Innholdsfortegnelse for July/August 2021 i Cosmopolitan

100+ products tested by 17 eager Cosmo Pets™ across 50 categories for our Ver y! First! Pet Awards! Peep the winners on page 58 and at Cosmopolitan.com/PetAwards. 2,300: the number of floof pics now taking up valuable real estate on our phones. 18 pets that walked into the background of Zoom calls like they own the damn place. 4 pet models who put real models to shame?? 2 drama-loving Leo pets won over using the 10 steps on page 67. (Yes, they work on furbabies too.) 15 EDITORS WHO ARE CAT PEOPLE AND CAT PEOPLE ONLY. 7 editors in desperate need of the hot tips on page 50 bc obviously plants = pets. 1 dog that went on the DNA test quest of a lifetime to find out who they…

1. It’s time for a Net flix binge. What are you diving into? a Bridgerton. Again. b TBH, anything involving baking. c The latest truecrime doc. Lights off, volume up. 2. You got a “Sup?” from the fool who ghosted you. Your response? a No response. (Altho I *do* have my read receipts on.) b “Sorry, who’s this?” c I blatantly call them out. No rest for the wicked! 3. You’re moving into a sweet apartment next month. What’s your packing MO? a I’m hiring a luxe moving company to come and take care of that. b A little every day. I heard slow and steady wins the race. c I’ll slay that the week before the move. I’m still living here! 4. So, your hot date just called and they’ll…

There’s a reason that Hollywood seemingly has no new ideas. And that reason is money. It’s a lot safer financially to iterate on a cultural artifact that audiences know and love than to take a chance on something totally fresh. TBH, this is often great for you as a moviegoer, who will probably enjoy round two (or three or four) if you enjoyed the original. It’s kind of like how you keep buying V-neck tees from your favorite brand in slightly different colors than the ones you already own. But movie studios can’t just entirely reuse old material—remakes have to be bigger, with higher budgets and more celebrities, so they can outperform whatever came first. Sometimes this works, and sometimes…well, here are all the new films and musicals based on…

Not too long ago, I was on the brink of a major dating rut. Blame it on one “So, what are you up to this weekend?” too many. I was willing to do something/anything to escape all the boring convos that never went past surface-level niceties. So, yes, I edited myself over Phoebe Waller-Bridge in a pic of her with Andrew Scott (move your eyes to the right) and set it as my lead photo. Did I feel a little bad about lying? Sure! Did it feel good to pretend I was an award-winning TV creator? Absolutely! Anyway, there were two ways I saw this going: Guys would figure out it was a joke and we could laugh about it together, or they would think it was real and I…

I’m skeptical I am one hundred percent here for any trend that makes ppl feel gorge—it *is* Shot Girl Summer, after all. But! Something about even looking at this style makes the mom-friend in me pop out. The secondhand discomfort alone I get from imagining there’s only a piece of dental floss between my sphincter and the rest of the world is very, very real. And don’t get me started on what happens when you sit down—have we learned nothing over the past year about keeping public surfaces sanitary? So, yeah, in case it wasn’t already clear, I’m sticking to swimwear that requires a lot less upkeep in the waxing/shaving department and has the surface area for a lot more cute designs. Katie Czerwinski MOTION GRAPHICS DESIGNER I’m sold I…

RED WEAR IT FOR: passionate vibes ORANGE WEAR IT FOR: lots of lively energy YELLOW WEAR IT FOR: happy, joyful feels GREEN WEAR IT FOR: a hopeful mood BLUE WEAR IT FOR: a sense of calm PURPLE WEAR IT FOR: all the creativity PINK WEAR IT FOR: self-assurance BROWN WEAR IT FOR: a wholesome, warm aura…

This stuff must have an exceptionally good PR team: It’s hailed by everyone from influencers to your grandma as *the* ingredient that does it all. And it is true that coconut oil does some things, maybe even a lot of things, like nourishing and moisturizing when used in well-formulated products (move your eyes to the right). But when applied in its raw, straight-from-thejar state as part of a beauty routine? Not so much. Pure coconut oil is highly comedogenic (that means it’s very likely to clog your pores, even if your skin is on the dry side), says dermatologist Shari Marchbein, MD. So the next time your sister tells you she uses it as eye cream or your coworker swears it’s the reason their face is so glowy, it’s okay…

