Innholdsfortegnelse for Issue 54 i Horrible Histories

BERNARD DE CAHUZAC FRENCH KNIGHT Brutal Bernie thought that monks and nuns were hiding treasure from him in the 1200s – so he cut off the hands and feet of 150 of them, ripped out their eyes and let them die! His peasant-slicing wife was no sweetie with a knife in her hand, either. HE’S LIKE: THE JOKER. VICTIMS GET SPECIAL MAKEOVERS! RICHARD DE CLARE EARL OF PEMBROKE, 1130-1176 De Clare was a nasty Norman knight known as ‘Strongbow’. In May 1170, he invaded a town in Ireland. He beat the Irish defenders, then took them to a cliff where he broke their arms and legs before chucking them in the sea. HE’S LIKE: BANE. A BIG, BEEFY BULLY! PHILIP AUGUSTUS FRENCH KING, 1179-1223 English King…

EXPLORING? He travelled from Venice to China, then accompanied a princess right across Sumatra, Sri Lanka and India to Iran. / 10 Polos brave treacherous mouths and sail down gullets, before visiting the exotic world of your stomach. / 10 FRESHNESS? Not good – sailors had to deal with cramped conditions, disease, poor food and bad weather. Sorry, Marco, but you stink. / 10 Extreme. Packing a powerful minty punch, Polos will mercilessly blast away pungent breath! / 10 HOLINESS? A devout Catholic, Marco unsuccessfully tried spreading his faith throughout the Mongol empire. / 10 Take a look for yourself – this mint’s got an enormous hole right in the middle of it! / 10 EASY TO GET AROUND? Mongol ruler Kublai Khan provided Marco with a special gold tablet…

Which French emperor was hit by a cannonball? Napoleon Blownapart! Which Roman emperor was constantly farting? AuGUSTus! Which ruler couldn’t ride a horse? Genghis Khan’t! Which Roman ruler died from a cold? Julius Sneezer! Which dog ate Elizabeth I’s homework? Henry CHEWdor! How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars! Why was the queen annoyed with the prince? She was having a bad HEIR day! When is a piece of plastic like a king? When it’s a ruler! DID YOU KNOW? William the Conqueror’s jester was the first casualty of the Battle of Hastings. He taunted the English by juggling a sword – he was promptly killed, starting the battle!…

3 WEIRD RESTING PLACES ! PHAROAH KHUFU Don’t know him? You know his tomb – the Great Pyramid of Giza, which for 3,800 years was earth’s tallest structure ! RICHARD III In 2013, King Richard III’s body was found underneath a car park in Leicester. It had been there for over 500 years! GENGHIS KHAN Buried in a secret spot. To keep it secret, all 1,000 men who dug his pit were executed, as was anyone who came near his funeral!…

18 Feb, 1478 Edward IV’s brother is executed at the Tower of London for treason. It’s said he was drowned in a barrel of wine! 3 Mar, 1857 The United Kingdom and France launch war on China because they don’t like the way they’re trading opium! 5 Mar, 1936 Whoosh! Legendary British fighter plane the Spitfire made its first test flight near Southampton. It reached a top speed of 330mph. 10 Mar, 1876 Inventor Alexander Graham Bell makes the first-ever successful telephone call! 13 Mar, 1881 A bomb explodes under Tsar Alexander II’s carriage. He tells everyone he’s ok, before another bomb is chucked by a terrorist and finishes him off. 15 Mar, 55BC Julius Caesar is assassinated – he’s stabbed to death in the Senate! 18 Mar, 1965 Russian…

BAKING MAD Alfred once took shelter in a peasant’s cottage. The peasant asked him to keep an eye on her baking cakes, but he burned them and she went potty! Months later, he made a deal with the Vikings – they got to keep the north and east of England, and he and his people kept the west and south. How crazy is that? He split a country, but you couldn’t trust him to split a cake in two!…

FRENCH KNIGHTS AT AGINCOURT CHUMP STATS: IDIOTIC ACT: 6 LOL FACTOR: 7 CALAMITOUS CONSEQUENCE: 5 YOUR CHUMP RATING: /10 These suckers should have crushed the English, but they charged straight into a sticky, muddy field, where they got stuck. The English archers had no problem shooting them! TROJAN DEFENDERS CHUMP STATS: IDIOTIC ACT: 7 LOL FACTOR: 6 CALAMITOUS CONSEQUENCE: 7 YOUR CHUMP RATING: /10 These besieged boneheads were supposedly undone when they took in a giant wooden horse left outside by the Greeks. It turned out to be full of enemy troops, who let the Greek army in. Oops. FIELD MARSHAL HAIG CHUMP STATS: IDIOTIC ACT: 9 LOL FACTOR: 0 CALAMITOUS CONSEQUENCE: 10 YOUR CHUMP RATING: /10 At the Battle of the Somme, this joke of a general ordered his…

