Innholdsfortegnelse for Spring 2021 i O, Quarterly

Are you at the end of your tether? Are you frazzled and frayed in mind, body, and soul? If so, you’re in good company. People all over this planet are physically, emotionally, and spiritually spent. The past year has challenged us all. We’ve lost loved ones. We’ve lost jobs. At times we may have even lost faith. But the most beautiful thing about humanity, if you choose to see it this way, is that the moments when we are most tested are the moments where holiness abides. What can you do to survive and thrive in challenging times? That’s what this magazine is all about. It’s the first of O’s quarterly editions, and the theme is resilience: You’ll discover ways to nurture the resilience you already carry within, tips on…

NEPAL Chef Rachana Nepali Pizza Makes 4 to 6 pizzas Total time: 1 hour, 30 minutes 1 cup finely ground semolina flour1 tsp. kosher salt1 Tbsp. sugar1 tsp. garam masala1 tsp. ground cumin1 cup plain yogurt3 tsp. olive oil, divided1 cup diced carrot1 green bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and diced1 red bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and diced1 yellow bell pepper, stemmed, seeded, and diced1 cup diced plum tomatoes or halved cherry tomatoes¹/³ cup Maggi Hot & Sweet Tomato Chilli Sauce1 tsp. dried oregano1 tsp. dried basil1 tsp. baking soda1 Tbsp. unsalted butter, divided1 cup grated Parmesan cheese1½ cups shredded mozzarella cheese1 Tbsp. chopped scallion greens, for garnish 1. Preheat oven to 400ºF. Line two half sheet pans with parchment paper. 2. In a medium mixing bowl, stir together semolina, salt,…

In an essential new book, Sanjay Gupta, MD, offers sage advice on how to increase your brain power. AT THE HEIGHT of the pandemic, as we stayed glued to the TV for guidance on navigating our new reality, Sanjay Gupta, MD, CNN’s chief medical correspondent, was always there to offer straight talk and reality checks alongside glimpses of hope. Like Anthony Fauci, MD, he can deliver bad news while simultaneously managing to sound soothing. Now Gupta, who’s also a neurosurgeon, is offering comfort on another front. In his new book, Keep Sharp: Build a Better Brain at Any Age (Simon & Schuster), he makes the case for the brain’s remarkable resilience and explains how we can continually nourish and strengthen its capabilities, no matter where we are on life’s journey.…

I USED TO think yoga was a series of poses you had to endure in order to get to the lying-down part. Then, eight years ago, I discovered a practice that turned this idea on its head. I’d been searching for a way to heal a literal pain in my butt, ease my constant fear of losing my job, and fix a strained relationship. What I found was restorative yoga. Think of it as lazy yoga—comatose yoga, even. In a typical class (most studios offer them, and you can find recorded restorative sessions on yoga apps and YouTube), you usually do fewer poses but hold each one longer, staying in it for anywhere from five to 30 minutes. And instead of actively stretching your muscles, you use props—blankets, straps, blocks,…

ANN FRIEDMAN AND AMINATOU SOW, authors of Big Friendship and hosts of the podcast Call Your Girlfriend, may have become fast pals at a mutual friend’s Gossip Girl watch party more than a decade ago, but that doesn’t mean their relationship has always been easy. We chatted with the duo to learn how they’ve maintained their bond—and how it holds them together when everything else seems to be falling apart. You describe your relationship as a “big friendship,” which is also the title of your book. What does that term mean to you? Ann Friedman: We came up with it to describe a life-affirming, life-changing, long-term connection between friends. We both have several “best friends”—we’re lucky that way—and words like “bestie” or “BFF” seem a little childish for the type…

“If you think of a dialogue as a dance with ideas, then finding a philosophical counselor is like finding a dance partner,” says Lou Marinoff, PhD. “You may need to try a few to meet the right one for you.” A good place to start is by scrolling through the practitioner directories at the American Philosophical Practitioners Association (appa.edu) and the National Philosophical Counseling Association (npcassoc.org). Counselors draw from a wide range of approaches and styles, so once you have some names, check out a practitioner’s website to get a sense of their methods, then reach out to see if the issue you’d like to think about is a good fit for their style of counseling.…

THICH NHAT HANH Oprah: As a Buddhist monk, you use the word suffering a lot. I think many people think suffering is dire starvation or poverty. But when you speak of suffering, you mean what? Thich Nhat Hanh: I mean the fear, the anger, the despair, the anxiety in us. If you can deal with that, then you’ll be able to handle problems of war and poverty and conflicts. If we have fear and despair, we cannot remove the suffering in society. OW: The nature of Buddhism, as I understand it, is to believe that we are all pure and radiant at our core. And yet we see around us so much evidence that people are not acting from that place. How do we reconcile that? TNH: Well, happiness and…