1 The rush from all that hot water and ~exfoliation~ will inspire you to finally answer an urgent email from last week. 2 One word: roommates. No soul will be loudly banging on the door during your me-time. 3 Your post-meeting belt sesh of Fearless (Taylor’s Version) sounds like Broadway with these bathroom acoustics. 4 Hair wash day = hitting 10K steps? Right, science?! (Science: “Nope.”) (But still.) 5 It’s a prime opportunity to swap outfits and do a Kelly Kapoor–approved fashion show, fashion show, fashion show at lunch! 6 Nighttime bathing is utterly impossible after hours of terrifying Netflix murder content. 7 And watching Unsolved Mysteries till 2 a.m. means sleeping through your regularly scheduled shower call time. 8 Because you are a grown-up person who can. And being…

Let’s face it: There’s probs a pret ty high chance that your plants are dying a slow, tragic death rn, à la the final season of Game of Thrones. And hey, absolutely no judgment (also, same)—parenting is hard! Lucky for us, then, that these very easy, kinda genius tips from Christopher Satch (@Botanic Tonic), actual plant scientist and professor at the New York Botanical Garden, shall ease our weary minds and help our greenery thrive. GIVE THEM LIGHT If this is the only thing you read on this page, it will (probably) be enough. All—yes, all—plants must be as close to a window as possible. Sad windows with minimal sunlight mean you’ll need to stick with lowlight plants. Big, juicy southern exposures get bright-light plants. Got it? Great. KEEP POTS…

Serve it in an actual glass glass. Nothing says “I’m a class act” like a bubbly drink in a sexy stemmed sitch…or even just, like, one without your sorority logo on it. Toss in some ~herbs~. No, the ones from the grocery store. Pair a wee sprig of mint with a watermelon or black-cherry seltzer or a lil rosemary with a lemon one. Oooooh, or a couple of cilantro leaves with lime or pineapple flavors. Drool. And a few pretty ice cubes. As in, freeze some edible flowers or strategically subtle pieces of fruit into ice that will elevate your drugstore bev to a much higher tax bracket. (We stole our own idea—see it on page 88.) Add? More? Liquor? It doesn’t have to be a lot! Just a sploosh…

BEST HARNESS “My lil pug couldn’t walk one block in this without getting a compliment. And it’s reversible bc OF COURSE.” —MADELEINE FRANK REEVES, articles director BEST RAIN COAT “Honestly, this is nicer than my raincoat, so that’s…kind of unfair, but it tracks. It keeps dogs super dry, which means no post-walk toweloff struggles.” —MR BEST DOG COAT “This is legit toasty. It’s perfect for when it’s so cold that neither of us wants to go outside.” —MR BEST BANDANNA “This makes your pup even more scrumptious, whether they’re salted or unsalted.” —MIA LARDIERE, emerging platforms director BEST DOG COLLAR “I wish I were a dog so I could wear a Crew LaLa collar. From the fabric selection to the stitching, they are top-notch, quality doggerino accessorinos.” —ML BEST CAT…

BEST SCENTED CAT LITTER “The dust is minimal, it clumps properly, and it smells like fresh clean laundry for daaays.” —MF BEST LITTER BOX “This futuristic robo-box scoops poop and may or may not also be able to do my taxes. (Fine, it can’t, but I’m convinced it could learn by next April.)” —AW BEST SHAMPOO FOR DOGS “I don’t care if it’s weird to smell your dog’s head 64 times a day—after washing her with this, I simply *have* to.” —MR BEST PET VACUUM “The laser lights up your floors so you can see every stray dog hair. It took me to a neurotic level of deepcleaning I didn’t know I had in me.” —CH…

“How ’bout a picnic? I’ll bring the faux-fur blanket.”—TAURUS 1 ARIES “You. Me. Shoes you can run in. Wait, where are you going?” 2 TAURUS “Forget dinner. You look even more appetizing than that TikTok-famous pasta.” 3 GEMINI “I think about you more than I think about the theory that Avril Lavigne died and was replaced by a clone.” 4 CANCER “How do I get out of my crab shell and into your phone?” 5 LEO “You look like you could use some sun. It’s me—I’m the sun.” 6 VIRGO “What three things would you bring to a desert island? Yes, this is a test.” 7 LIBRA “Let’s do fries and the onion rings. I’m all about balance!” 8 SCORPIO “You make me want to scroll through your Instagram all…

