Innholdsfortegnelse for November 2022 i Psychologies

Which Spice Girl are you? As a teenager growing up in the Nineties, it was a question you could hardly avoid. Even though I classed myself as a die-hard indie kid, I found it impossible to escape the infectious magic of the band’s first hit, Wannabe, which topped the charts in 1996, the summer I completed my GCSEs. Given my hair colour, you can probably guess which larger-than-life character I naturally gravitated towards, but when the chance came to interview the most-overlooked member of the band, Sporty Spice, for this month’s issue, I leapt at the chance. I came off the call buzzing, thanks to Melanie’s infectious enthusiasm and Liverpudlian sense of humour, but also touched by the way she opened up about the challenges she has faced over the…

GOOD NEWS As the change of season creeps in and the nights get longer, many of us start to feel those inevitable ‘winter blues’. But, tempting as it is to draw the curtains and hibernate until March, the best way to shift your mood is to get out into the fresh air. Fresh air is not only a natural mood booster, but has been linked to a whole host of health benefits, from aiding digestion and lowering heart rate, to strengthening immunity and reducing obesity rates. As much as I will miss the beautiful summer sunshine, I’m so excited to dust off my wellies and head out for some crisp autumnal walks with the family. And forget ‘spring cleaning’ – now’s also the perfect time for an ‘autumn declutter’. I…

Picking up on the subtle signs that someone is struggling can make you a great friend, but when empathy leaves us overwhelmed by the pain of others, the gift can become a curse. Experiencing the distress of others too intensely can be all-consuming – but how can we stop ourselves becoming emotional sponges, soaking up our loved ones’ feelings? Understanding empathy Described in the 1970s by American philosopher Susanne Langer as the ‘involuntary breach of individual separateness’, empathy definitely has its upsides – it allows us to step into another’s shoes, to tap into their joy, to share their highs. And empathy can help us tolerate people’s actions, because we understand the emotions behind their behaviours. Plus, it enables us to predict how others might react in tricky situations, and…

SLEEP-SOUND SUPPLEMENTS Natural remedies to help you drift off Kalms Night One-A-Night, £5.76, kalmsrange.com ‘Research shows that valerian can help people fall asleep more quickly,’ says sleep therapist Dr Nerina Ramlakhan. ‘By increasing calming chemicals in the brain, it functions as a natural sedative, enhancing sleep drive without causing drowsiness the next day.’ You can find valerian in Kalms Night One-A-Night, a traditional herbal remedy used to promote relaxation and sleep, without that next-day fug. Neurexan, £11, nelsonspharmacy.com The stress hormone, cortisol, plays a vital role in stress and sleep – namely, too much cortisol leads to too little sleep! Neurexan might look medical, but it’s actually a natural remedy that contains passionflower, oats, valerian zinc salt and coffee, to help you get your hormone levels under control. Unbeelievable Health…

Take time to reflect Digging deep to wonder what else is at play can be really helpful. Both Dr Rae and professor Bifulco encourage self-reflection: ‘Transitions can be eased if parents develop some insight into their interpersonal style,’ says Bifulco. ‘Attachment is sometimes described as being able to judge emotional distance from those close. Too close can be suffocating; too distant can be cold. All of us need to find just the right level of space we give to those close to us.’ CONSIDER YOUR OWN LIFE EVENTS Some of us have had life events that make some of even the most ordinary changes feel quite overwhelming. Acknowledging your own experiences might explain why you are finding this more difficult than most. Sometimes, difficult relationships or traumatic experiences can lead…

Having been a child actor (my first role was as Wendy in the 2003 Peter Pan film, and I’ve acted on and off ever since), is was only natural for me to go off the rails in my teens. I carved out my own North London Neverland, partying and thrill-seeking. Stress was a constant – a by-product of an overactive mind and erratic lifestyle. Thankfully, I’ve since matured into a tee-total mother who lives in the countryside and gets her kicks through caffeine, yellow-sticker bargains and money laundering. Kidding, workouts. I generally like my exercise to be short and sharp – 20 minutes of HIIT is ideal. The speedy pace and racing pulse lifts my mood and blasts away any sluggishness or negativity that comes creeping in when I sit…

