose for when you are feeling fearful or disempowered. It opens your heart, physically and emotionally, and strengthens the back, hips and thighs, so is therapeutic for desk workers. Avoid if you are pregnant, have a migraine or a back or neck injury. • WARM UP WITH SUN SALUTATIONS, then come to your knees, hips elevated and toes tucked under. Bring your hands to prayer position at your heart and tip your pelvic bowl under, so that your bottom tucks in. • NOW IMAGINE A PIECE OF STRING attached to your breast bone, pulling upwards. Gently lean backwards, lifting your heart. • HAPPY HERE? Place your hands on your hips to support your back, and keep moving into your backbend, pushing your hips…

Writing & wellbeing INSPIRATIONAL KICK-START Skyros Holidays, Greece Jimmy Carr credits Skyros Holidays for his life-changing career in comedy and there are all manner of transformative masterclasses on offer at the Skyros Centre that focus on writing and wellbeing. Based in the traditional Greek village of Skyros, they’re taught by world leaders in their field and include morning yoga, afternoon music and arts drop-ins. Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/skyros-greece • skyros.com Plan your future MAKE YOUR DREAM A REALITY The Strategic Space Retreats, France You don’t have to spend months at a monastery to see a bigger vision for yourself – sometimes, you just need a well-structured week with an expert strategist to call it to the surface and plan for its eventuality. Choose an all-inclusive retreat in Burgundy, a self-catered break in…

We have a lifelong love affair with food; it’s central to our lives, providing nourishment and sustenance, decadence and delight; given as gifts and enjoyed solo or with others. However, when our taste buds become impaired through illness, age or medication, this pleasure can be lost. Thankfully, food writer, stylist and author Ryan Riley is on a mission to bring back the life-enriching pleasure of eating. After losing his mother, Krista, to small-cell lung cancer, and seeing how she lost her sense of taste through chemo and radiotherapy while battling the disease, Riley was inspired to set up Life Kitchen, an award-winning initiative offering free UK-wide cookery classes for people living with cancer, that aim to bring flavour and excitement back into food. Incorporating advice from Barry Smith, director…

Book of the month “It occurs to me as I fight so hard witth myself that these cruel and persistent voices are the echoes of trauma from the times when people treated me like I am now treating myself”JENNY SLATE, LITTLE WEIRDS THE GLASS HOTEL By Emily St. John Mandel (Pan Macmillan, £14.99) A novel about second chances and reinvention and whether it’s possible to leave the past behind.The answer appears to be no, as every character in this luminous novel is haunted by loss, regret and ghosts from yesteryear. Bartender Vincent becomes the wife of arch swindler,Jonathan Alkaitis, and steps into the ‘kingdom of money’. The story follows a cast of characters caught up Alkaitis’s deceit; a fragile web that includes Vincent’s drug addict half-brother, an elderly…

“Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world” Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com…

PSYCHOLOGIES FRANCE Editor-in-Chief: Laurence Folléa PSYCHOLOGIES ROMANIA Ringier Magazines, 6 Dimitri Pompeiu Street, Bucharest. Tel: +40 212 03 08 00. Managing Director: Mihnea Vasiliu (mihnea.vasiliu@ringier.ro) Editor-in-Chief: Iuliana Alexa (iuliana. alexa@ringier.ro) Advertising Manager: Monica Pop (monica.pop@ringier.ro) PSYCHOLOGIES BELGIUM Edition Ventures, Chaussée de Louvain 431D, 1830 Lasne. Tel: + 32 2 379 29 90 Editorial Director: Marie-Christine De Wasseige (mc.dewasseige@ventures. be) Chief editor (French): Christiane Thiry (christiane.thiry@ventures.be) Chief editor (Flemish): Barbara Van den Abeele (b.vandenabeele@ventures.be) Advertising Manager: Manoëlle Sepulchre (manoelle.sepulchre@ventures.be) PSYCHOLOGIES RUSSIA Hearst Shkulev Media, Psychologies Russia, 31 b Shabolovkaya Street, Moscow 115162. Tel: +7 495 981 39 10 President: Viktor Shkulev (vshkulev@hsmedia.ru) Editor-in-Chief: Xsenia Kiseleva (xkiseleva@hsmedia.ru) Publisher and Advertising Manager: Ekatarina Kerova (ekerova@hsmedia.ru)…

