Dear Mr Fox,
A man from UKIP told me that unless I voted for Brexit, Brussels would make my goal 100ft high, force all keepers to wear curly Turkish shoes, and release psychiatric patients clutching vipers into the penalty area. Am I now safe?
J. Hart, Manchester
Dear Mr Hart,
It can't be guaranteed, but we will be negotiating to avert this mooted uber-goal clown-shoe clusterf*ck. Sincerely,
Liam Fox MP
Dear Mr Gove,
As a keen advocate of good nutrition, I’m concerned that fruit, vegetables and lean proteins might become more expensive. Can you reassure me?
A. Wenger
Enemy!
My supporters – including John Barnes, Fearne Cotton and Gandhi – think that Britain has had enough of ‘nutritionists’ like you. Expect a consignment of proper bendy ‘Brit bananas’ by 2020.…
