Innholdsfortegnelse for November - December 2016 i Metro NZ

01 Seriously, who hasn’t picked up someone in an airport for a quick shag before takeoff? 02 You’ve never been crass enough to film others at it, though, eh? 03 How pleased was God to discover Helen Kelly is on the side of the angels? 04 Practising your resting Gilda face? 05 Angela’s really enhanced Brand Stone, eh? 06 As in, sunk like one? 07 Will Chloe be PM before she’s mayor? 08 Will the Education Minister go back to being plain old Lady Hekia now? 09 “Chocolate butter”, because “sugar lard” has an image issue? 10 Chocolate butter: middle-class spread meets middle-aged spread? 11 Wish you could vote Hillary to get a blow job from Madonna? 12 You know she’s 58. right? 13 Isn’t the cruel and unusual cutting…

Is it a boy or a girl? The cry of dads all around New Zealand when their kids started bouncing around the living room to Culture Club. Is it a boy or a girl, the dads demanded, warming to their theme, every week for the six weeks “Karma Chameleon” was at number one. It’s hard to remember just how challenging it was to see someone like Boy George in 1983. We’d seen men in drag but they were parodies like Dame Edna Everage and Danny La Rue. Boy George was not a joke; instead, he bordered on the exquisite. What did it mean for the mainstream to enjoy his performances, or more shockingly, find him attractive? “I’m a man,” he sang, “who doesn’t know how to sell a contradiction.” Au…

To be considered for the top 50, cafes had to be open for at least one month at the time of judging. There are a number of new openings that missed this deadline, and so we’ll be back to judge: Hipgroup’s new flagship store Amano Brian & Roselle Campbell’s second pâtisserie and cafe Miann Britomart Revamped Morningside community cafe Crave Mt Eden institution Frasers, which was closed at the time of judging. Kindred, the new waterfront all-day eatery from the owners of Miss Clawdy .…

BRACU 49 Main Rd, Bombay Ph: 09 236-1030 www.bracu.co.nz Offering elegant and contemporary dining in an exceptional setting, Bracu is Auckland’s finest country restaurant. CAFE MIDNIGHT EXPRESS 59 Victoria St West, Auckland CBD Ph: 303-0312 www.cafemidnightexpress.co.nz Located in the heart of Auckland’s CBD and with its unique décor, Cafe Midnight Express offers Mediterranean and authentic Turkish cuisine, fine wine and a pleasant ambience. Belly dance performance every Friday and Saturday nights. HONEY CAFE 12 Huron St, Takapuna, Ph: 489-4000 Mon-Fri 7am-3pm, Sat-Sun 8am-3pm www.honeycafe.co.nz Honey Cafe has created a stir within the Takapuna cafe scene for its great food and coffee in a funky, fresh space. Our team have a passion for customer service with a warm welcome and friendly smile to make you feel right at home. WILLOW CAFE…

Millennials. Lazy and entitled. Addicted to their phones, no political interests beyond the tips of their little button noses, always moaning about student loans and house prices yet still going out partying and buying expensive clothes. So preoccupied with themselves that, according to a recent story in the Guardian , they’re having much less sex than previous generations. Gen Xers were bone idle, too, but at least they had the energy to bang each other. Such, at least, are the vitriolic falsehoods perpetrated every day by people in power. And it is all, of course, complete rubbish. These are the kids we weaned on the promises of the free market. They’re also the ones who’re going to have to fix the mess we’re in. And they’re going…

It was Kahlua and milk and sticky carpet and pub rock. It was the soundtrack of possibility. Anyone of a certain vintage remembers the moment. It was 1983 and you were lounging in the lounge when a person of indeterminate gender exploded into the room courtesy of TV1. Or was it TV2? Either way — and there were only two back then — you couldn’t stop staring at the spectacle. The braids, the makeup, the plucked eyebrows, the flat chest, the deep voice. What the …? Is that a boy or a girl, squeaked dad, squinting at the screen from the depths of the recliner. And you didn’t know what to say, because you couldn’t work it out either, and the very fact of that blew your mind. All you…

Rachel Soh Photographer She’s been working as a photographer for 16 years, but time hasn’t dimmed the appeal for Rachel Soh. “It’s become an obsession that only ever grows with each new place I see and person I meet,” she says. With Caitlin McKone, Soh shot our Top 50 Cafes feature in this issue. She also photographed Auckland’s coffee industry movers and shakers at Metro’s first coffee symposium (see page 70). “I photograph such a variety of subjects, but I always really enjoy documenting people who are passionate about what they do.”…

Key, English and Bridges aren’t going to take orders from Mr 18 Per Cent. There are many Phil Goffs. There’s the long-haired student radical protesting the Vietnam War and paying his way working at the freezing works. There’s the short-back-and-sides 30-something Rogernome of the 1980s, introducing student fees and explaining why unemployed freezing workers were just part of the necessary reform process. There’s the 90s version, certain Labour turning left was a mistake and working to undermine Helen Clark. There’s the 2000s Phil Goff, who loyally carried out her foreign policy, signed the free-trade deal with China and launched the negotiations with the United States for the Trans Pacific Partnership. And then of course there’s the version of the 2010s: first being pushed by the Labour left to front the…

