There’s a terrible, apocryphal, flat-out hideous story of a man known as Everett Sanchez who, on account of a drunken bet, perched himself over a golf-ball-washing machine, opened the little lid and dipped his testicles therein. The tale continues that one of his foursome, for a jape, turned the washer’s rotary handle and wedged poor Everett’s lolly bags firmly within the mechanism. Upon immediately exceeding his pain threshold, Everett passed out, fell to the ground, snapped the brand new $300 Callaway driver he was balancing upon, and left a detached, bloodied testicle trapped within the workings of the terrible machine. Told you it was hideous.
“HE WAS LIKE SOMETHING FROM THE MIND OF STEPHEN KING, A BABY-FACED ASSASSIN, A CHILD SOLDIER. NERVELESS, RUTHLESS.” Luckily for Everett Sanchez and all those…