CANCER Nine of Wands Congrats, Cancer, the Nine of Wands has the get-shit-done energy you need to blast through your to-do lists, Marvel superhero style. Start with the small stuff (say, cleaning out your makeup stash) and major change will follow (oh, hi, new signature ~lewk~). LEO Six of Cups You know how Taylor Swift is rerecording her OG albums? That’s you, Leo—going backward in order to move forward. Reconnect with old friends and you’ll find happiness/mimosas. Someone has to send that first “Heyyy!!” text. Let it be you.…

It’s quite possibly the reason you’ve been ghosted…over and over and over again. Or an explanation for all those “you’re so great, but I’m not looking for anything serious right now” lines. Or why you suddenly find yourself into a man who absolutely idolizes Joe Rogan. But let me back up a little. The term “golden penis syndrome” was allegedly coined by students at Sarah Lawrence College—a place with a student body that’s 75 percent women and 25 percent men—to describe what can happen in environments (schools, cities, states) where heterosexual women far outnumber heterosexual men. Basically, because a guy in this situation has little to no competition in the dating pool, he may receive a disproportionate amount of attention, and that can really go to his head (yes, that…

TIE-DYEN EVER LEFT THE BUILDING The DIY-inspired print has reigned supreme for an entire year—did you really think it would die out before summer came around again? Nah, it’s here to stay, and swimwear (in every kind of silhouette) might be its best form yet. Oh, don’t mind me and my bold patterns absolutely annihilating the après-swim game. GEOMETRYTHAT’SACTUALLYRELEVANT If you haven’t caught on yet, this summer is essentially all about Big Prints, and trippy tessellations (v proud for remembering this middle school math word) hit the mark in a major way. Basically: Solid colors are great and all, but maybe now’s the time to switch it all the way up with something a little louder. BEA STAR(FISH) Tell me you love the ocean without ~telling~ me you love the…

My overall nightstand vibe Cozy…when it isn’t messy. What’s on top A few of my favorite crystals, a candle, pillow spray, sunnies, a single sock (?), and an essential-oil diffuser. And always inside Lip balm! I hate having chapped lips. What I wouldn’t want my mom to find The wine. Actually, I think she’d be proud. My snack sitch Chocolate Pocky. Always. What I steal from my par tner’s side A phone charger because I always lose mine. When it comes to alarms… I’ll set at least two if I really have to be up and then snooze both of them until I’m running late. …and their labels The most notable ones are “wakey wakey,” “bikinis,” and “postmates ice cream tin coop.” I’m just as confused as you are.…

With notes from editor-in-chief Jes sica Pels 6 A.M. Confession: Mornings are my favorite. And (sry!): Morning workouts are my even more favorite. I recently got the Future app, and y’all, it’s so good. Its personal trainer tells me the “why” behind every move, which speaks to my Virgo soul. When Madeleine interviewed for her job, I tossed in an “Are you a Virgo?” Q because it was so damn obvious! 9 A.M. I caffeinate and dive into story edits. Up first is a juicy Confessay that associate editor Taylor Andrews has commissioned. This one is about…well, let me let this URL speak for itself: Cosmopolitan.com/IHadSexLikeDaphneBridgerton Never does our team Slack light up like it does when these Confessays go live. Hence: our upcoming Confessay column in every issue of…

TRUE LIFE: I’ve showered with 29 superheroes. BFFS 5EVER “My ex-roommate and I have not spoken since I moved out a year ago. She was super horrible to our other roommate (my best friend), and I didn’t want her in my life anymore. Buuut she still has a profile on my Hulu. I thought about just changing my password, but I didn’t want to tell *everyone else* who uses my account about the new log-in. (I’m lazy, sue me.) Instead, I sporadically mess up her algorithm by watching random docuseries or a few episodes of the show she’s currently in the middle of to make her lose her place. Oops.” —SARAH, 26 BRB, tat tooing your password on my arm so I never lose it. LIFE HACKS! “Like every other…