@csmony: ‘Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom’ – Aristotle #quotes. The latest edition of @PsychologiesMag is filled with interesting articles on self-exploration. A perfect Sunday evening read. @Melly_Del: Loved the interview with Emelia Fox in the March issue. She is one of my inspirations @EmiliaFox in @PsychologiesMag! @Jini_Reddy: Last year, I was fortunate to visit Aotearoa in New Zealand and fell madly in love with the country. Spending time with the Maori, walking in pristine natural landscapes, spotting orcas – it was magical.‘Land of the gods’, the piece I wrote about it, is in the March issue of @PsychologiesMag RIGHT: @the counsellingfoodie: It’s been so long since I’ve sat at my desk and read. So, this is pretty much where you’ll find me for the rest of the…

Bees play an important role in our ecosystems, and there is much to learn from them. Writer and bee lover Alison Davies explains: ‘The bee has everything. It’s a magical marvel, a creature of flair and talent, a friend of the earth and an advocate of girl power. Bees are an inspiration. These winged wonders will delight you with their wisdom and teach you how to fly higher than you thought possible.’ Be More Bee: How To Find Your Buzz (Quadrille, £7.99), is a light-hearted guide to finding your inner bee. “Sometimes it is the people no one that no one can imagine”ALAN TURING COMPUTING THE BRAIN If you’ve ever been on antidepressants, you’ll know that finding the right medicine can take time. But artificial intelligence may be able to predict…

ACTIVIST AND LAWYER Polly Higgins dedicated her life to campaigning for ecocide – a law to make businesses and governments criminally liable for the damage they do to our ecosystems. Higgins was a trailblazer of the green movement through her vital lobbying work and determination to hold powerful people to account. ‘The earth is in need of a good lawyer,’ she once said. A year after her death, Higgins’ book, Dare To Be Great, is a welcome antidote to the current discourse. It explores how anyone can open pathways for themselves and society as a whole. Through her story, Higgins shares how we can all live the brave, bold lives that we imagine. It’s a call to arms for the changing world in which we live – a world that…

1 Set a sincere intention to connect before setting off on your journey, hike or walk. Intentions are important because they create focus and energy. 2 Intention is not the same as exerting will, pleading or expecting a result. Let go of attachment to any outcome – stay with your intention and trust; be a humble, heart-centred pupil of mystery and wonder. 3 Accept that it may not happen instantly. Inviting the ‘other’ and feeling a magical connection – through synchronicity, unexpected and thrilling encounters, feelings of wonder or a sense of knowing – are the fruits of practice. Keep at it and your devotion will be rewarded. 4 You don’t need to be a teacher , a guru or an expert – every one of us…

I STARTED TRAINING as a psychotherapist on a one-year career break from working in London. I had been a lawyer for 12 years, recently had my daughter and needed to take some time to reassess my life and what I wanted from the future. Over the course of the year, I did a screenwriting course, some voluntary work and completed a foundation course in counselling and psychotherapy. As soon as I began my therapy training, I realised that being a therapist was much closer to who I was and wanted to be. It felt less like a job and more like a way of being. It also fits better with the relationships I want in my life. I never went back to law after my career break. I’m genuinely grateful…

DISCOVER NEW WAYS TO MEET YOUR NEEDS Human beings all have similar emotional needs that must be fulfilled for our self-esteem and self-worth. If we are not getting one of our core needs met, we will feel unhappy although we may not realise why. If some of your needs are not being met, this is a great exercise to help you find a way forward, enabling you to see other ways of meeting your needs, while retaining the positives of your situation. While we all have the same needs, we need them in different quantities: You may have a high need for attention but a low need for privacy. How important is each of these needs to you? Is it being met? Who or what is meeting it? • Attention…

The ‘Psychologies’- endorsed ‘Find a coach’ directory, with Barefoot  Coaching, provides readers with a choice of top coaches, all with postgraduate training accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coach Federation. Find a coach who suits you to help you navigate and transform your life – in the areas of money, work, relationships, parenting, health and leadership. ASK THE EXPERT… Pam Cottman specialises in helping clients build resilience, grow in confidence and reach their personal and professional potential Q My husband and I moved in with his parents while we look for a house so we can be chain-free. It was only meant to be for a few months, but it’s been over a year and I’m starting to feel like my life has been put on pause.…

