Innholdsfortegnelse for April 2019 i BIKE

» I’m not expecting sympathy, but making Bike in the middle of winter is a challenge. When we took this photograph the thermometer was hovering just above freezing and the Northamptonshire countryside didn’t look very inviting. Fair play to Mike, in leather jacket and jeans*, he’s doing a better job of trying to make it look like we’re on a pleasant spring time ride than me, hunched up and shivering. Still, even in those conditions the new Royal Enfield 650 twins come across as feel good bikes. Thrumming engines, shiny chrome and simple pleasures. Great value too at just £5500 for a desirable bike with a three year warranty. That has to be a good thing, but there are loads of other value items in the motorcycling world. We’ve come…

» Norton have sorted a deal to flog their bikes in Japan. Part of a series of deals announced during a UK visit by the Japanese prime Minister, it’s worth a huge wedge of cash and should lead to more jobs at the Donington Hall factory. ‘Norton have an agreement with our distributor PCI Limited which will run over a five-year term to manufacture over 1000 bikes and will achieve an estimated value of £20m,’ said Kay Johnson, head of sales. ‘We very much look forward to growing our workforce to support the demand for motorbikes in this territory and continue to build a strong trading business with Japan.’…

APPROPRIATELY, LAS VEGAS in January has become a massive attraction for people who want to gamble on classic bike values. This year two auction houses attempted to sell 1850 bikes between them. Mecum’s three day sale was shifting most of the bikes, while Bonhams one day affair had a more modest 120 bikes on offer. Headline news from both sales was that values of British twins from the 1960s have steadied; most that did sell didn’t reach estimate, many didn’t reach reserve. There were also good deals on Ducati sportsbikes which haven’t taken off in the way that some expected. And American buyers seem to love a comedy bike; gleaming oddities sold for strong money. $10,925 for a Velocette Vogue? They’re awful. Crocker Big Tank It’s not a Harley-Davidson, and…

» 31 May-2 June Horizons Unlimited Travellers’ Meeting, Germany Always a favourite get-together for European moto travellers, this meet takes place 20 miles west of the Rhine in fabulous riding country with all the action based around a campsite boasting great facilities, including, I am reliably informed, showers. Whatever next? horizonsunlimited.com/events » 29 Aug-1 Sept Overland Event, Oxfordshire, UK A friendly end-of-season weekender for anyone interested in adventure riding. Meet fellow travellers, authors and film-makers, test new bikes, drool over old ones, watch motorcycle adventure films, and drink free tea all weekend. overlandevent.com » 5-6 Sept The V.I.N.C.E Join Mondo Enduro man, Austin Vince on his dirt-biking navigation event in the Spanish Pyrenees and discover why these magnificent mountains offer the best trail riding in Europe. austinvince.com…

» 12-16 May Wheels’n’Waves, Biarritz, France Yes, it’s time to seriously consider hitting W‘n’W again, the wonderful indoor/ outdoor custom gala in the unlikely surroundings of the seaside casino town. Major marques unveil their show-ponies, ace builders their latest wares, and you and me can just take what we’ve got and enjoy the hoo-ha. wheels-and-waves.com » 18-19 May MCN Festival of Motorcycling, Peterborough Our sister publication runs this all-comers, all-styles thrash which last year included a goodly show of custom bikes displayed by both professional and civilian builders. And then there’s the dirt track racing, which to our mind is worth the ticket price alone. mcnfestival.com » 31 May-2 June Ireland Bike Fest, Killarney, Eire Now then, this may be abroad but Ireland is just a cheap-ish ferry crossing away…

Since the world recently marked the 200th anniversary of Jane Austen’s death, now seemed like the right time to come out of the Georgian closet. Time to ’fess up… I made a Faustian deal with the diabolical powers of Georgian literature and motorcycle racing in my romantic youth. It went something like this: if I’d not deny my affection for Miss Austen’s stories, in return I’d live a long life filled with a lot of good dirt bike riding. So far I’ve had the long life and the (sometimes painful) good motocross riding, but I’m having a devil of a time dovetailing it with the world of 18th century English romance. It’s as if I’m afflicted with a strange sort of schizophrenia, running a double life. I’m all Mr. Darcy…

