Innholdsfortegnelse for October 2023 i Psychologies

CONFIDENCE Earlier this year, I was offered the chance to teach meditation to a group of women. While I’ve meditated for 20 years, I’m not trained to teach it. Occasionally, I’d weave five minutes of it into one of the yoga classes I host. But the prospect of a regular, hour-long class terrified me. My friend, Ayala, a very experienced meditation teacher, had been the group’s first choice. She was too busy, so recommended me. The women wanted a trial session first. ‘How on earth will you make it through a whole hour? You’ll probably be a huge disappointment, especially compared to Ayala. I bet they won’t ask you back.’ These were among the thoughts streaming through my mind. I shared them with Ayala. ‘I think you’re ready,’ she said.…

From melting icecaps to record-breaking heatwaves, the news regularly brings stories about the effects of climate change – and warnings of it getting worse. Do you feel a sense of dread when you read about wildfires or rising sea levels, scared about what the future brings for us and our planet? If so, you’re not alone. It’s known as eco-anxiety: a fear of environmental doom. Research by the Office for National Statistics shows that three-quarters of adults in Great Britain say they worry about the impact of climate change. Whether it’s a feeling of grief for what’s happening, or anger that those in power aren’t doing more, many of us are experiencing these emotions. ‘Eco-anxiety is an emotionally healthy response to what’s going on in the world,’ says Caroline Hickman,…

This idea of change coming naturally after a break is nothing new to BBC journalist turned career coach Rachel Schofield. Following a 20-year career with the BBC, which fell naturally into ‘chapters’ broken up by events such as the arrival of her two children, she decided to become a career coach to help others working though their own work-based challenges. ‘I started my career-change coaching journey with women returning to work after having a baby,’ she explains. ‘It’s a natural point of reflection, but there are other points in people’s lives, too: when they start a new relationship, when they get divorced, when they’re hitting a big birthday. There are moments in our lives when we naturally become quite reflective, asking “Does this still work for who I am now?”…

Filled with passion for a new career? Whether you have some new ideas following a period of reflection, or you’ve had a long-burning desire for a particular project, it can sometimes take an extra push to get a new idea off the ground. Many people find themselves struggling with impostor syndrome. ‘One of the inner conversations I hear a lot is, “I’m stepping into a new world. I’m becoming a beginner. People will laugh at me. People will judge me. I’m not ready to start from scratch”,’ reflects Rachel Schofield. These are difficult feelings to handle, so it’s no wonder that sometimes we put off making decisions that will lead us to embarking on real change. There are two key aspects that arise at this point: procrastination and perfectionism. Procrastination…

I was lucky enough to go on holiday for a week with my children recently. Far away, to the other side of the North Sea, where the land is locked in by sandy heathland and dense woods. There are more bicycles than cars, and houses that look like they’re made from Lego. We lay reading under canvas, pulled pastries apart with sticky fingers, and did jigsaws under trees. One early morning, we discovered a blue tit in our tent; I can still hear the joy in its song as we unzipped the tent and it flew out into the air. Something about the physical removal of ourselves from our everyday lives was exciting and nourishing. The placing of a whole sea between home and holiday felt vital, opened us up…

What’s really going on when he ‘plays sick’? Q Before summer, my child started faking being ill before school, and I’m worried it’s going to start again now. He cries and complains of tummy aches and pains in his legs, and it feels wrong to force him to go to school. But, equally, I don’t believe he is actually sick. How should I deal with it? Pretending to be sick to avoid school is nothing new. Anyone who has watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off knows there is something thrilling about a ‘sick day’. It’s developmentally appropriate for children aged six and above to do this but, as a parent, knowing this won’t make it any easier to ‘call his bluff’. There are a few things you can look out…

Book of the month The Science of Sex by Kate Moyle (DK, £16.99) For an emotional and physical activity that almost all of us will engage in regularly, our knowledge of sex is woeful. But psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle has the answers to every burning question you might be too embarrassed to ask – and others you may never have even considered. In Moyle’s capable hands, even topics you’d consider basic – such as anatomy and STIs – bring new insight, while issues including sex ruts, orgasm gaps, and post break-up hook-ups are thoughtfully and reassuringly explored. The tasteful illustrations and accessible Q&A format also make it perfect for dipping in and out of, whenever curiosity strikes. Raising a Happier Mother by Anna Mathur (Penguin, £16.99) You can’t…

With a CV as impressive as hers, it’s somewhat surprising that Anita Rani has spent decades fighting the pressure to settle down and have children. Now a presenter and broadcaster for BBC’s Countryfile, The One Show and BBC Radio Four’s Women’s Hour, she says part of the expectation is down to her Asian heritage – but she’s sure that’s not all. ‘It’s a woman thing, isn’t it? The message that success equals marriage and children is pretty ingrained. ‘We are equated to those two things. It’s everywhere – it’s all around us.’ Thankfully, Rani says, questions about whether or not she wants children herself have now stopped. ‘How many of us are making choices based on what we actually want to do?’ she asks, ‘and how many of us are…