IN THE SUMMER of 2008, my then-8-year-old daughter and I returned to New York City after I didn’t get the very lucrative job I’d hoped for in another city. Let’s go home, honey, I said, and downsize into simplicity. And so we came back to our tiny fifth-floor walk-up apartment in the West Village, gave away or stored a lot of our stuff, and resettled into a space the size of a very small houseboat. Within two months the economy began to wobble and then falter. It seemed a good time to read the series I’d known as the Little House on the Prairie books, written by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I’d never read them as a child, had only glimpsed the TV series. Now, autumn was upon us, and we…

Melon-Dramatic We’re guessing you took one look at this feeds-15 confection and immediately bought three, but if you’re still reading: The cake is red vanilla, the frosting is cream cheese, the “watermelon seeds” are chocolate chips, the whole thing stands nearly seven inches, and…are you still there? (Flour Shop watermelon cake, $190; williams-sonoma.com) Mix It Up Each of these stainless steel bands (available with silver, gold, or rose gold plating) comes with two interchangeable crystal toppers in funky colors. All you have to do is screw in a different Swarovski sparkler as the mood strikes. (Curated Qudo ring and topper box set, originally from $100 to $155, now 20 percent off with code OPRAH; qudo-lizas.com) The Best of Loaf Worlds Olive butterflies, pepper sunbursts, and parsley flowers are just a…

Since certain areas of the brain that process smell and emotion are linked, some scents can have a mood-boosting effect. For an instant uplift, spritz on a fragrance containing notes of peppermint or rosemary, which studies have shown can increase alertness. For extra punch when you need to get through another day of virtual homeschooling, try a scent with hints of grapefruit, which may help alleviate negative emotional/states like fatigue, tension, and agitation.…

YOUR HUSBAND SNIPES that you forgot to pay the Visa bill again, and the sobs start to build in your throat. Does he think you’re an idiot? Everything’s gone wrong today! On top of that, you’ve tossed and turned three nights in a row, and now your eyeballs feel as if they’ve been rolled in sand. You fear you may be losing your grip. What is going on? When we’re tired, we feel less equipped to handle life—because we are less equipped to handle life. Getting too little sleep can affect our powers of emotional control and regulation, as well as our ability to think a few steps ahead. These higher-level functions, managed by an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, begin to shut down when we’re insufficiently…

A FEW YEARS ago, I was speaking at a church event in the Midwest when a woman in the audience stood to ask a question. Before she even opened her mouth, I got a vibe off this person, and that vibe was: neglect. I don’t mean to say that she wasn’t tending to her beauty regimen (honestly, who cares?); I mean this woman just looked neglected—the way an unloved animal looks after years of disregard. She emanated stress and loneliness. Then she asked her question, and she really broke my heart. “I don’t understand what people mean when they say we’re supposed to love ourselves,” she said. She began to cry. “How do I do that?” She stared at me with desperation in her eyes, and I saw it again:…

Philosophy can inspire societal shifts as well as individual growth. “Good philosophy can offer tools to think critically, question whole systems. Why does society treat some people unfairly? What is my role in that? We can’t address a problem if we don’t understand it.” Our assumptions can divide us. “For instance, a parent with rigid beliefs about how boys and girls should act may struggle to support their child whose gender is fluid and dynamic. The parent may feel conflicted: I can’t make sense of their gender identity because it doesn’t align with what I believe. But I love my child. Identifying basic assumptions—What messages about gender have I learned from society and taken for granted? Who benefits from them, and who is harmed?—can pave the way for reconnection.” Resilience happens…

HAWA DIALLO is growing more fretful by the minute. She can’t be late for her new job. But the cab driver doesn’t know the town of Hastingson-Hudson, New York, 15 miles from Hawa’s neighborhood in the Bronx, and he’s circling the streets while she tries to find the address from the caregiving agency. Then she sees a woman standing in front of one of the big, porch-lined houses, smiling and waving both arms. That must be the daughter, Hawa thinks, surprised that someone would run out into a winter night just for her. Inside, the house is warm, filled with books and paintings. Instantly Hawa feels calmer, comforted somehow. It’s like she’s in her own mother’s house again, though it’s very different. In the living room, Hawa’s new client, Charlotte,…

1 POISED FOR GREATNESS Oprah gave this meaningful stunner to 23-year-old poet Amanda Gorman for her epic reading at President Joe Biden’s inauguration. The ring paid homage to I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings author Dr. Maya Angelou, who received a gift from Oprah before her address at Bill Clinton’s 1993 ceremony. $1,290; ofrareorigin.com 2 CHECK IT OUT Sometimes you need a striking jacket for those Zoom calls. This one has structure, but the happy plaid and puffed sleeves add playfulness to the polish. Smythe, $695; available April 30 at shopsmythe.com 3 PRETTY IN PASTELS This is no ordinary sweatshirt. Extra cozy, it feels fresh thanks to color blocking and a button collar. $60; landsend.com 4 FACE VALUE Cheery instead of clinical, these neon disposable KN95 masks are the…