• HAPPIER WITH GRETCHEN RUBIN The bestselling author and award-winning podcaster investigates factors that help make each of us a little happier. Gretchen, in New York, teams up with her sister in Los Angeles to chat about the latest ideas for leading happier, healthier and more productive lives. Funny and lighthearted, but backed by research. • HAPPY PLACE WITH FEARNE COTTON I love Fearne’s enthusiastic and emotional interviews, in which she reveals as much about herself as the people with whom she chats. Her roll call of interviewees ranges from Joe Wicks to Nadiya Hussain, with each person talking about what happiness means to them. • OPRAH’S SUPERSOUL CONVERSATIONS Oprah’s list of podcast interviewees comprises world leaders, health and wellness experts and bestselling authors – all no doubt in her…

1 You are most likely to fret about whether: ■ You will be able to cope♥ Something awful might happen◆ You’re doing something well enough• You made the right decision 2 When your resilience is down, you’re most likely to: ◆ Feel let down or treated badly♥ Think about the worst things that could happen■ Feel as though things always go wrong for you• Worry about everything from your health to your bank account 3 Facing challenges is always easier when you: • Feel calm and relaxed◆ Have enough support♥ Have been through it before■ Are in your comfort zone 4 A red flag for you that all is not well is: ♥ Constantly overplanning for every eventuality◆ ◊Feeling criticised by others• Mentally rehashing past conversations or events■ Spending too…

This month, our panel of readers has been testing eco-friendly face creams. They’ve shared their honest opinions, I’ve added up the scores and these are our five award-winning Real Eco products that work. Any product I feature on this page has been researched, tested and meets our criteria. It’s my aim to find the best plastic-free, eco-conscious and ethical products out there. Why not start by trying one of these face creams or natural deodorants? Let me know what you think and what you’d like to see us review next with #PsychologiesRealEco on social media. Read more reviews at psychologies.co.uk/real-eco. Enjoy!…

We may feel hungry for many things throughout the day; not only for food, but for news updates, movement after sitting for too long, the delivery of emails or Instagram likes and even hugs from loved ones. Often, we live on autopilot, feeding our hunger for these things without checking in with how they make us feel. Sometimes we feel satiated or nourished and, other times, queasy or even hungrier than before. This month, try the practice of conscious choice to cleanse your life of the things that drain or malnourish you. We are not always hungry for what we may think at first.…

For a healthy, quick meal that’s anything but dull, try these ‘Jazzy beans’ on toast • 200g can baked beans in tomato sauce • 1 tsp chipotle paste • 1 slice of good-quality bread, toasted • Butter or vegan alternative, for spreading • 1 tsp very finely chopped shallot, spring onion or fresh chives • ¼-½ avocado, diced • A few fresh coriander leaves, freshly squeezed • Lime juice, to taste • American-style hot sauce, to taste Warm the beans in a saucepan. Stir through the chipotle paste, to taste.Toast the bread and spread with butter or a vegan alternative. Pour the bean mixture onto the toast, then sprinkle over the chopped shallot, spring onion or chives, the avocado and coriander leaves. Squeeze over a little lime juice and a…

All Hail Kale Documentary maker and broadcaster Tim Samuels did a brilliant job on the first series,which I can only criticise for being too short.Thankfully, series 2 is out now.Samuels is a sceptic and his investigations into the latest health trends are done with great wit,but also in depth.He doesn’t mind being a human guinea pig either.The All Hail Kaletheme tune is also a great earworm. 2 The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread? Science journalist Greg Foot pulls in interesting experts to discuss the latest fads in skincare,bug fighting and claims from Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop.If it’s new,sounds too good to be true or is all over Insta,Foot loves to play maverick and take it apart,although how he could question the magic of turmeric is beyond me.I especially like beauty blogger…

Retreats are a chance to step away from your life, but they are never an escape from it. Wherever you go, you carry yourself with you, so the healing trick on any retreat is to be able to pick up the tips, tools and techniques you need to make your life better, each and every day. I’ve been on many retreats that have made me feel fantastic from the inside out, from intense and sweaty yoga breaks to delve-deep therapy weekends, and returned becalmed and toned, cleansed and joyful, as I was meant to do – only to find myself rapidly returning to, say, the ragged and impatient self I had gone on retreat to sort out. How do you replace the raggedness? Ensure that, whichever retreat you choose, you…

Elevate your cooking with some store-cupboard staples. There are many special ingredients that can enhance the flavours in food; from mint and garlic to garam masala and Parmesan. Consider growing your own herbs for extra freshness, either in the garden or in a window box. Good kitchen storage is also key so everything is within reach when whipping up a delicious dish: A large fruit bowl filled to the brim with zesty citrus fruits; a decorative spice rack; and plenty of jars to keep food at its best. Let your culinary flair flourish!…

