Innholdsfortegnelse for November 2021 i Psychologies

1 Help Your Child Manage Their Moods by Louise Baty (Summersdale, £9.99) offers 101 practical and achievable ways to tackle big feelings in little kids. 2 A Year Of Nature Craft And Play by Becky Goddard-Hill and Catherine Hughes (Collins, £12.99) is packed with budget-friendly outdoor-inspired activities to keep boredom at bay and boost wellbeing. 3 The Family Firm: A Data-Driven Guide To Better Decision Making In The Early School Years by Emily Oster (Souvenir Press, £14.99) helps ease the stress of important parenting decisions by explaining the evidence available.…

The kind student nurse, You came to my hospital cubicle to do checks on my newborn son. It was day three in hospital. As a first-time mum having a baby during a pandemic, I felt very alone. My husband was only allowed to visit for two hours a day. Some of the midwives taking care of us were amazing, but a few of the comments from the patronising ones stuck. ‘This is motherhood,’ said one, as I struggled to feed my baby. I burst into tears in front of another midwife. ‘Why are you crying?’ she demanded. I didn’t think I needed to give a reason on a post-C-section ward – isn’t it normal to feel emotional? I didn’t have to explain to you. And that was why I appreciated…

• Visualise a positive outcome. • Calm yourself before confronting someone and take charge of your emotions by using empowering language. Use ‘I’ speech: ‘I am feeling…’ and specify the degree of your emotion: ‘I am very upset…’ • Be polite. Try using phrases such as: ‘It’s interesting that you see it that way. I’ve noticed something different, actually.’ • Don’t invite criticism or retaliation. Avoid phrases such as, ‘You’ll probably scream at me/want to kill me but…’ • Name how you are feeling if someone is negative. Use phrases such as ‘that made me feel uncomfortable’ or ‘disrespectful words are not tolerated here’. • After you handle a situation, analyse it, learn from it and put it aside.…

As a general rule, there are four phases of grief: 1 Accepting that your loss is real. 2 Experiencing the pain of grief. 3 Adjusting to life without the person or thing you have lost. 4 Gradually putting less emotional energy into grieving and more into something new. ‘It’s important to keep in mind that these stages are personal for every individual and will vary in duration and order,’ explains Dr Radha. ‘Grief can seem chaotic and doesn’t always follow a perfectly linear path or particular order, so don’t assume you “should” feel a certain way at a certain time – your journey will be uniquely yours.’…

“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the… weakest of them all? If I had a bit part in a jumbled modern fairy tale, this would be the resigned question I might ask my younger self because that’s what I believed was true. I started life in an incubator, too darn piddly to breastfeed, and the runt of a litter of three. I had a robust sister on either side, so I toddled into my role as the troubled middle child too. Sensitive and prone to melancholy, I was afraid of the dark to the point of drinking the contents of my hot-water bottle while weeping at my own patheticness rather than heading for the bathroom tap, and a barking dog, even a teeny fluffy one, filled me with shrieking…

If I told you that you are the creator of your experience, what would you say? Would you roll your eyes and write me off as another woo-woo merchant with a ropey understanding of physics? Please don’t – because that’s not the kind of creation I am talking about. The kind of creation I’m referring to is grounded in the neuroscience of how your brain predicts and interprets the world around you and your place in it. Here’s a simple example: You’re about to give a talk. You are prepared and you know your subject. Turning your attention to your body, you notice that your breathing is shallow and you have butterflies. Now, tell me, are you feeling anxious or excited? Physiologically, there is no difference. That surge in cortisol…

Perhaps the most obvious manifestation of an overwhelmed life is clutter. By clutter, I’m not talking about the glamorous type involving 10 pairs of party shoes and military campaigns to reorganise your sock drawer, such as those in the realm of Marie Kondo, the famous organising consultant. The clutter of overwhelm is what the author of From Clutter To Clarity, Kerri Richardson, calls ‘a temper tantrum of the soul’ – basically, all the stuff our stressed-out brains just can’t deal with any more. Looking around my home, I am surrounded by this stuff – online shopping returns, forms that need signing, documents that need shredding in my ‘one page at a time’ shredder, magazine articles I might read, recipes I might cook… Every time I look at the growing pile,…

“Set an ‘implementation intention’ … In a study, students who decided when and where they were going to write their essay were more likely to do it” If you are tackling a large task, it is easy to procrastinate until you’re feeling inspired. This, however, isn’t helpful in moving forward. Boyes recommends that in this scenario you halve your daily workload. ‘The mistake a lot of people make is working themselves to exhaustion on a project. But research shows that your strongest memories of an activity are at the peak and how you felt at the end. So if you feel depleted at the end, it will be much harder to get back to it the next day.’ Another trick Boyes suggests is to tackle familiar tasks first. ‘Sometimes, when…