Secret Sauce For nearly seven million years, the women of Chad have been rubbing the pulverized seeds of the Croton gratissimus, or chébé, tree into their enviably long hair to keep it strong and healthy. Now, native Chadian Salwa Petersen thinks it’s time we all had access to this miracle powder—it’s the star ingredient in her new hair cream. Liquid Gold For all those with tightly coiled strands: French hairstylist Frédéric Fekkai’s iconic shea butter collection—a onetime Oprah’s Favorite Thing—is back, and this deeply hydrating oil is the pièce de résistance. Staying Power I’m going to let you in on a little trade secret: Dabbing unscented body oil onto your pulse points before you spritz on perfume helps any fragrance last longer. Here the layering is done for you, so…

AS A HEALTH PSYCHOLOGIST, I used to spread the word that stress was toxic and should be avoided at all costs. Then I found a scientific study that shocked me: In 1998, nearly 30,000 U.S. adults were asked how much stress they’d experienced in the past year and whether they believed it was harmful to their health; eight years later, researchers found that high levels of stress increased the risk of dying, by 43 percent—but only among the people who thought stress was very harmful. The people who reported high levels of stress but didn’t believe it was harmful had a lower risk of death than anyone, even those who had less stress to begin with. That study led me to explore other research and engage in conversations with experts…

“WHAT IS HAPPENING to my life?” said Dorothy, exhaustedly sipping a triple espresso across the table from me. “Did I do something to deserve this?” By “this,” Dorothy meant a series of crises that had recently hit her like a gang of meth-crazed prizefighters. Her husband had filed for divorce—a week after she lost her job, the same day she was diagnosed with diabetes. Then her best friend moved away. Now Dorothy was caring for both her aging parents while paying an expensive divorce lawyer. “I don’t think I can go on,” she said. “Why is all this happening at once?” “Well,” I said, “according to probability theory, random events can run in streaks. It’s like patterned disorder, and in nature it creates beautiful things.” Dorothy looked as though I’d…

1 KNOW YOUR LIMITS “There’s a notion in Kabbalah known as tzimtzum, or constriction: When God created the world, he limited his powers so we could have free will. You can take comfort in the limits of your powers, too. Like God, you do not control everything. What you can control is what you do and do not engage with. When you face a tough situation you can’t change, you can grieve that there is nothing to be done—and then you can be done with it. There’s freedom in that.” —Rabbi Edwin Goldberg, author of Saying No and Letting Go 2 WRITE IT DOWN “When you’re reeling during a big change, get your worst-and best-case scenarios down on paper. Doing so helps you see the situation more clearly and develop…

TEN MONTHS INTO quarantine, the passage of time began to confuse me. Life became smaller, and the graywash routine of it made the hours creep by. At the same time, I felt my “real” life was flashing by somewhere out there, a trail of missed opportunities in its wake. In December, my elderly in-laws died of Covid—one, two, a painful reminder of death’s inevitability. Sitting silently on my sofa, between slugs of warming wine, I pondered in earnest. Was I using my time here well? I had experienced depression before and been gratefully righted by therapy and medication. This was different; this stew felt more existential. I decided to consult a philosophical counselor. I’d come across the concept during some 2 a.m. doomscrolling. A newish breed of helpers, philosophical counselors…

“He who has a why in life can bear almost any how.”—NIETZSCHE Reflect on your own why to discover your purpose. What’s your reason to get up in the morning? “It could be appreciating beauty, caring for others, being creative, fighting for social change,” says Cleary. “The answer will be different for everyone.” “The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.”—EPICTETUS, from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday The Stoic philosophers believed this distinction—between what we can change and that which we cannot—was crucial to a good life. “There is so much not in our control. An illness. A…

I STARTED TAKING spin classes in 2018 at a local gym because I felt sexy riding in the dark, my quads firing, my feet finding the songs’ beats. I kept spinning because the studio’s darkness became a sanctuary, a place I could bring my burdens. When I awaited my then 7-year-old son’s test results after a seizure, and when my friend prepared for her heart transplant, I dragged myself onto the bike. Pushing against the weight of the flywheel, silently praying beneath the noise, lightened the emotional load I carried in my chest. But in mid-March 2020, days after my son and I flew home from his appointment at the Cleveland Clinic, the world shut down, taking my gym with it. It took about four minutes of unsuccessful kettlebell wielding…

WHENEVER AN UNWELCOME shift occurs in her life, even if it’s something small—a restaurant goes out of business, a teacup shatters—my mother always says the same thing: “There is no refuge from change in the cosmos.” Some changes are lightning fast. Others take a long time to fully reveal themselves. When a star dies, the darkness left by its absence ripples through the universe at the speed of light, which may seem impossibly fast—but over the great distances of space, even that isn’t fast enough. The dead stars appear to shine, but in reality they’re long gone. The defining change of my life was the death of my father. I was 14. For years I would dream he’d returned with an elaborate explanation for where he’d been, then I’d wake…