1 The Authenticity Project By Clare Pooley (Transworld,£12.99) This debut is life-affirming,with a clutch of colourful characters who bare their souls and confront their demons. Artist Julian writes about his loneliness in a notebook.He leaves it in a cafe,where Monica, the owner,reads it and works out a way to help him,before adding her own story,a moving admission of how much she craves a family.More people write their truths in the book, which starts a chain of sharing, caring and heartfelt communication.Charming. 2 Q By Christina Dalcher (HarperCollins,£12.99) The author of Voxdelivers another disturbing,dystopian novel.Her hot-button topic is perfection,taking in education, eugenics and motherhood. Elena lives in a world where everyone is judged by their Q score (IQ; wealth; class).She’s happy,until her daughter fails an all-important test and…

It’s as if someone pressed pause on our lives. Take a breath and settle in, then turn to page 24, where acclaimed therapist Julia Samuels, author of This Too Shall Pass, tells us how to adapt and thrive in difficult times. Our first step? To create a good relationship with ourselves. ‘It’s the pillar that influences every other relationship in your life,’ she says. Our self-care Dossier (page 46) gives you plenty of ideas on how best to nurture yourself through adversity, and back-page muse Pema Chödrön counsels: ‘Be kinder to yourself. And then let your kindness flood the world.’ We welcome columnist Lucy Griffiths, who explains – from her sofa – how introverts can learn to speak up on page 35, and we love Jini Reddy’s piece on ‘embracing…

1 ‘Test, don’t try, these ideas,’ says Heppell. ‘It’s really important to use language correctly – and testing something will give you the result that you want, more than simply trying something out. 2 ‘Work out your confidence DNA. What I mean by this is: what language do you use when you are feeling confident? What’s your focus and what’s your physiology? ‘You may say, for example, “I’ve got this!”, focusing on the difference you are going to make – standing straighter, with your shoulders back and breathing more slowly. 3 ‘Practise being confident by incorporating these things – and notice the difference from when you’re feeling anxious. Learn to switch from anxious mode to confident mode – feel the contrast. Call each mode a name, such as “Super Sara”…

Attending a family wedding together is a big first for any couple. It says you’re official and you expect this one to go the distance. When my cousin got married, I’d been seeing my boyfriend, Don, for 10 months, and was understandably nervous about introducing him to my extended family. The reception was in a marquee in my aunt and uncle’s garden so, with the sun shining and guests scattered around the grounds, it took a while to introduce Don to everyone. Then, halfway through the afternoon, he disappeared. ‘When am I going to get to meet this new man of yours?’ an uncle enquired. ‘Not right now,’ I blushed, ‘he’s sleeping in the car.’ My uncle looked surprised, before laughing it off. He thought I was joking – but…

We’re more informed and better connected than ever. Rolling news allows  us to follow events taking place on the other side of the world as they happen, and social media connects us across any distance. But it can feel as if everything we see and read is negative, as we’re bombarded by stories about world crises and conflict outside of our control. This month, I ask UKCP therapist, John-Paul Davies, how to cope with the onslaught and how psychotherapy can help. John-Paul Davies explains the profound impact of the media and how it can change our mindset Our attention is naturally drawn to news that frightens us. Understandably, for many of us, there’s a general perception that the world has become less safe. A common issue I see is anxiety,…

Try to have a little time without external distractions; to pause and look inwards to find out how you are doing. Regularly check in with how you feel in your body and learn what triggers you to feel anxious, angry or disengaged and, just as importantly, when you feel joy, relaxed and inspired. You can then choose positive activities. Spend time reflecting on who you are, your wants, needs and goals for the future. This will help you keep a sense of self amid the external stimulation from news and social media. Try to do this without comparing yourself to others. 4 Make an inventory of the type of media and social media you consume and when. Ultimately, you control your relationship with it. Make as much…

Psychologies’ partnership with Barefoot Coaching gives you the tools to find a coach who meets your needs. Barefoot Coaching has been at the forefront of coaching and coach training for 25 years. It has a proven track record as a provider of high-level coaching and coach training to organisations and senior executives, nationally and internationally. Train as a coach with Barefoot Coaching The Barefoot Coaching International Coach Federation- accredited Postgraduate Certificate in Business and Personal Coaching is one of the most well-established coach training courses in the UK. Barefoot runs regular, free introductions to coach training throughout the year. Visit barefootcoaching. co.uk/taster-mornings to book.…

