Innholdsfortegnelse for Issue 59 i Horrible Histories

7 Sep, 1533 A fresh-faced Elizabeth I is born – not so fresh later in life, when her white face paint ate into her skin! 15 Sep, 1916 A tank was used in battle for the first time by the Brits in the First World War. The first model was called ‘Little Willie’! 16 Sep, 1420 Spanish torturer Tomás de Torquemada is born. Instead of birthday candles, he’ll spend his life burning people – 2,000 of them. 20 Sep, 1519 Portuguese sailor Ferdinand Magellan sets sail for China with 237 men – but not enough food. Just 18 get home. Magellan isn’t one of them!…

1 HENRY VIII Fear Factor: Tens of thousands were executed under his reign. Who did he send to death? 2 ELIZABETH I Fear Factor: Walked around her palace carrying a rusty sword. Who did she send to death? 3 EDWARD I Fear Factor: He went to war with France, Scotland and Wales. Who did he send to death? 4 MAX ROBESPIERRE Fear Factor: Led a revolution, killing anyone who complained. Who did he send to death?…

HORRIBLE HUNTS! Smart Homo sapiens invented the axe 700,000 years ago, but it wasn’t much use against bigger animals. So they’d chase their prey into sticky swamps, or off cliffs and then finish the job at the bottom. DOWN 1. An asteroid wiped these out before the Stone Age and humans came along! 2. Which age followed the Stone and Bronze Age? Clue: A parent does it to your clothes! 4. These have been found on the walls of caves! 6. A period of freezing cold that lasted 10,000 years! 7. Which creatures were sabre-toothed – cats or dogs? ACROSS 3. Man discovered this one million years ago! 5. An elephant-like animal from the Stone Age! 8. A type of human that died out in 30,000 BC! 9. The pointy…

ANNE BOLEYN Got the chop in: 1536 Sob story: With no baby boy after three years of marriage, Henry VIII sent her for the chop – saying she had five boyfriends. But he was kind and got an expert swordsman so her head would come off quicker! MARIE ANTOINETTE Got the chop in: 1793 Sob story: She didn’t get the public vote! The peckish and poor people of France revolted against King Louis XVI (not Louis Walsh,) and Queen Marie, sending them to the guillotine. WILLIAM WALLACE Got the chop in: 1305 Sob story: Wallace's fight for Scottish independence came to a sticky end. He was taken to London and, in front of a crowd, he got it in the neck twice – first he was hanged, then he got…

DANCING PLAGUE OF 1518! The weirdest story in history? In 1518, a lady called Mrs Troffea began dancing in the street in France. One problem – she couldn’t stop. Around 400 people joined her, dancing for days without rest… many, to their death . Local doctors didn’t know what to do – so the town built a stage and hired musicians for the dancers . It may have been food poisoning. Nobody really knows!…

Do you joke about much on set? Richard says: “The real question is – do we ever do any work on set? It’s all joking about! We’re dressed up in ridiculous costumes singing about poo!” What’s the grossest scene you’ve done? Richard says: “I had to do a scene with a pretend dead dog, and when I pressed a certain part of his body it kept weeing. So of course, I kept pressing it and it kept weeing over the cast!” Who’s your favourite Horrible Histories character? Richard says: “I really enjoyed playing a French hairdresser that had to do crazy operations for the King – on his bottom! It got very daft, and I couldn’t believe I was doing it all on TV!” If you could be anyone from…

STARTERS FISH EYES EATEN BY: GEORGIANS Squash, then rub on your teeth to cure toothache! PIG FOOT EATEN BY: CELTS Chewy trotter-on-the-bone from the finest farmyard feet! POOTATO WEDGES EATEN BY: INCANS NEW FLAVOUR! They’re cooked over a fire of llama poo! MAIN MEALS LIVE PARROTS EATEN BY: ROMANS Just like Emperor Elagabalus used to make for his guests! DORMICE EATEN BY: ROMANS Stuffed and roasted with honey. Mmm! MONKEY HEAD EATEN IN: SECOND WORLD WAR Boiled up on the stove, it’s a classic from wartime Asia! POLAR BEAR EATEN BY: VIKINGS MEAL DEAL! Keep the skin to make your winter clothes! KANGAROO EATEN IN: FIRST WORLD WAR Killed in Berlin Zoo by starving Germans! PUTRID PIES EATEN IN: MIDDLE AGES A trio of mini-pies – one eel, one snail,…