1 Nasty Nazi Adolf Hitler said the secret to his success was a glass of warm milk before bed every night! TRUE ? FALSE ? 2 Henry VIII executed one of his advisors because he didn’t like the terrible Tudor king’s poems! TRUE ? FALSE ? 3 Ruthless Raider Genghis Khan ordered his army to kill a million people in a single day! TRUE ? FALSE ? 4 When burning prisoners at the stake, Mary Tudor tied gunpowder to their legs – she thought she was being kind! TRUE ? FALSE ? If you got at least one right, you’re ready to seize power!…

HENRY VIII & THOMAS CROMWELL BEZZIES Cromwell was Henry VIII’s adviser and close friend. The King gave Thomas lots of land and trusted him to sort out really important issues – that’s how close they were! ENEMIES Henry VIII had Cromwell executed in 1540. Crommers didn’t even get a trial. Chop! WHY DID THEY FALL OUT? A CROMWELL ARRANGED HENRY’S MARRIAGE TO ANNE OF CLEVES ? B CROMWELL TOLD HENRY TO LOSE WEIGHT ? JULIUS CAESAR & MARCUS BRUTUS BEZZIES Roman Emperor Julius Caesar promoted his politician friend Marcus Brutus to some really important positions. Caesar even went out with Brutus’ mum! ENEMIES Brutus, and others, stabbed Caesar to death. As Caesar lay dying, he was horrified to see that his ‘friend’ Brutus was one of the men who killed…

WHAT TO DO Scribble down your first name, add ‘the’ then use the first letter of your hometown plus your month of birth to figure out your nickname. So, Harry from Falkirk born in January would be Harry the High-noon Kid! 1 FIRST LETTER OF YOUR HOMETOWN A Railroad B Raging C Ranch D Rhinestone E Canyon F High-noon G Quick H Wild I Wicked J Tombstone K Sundance L Mountain M Slick N Lasso O Minetrain P Yee-Haw Q Ugly R Saloon S Barnyard T Buffalo U Golden V Cowardly W Ten-shot X Blazin’ Y Rootin’- tootin’ Z Prairie 2 MONTH OF BIRTH January Kid February Wrangler March Shooter April Rider May Catcher June Keeper July Blacksmith August Thief September Deputy October Sheriff November Prospector December Gunslinger Hey, y’all!…

SWAGCHAT What better way for pirates to boast about their treasure hauls than a photo app that deletes the evidence before the authorities see it? SHIPPY MAPPER The ocean’s vast, and looks pretty much the same. Good thing Blackbeard’s got this handy GPS map to show him where all the richest ships are! ANGRY PARROTS Blackbeard got easily bored. Despite a pardon, he returned to piracy. This fun app would keep him busy! CREWTUBE Blackbeard was scary, and he’d be able to spread that fear with a viral video of him feeding a troublesome crew member their ears! BEARDBOOK Blackbeard loved showing his beard off. With this app he could share a video of his infamous trick – he’d tie lit fuses into it to make him look like a…

STEP 1 MARTIN SAYS: “Start off with a stick frame. This peasant is leaning forward a little, so that means his upper body looks a bit shorter.” TOP TIP Leave the detail of the face until you’ve sketched out the body. STEP 2 MARTIN SAYS: “Use a ruler to get the position of his pitchfork right and draw it in.” STEP 3 MARTIN SAYS: “Once I’m happy with the pencil lines I go over them in ink.” STEP 4 MARTIN SAYS: “If something feels wrong don’t be afraid to correct it.” TOP TIP Rub your pencil lines out when the ink has fully dried. STEP 5 MARTIN SAYS: “Although the peasants’ clothes didn’t change much over the years, their hats did. This guy is from the Peasants’ Revolt era.” STEP…

On 23 February 1836 , Mexican troops attacked soldiers from the Republic of Texas, USA, in the famous Battle of the Alamo . Spot the TEN warring words hidden below! TRAGIC TRAVIS! On 6 March, the Mexicans launched their final assault and claimed victory. The Texan commander, William B. Travis, refused to surrender and was shot and killed while firing his shotgun over the chapel wall. He had written several letters pleading for reinforcements, but was stuck with roughly 250 men against 1,800 Mexicans! TUDOR TRIVIA! Tackle these Tudor teasers from the era’s first king, Henry VII! Crime Time! Henry says: Match these crimes to punishments that happened in Tudor times! 1. Being a tramp A . You are boiled in water or lead 2. Poisoning a man B .…