» Boyd Emmerich runs Overlander Trail Tours, offering trail bike outings and off-road training on Peak District trails which are some of the most scenic and challenging in the UK. He’ll tailor the ride according to the ability of the participants, and he can rent you a bike (KTM or similar in various capacities) too. The price for a day’s riding on a rental bike is around £200, depending on how many riders are in a group. It’s a top day out. »overlandertrailtours.co.uk…

Triumph Street Triple RS Pros: rowdy triple, swish electrics and dash, out-and-out handling, cred of being the hottest Street Trip’ – and £3540 cheaper than the MV. Cons: bit too firm and focused for the road, lacks original Street Triple’s cheerfulness. Yamaha MT-10 SP Pros: all the speed, wheelies, usability and growly appeal of the base MT, with R1M Öhlins electronic suspension. Top naked superbike. Cons: bit pricier (£14,442 on the road) than the MV, rather fond of unleaded and back tyres. Aprilia Tuono V4 Pros: state-of-the-art electronics, sensational V4, sublime handling, not as impractical as you think. And same price as the MV (£13,599). Cons: tarnished by an unreliability reputation from yonks ago, depreciates quicker than MV.…

ICAN’T LOOK AWAY from the staring soldier, clutching his AK-47, behind the fence. He tilts his head in confusion, slings his gun over his shoulder and flicks through a set of keys to unlock the barb wire gate. He drags it open, points towards a small hut and locks the gate once we are through. Six guards come out of the hut, their eyes examining us. Alissa sits quietly on the back of the XT, covered in silk scarfs in the baking sun. She nervously pulls her sleeves tighter over her gloves. Sweat and heat builds inside her helmet, but she can’t take it off in front of them. The online warnings screamed women should cover their entire body, not look at or talk directly to men, only communicate through…

36% off. We’re in… Shoei NXR helmet Used for: 6 months Price: £470 Info: shoeiassured.co.uk » It’ll no doubt come as little surprise to read that Shoei’s £470 NXR looks and feels like a premium lid. And in many ways it disappoints not a jot: out on the motorways and A-roads it’s properly quiet and there’s less buffeting than is dealt out by HJC’s RPHA 70 competitor. And it’s light – the indicated 1310g makes it less weighty than Shark’s flagship Race R Pro. All good so far then. However… My pants are not on fire. Maybe it’s the mixture of so-so paintwork and steep price, made steeper when you discover there’s no sun visor included, that’s got me underwhelmed. That’s not to say the NXR is a bad idea,…

» Mount Ventoux Pay a visit to The Giant of Provence – the climb to the summit of Mont Ventoux – the undoubted highlight of cycling’s Tour de France. While the climb to the mountain’s 1909m zenith spells torture for cyclists, it’s a delight for bikers. An hour’s ride from Avignon, pick up the D974 from Bedoin and ride the mountain’s southern face to the summit, from which you can gaze across at the whole of Provence. The road here is well surfaced but narrow, as it winds out of bucolic vineyards and into a bizarre moonscape complete with radar station at the summit. There’s only one true hairpin on this elevation, at the Virage du Bois, the rest of the road is sweeping and open as it rises to…

‘There are ten joints in the front suspension… which means salt will find them’ AS EXPECTED, the Niken is proving brilliant for winter rides. Having nigh-on twice as much front grip as a normal bike turns nervy 2ºC commutes into relaxed, traffic-slicing affairs. The way it carves wet, near-freezing roundabouts while giving you a rock-solid front-end feel is astonishing. But my anxiety soon shifts to maintenance. There are ten joints in the front suspension mechanism you can see when peering up from below, which means salt will surely find them. And then what happens? Will it turn from sweet-steering engineering miracle into wobbly vibrating dangerfest (ie, a classic motorcycle)? In a word, no. Here’s why……

I ADMIT, MY CB400N-BASED ’tracker has never run right. The straight-thru silencers and cone air filters were always going to affect the carburation and re-building the carbs with larger main jets didn’t fix things. And so I gave in and booked a session with Lee Motorcycles, Ledbury who run the only motorcycle-friendly dyno within striking distance. With the bike strapped down, the O/S ‘silencer’ and internal slug removed and a gas analyser probe dropped down the pipe boss Jason Vine fires up the bike and off we go. The all too familiar spitting and banging, especially at low-to-mid revs, is all too apparent, something the boss suggests is the consequence of (still) too small main jets. Jason removes and dissembles the carbs, and cleans them with an air gun. Next…