Last year was many things (a train wreck, the Elmo-burning GIF come to life—IDK, take your pick). But it was also, inarguably, a horny time for famous people. While the rest of us were busy being slowly subsumed by our weighted blankets, literally every single celebrity welcomed a cute baby into the world. Okay, fine, not every single celebrity, but just join me on this journey real quick. Gigi Hadid? Had a baby. Karlie Kloss? Had a baby. EmRata? Had a baby. AND THAT’S JUST THE SUPERMODEL BRACKET. We’re also dealing with not one but *two* Game of Thrones stars (Rose Leslie and Sophie Turner), multiple singers (hi, Katy Perry, Cassie, and Kelly Rowland), and a bountiful cornucopia of actors including Emma Stone, Lea Michele, and Mandy Moore. So, yeah,…

1. PIÑATEX What happens when pineapple leaves are turned into a leatherish fabric that can make v cool coats, shoes, honestly anything. 2. DESSERTO Hello to this cactus leather known for its softness (no spikes on that jacket!). Only the most mature parts of the plant are used, leaving the rest to regrow. 3. MYLO Mushrooms, folks. Threadlike fungus filaments called mycelia grow on beds of sawdust and other organic material, forming a fluffy layer that’s then processed and dyed to make sneakers and bags. Trippy, right? 4. ECONYL Nylon, but make it out of fishing nets, old carpets, and other plastic waste. It’s used in swim - and sportswear (and the occasional Prada bag). 5. CUPRO This breathable silky fabric—perfect for blouses and tanks—is made from recycled cotton linter,…

ICYMI, retro fashun is def here, folks. Embrace it by wearing these shades with a fuzzy top and some butterfly clips. Or make it modern by donning a pair as part of a monochromatic outfit.…

IMPORTANTS HORTS PSA Slightly longer hems will prevent your thighs from rubbing and chafing (no!) against the seat.…

True story: I don’t leave my apartment until I’ve put on my eyebrows. My natural ones are basically invisible without a full 15 minutes of filling, shaping, and grooming. (And yes, I have heard of both brow tattooing and tinting. But needles are so not my thing and tinting is kinda pointless when you barely have any brows to begin with.) I’d pretty much lost hope of ever being a human with woke-up-like-this brows, until my sister—who is also Cosmo’s beauty editor (ILY, Ruby)—suggested I try brow extensions, a temporary treatment in which teeny-tiny synthetic hairs are glued on top of your natural eyebrows and surrounding skin. You better believe I immediately booked an appointment at the swankiest salon I could find—in my case, Master Lash by Charity in Santa…

STRIKE ONE: They say that all skin is the same. Sure, race is a social construct (ty, Sociology 101), but that doesn’t mean different levels of melanin don’t affect how skin should be treated. “Certain concerns are unique to melanin-rich patients, like hyperpigmentation and scarring,” says dermatologist Mona Gohara, MD. A one-treatment-fits-all narrative is a big no. STRIKE TWO: Their treatment plan is fast and furious. Melanated skin is sensitive to inflammation, and harsh products like strong acids and retinoids can cause irritation, sending melanin production into overdrive and resulting in dark spots and marks, says derm Purvisha Patel, MD. Any “quick fixes” will likely do more harm than good. STRIKE THREE: They skip the cancer convo. People with deep skin tones can get skin cancer. In fact, Black patients…

There are plenty of reasons that someone might hire a nutritionist: to go vegan, to get help with IBS, to learn how to eat while pregnant, to get advice on the best ways to lose weight. That last one is one of the most popular, partially because nutrition professionals have messaged for decades that “excess” weight can make people unhealthy and requires an eating plan (read: diet) to deal with. But Christyna Johnson, RDN, and a growing number of her peers argue that a one-smaller-size-fits-all blueprint for health does not work. Instead, they follow the Healthy at Every Size (HAES) philosophy, which supports intuitive eating and calls for medical professionals to stop judging patients’ health based on weight, quit “prescribing” weight loss, and focus on other nutritionadjacent issues that impact…