Session three... I was looking forward to seeing Shelley again. I hadn’t seen her for a few months, since I ran a team coaching session for her in the online gift business she had inherited from her aunt. She had cancelled the next two coaching sessions at short notice, with no explanation, and I was wondering how she was coping with her new, unplanned-for life as a business owner. Shelley seemed like a different person as she bounded into my office with a beaming smile on her face. She looked relaxed, happy, and confident in a way that I hadn’t seen before. I could tell she was bursting to tell me something. I said, ‘I can’t wait to hear what has been happening.’ ‘Well,’ she replied, ‘in short, I am…

As a writer, words are my trade, but I find it difficult to describe the sense of devastation that swept over me the day I finally relinquished hope of ever becoming a mother. I had clung onto that hope for almost two decades, maintaining it through a decision not to bring children into an abusive relationship, an extended period of being single, followed by infertility and early menopause, and then withdrawing – at a very early stage – from an adoption process because of poor mental health. Even after all that, I still had hope, but one day when I was in my early 40s, I discovered that the hope – which had been both a lifeboat keeping me afloat and a prison preventing me from conceiving of the possibility…

Eat well THE MAGIC OF THE MED We know that physical fitness improves overall health and reduces risk of disease at all ages, but aside from exercising, can anything else help us increase our fitness levels? The answer is yes! New research has found that a Mediterranean diet – high in fruit, vegetables, healthy fats, grains, legumes and unprocessed lean meats and fish – results in improved physical fitness (including cardiorespiratory fitness, muscle strength, and endurance). And the benefits don’t stop there; a Mediterranean diet has also been found to reduce the risk of dementia, miscarriage, and even stress. 50% of the UK population are cutting down on (or cutting out) meat from their diet, with three per cent of the British public identifying as vegan –…

Mango and cardamom cheesecake ‘This creamy, no-bake dessert is inspired by Indian flavours, the rich creaminess coming from the cream cheese, paired with sweet mango and floral notes of cardamom.’ For the base: ● 30g pistachios● 30g desiccated coconut● 65g unsalted butter● 25g coconut oil● 190g speculoos biscuits For the cheesecake: ● 10 cardamom pods● 200ml double cream● 55g icing sugar● 1 tsp vanilla bean paste● 600g cream cheese● 2 tbsp runny honey● 185g canned, sweetened mango purée To decorate: ● 1 fresh mango or a 425g (before draining) can of mango slices● 1 tbsp runny honey● A small handful of pistachios 1 First, make the base. Place the pistachios and desiccated coconut in a frying pan over a low heat and toast, stirring, for about 7 minutes, until the…

Fresh start After the long, lazy days of summer, September’s arrival brings a return to routine. Whether it’s the start of a new term for your family, or simply time to re-focus on work not play, take advantage of this time to establish some healthier habits to kickstart your day. Mornings can be a flashpoint for many of us, but could you take five minutes daily to enjoy your cuppa outside in the daylight, do a short stretching exercise before your shower, or prep a healthy breakfast the night before? For more inspiration to start as you mean to go on, try Good Morning Rituals by Miranda Moore (Octopus, £8.99). Party line Neighbours are being asked to offer up washing-line space to help the environment and ease energy costs. The…

This week, I accidentally hugged the tree of death. I’d had a tough start to the day – a night of insomnia was followed by a shower that barely reached a trickle. In need of a little comfort, I’d turned to one of the practices taught to me by my mother’s best friend when I was growing up: I hugged a tree. We are taught to fear death and to follow that fear through to all endings. We cling to jobs, relationships and friendships well past their expiry date, because the thought of the ending is worse than the pain of staying in them. We prefer to hang out in the sunny, lighter parts of life – which was exactly what I thought I was doing the other day, when…

If I were to tell you there is a therapy that barely needs to know what your problems are, nor is it trying to eliminate them; a therapy that doesn’t seek answers by unpicking your past, but is designed to help you take control of the rumination and catastrophising that is often at the root of a downward spiral; a therapy that allows only forward, goal-focused thinking, with no negative talk, and encourages you to dream and visualise your happier future, and aims to sort you out quickly – would you believe me? I doubt I am alone in that I have tried many therapies over the years. Hoping to overcome and learn to live better with my emotional mixed bag of low self-esteem, amplified critical voice, life-long body issues,…

Have you ever thought about the way you see and speak to yourself, and noticed how this shapes the world around you? Ever since I can remember, I’ve had a tendency to take a pessimistic outlook on life, and I used to see the bad in everything. I’m sure I’m not alone in this feeling. Psychological research suggests that humans in general suffer from a negativity bias, which simply means we have a tendency to focus on the negative stimuli in our lives and dwell on past negative experiences. Another explanation for my pessimism can be attributed to the fact I have ‘negative affectivity’, meaning a genetic tendency to experience more negative emotions. I read about this concept in The Happiness Hypothesis by Jonathan Haidt (Cornerstone, £10.99), while on my…