I ALWAYS LOOK forward to Bike’s annual Holiday Guide. It’s the perfect excuse to turn dreams into reality. And with the help of a number of highly experienced, and award winning, companies who have turned organising and running motorcycling holidays into a fine art. This year we are looking at holidays in Patagonia, Cambodia, Eastern Europe, New Zealand and Scandinavia. All of them are fantastic motorcycling destinations offering great riding, plenty of things to do off the bike, fantastic food and wonderful places to stay. And I’m always amazed at how flexible these types of holidays are. From fully guided to much loser arrangements, the choice is yours. Planet Earth is great, get out there and enjoy it……

Patagonia is a proper wilderness destination with an impossible variety of scenery and cultures. Every day riding there is packed with moments that make you stop and stare. It is challenging, remarkable and, at times, indescribable. You’ll find incredible food, great wine and a constant test of your stock of superlatives. When to go? Aim to be there between November and March; our Motorrad Tours trips are in December, springtime and February. Spring means flowers and baby animals, which adds an extra layer to an already incredible landscape. The weather is still changeable – anything from 25 degrees Celsius to snow in the mountains. The wind can be a real challenge particularly on the Patagonian Steppe. That’s part of the experience for us – you’re on a proper adventure, riding…

‘Nature sculpts the most amazing land when it uses volcanic eruptions and earthquakes’ We live on the Pacific ‘Ring of Fire’ and our largest city is built on 50 volcanoes. We have in excess of 32,000 earthquakes a year due to the many significant fault lines that run through the country. We are a day’s flight away from you. Granted it’s a long day. Tempted? Probably not, but read on… Bike magazine called riding in New Zealand ‘motorcycle heaven’. We couldn’t agree more. We are two main islands slightly greater in area than Great Britain, we have a population of around 4.5 million, yours is somewhat more. We drive on the left and speak a version of English similar to yours. You have an accent, many in fact, some say…

WITH ITS V4 and cast aluminium chassis, the Panigale is the furthest Ducati’s sportsbike has ever strayed from their trademark features. No trellis? Twice as many cylinders? Mad. Traditionalists will therefore rejoice at the X85R. The work of Italian chassis experts and race paddock stalwarts Pierobon, it’s a V-twin in a steel trellis frame, with a single-sided swingarm and even up-and-under pipes. Sold as a kit for late four-valve twins (899/959/1199/1299), Pierobon showed the frame a couple of years ago but are only now in production. It’s made from the same chromoly tube as was used for the 999 and early MotoGP bikes, with small changes to the Panigale’s rake and trail. The idea is more feel near the limit, the torsional and lateral stiffness of the trellis giving greater…

Save £950 Suzuki SV650X » Has ever a bike been so much to so many as the SV? First big bike, club racer’s fave, fine commuter... and always top value (see group test, p40). The X version with clip-ons and screen is £6199, but Mission (01908 047268) have a pre-reg 68-plate bike at just £5249. Save £5000 Aprilia RSV4 RF » The range-topping RSV4 has a slightly larger V4 this year. Most of us won’t tell the difference, which makes 2018 models a steal. 201bhp, unbelievable handling, class parts and ace electronics for £14,999 from Wheels, 01733 666590. That’s a £5k saving. Yes, five thousand pounds. Save £1600 Kawasaki H2 SX » There’s just nothing like Kwak’s supercharged H2s. Ignore the claimed figures – it’s the way the whooshing drive…

MARCO SIMONCELLI DIED over six years ago at the Malaysian Grand Prix. Last month, on his 32nd birthday, the Foundation set up in his memory opened what is the memorial the Simoncelli family wanted for Marco. It is a centre for severely handicapped kids and their families and will be known as Casa Marco Simoncelli. It follows the Foundation’s contribution to a similar project in the Dominican Republic and supplying laboratory equipment, including electron microscopes, to Italian charities running eye hospitals in Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of Congo. Casa Marco Simoncelli is 2km outside of his home town of Coriano on the way to Riccione and has a superb view over the sea. The project started over five years ago with the demolition of an old house used as…