“Edison bulbs” “Putting a smoothie in a bowl rather than a glass does not make it a new category of food, nor is it any healthier.” “When there are no dogs around that day.” “Cutlery wrapped in a soggy paper napkin. Why?” “Adding an inch-deep cinnamon dusting to my coffee without asking #spiceupyourlife!” “‘Lifestyle’ bloggers hitting up Eighthirty High Street with amateur photo shoots, complete with multiple seat and outfit changes.” “Serving the food in hats instead of on plates.” “No Coffee News available.” “ Coffee News available.” “Elaborate donut constructions.” “Eggs on toast that cost more than $10.90.” “Words of inspiration written on pavement chalkboards. Shut up! I just want a coffee.” “Some grubby old man walking around the place pulling girls’…

AVONDALE ROSEBANK KITCHEN 2 Jomac Place CENTRAL CITY BEST UGLY BAGELS City Works Depot, 90 Wellesley St THE BOTANIST City Works Depot, 90 Wellesley St CHUFFED 43 High St EIGHTHIRTY HIGH ST Ground floor, 35 High St FEDERAL DELICATESSEN 86 Federal St GREEDY GUTS 44 Wellesly St West IMA 53 Fort St THE LUNCHROOM Level 1, 45 Queen St MAJOR SPROUT 21 Graham St MISTERS 12 Wyndham St OAKEN 130 Quay St ODETTES City Works Depot, 90 Wellesley St ORTOLANA The Pavilions, 31 Tyler St, Britomart SCRATCH HEADQUARTERS 5 Graham St EASTERN SUBURBS GOOD DAY 3/78 Coates Ave, Orakei ST HELIERS BAY CAFE & BISTRO 387 Tamaki Drive, St Heliers TRUE FOOD & YOGA 19 Tamaki Drive, Orakei GRAFTON CEREMONY 7 Park Rd WELCOME EATERY 181 Grafton Rd GREY LYNN…

Review by James Wenley BILLY ELLIOT THE MUSICAL Directed by COLIN McCOLL This is a story of escaping a cultural backwater, valuing artistic expression, putting on a huge fundraising drive, and achieving the dream that many thought impossible. Billy Elliot is a very good stand-in for the plucky Auckland Theatre Company, who have finally become the last flagship company in Australasia to get their own home venue. Musicals have long been something the ATC do well. The best — I’m thinking Cabaretor Chicago— are often when they get to put their own spin on the material. This is not the case with Billy. It’s modelled off the 2005 West End production, and the recording made for the 10th anniversary has been on constant repeat as they…

It’s the diagonals meeting at the corner that hit you. After the Christchurch earthquakes, we’re seeing them everywhere — big steel struts angled at 45 degrees, designed to give strength and mitigate shaking. Auckland University’s new $145 million Science Centre, the unimaginatively named Building 302, has plenty of that kind of diagonal — solid circular steel braces bolted to massive steel flanged columns, all painted red. The muscular structural grid is mostly on the inside, threaded between the 11 floors but revealing itself at various points with a pumping iron pose. But these are not the same as the whopping diagonals that slice across the building’s Symonds St and Wellesley St East faces in an expansive corner-opening gesture. The slice separates the façades into light and dark — below the…

Reviews by Gary Steel ALONE THE PRETENDERS (LIBERATOR) Ever since Rick Rubin revitalised the career of Johnny Cash, there’s been a mini-industry of producer savants looking to hook their tentacles into burnt-out stars, seeking ways to extricate them from set templates and play on their intrinsic strengths. While Rubin somehow convinced old gravel voice to take on songs by acts like Nine Inch Nails, he failed to summon quite the same resonance from Neil Diamond on his underwhelming comeback. Then there’s Dan Auerbach from The Black Keys, whose startling reanimation of New Orleans pianist Dr John in 2012, Locked Down, brought the good doctor’s voodoo funk back to full potency. The Black Keys are renowned for the way they join the dots on decades of rock and soul and…

GOOD TO KNOW BUSINESS AS USUAL: HOW TO TELL EVERYTHING IS NORMAL IN THE RETAIL SECTOR • Bedpost has a sale on. • The catalogues on the hall table show your No Circulars sticker still isn’t working. • The EA Games store has a sale on. • Three people were trampled in the H&M opening stampede. • The Briscoes lady says there’s a sale on. HARAMBE’S HEROES: LOCAL ANIMAL MARTYRS WE SHOULD HONOUR • Tiddles, first to fall on the barricades in the Gareth Morgan uprisings. • The Unknown Skink. • Muffin, Rex and Bootsy, the Dangerous Dog Cull Three. • Chompy, third-generation petting-zoo goat and nanny rights campaigner, killed in the Pak’nSave meat counter riots. • DuckPower members lost in the Domain Drive crossing massacre of 2015. • Whole…