Thefour-week Consciousself-carethrough wellfulness’ programme helps you develop a unique wellness plan and create a lifestyle that serves you holistically. Wellness Director Ali Roff Farrar guides you through four key areas to establish a conscious daily routine, environment, nutrition and movement plan. This course is perfect for when life changes direction suddenly and covers how to set up healthy habits when working from home, plus where you can make positive changes, even if life feels out of control.…

LIFE IS A GOOD TEACHER AND A GOOD FRIEND. Things are always in transition, if we could only realise it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-centre, in-between state is an ideal situation; one in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, non-aggressive, open-ended state of affairs. To stay with that shakiness, to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge – that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic – this is the spiritual path. • For sage counsel, see…

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Catastrophising Catastrophisers live in the future and their focus is on what might happen. You may be particularly vulnerable to catastrophising over things that mean a lot to you, such as the health of your loved ones or your career. Of course, it’s wise to be aware of the potential consequences of events and actions, but you need to maintain perspective and remember that just because something could happen doesn’t mean it will. Catastrophisers are often convinced that worst-case-scenario thinking is a win-win – if it happens, you’re prepared for it and, if it doesn’t, you’re relieved. But the pay-off is peace of mind and it’s a big drain on your mental energy. Next time your mind goes into overdrive, ask yourself, ‘Am I planning,…

THAT’S WHYEACH product is carefully scrutinised by our Eco Living Editor Ellen Tout to ensure it meets our standards. The chosen products are then tested by our panel of 25 discerning readers to be rated and reviewed.We will only ever include brands we really trust – if it doesn’t match up, it’s not getting in! Cuts out plastic Vegan-friendly and cruelty-free Natural and organic Sustainable and ethical Shows real care for the planet…

TWO YEARS AGO, Alicia Agneson, star of TV drama Vikings, decided to stop buying new clothes and only wear second-hand or vintage, all in the name of sustainable fashion. As her stylist, I’ve been creating converted ‘wow’ pieces for her red carpet appearances, but this was a new challenge. ‘I was given this Burberry coat by my friend’s grandmother,’ said Alicia. ‘She bought it in the 1960s but never wore it – no event was ever special enough. She gave it to me five years ago and I’ve never worn it either. It’s one of my most treasured pieces, but it’s too big for me and not really my style. Maybe converting it will mean I can actually wear it?’ I wanted to honour the iconic Burberry style while stitching…

What are you hungry for? And how aware are you of the way in which you feed that hunger? Try this practice to create conscious choice around your desires and needs, from scrolling through websites choosing information to reaching for a snack after lunch. What feeds you and what depletes you or makes you feel queasy? 1 Each time you notice a desire for something, or are about to give yourself something – food, information, movement – pause and take three deep breaths. On the first inhale, ask yourself: ‘How will feeding this desire make me feel in my body?’ Pause. Then exhale with your answer or thoughts. (Did you listen to an earlier news bulletin? Do you need another so soon?) 3 On the second inhale, ask yourself:…

Sustainable travel is close to our hearts at Psychologies, but we also believe travel is important – it connects us to our planet, different cultures and people, nurtures diversity and, if undertaken responsibly and when it is safe to do so, can support communities in developing economies. How can we travel more consciously? Lonely Planet has compiled a beautiful book of sustainable destinations and ideas to help you make more conscious travel decisions and develop greener travel habits, so you can make a positive impact while seeing the wonders of the world.…

Vale de Moses, high in the Serra da Estrela, is one of the top five yoga retreats in Europe. Retreat at any time of the year for inspirational yoga, suitable for all, healing massages and nourishing, plant-based food. Enjoy your practice in a beautiful glass shala with incredible views; explore pine forests; wild swim and mud bathe in rivers and immerse yourself in nature. Our winner will glamp in the heart of the forest. To enter, go to tinyurl.com/winportugal. Closing date is 11 May 2020. There is no cash alternative to the prize. Prices from £812 pp per week. If you don’t want to wait to hear if you’ve been lucky enough to win, all readers have a 5% discount if you quote ‘Psychologies2020’ when reserving your place online. valedemoses.com;…

Kellie Anderson is a cancer health educator at Maggie’s Cancer Caring Centre in Edinburgh, with an MSc in public health. Her blog, kelliesfoodtoglow.com (or @food_to_glow on Instagram), is full of nutritious recipes. Try her mouthwatering ‘Low-carb cauliflower rosti with smoked salmon’, her immune-boosting ‘Turmeric, lentil and lemon broth’ or something sweet, such as her ‘Chocolate-chip cashew butter blondies’. It’s feel-good food that’s good for you.…