» 23 March British Historic Racing Practice Day, Mallory Park, Leicestershire It’s a practice day, so everyone’s relaxed as they fire up their bikes following the winter rebuild. Stroll round the paddock, ask questions about racing Rudges and inhale the methanol fumes. Mmmm. The Mallory race meeting is on 13-14 April. britishhistoricracing.co.uk » 6-7 April Classic Racing Motorcycle Club, Castle Coombe, Wiltshire A big variety of old bikes, ranging from Manx Nortons to Suzuki GSX-R750s, being ridden hard on this fast, bumpy and atmospheric circuit. crmc.co.uk » 22 April Red Marley Hill Climb, Great Witley, Worcestershire Easter Monday entertainment. This one should be on everyone’s ‘must see’ list. It’s basically a four bike drag race up a bumpy (there’s a couple of tricky jumps), 440 yard, grassy hill that’s almost…

‘A unique tool… and of course one that’s gorgeous as well as fast. Just like its lucky new owner’ TWO STROKES DON’T feature much in the custom canon. Perhaps this is because there’s a very real limit to what you can do to their exhaust systems, without seriously sullying their performance. Certainly few builders truly understand the art of back-pressure and expansion chambering. But occasionally someone bucks the trend and in this case it was MotoGP star – and three-time 125/250cc world champ – 33-year-old Dani Pedrosa. Last autumn Dani retired after an ongoing catalogue of injuries. To mark this momentous moment Dani’s co-sponsors, Red Bull, commissioned legendary custom builder Mike ‘Woolie’ Woolaway – who works out of Deux ex Machina’s Venice, California HQ – to build something. Something very…

BRITAIN’S ONLY EVER Dakar winner, Sam Sunderland is fresh from another swing at the toughest race in motorcycling. Ten days of racing with one rest day in the middle. 5500km looping in and out of Lima with 70% of the special stages in sand, according to the organisers. He came third overall, and just over a week later, he’s 6500 miles away, at the Bike Shed, ready to ride with Bike . While I’m still full of optimism for what I might achieve in the next 11 or so months, it’s mid-January and the focus of Sam’s year is already over. ‘The calendar year of a Dakar racer is super strange, because it’s over in January. It engulfs my whole life. I’m fortunate that I can focus all my energy…

MOON SHOT The Mooneyes Show embraces all areas of customising but has a big thing for all eras of Americana. The annual event, held every December, attracts connoisseurs from all over the world, and is a bucket list trip for two-and four-wheeled custom fiends. TRIPLE THREAT ‘The result of a dream come true,’ according to its Indonesian builder, the Kanjeng Nyai 468 started life as a Honda CB100, before being turned into a 468cc W3. It’s probably better to not look at this triple and ask yourself ‘why?’, instead wonder ‘how?’. ‘GOD IS IN THE DETAILS’ So said architect, Mies van der Rohe. If we’re being literal, then this convention centre was holier than the Vatican. I’ve never been quite as engaged with a show as I was here, and…

250cc two-strokes dominated motocross until 1996 when the American Motorcyclists Association changed their race rules to allow 450cc four-strokes to compete in the same class. The idea, doubtless encouraged by Japanese manufacturers, was to wean people away from dirty strokers onto cleaner four-strokes. Yamaha introduced a 400 for 1997, this grew to 425 and then 450. In 2002 the FIM adopted those rules for its MX1 class and 450 became the default size for a top flight motocrosser. In 2011 the Dakar Rally (and other FIM rallies) adopted 450 as their capacity limit too, which meant the end for the big old rally bikes that had some relevance to road riders and the adoption of motocrosser based bikes. It was meant to reduce speeds, but of course it didn’t. Lighter…

Brutale 800 (£12,340) » Starting point in the Brutale line-up has a bit less power (claimed 110bhp), but is still sharp, fast, with an addictive soundtrack. You still get eight-level TC, posh ABS, rapid handling, plus suspension that’s less rigid than the RR. Brutale 800 RC (£17,340) » Just 350 examples of the RC (it stands for ‘Reparto Corse’, or racing department). Weighs just 167kg dry, puts out 10bhp more than the RR thanks to a new ECU and exhaust system, and is painted like the WSS race bikes. Brutale 800 RR LH44 (£21,315) » ‘Naked perfection by Lewis Hamilton’, they say. Right you are. Red anodising and carbon parts are everywhere on this RR-based limited run of 144 units. Price? Gob-smacking, though it’ll be snapped up by MV collectors.…

