Innholdsfortegnelse for February 2024 i Psychologies

About six years ago, I experienced what I now know to be manifesting, but what my friends and I refer to as ‘wishes from themagic shower!’ There was one week in August 2017 when every time I hadmymorning shower, I would visualise receiving something – fromtrying a specific brand of plant-basedmilk, treatingmyself tomy favourite face cream, to even winning a competition I’d entered. The first day, I received the entire range of the plant-based product I wanted to try; the second, I was sent the whole collection of beauty essentials fromthe brand I’d thought about; finally, I ended the week with an email informingme I’d won a holiday toMykonos! After thatmagical week, however,my shower had lost it’s superpowers – but speaking to our wonderful cover star, Roxie Nafousi, I nowrealise…

The previous year ended on a sad note for me, when my oldest sister tragically died. More recently, I was also impacted by the death of the poet and activist Benjamin Zephaniah. Both had me reflecting on how we deal with the reality of death, and the life still ahead of us, through writing. At first glance, it might appear that writing about death is a morbid subject to take to the pages of journals or notebooks. But what if writing and journalling with the theme of death in mind is also a way of connecting with what your life would look like if you really lived? Prompted by all of this at the end of last year, I took a deep breath and stepped out on a date for…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find out what will bring you purpose 1 If you could, you’d dedicate this year to ■ Exploring your spirituality ............. □♥ Really being there for people ........ □◆ Developing your creativity............. □● Making change happen.................. □ 2 You tend to stick at things if you feel ◆ Engaged .......................................... □■ Inspired............................................ □♥ Appreciated..................................... □● Needed ............................................ □ 3 You would most appreciate certainty about ♥ What’s most worth your efforts ... □◆ Where your true talents lie ............ □● What’s really achievable ................ □■ Which path you’re meant to take ... □ 4 This year, you’d like to feel a bit more ◆ Challenged ...................................... □●…

Dr Martha Deiros Collado is a psychologist with more than 20 years of clinical and academic experience. She is the author of How To Be The Grown-Up (Transworld, £16.99). Got a question for Dr Martha? Email letters@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘Martha life’ in the subject line. Is it time to let go of our friendship? Q I think I am losing my best friend from university. She had children about ten years ago, and I took great care to stay in touch, travelling to see her as often as I could. Now, I have a one-year-old child, but she hasn’t made the same effort. It’s been a few years since we stopped regularly texting or chatting; nowadays, it’s just a one-off message on birthdays or at Christmas. And when we do see…

After years of attempting a ‘fake it to make it ’ attitude, recently I’ve been trying to cultivate genuine confidence. It’s the difference between flourishing and flailing in everything from social settings to job interviews, informing ‘I can’ self-talk rather than ‘send help’. While I envy those with the gift of the blag, it’s not my bag, so I must rely on other tactics. Self-belief might be innate to some, but many of us are riddled with doubt. The good news is you don’t have to be stuck like that. Firstly, we’re often more capable than we think, and secondly, feeling capable is something that can be developed and honed. For example, I’ve always been daunted by anything remotely technical, but it turns out there’s this thing called YouTube on…

How does anger show up on your rollercoaster? Is it a giant volcano that emerges rapidly, wreaking destruction, derailing your cart, or stopping you in your tracks? Is it a frustration that gets pushed down and bubbles under the surface until it bursts out, sometimes at random over something that wouldn’t normally bother you? Does it arise in a wave of overwhelm in a work meeting? Is it the dominant way you express other emotions, such as disappointment, hurt and embarrassment? Does it come out only behind a screen, either in your car or when online? Maybe you’ve been told anger is something to be ashamed of, so you’ve tucked it so far away you feel its distant echo at times but don’t really know what you are feeling. The…

EMMA GANNON ‘It’s still taboo to say, “I have more than enough – and yet I’m still not happy”,’ says author and podcaster Emma Gannon, on challenging traditional ideas of what it means to be ‘successful’, on page 22. ‘When something doesn’t line up with what you want, then that’s not really your version of success.’ EMMA CAMERON ‘Don’t try to fight with your inner critic,’ says integrative arts psychotherapist Emma Cameron. ‘When you try to tame, silence, or master it, you may just make it stronger. Instead, try thinking in terms of befriending it, guiding it, calming it, and gently transforming it.’ Find out more on page 30. OLIVIA FOX CABANE ‘Contrary to popular belief, people are not simply born charismatic,’ says coach and author Olivia Fox Cabane. Charisma…

Before she discovered the magic of manifesting, self-development coach, manifesting expert and bestselling author Roxie Nafousi was living a far from happy life. ‘I’d suffered from depression my whole life, but I didn’t know that was what it was, because people weren’t talking about mental health in the same way that they are now. I think if someone had told me I was suffering from depression then, I would probably have rejected the idea and felt very embarrassed.’ Nafousi admits she went through lots of rock-bottoms in that time, the last one being in May 2018: ‘I’d been on a yoga teacher training course, because I thought that was the answer and would change my life, but within 24 hours of being back, I was out partying, and woke up…