Circle the answers that most closely apply to you, then add up the symbols. Read the section (or sections) you circled most to find out the source of your overwhelm 1 Faced with a free weekend, your feeling is… 2 You find it hardest to find balance in… 3 Your core values revolve around…  4 Sometimes you worry that… 5 Which of these changes would make you feel more on top of things? 6 You wish you could feel less affected by… 7 When you feel stressed and frazzled, you crave… 8 You feel more in control of your life when… 9 You know you’re overwhelmed when you… 10 Deep down, you know life would be better if you could……

Skincare Invite tranquillity with the topical application of oils Alexandra Kay Time to Smile essential oil blend, £20, greenpeople.co.uk How about a massage to relax your body and restore your mind? Add this natural essential oil, with mood-boosting lemon, cedarwood and sweet orange, to a carrier oil and rub gently into your skin for a pleasurable pick-me-up. Dr.Lipp CBD Calm Balm, £10.99, drlipp.com If stress shows up on your body, apply this totally natural multi-use balm to soothe your skin. It contains CBD oil and medical-grade lanolin. Osmosis Calm, £74, osmosisbeauty.eu Make your daily skincare routine a relaxing ritual with this gentle and comforting serum. It contains vitamin A plus seven antioxidants and soothing botanicals. Bath time  Every busy person everywhere knows the curative…

Sketchbook Club, £4, jenniemaizels.com/ sketchbook-club How about an online art class to help quieten inner noise? This one includes step-by-step instructions, video tutorials and secret cheats to help you create a masterpiece – guaranteed! Subconsciously app, from £99, subconsciously.com This hypnotherapy app transports you into a state of relaxed awareness so you can achieve your goals by beating anxiety and mastering manifestation. Mindshine app, from £29.99, mindshine.app Practise mental fitness with this wellbeing app designed by experts in psychology, digital health and leadership coaching.…

The urge to do a clearout for an elderly person may strike and the feeling of lightness it can bring might be welcome, but tread carefully. Lesley Spellman, a decluttering expert, shares a few pointers: • Look through old family photos together and write important details on the back of them, so information can be preserved for future generations. Understanding family history is easier now that we have digital records, but we still need to fill in the gaps. • If a parent tells you they want an item to stay in the family, ask why. If you know its history, you can share that with others and the sentiment won’t be lost. • Occasions when you stop, listen and talk to your parents afford you valuable insight into their…

FIND Psychologies’ partnership with Barefoot Coaching gives you the tools to find a coach who meets your needs. Barefoot Coaching has been at the forefront of coaching and coach training for 25 years. It has a proven track record as a provider of high-level coaching and coach training to organisations and senior executives, nationally and internationally. TRAIN The Barefoot Coaching ICF ACTP-accredited PG Certificate in Business and Personal Coaching is one of the most well-established coach training courses in the UK. Barefoot Coaching runs regular, free to coach training throughout the year. Book now for a taster morning. BOOK NOW! VISIT Barefootcoaching.co.uk/ taster-mornings…

1 Child’s pose (shishuasana): This calming pose soothes the nervous system. The gentle pressure from the ground on your forehead as you rest it down on to the mat can feel blissful, especially if you rock your head slowly from side to side. 2 Downward-facing dog (adho mukha svanasana): This gentle inversion gets your head lower than your heart, allowing blood to flow to the head, which can relieve headaches. Don’t overdo it though; stay for a few breaths then rest in child’s pose, above. 3 Legs up the wall (viparita karani): Hugely restorative, this pose helps reduce both physical and mental fatigue. Shimmy your bottom to the wall and rest your heels against it, elevated above you. Placing a weighted eye cushion over your eyes could also help block…

In my 20s, I worked as an art director, but felt I wanted something else. I went to therapy for multiple reasons and experienced the profundity of feeling heard and seen without judgment. My progression into training as a therapist evolved from a foundation year in counselling and psychotherapy to an MA in Core Process Psychotherapy and specialisation in sleep. I continued training in sleep medicine. I see sleep as the ultimate release – a biological necessity, but often hard to do. Bringing awareness to the parts of us that are trying to stay awake helps us let go and go to sleep. heatherdarwallsmith.com…

The government-backed recycling and reuse organisation Wrap reports that two in five of us performed a clearout of our wardrobe during lockdown and, according to the celebrity stylist, Gemma Sheppard, this is the first step towards creating emotional breathing space. ‘The minute we have a canvas of clarity, we feel as if we are thinking more clearly. When we are working in and around chaos, we replicate that in our day-to-day behaviour,’ says Sheppard, who advocates creating yes, no and maybe piles when sorting through your clothes. ‘You’ve got to get on top of what fits and what doesn’t. If it’s really special, pop it in a box, label the box and, in six months’ time if the item still doesn’t fit, it’s time to let it go. ‘Then, after…