» Afghanistan has been ravaged by war for decades. We only hear of war, destruction, the Taliban and their inhumane behaviour towards women. It is a dangerous place. There’s no denying that. But the people of the Wakhan Corridor are cut off from the rest of Afghanistan and have remained conflict-free for years. That said the situation can change on a daily basis and you can only rely on information on the ground when you’re actually there. And even then, it’s not guaranteed. Your best bet is to speak to the embassy in Tajikistan.…

A BRIEF HISTORY OF ARMOUR Born on the racetrack in the 1980s, it wasn’t until 1997 that the first CE standard for impact protection came in. Although it’s only been since the implementation of the new PPE regulation 2016/425 in April 2018 that’s made it compulsory for all jackets, trousers and shirts designed for motorcycling to come with a minimum of CE armour at the elbows and/or knees as standard. As well as the armour being CE approved, this regulation now requires the whole garment to meet one of three levels of impact and abrasion performance. FIT Upgraded armour can be worn in one of two ways – either fitted direct to your kit or strapped individually to your body. All current bike kit will have internal pockets with Velcro…

SERVICING Inspections and maintenance happen at 4000-mile intervals, with the valve clearance check happening at 16,000 miles. Honda being Honda, it’s rare for valves to require adjustment at this point, but the service will still set you back around £500 with a main dealer. STUTTERING AND STALLING A few bikes were affected by faulty cam position sensors. This magnetic Hall-type sensor, which relays the camshaft position to the ECU, was prone to failing so causing starting and stalling problems. The part is reasonably cheap to buy at £31 and relatively easy to install for a competent home mechanic. A dealer will most likely charge a few hours labour. BROWN EXHAUST Although many will have been treated to an aftermarket exhaust, watch out for discoloured standard cans on 08-09 machines. The…

There are two consistent threads which run through cases where I think to myself, ‘the rider could have avoided that crash,’ where as a matter of law the car driver is wholly or largely to blame. Those two threads are being in an unexpected place or being in a place much more quickly than the car driver expected you to be there. This is not the same as speeding. Drivers, in the main, have no perception of how quickly and nimbly a motorcycle can move. Your bike can move at a rate of acceleration a car driver simply cannot comprehend. For example: you join the back of a queue of slow moving cars, with a Nissan Micra at the front driving at 25mph. You work your way to the front…

I HAVE NEVER FELT so inadequate in my life as when my son’s Kuberg Trial E electric bike stopped working and I didn’t know why. I managed to unscrew the panels without one swear word but the process revealed wires and three large batteries. I was out of my depth. ‘Can you fix it Daddy?’ ‘Sure Oli.’ I was lying. We live in an age where things are too expensive to fix, so we just order a new one and carry on. Don’t get me wrong, if this was a Yamaha PW50 I still wouldn’t have a clue but a phonecall to an oily-handed mate may have helped. Wires pulled, batteries wiggled and my Dad of the Year award is in the bag as my clumsy sausage fingers discovered a…

‘“Real world” is an awful phrase. But the XT1200Z is a fantastic real-world bike’ SOME THINGS in life are just ‘right’. Adnams Mosaic pale ale, the lines of an E-type Jag, seaside chips with too much salt and vinegar, Dominic Greensmith’s drumming on Reef’s first album. After far more than a year’s average miles on Yamaha’s big twin, we can include the XT1200Z, too. I’m not saying the Super Ténéré is the best adventure bike on the market. It isn’t. Newer rivals are faster, more efficient, have plusher suspension or spoil you with even more luxurious extras. And so obviously it isn’t perfect either: the Yamaha is weighty, one of the screen adjuster screws disassembled near Stowmarket on the A14, and you really need to be on the ball with…

‘We treat people like we do our own family and try to accommodate everyone’s requirements’ ‘This was one of the finest riding experiences of my life’ You’ll ride into ancient woods along secret gravel roads then head high up into the mountains visiting forgotten villages and forts. Next you’ll dive into deep, misty canyons following emerald rivers into nature parks, before exploring the best of the Adriatic islands, all on trusty BMW GSs accompanied by three experienced and patient guides. And they discovered all Alkemist’s routes and share them with just a few lucky riders every year… Why choose Alkemist Adventures? If you want the see the hidden green corners of Europe, enjoy the best meals you’ve had in your life and do it all in the company of just…