1 Eggs, obviously. But specifically, jammy soft-boiled eggs. It’s the hot and cold for me. 2 Salt-and-vinegar potato chips, for a budget dip combo with more panache than chips and guac. 3 Actually, any potato-based food: fries (duh), hash browns, baked potatoes, mashed potatoes…etc. 4 A cherry tomato. The tangy notes of a sweet tomate and zesty ’chup *are* different. I won’t die on this hill alone. 5 The burnt-est of broccoli, because it requires the perfect umami zing. 6 Macaroni and cheese. It’s good; ketchup is good. Together, they’re a masterful culinary mix. 7 The middle groove of a crisp romaine leaf. *juicy chomp* 8 Toasted sourdough. Spread it like jam, baby.…

1. Gather as many (pre-peeled!) frozen bananas as your heart desires—or as many as your blender can handle without short-circuiting. 2. Blend on high with approx 1 glug of your fave plantbased milk. For extra goodness, you can—and maybe should—add a couple of dates, chocolate bits, or a splash of vanilla extract to sweeten it up. 3. Hit pause every 20 seconds or so to make sure the consistency suits your palate (hint: for a soft-serve-ish texture, blend for longer). Once it does, freeze it in a food-storage container for a rainy day or… 4. …load it with toppings rn. Think vegan caramel drizzle, mini pretzels, and chocolate chips. 5. If you truly want to go there: Smoosh the ice cream between two (very) toasty toaster waffles lined with nut…

It ’s only natural that when you’re first dating someone, you have So. Many. Questions. And you likely have your own methods for getting answers (a Twitter poll? a Magic 8-Ball? your mom?). All fine, ofc, although you’d probably definitely be better served by tarot cards, which can give you insight into people, energy, and even your future. Honestly, you can think of them as your very own life coach—or in this case, a guide that can help you DTR. To start, you’ll obviously need a tarot deck (there are plenty of options on Amazon or Etsy). Then, I designed the three-card spread at right just for you and your maybe-S.O. Take a deep breath and̷ › Close your eyes and picture a white light surrounded by a fuchsia aura…

Can you blame me, really, for having a thing for Leos? I mean, sure, these lions are dramatic as hell, stubborn, self-centered… but—but!—their hearts are as big as their egos and the way they (charismatically, flirtatiously) focus on you can make it feel like you’re living in a real-life rom-com. Leos just have A Lot of Love to give, and being with one can be a pretty magical experience. Which is why getting them to stop going Live on IG for long enough to text you back is usually worth the effort. Here, my friends, is your plan. DAY ONE Send them a sweet Monday-evening text asking how their day was, then act like their work Slack drama is sooo interesting. DAY TWO Tap Like on all their Instagram posts,…

Few things besides sex have the power to make you feel totally okay—happy, even!—about ruining your (sometimes pretty pricey) possessions. But once that postnut glow dulls to a post-nut flicker and you’re staring at a duvet you had literally *just* strugglebused into a cover that’s now moist with… something, the vibe changes. As if the journey from orgasmic high back to baseline life weren’t depressing enough, now you actually have to do laundry. And there’s always the chance you’ll take said cover out of the dryer and It’s? Still? Stained? Maybe/probably even permanently?? As you can tell, I hate it here—or, at least, I did before reporting this story. Behold, what will (and will not) keep sex messes from ever making you not want to have sex. Semen GO AHEAD…

On average, Cosmo readers spend $240 per month on therapy. Hi, so do you go to therapy? 57% Hell yeah. 31% Hoping to start soon! 12% Not interested. That’s cool. What’s kept you from trying it? 42% It’s too expensive. 25% I don’t have time to find a good therapist. 17% I’m not ready to unpack my stuff yet. 16% I don’t think I need it? Nice, how of ten? 43% About once a week. 39% Every couple of weeks. 18% Once a month or so. Do you think therapy works? 87% I really do! 12% I’m not sure yet. 1% Nope. Just curious: What was the main reason you star ted therapy? How long do you plan on going? 86% As long as it feels helpful. 9% IDK yet.…