Simone Baldwin, 45, was diagnosed with a brain tumour in 2017. She has since written a book, which she hopes will help other parents suffering from serious illness to talk more freely with their children Working as a primary school teacher, I had just returned from a few weeks teaching in China, when one of my ears began to feel strange. I thought it was the flight, or the swimming pool, and I was so busy that I ignored it, expecting it to go away. But it didn’t. Then I started to notice my hearing was affected. My friend works at a hearing care centre and persuaded me to get it checked out. They couldn’t see anything wrong, but I was now almost deaf in that ear. She said asymmetry…

Often, we get caught up in what other people think and the judgements they are – or we perceive they are – making about us. We are social animals, and the brain is designed to imagine what other people are thinking and feeling; sometimes called ‘theory of mind’. There have even been neurons identified called ‘mirror neurons’, thought to play a part in feeling and perceiving the emotions and actions of other people. This is an important skill of the brain, as we need this ability to be able to interact effectively and form social groups, which help us be safe, survive and thrive. Like all amazing brain abilities, this can have a downside. We can get caught up in other people’s opinion of us and stop ourselves doing things…

JODI HALPERN Taking on the emotions of others as if they are your own can be exhausting, and the weight of caring ‘too much’ can be hard to bear, says Jodi Halpern, a consultant in empathy. Learn how to empathise with others in a way that is therapeutic, and avoid the burnout, on page 22. DR TINA RAE As parents, watching a child meet their milestones can bring on feelings of redundancy and loss. But, says psychologist Dr Tina Rae, ‘developing a toolbox of wellbeing to manage anxieties around transition is something that we can all do, both adults and children alike.’ Discover how to navigate change on page 64. DR BARBARA PERFAHL Having your own space to retreat to has never been more important, and research shows it can…

MARY FENWICK is a writer, speaker and executive coach. She is also a mother, divorcee and widow. GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY? Email letters@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘Mary life’ in the subject line. FOR MORE about Mary’s work in leadership and team coaching, her ‘Writing back to happiness’ programme and free resources, go to maryfenwick.com Life is finally calm – so why am I craving a crisis? Q I’ve been in a relationship for eight months now, with a really lovely woman, and in many ways it’s the best I’ve ever experienced. My friends all tease me because so many of my previous girlfriends and relationships have been dramatic, and there’s always been some sort of crisis. This time, it feels much more like we’re equals, and we are both keeping our…

We’ve had some big names on the cover of Psychologies, but few could genuinely claim to have been one of the most famous women in the world. Unlike this month’s star. Because, for a couple of years back in the late Nineties, Melanie Chisholm and her bandmates were unquestionably some of the most recognisable young people on the planet. From their unparalleled success in the charts to their constant presence on the covers of celebrity magazines and in the tabloids – and even their own movie – the Spice Girls were true global icons. ‘When you’re in the eye of the storm, it’s hard to see the reality of it,’ reflects Chisholm. ‘But I can see now that we were so lucky to have had that opportunity.’ Such massive success,…

1 Ground yourself Making contact with the ground is your baseline go-to response for stress. This technique can be especially helpful if you find your stress regularly turns into panic. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, place your feet flat on the ground so that you feel stable, and then close your eyes. If you’re able to sit on the floor cross-legged or to lie down flat, then even better. Think of this as earthing: really connect with the ground beneath your body. The following pages will teach you strategies to further ground yourself. Some studies suggest that this simple act can help reduce or relieve symptoms of stress such as pain and fatigue, reduce blood pressure, and improve sleep. If you’re feeling disconnected from the world, it can also…

Sleep is one of our most natural and necessary functions, and allows us to grow and maintain healthy brains and bodies. And, yet, getting good quality sleep is a challenge for many. Nearly half of people in the UK say they have trouble falling asleep at least once a month, and a huge 60 per cent of menopausal-age women experience sleep disturbances. But while it’s easy to get hung up on achieving that magic eight hours of sleep, physiologist Dr Nerina Ramlakhan says that the quality of sleep is much more important than the time spent in bed. ‘It’s critical to think about sleep quality and to ask whether the time you’re spending in bed is restorative,’ says Dr Ramlakhan. ‘Ten hours of fragmented sleep won’t be as beneficial as…