The smiles and waves everywhere you go belie the brutal past that Cambodia has suffered. Take the winding roads into the back end of this fascinating country and you’ll find stunning temples, great food and incredible beaches. Great mountain road riding gives you time to reflect on the culture, just make sure you’re paying enough attention to dodge the water buffalo. When is the best time to head to Cambodia? We head to Cambodia in November, which is still wintertime there, but because they are so close to the equator it doesn’t mean cold temperatures. It’s the coolest time of the year there, but temperatures typically remain above 20 degrees Celsius at night and hover around the low thirties in the daytime. Unless you’re really keen on puddles, the rainy…

‘Scandinavia’s most entertaining trails are hidden in the forests of Sweden, where we will be more or less alone’ A bike holiday in Scandinavia means you will ride on a mix of gravel roads and trails that go on for mile after mile. And what’s even better is the place is pretty much empty of traffic and the landscapes are beautiful thanks to rolling hills, thousands of lakes and deep forests. Imagine coming down a mountain, hairpin by hairpin, right down to sea level and then riding along a fjord. That’s a bike holiday in Scandinavia… Why choose Magic Motor Experience? We specialise in trail riding and are able to give our customers personal service because we are a small company, which means every one of our guests is very…

» 10 March Grand Prix of Qatar, Losail International Raceway The most hotly anticipated season since the last one kicks off in the Middle East in front of the usual minimal crowd. About the best that can be said about the place is that the track is a good one. Regulars will marvel at how much of what was empty desert last year is now under the new World Cup infrastructure. motogp.com » 12-14 March MotoE Test, Circuito Angel Nieto, Jerez The last test for MotoGP’s new electric-powered class before their competitive debut at the same track in April, at the Spanish GP. MotoE is a one-make championship so no technical variety, just a taste of things to come. And it is coming. motogp.com » 15-17 April World Superbikes, Buriram,…

» Where are you right now? Christchurch, NZ. » You’re in the middle of a pretty epic adventure… Yes indeed! We set off 31 March, 2018 through Europe, Georgia, Russia, The Stans and back into Siberia to tackle the BAM road (an old railway service track and one of the toughest adventure roads in the world. LP). We then shipped our bikes from Vladivostok to New Zealand, which took two months. During this ‘downtime’ we backpacked around Japan and Australia, meeting back up with our bikes at the start of November 2018. We are now riding New Zealand’s South Island, hunting out all the off-road trails. » What bikes are you using? BMW G650 XCountry and BMW G650 XChallenge. Light weight, yet powerful. ‘Our plan is to travel the world…

Hugo Wilson » Editor Making wise motorcycle investments for 40 years Mike Armitage » Deputy Editor New bike expert and year-round kit assessor John Naish » Contributor Proper journalist, so knows how to get a truth Peter Boast » Road Tester Racer, tester, doesn’t open his wallet unless has to Ben Lindley » Contributor Travelled globe, not spent much doing it Mark Williams » Founding Editor Spent his life getting the most out of each pound James May » Contributing TV star Can’t resist high-value two-wheel temptation John Westlake » Contributor Journo since 1991 – knows cheap isn’t always best Gary Inman » Contributor Only travels by bike, so needs high value items Nigel Grimshaw » Managing Editor Been there, done that with auction and imports Matt Wildee » RiDE…

Mikey calls this tuned RR the ‘best Brutale yet’. Sweet relief if this is vindication of your irrational love for small-batch Italian motorcycles. But don’t whip out the cheque book just yet. We’d buy the standard Brutale and spend the leftover on a softer shock and new fork internals (£1200 for both ends at K-Tech). That really would be the best Brutale yet. Level-headed two-wheel-purchasers will have decided a thousand words ago that the RR is not for them. Why bother fixing a spyglass to the dashboard, obsessively checking tyre pressures, and dealing with unending rear brake maintenance? There are a dozen other motorcycles out there that do the performance naked thing for less cash. We agree: buying an RR would be madness. Go buy something else. But there is…