Session two… Marsha was newly retired and had been making plans for an exciting and adventurous future when her daughter asked if she could provide regular childcare for the grandchildren. In our first session, Marsha and I had explored her reactions to this request and considered her options. However, in a ‘mic drop’ moment, as she left the coaching session, Marsha’s parting words to me were that she didn’t think she had the courage to put herself first. This statement had left a lasting impact on me, and so I decided to mention it at our second session. I asked whether Marsha was still feeling the same way, or whether she had had any further thoughts or feelings. Marsha looked troubled. ‘I still feel the same way! I feel obliged…

psychologies DOSSIER With you in mind Have you ever tried to adopt a new habit by force of will, only to feel like a failure when you later accept that you haven’t followed through? It’s an all-too-familiar pattern to me, and one that often follows a declaration of intention to create change in our lives. It’s why costly gym memberships often go unused, and why so many New Year’s resolutions fade before January is even over. But a process commonly called ‘finding your why’ can reportedly help to turn resolutions into habits, and turn habits into life transformation. Finding your why is essentially about connecting your actions and choices with your limbic system, according to life design strategist Georgie Shears. That’s the part of the brain that…

It’s February, the official month of love, affection, and connection! Valentine’s Day often polarises opinions – it’s fair to say, people typically love it or hate it. But regardless of whether you go giddy for the globally celebrated event, or prefer to put it into Room 101, there is certainly something positive that we can all get from embracing and sharing the love in our lives. And whether you’re attached or single, it matters not – why not view Valentine’s month as a chance to show your love and appreciation for the special people in your life? In recent years, we’ve seen alternatives to the tradition: why not make this a Palentine’s, instead, and let your mates know how much you care? Or how about a Galentine’s Day, for making…

Make yourself comfortable Sound healing is about ease, comfort and rest. The first thing to do is set an intention. Sit for a moment and think about what you want from this sound bath. How do you want to feel at the end of it? What is calling you? What feeling or energy do you want to call in? Once your mind is in the correct zone, it is time to set your physical space. Get comfortable, whatever that means to you. If you want to be seated and remain in a more engaged posture, that’s fine. Personally, I’m all about maximising comfort, so if you can and want to lie down, then do. If you’re lying on the floor on a mat, you could try some yogic asana poses.…

As the old adage goes, we are creatures of habit. In fact, it could be argued that we are our habits. And many of us, for various reasons, have got out of the habit of singing regularly. Perhaps you were put off singing by a negative comment in your childhood. Or you don’t have enough time in an already-packed schedule to commit to a new hobby. Or maybe you simply don’t know where to start. In his 2019 book Feel Better In 5 (Penguin, £16.99), Dr Rangan Chatterjee explains that small changes in your lifestyle can make a big difference to your health. And that engaging in an activity for just five minutes a day, such as breathwork, yoga or gratitude, can reap real rewards for your health and wellbeing.…

Just as we go through seasons of the year, so, too, I think we go through seasons with our bodies. There are times when we revel in them, and times when we poke and prod them, desperate for them to change in some way. At the end of last year, I was feeling very disconnected from my body. I knew that at some point in the past I’d felt sexy and desirable, but at that precise moment, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d shaved my armpits. And I was beginning to suspect that only owning underwear with holes in wasn’t quite the done thing; I had been in a season of winter and discontent for too long, and I needed something to shove me into spring. Which was how…

We all have that friend who lights up a room – the one that seems blessed with that mystical je ne sais quoi that sets some people apart. There’s an indescribable quality about them that makes them stand out, and they have a magnetism that draws people towards them, because it feels good just to be in their company. We call it charisma, but what exactly is it? It’s ambiguous and undefinable, yet we recognise its spell easily. We believe it to be a natural gift bestowed upon a lucky few; that it helps if you’re attractive; that only extroverts can be charismatic; and that you either have it or you don’t. But is that really the whole truth of it? Olivia Fox Cabane, a charisma coach and author of…

Power up your plate Dr Gabrielle Lyon, author of Forever Strong (Little, Brown, £16.99), explains why protein – such as nuts, legumes, fish and meat – could be the answer to increasing your energy levels... It may not be your body’s primary energy source, but protein plays a crucial role in boosting your overall energy and wellbeing. It offers several benefits that contribute to a heightened sense of vitality. 1 First, protein is slow to digest, promoting satiety and prolonging the feeling of fullness, preventing those energy-sapping hunger pangs. It facilitates the transportation of oxygen and essential nutrients throughout your body, ensuring that you remain alert and energised. 2 Protein also plays a key role in regulating blood sugar levels, preventing the rollercoaster of energy crashes that often follow consuming…

Dan dan cauliflower soup This dan dan noodle soup is a flavour explosion in a bowl. It’s also a very healthy meal that you can have on the table in no time at all. Use whatever accompanying vegetables are in season. Serves 4 ● 400g rice noodles● 300g caulifower, cut into florets● 1 carrot, peeled and thinly sliced diagonally with a peeler● 2 courgettes, spiralised● 100g frozen edamame beans FOR THE STOCK ● 1 litre good-quality vegetable stock● 3 garlic cloves, crushed● 4cm piece of fresh ginger, grated● 3 tsp palm sugar FOR THE STOCK SAUCE ● 3 tbsp light soy sauce● 2 tbsp tahini● 4 tbsp black vinegar (not balsamic)● 2 tsp dark soy sauce● 1 tsp kecap manis● 1 tsp chilli oil, plus extra to garnish● 2 tsp…