1 Admiral Nelson, Britain’s most famous sailor, gives a rousing speech to the men on his ship. But what happens next? A) He gets very, very seasick B) He runs away from a battle C) He executes a goat for disobedience 2 Why is this Celt so mad? A)He had to fight ten polar bears B) His proud leader has just been beaten in battle C) Someone’s pinched his fork 3 During the French Revolution, Maximilien Robespierre sent hundreds of people to the guillotine. A man called Merda shot Robespierre in the jaw. What happened next? A) Merda wrote a letter saying he was sorry B) Robespierre and Merda became friends C) Robespierre was guillotined 4 Australian outlaw Ned Kelly battled the police in 1880. Ned wore body armour made…

1 The answer is A!  Nelson joined the Navy aged 12, but suffered from seasickness all his life. Worse, he lost an arm fighting in Tenerife the sight in one eye fighting in Corsica, and his life at the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. 2 The answer is B! The warriors had just seen their queen, Boudica, being defeated by the Romans. Legend has it that she poisoned herself just so the Romans couldn’t torture her! 3 The answer is C! Robespierre was sent to the guillotine. The executioner tore off the bandage first and his wounded jaw almost fell off. A witness said, “He let out a groan like a dying tiger”. It didn’t hurt for long. 4 The answer is A! Ned didn’t cover his legs, so the…

PYRAMID PUZZLER! Fit these four foul pieces into the Aztec jigsaw to complete the picture! SICK SACRIFICES! The Aztecs made a thousand sacrifices every week. Write out the numbers 1-5 to put the rotten routine in order! MAYAN MATHS! The Mayans came up with a cool code for numbers – and the Aztecs pinched it! A dot was one and a dash was five. AWFUL INVADER! Tick the explorer that landed in the Americas in 1492!…

3 Oct, 1720 Halloween comes early. Peter the Great of Russia has his girlfriend’s lover killed – and keeps his head in a jar in their room! 6 Oct, 1014 The Bulgarian army return home from a defeat to Byzantine Emperor Basil II – minus their eyes. Basil had them blinded! 10 Oct, 1808 Two men in France fall out, so have a pistol duel – in hot air balloons! They fire until one tumbles to his death. Splat. 16 Oct, 1408 Another foul French trial is held for the killing of a child. The defendant? A PIG! The porker is found guilty and hanged.…

Norman soldiers could be very ruthless – and if they set fire to the thatch on your cottage, you’d be very ‘roofless’, too! In Norman times, young children had a tough life. Tick the awful jobs you think they had to do… Prod an ox in the bum with a sharp stick Polish the arrowheads of their dad’s arrows Cook frog’s legs and cowpats for the rich Collect firewood from the forest (watch out for wolves!) TOP TIP When you get to a number with a star next to it, lift up your pencil and start again at the next red number!…

6 PAGES OF AMAZING ANIMALS! Charles II’s astronomer quit working at the Tower of London because ravens kept pooing on him! Ancient Egyptians shaved off their eyebrows when the family cat died! William II died in 1100 when a deer dodged a hunter’s arrow and it hit him instead! Elizabeth II once had to break up a huge scrap between 10 of her corgis! Romans thought rubbing pig poo into bite wounds would cure them! BEWARE OF: DOGS, LIONS, CROCS, BEARS AND… OH, JUST BEWARE!…

THAT’S NOT VERY LICE! At the Gallipoli battles in 1915, soldiers were forced to wear the same clothes for weeks – without even taking them off! One Australian soldier finally got to take his socks off – but when he put them on the floor, the socks moved because of all the lice wriggling inside them!…

OFF YOU CHOP! 19 MAY 1536 Heartless Henry VIII is making wife Anne Boleyn a whole head shorter by having her executed. Henry said that naughty Anne flirted with other men, so she deserves to get the chop. Henry doesn’t care – he will be busy playing tennis while she is executed. Let’s hope his next wife is more of a game, set and perfect match! RECORD REIGN-FALL! 10-19 JULY 1553 Lady Jane Grey has smashed all previous records… for being on the throne for the least amount of time! Dying King Edward VI said Jane, his 15-year-old cousin, would be queen after he died. And she was – for all of nine days. Ed’s half-sister, Mary, had Jane arrested and executed, then became queen herself! DASTARDLY DICK’S DEAD! 22…

1 What’s your idea of good fashion? A. A beard is very important, even if you’re a woman. B. I have to shave off all my hair! C. Short hair. It’s too hot to have long hair if you’re working in the sun. 2 Could you be a religious leader? A. Yes, I would ask the gods to make the sun rise every morning. B. Yes, I’d make food offerings to the gods and then eat the leftovers. C. No, I’m more of a follower, really. 3 What would you do with a pyramid? A. Be buried in it. B. Prepare it for the pharaoh to spend the afterlife in. C. Spend years and years building it and then be sacrificed. 4 What do you think about war? A. It’s…