YOU’RE FIXATED ON buying that dream bike. But the budget won’t stretch. Conventional routes to raising the funds include hire-purchase, bank loan or personal contract purchase (PCP), but perhaps your credit rating’s tanked… or you just fancy being creative. Instead you might consider swapping your daughter for some tasty wheels, doing a big drugs deal or even committing to a vasectomy. We’ve all thought at some time, ‘I’d swap my left testicle for that machine.’ Turns out you can… Pulling a bizarre deal would put you in good company: in the 1960s Paco Bulto, founder of the Spanish Bultaco marque, agreed to sell his bikes in exchange for American fridges. ‘The target was £800. The total achieved was £0. GoFundYourself ’ Bultaco rebadged the American Westpoint products as Mercurio fridges…

Knox Micro-Lock Upgrade Level-2 elbow/knee armour £19.99 Micro-Lock protectors contour to your body under normal conditions because they remain flexible, but when they are put under impact force the molecules lock up. This reduces the energy of the impact that gets passed to your body by increasing the amount absorbed by the protector. This process is similar to other available armour, but works in a wider range of temperatures so is less likely to break in very cold conditions. Micro-Lock protectors come in common sizes and are also available in Level-1. Rev’it Seesmart hip protectors £13.99 Riding jeans, leathers and textile trousers must come with a minimum of armour at the knees to meet new PPE regulations, but hip armour is still optional. So, it makes sense to splash out…

Honda CBR1000RR Fireblade 2008-2009 Completely redesigned bike featuring snub-nosed styling, an all-new motor with titanium valves, forged pistons and the first Honda production slipper clutch since the RC45. Underslung exhaust replaced underseat unit. 998cc – 199kg – 175bhp – £4200-£5400 Honda CBR1000RR Fireblade C-ABS 2009-2010 The first sportsbike to feature ABS. This brake-by-wire linked system is basic compared with the latest track-ready ABS systems but still a worthwhile safety boon. The 2009 model also features oval-shaped rear indicator lenses and a different shaped fairing. 998cc – 200kg – 175bhp – £4700-£5900 Honda CBR1000RR Fireblade 2010-2011 Updates to engine saw improvements to crank for strength and also low-rpm throttle response. Styling tweaks saw the bull-nosed fairing get a little more snubbed, meanwhile an aluminium plate covered the prone-to-discolouring underslung exhaust. 998cc…

This isn’t a limp brochure-style round-up of all the bikes you can buy. No, your guide is far more useful as it only contains bikes that we have tested, with comparable on-the-road prices plus data, expert opinion and must-know detail gathered by fussy full-time testers. We do hundreds of thousands of miles, dyno, datalog, weigh and answer the big questions. Don’t buy a new bike without reading this first. ✱ WHEN SUPERBIKES REALLY WERE Sportsbikes: fast, fabulous, but as practical as a jelly hammer. Except it wasn’t always the way. You used to get bungee hooks. The 954cc FireBlade boasted large storage beneath a cool pop-up pillion pad. Even Ducati, famed for their focus, included usability – these are the fold-out pillion grab handles on an 851. ✱ NO BRAKES…

1 Freshly painted frame clamped to new Workmate. Pity we forgot to start taking pictures till the swingarm, bashplate and upper bearing race were already fitted. 2 Manky old shock absorbers re-fitted to shiny frame. Upper shock mounts had to be ‘adjusted’ to fit. Wrapping stays in place for as long as possible to protect new paint. 3 It’s now upside down so we can fit the lower head race. Freezing the race before fitting shrinks it, making it easier to fit, so less force (gentle use of copper mallet) needed. 4 Yes, the engine’s in. Work out which side it fits from, and which side the bolts fit from, and sequence, before starting to lift. Pipe insulation (not shown) protected frame rails. 5 Front engine plates on and now…

ONE OF THE BENEFITS of old age is the free money. If you get to 55, and if you have a pension, you can rob it blind and buy bikes with the cash. You get something like a maximum of fifty grand tax free – sound advice is to take whatever you can, while you can. Forget the future because you don’t really have one. Deal with the now. Before 55 I had five bikes, now I have 11. That’s quality of life more than doubled. Sure, there’s the small matter of where to put the bloody things, but there’s no point in getting bogged down in the detail if you’re serious about improving your limited time on earth… don’t sweat the small stuff. The question is, are you prepared…