AT THE WALTERS PRIZE DINNER AT AUCKLAND ART GALLERY OPENING NIGHT OF BILLY ELLIOT AT ASB WATERFRONT THEATRE…

Watching Denyce Su’a and Lauie Tofa gave me the distinct feeling of seeing stars in the making. “Sorry for the delay, talk to the person next to you while you wait. Chances are, you’re related.” As I looked across the Mangere Arts Centre, the voice that had just come over the speaker was right — opposite were two of my aunties. A few seats down were my parents. Sitting next to us was a guy my cousin had gone to school with. My cousin Lauie Tofa was the lead in the play we were there to see. It was the closing night of Macbeth, presented by South Auckland theatre company the Black Friars. The show was sold out, but they still let my aunties in. It’s possible I would have…

“Waving us down.” “Not asking how my day has been. It’s part of an unwritten customer/server code that you do.” “Stacking plates is way less helpful than you might think. We appreciate the sentiment, but just let us do it.” “People mispronouncing wine names with the utmost conviction.” “Classic hospo jokes like ‘Can’t you see we hated it?’ when the plates are clean, or ‘Do you want to see some ID?’ when asking for alcohol from the bar.” “People who order a trim hot chocolate or a trim coffee with a side of full-fat breakfast.” “Extra-hot flat whites.” “Not disclosing your dietary requirements when you’re given the chance to do so, and then trying to send food back because you can’t eat it or ‘don’t like it’.” “Split bills. Even…

Shockingly, there were no RHOAKL stars in True Food and Yoga either time I visited. There goes my theory about this place being the near-perfect expression of a certain Auckland zeitgeist. Bronagh and Stephie Key were there, however, having a nice quiet lunch. Are they higher or lower on the pecking order than Champagne Lady? It’s so hard to keep up. The food is very, very good. Chef Nic Watt, the entrepreneur behind Masu on Federal St, is the real deal: a technical expert whose every dish reveals a striking creative confidence. A simple nicoise salad is elegantly presented, the ingredients carefully chosen — including hunks of smoked kahawai and those large white anchovies known in Spain as boquerones — but its real treat is the…

WHAT LIES BEYOND THE MASK? Embark on a nostalgic adventure back in time! Take a whip through the past century, dance like it’s 1984 with Madonna’s Like A Virgin, take in the vintage market stalls and make-up demonstration or be serenaded by the famous tunes of the Andrews Sisters › there’s bound to be a decade to suit everyone! For more information, visit motat.org.nz. CREATE A NEW FAVOURITE Get creative with Santa Rosa’s new Sliced and Shredded Roast Chicken. Discover just how easy good food can be. Ready to eat and with a four-health-star rating, Santa Rosa Chicken is a deliciously versatile product that will inspire a range of simple and tasty meals. It’s today’s way to enjoy chicken. RRP $9.95. REAL-WORLD DRIVING Brand-new Mazda CX-9 redefines the seven-seat family…

He’s used to populating novels with unreliable narrators, and honest enough to admit to being one himself. Reviews by Noelle McCarthy THE PIGEON TUNNEL: STORIES FROM MY LIFE JOHN LE CARRÉ (PENGUIN, $38) At some point, writes John le Carré, all of his novels have been called the Pigeon Tunnel. The name refers to a terrifying anecdote about pigeons reared to fly from a tunnel into the guns of “well-lunched sporting gentlemen” in Monte Carlo; those that survive the slaughter return to their roosts, ready to repeat the cycle. Le Carré does not explain why this vision of calculated savagery has so haunted him, but it’s characteristic of a writer who has spent six decades using his proximity to the heart of the British Establishment all the better to expose…

LAWN COTTAGES 527 Lawn Rd, Clive Ph: 06 870-0302 I 021-365-229 info@lawncottages.co.nz www.lawncottages.co.nz Retreat from everyday life in beautiful surroundings, please your senses and access the wonderful offerings of Hawke’s Bay. Three fully self-contained cottages in wonderful Clive – where we care about our guests. Packages available. BE MY GUEST Ph: 0800-400-248 www.bemyguestwaiheke.co.nz Be My Guest offers a handpicked portfolio of luxury holiday houses in Waiheke’s most sensational locations. Beachfront, bush settings, extensive sea views – we have them all! WAIHEKE BLACK SANDS LTD 141 The Strand, Onetangi, Waiheke Island, Auckland I Ph: 09 372-4484 I 021-225-3929 I info@thesandswaiheke.co.nz I www.thesandswaiheke.co.nz The Sands Apartments has a picturesque beach-front location that offers the perfect place for a holiday or conference. The Sands comprises a variety of self-service apartments and villas of varying…