1 SCARLETT JOHANSSON The transformative ~acteur~ could probs play a tree if she wanted to. And she can definitely do music: two full albums and some EPs! Good for her! 2 MICHAEL CERA In news that should surprise exactly no one, the man is a bassist, with a selfreleased album on Bandcamp. 3 NAOMI CAMPBELL The model’s one and only album featured a photo of her shaving her legs on the cover. Iconic. 4 BRIE LARSON Excuse you, but “She Said” off her Avril Lavigne–esque album Finally Out of P.E. hit number 31 on the Billboard Hot Singles Sales chart. 5 RYAN GOSLING Dead Man’s Bones. That’s the name of his (leather-jacketwearing, I assume) rock band, which may or may not still be together. Their one album came out in…

The 29-year-old had his breakthrough starring in Hamilton on Broadway. (Casual.) Now, between modeling for an underwear campaign and releasing sexy songs (please see “Mind Over Matter”), he’s on his way to also being a full-blown movie star with this summer’s In the Heights. I tracked him down to confirm that his ambition *is* the most Scorpio thing about him…and to ask a few other crucial Qs. So, let’s set the scene: What are you wearing right now? I just worked out. I’m wearing some orange shorts, a short-sleeve shirt. That’s it. Is that your go-to for lounging at home? I mean, to be honest, I’m usually chilling in the crib in my underwear. We’re doing the minimum. Hey, less is more! What have you been doing for date nights…

MORE FRESH Y2K VIBES RIGHT HERE Aka great news for anyone missing pretty lilac hues and phone charms.…

you don’t need me to tell you that an outfit can be a whole mood—and that clothes can be a powerful form of self-expression. But what’s even cooler is that the colors we wear can secretly work some magic on our emotional state. And our minds subconsciously know this, which is why we often gravitate toward specific shades at specific times. Like last week, when you were feeling stuck and (seemingly randomly) chose that lime-hued top? Yeah, that might’ve been because your brain was craving a subtle serotonin hit from being around green and its fresh, rejuvenating vibes. Spooky, I know! But it’s also science: When mini receptors on your eyeballs take in a color, they shoot a signal to your brain that can trigger an emotional response. This is…

1 Your mom (she loves you!). 2 Timothée Chalamet (he wants to love you!). 3 Every dermatologist within a 500-mile radius. You think they don’t know? Oh, they know. 4 The hordes of product formulators who worked rly hard to make an SPF you won’t hate this time. 5 Also the moms of those product formulators whose hearts you’ll shatter. 6 The melasma and acne scars on your face that are about to get waaay more noticeable. 7 Honestly, the sun itself.…

You probs don’t need me to tell you that brown hair—totally natural or dyed—can get hella brassy, developing a weird orangey-red tint after exposure to things like UV rays and chlorine or just from fading over time. Up until recently, there hasn’t been much—outside of a salon—that we could easily do about it (all those anti-brassiness purple shampoos = for blondes only). But now, my friends, we have our own at-home solution in blue shampoo, the secret sauce for making brown hair look freaking excellent, like, all the time. It uses colorcorrecting pigments (blue is across from orange on the color wheel) that bond to your strands and cancel out brassiness as you wash. Using a blue shampoo once or twice a week (any more than that could give your…

4 ways to advocate for yourself (and your skin) Look for a derm wi th the right experience The goal is to find someone who has worked with different skin tones, regardless of their race, says dermatologist Corey Hartman, MD. Spend time on a doctor’s IG and/or website. If you see a wide variety of skin colors, there’s a good chance they’ll be able to treat you. Also, google to see where they trained. Big cities generally = more experience with all skin shades. Don’t be scared to school your doc Say you’re going to see a doctor for dandruff and they prescribe something that requires you to wash your hair every day. That’s a time to speak up, says Melynda Barnes, MD, chief medical officer at Ro. “Let them…

Like a lot of women, I started using tampons when I was 16. But I always—always—leaked, even though when I’d take out a tampon to replace it, it was never—ever—full. I remember holding up a mirror to my vulva to figure out what was going on, and…to me, my vagina just looked like a normal vagina (in hindsight, maybe there was a little extra skin poking out, but truly nothing alarming). After months of ruined underwear, I went to see a gyno. As she inserted her silver speculum into my vagina, she paused. “Hold on a second,” she said, leaving the speculum inside me and leaving the room. She returned with several other doctors and nurses, all of whom stared at my vagina. Someone was flipping through a textbook, saying…