Tick the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section, or sections, you ticked most, to find the root of your sleep anxiety 1 You most associate sleep with 2 Achieving optimum health 3 Your usual bedtime routine involves 4 You’re convinced you won’t sleep well if 5 If you wake in the middle of the night, you think 6 Your sleep history can be summed up as a 7 Your most valued sleep benefit is 8 You would be happier if sleep was 9 A good sleep usually means you 10 Deep down, you know you should Turn the page to find out how to change your sleep mindset What do you need for better sleep? IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Confidence…

Let me tell you about Katie*. She’s a 42-year-old mum of three. She’s done the first-day-at-school ritual twice before: taken doorstep photos of her sons in pristine uniform, and shed fleeting tears on both occasions – but she’s really struggled with the thought of her daughter, Zara*, starting reception this year. Bemused by her reaction, in therapy she said, ‘I thought I’d feel relieved – but I feel like it’s the end of an era.’ Such rites of passage don’t sound up there on the list of difficult life events, but these transitions have the power to stir up a lot of emotions. Like Katie, you might have just experienced a child going to nursery for the first time, starting infants, or moving to secondary school. You might have a…

Eat well Plant power Looking to eat a more plant-based diet, but short on time? Meal delivery service AllPlants may have just the thing. It produces chef-created vegan dishes that you can keep in your freezer. Whether you feel like a Miso and Tamari Tofu Bowl, a Tex Mex Rice Dish, or Kale and Chickpea Dahl, each meal is equal parts nutritious and delicious. allplants.com Go boldly! We’re often told to ‘eat the rainbow’, and now new research from the University of Georgia provides even more evidence as to why. Its study, which focused on women in particular, has found that eating brightly coloured fruit and vegetables prevents visual and cognitive loss. Fruit and veggies high in pigmented carotenoids, such as sweet potatoes, kale, spinach, watermelon, peppers, tomatoes, oranges and…

Having run a busy vocational college for many years, after my third pregnancy, I found I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was exhausted, my hair was falling out, my nails were weak, and I felt unwell and irritable most of the time. So I had to sell the business, as I wasn’t coping. I knew I needed to do something about my health, but when I went to the doctor, all my tests came back as normal. Yet I knew I didn’t feel ‘normal’: I’d stand at the bottom of a flight of stairs, wondering how I’d get to the top. I went to see a consultant for advice about diet, who went through a complicated form, then gave me a list of changes that felt insurmountable in the…

All-in-one aubergine, tomato & nigella seed curry Serves: 4 This is my version of a spectacular Madhur Jaffrey dish that my mother makes: ‘aubergine in a pickling spice’. The original calls for the aubergines to be deep-fried before making the spiced tomato sauce, but my mother has long since roasted off the aubergine pieces in the oven. In this version, I go one step further, cooking down cherry tomatoes under the aubergine. I was delighted to find that this makes for an extremely low-hassle, but no less beautifully balanced dish. ● 300g vine cherry tomatoes, halved ● 5cm ginger, grated ● 3 cloves garlic, grated ● 6 baby aubergines, halved (or 2 large aubergines, thickly sliced) From the storecupboard: ● 2 tsp nigella or black onion seeds ● 1 tsp…

If there’s one thing we’ve learned about our homes over the past couple of years, it’s that having somewhere you can escape to is – to put it scientifically – really bloody desirable. In fact, Italian research from 2021 showed that for younger generations, objective and subjectively perceived spatial features have a key role in mitigating the stressful effects of having to stay at home under lockdown. The research showed, perhaps unsurprisingly, that space available at home, in terms of residential satisfaction and crowding, is fundamental to wellbeing and perceived stress. The idea of an emotional escape room is based on the concept of a safe room or panic room – a fortified room inside a house to provide protection in the event of a break-in or disaster. But where…