THE INGREDIENTS 4 to 6 slices of bacon, chopped2 shallots, finely chopped3 cups corn kernels, frozen or fresh (about 3 ears of corn)1 cup halved cherry tomatoes2 fresh bird’s eye chilis (HOT!) or 1 serrano (a lil less hot), minced2 teaspoons fish sauce1 avocado, chopped½ cup cilantro leaves, chopped1 lime, halved Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper ICYMI, Pepper Teigen, super-talented cook and very cool famous mom, has just blessed humankind with The Pepper Thai Cookbook, packed with recipes like this spicy, bacon-y delight. Serve it at a picnic or just scoop it into your mouth with chips whilst standing in front of your A/C. Either way, you’ll love it! THE RECIPE 1. In a wok or large skillet over medium-high heat, cook the bacon until it’s very crisp…

MEET WOLFGANG @KABBALAHKITTIES This Russian Siberian tries to sneak sips of his dad’s coffee. And also booze, lol! BEST DESIGNER-Y CAT BED “Say hello to cat furniture that will fit seamlessly with your aesthetic. If *I* got to sleep for 12 to 16 hours a day, I would want it to be in this cozy cave.” —MARY FAMA, art director BEST CASUAL CAT BE “Your cat will want to live in this. Luckily, it’s easy to throw in the wash.” —AW MEET DOUGH @DOUGHISAGOODBOY Dough is a Cancer, so he’s pretty sensit ive. He also highf ives. Relentlessly. BEST DESIGNER-Y DOG BED “It looks more like a fancy rug than a bed, and we love that for it. The memory foam is low profile but dense.” —CH BEST BED FOR…

BEST DOG CARRIER “Converts to a bed, folds flat to store, and also looks gorge atop a rolling suitcase.” —MR BEST CAT CARRIE “On our first trip with this wow-they-thought-of-everything carrier, our cats’ typical sad travel crying soundtrack totally stopped.” —MF BEST LEASH “Perfect for holding a phone, iced coffee, and a poop bag all in one hand while your stronger-than-he-looks pup lunges at mysterious trash.” —JO…

ARIES (03.21–04.19) July starts off moody bc of all the Cancer vibes, but when the planets stack up in Leo in late July, you’re basically living in a rom-com. By mid-August, you’ll have upgraded your ’ship. CANCER (06.21–07.22 HBD! If you don’t already have a boo, Venus in Virgo and Jupiter in Aquarius will do wonders for your love life in late July. Time to truly come outta that shell, crabbie! TAURUS (04.20–05.20) Here’s an Astrology 101 refresher for ya: Any action in Virgo sets your love life on fire. And Virgo is getting lit TF up in late July and all of August. Hellooo, summer fling. LEO (07.23–08.22) Venus is in your sign till July 20, meaning you look and feel hotter than ever! A week later, Jupiter, the…

1. They didn’t wish you one. 2. Or if they did, they def didn’t get you a gift. 3. And if they *did* get you a gift, you still know that your gift for them would’ve been so much better. 4. The internet sells big red noses and face paint, so you can one hundred percent get your clown fix that way. 5. You can totally send blessed-born-day vibes… mentally. From a distance. Where they can’t reach in and ruin your life again. 6. Typing out the 84 different versions of this text might just send your already scary screen-time report over the edge. 7. Hello! Did you not get enough of time repeating itself in 2020? 8. Because, TBH, they might actually respond.…

1 NEXT-LEVEL PASTELS So there are cutesy pastels (meh) and then there are these pastels: zero percent subtle and one hundred percent happy. Use a pink blush that works with your skin tone on your cheekbones, then add bright shadow shades all around your eyes, says makeup artist Marla Vazquez, who did all the looks in this story and, NBD, is one of Hayley’s BFFs. “Try not to overthink the shadow placement—it’s okay if the sides aren’t identical,” she says. AND HERE’S YOUR GETTING-READY PLAYLIST Bcobviously, this kind of makeup requires its own soundtrack—and Hayley Kiyoko, whose incredibly addictive pop songs were streamed on Spotify more than 122 million times last year alone, has that on lock. Her fans-slash-followers are so obsessed that they’ve dubbed her the Lesbian Jesus, and…