Feeling good is a fundamental part of happiness. We often describe these feelings as positive emotions, and that’s because not only do they make us feel good, they also have a positive impact on our body and health. Feeling emotions such as joy, pleasure, pride and calm sets off a series of reactions in our brain and body that can manage stress, help us relax, help our body heal, our immune system work better and, ultimately, help us function better and live longer. So, these emotions are an extremely important part of our lives. Experiencing regular feelgood emotions is a fundamental part of happiness. However, all too often we don’t place enough importance on these emotions. Of course, you can’t feel good all the time, and many of the things…

ALICE BOYES Struggling with a task you’ve been putting off ? ‘Set an “implementation intention”,’ says writer and former psychologist Alice Boyes in our Dossier on overwhelm from page 51. ‘In a study, students who decided when and where they were going to write their essay were more likely to do it!’ MARIELLA FROSTRUP ‘It can be near impossible to know whether you are perimenopausal, or grumpy, ill, overworked, in a bad relationship or stressed and – knowing modern women – with a permanent and overriding sense of guilt that it’s entirely, if inexplicably, your fault,’ explains Mariella Frostrup. Discover how to navigate this time on page 44. MARIANNE RIZKALLAH ‘Listening to music from your youth could be one of the safest (and cheapest) ways of regaining your sense of…

“How I approach this time of year is similar to how I approached it when I was at school (quite some time ago now!). In the run-up to autumn, I mentally prepare to focus; I start putting into action new career goals, and sink my teeth into fresh projects. It’s a productive season for me! Setting objectives now takes the pressure out of New Year’s resolutions; I set bited-size goals through the year and find them so much more manageable. My new book, A Little Bit Of Faith (SPCK, £14.99) is all about those daily goals and positive moments. I want to encourage everyone to be the best they can be – every single day. It’s a great tool and a brilliant gift for someone you feel could use that…

Star letter Pages of inspiration May I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your new-look magazine (October issue). Each and every article had something that made me ponder and, in some cases, put positive changes into practice. You made me think of ways that I could improve my life or, even more rewarding, share ideas with someone I know to help them. My favourite article was Harriet Minter’s ‘Life as I know it’. I am 45 years old and starting to live with the effects of what ageing does to a woman’s body. She did make me laugh! This week, I have begun eating more healthily and am partaking in a morning exercise routine to help tone and strengthen my body, targeting my midriff especially. I am starting to…

‘People say the best things are unsaid. I disagree. They’re best said. Just get it out.’ That type of thinking is why the nation has fallen in love with Rochelle Humes. The effervescent and straight-talking mother of three, who shot to fame 20 years ago on children’s TV, then topped the charts for 12 years with The Saturdays before becoming a well-known and trusted face on our most-loved TV shows, is never one to mince words, and is characteristically open about times in her life that have been difficult. ‘I remember feeling really out of control in my life and it kind of got on top of me,’ she recalls. ‘It was constant work [with the band] and your life moves so fast on this Ferris wheel that there isn’t…

“Lynsey Bleakley, 44, the owner of an online bakery, says: ‘As lockdown kicked in, I was faced with many problems. I was pivoting to keep my business going, despite cancelled weddings and events, and I also had a multitude of new challenges to make the company successful. I was working around the clock and soon I was running on empty. I’d forgotten about me time. ‘I’d been burnt out before and felt I was quickly heading there again. I knew I needed to employ some measures to help redress the balance and take better care of myself. So I made a commitment to start my daily walk again. Every morning, come hail, rain or shine, I got up an hour earlier, when the coastal path and beaches were quiet, and…

“Claire Middlebrook, 42, runs an accountancy practice in Edinburgh. The office environment was chaotic, and often saw stand-up arguments, she explains. ‘I struggled with anxiety around conflict,’ says Claire. ‘I sought to please the team because I worried that they would leave if they weren’t happy. But I realised I was not being clear about my expectations simply because I was trying to avoid conflict. In fact, lack of clarity itself was causing the conflict. ‘So I created a strategic, defined plan with precise tasks, timescales and expectations. Now everyone knows where they stand and our interactions are better.’ Claire realised that she also avoided conflict with her husband. ‘Neither of us had set boundaries or knew how to behave with the small stuff, such as unloading the dishwasher. I…

‘It’s not always easy to recognise when grief is at play because it is different for everyone,’ says Dr Radha. ‘Feelings may be transient, mild or extremely powerful, which can make it difficult to understand how a person is feeling at any given time. However, some of the most common symptoms include: • Shock and numbness – this is usually the first reaction to loss, and people often talk about being in a daze. • Sadness – often with tears, but not always. • Tiredness or exhaustion. • Anger – sometimes directed towards the reason for your loss, sometimes at yourself or sometimes at life itself. • Guilt – for things you think you did, could have changed or feel you should have said or done.’…

The puzzling thing about menopause, of course, is that it’s not a direct diagnosis, but a retrospective one. The moment itself, going ‘through’ the menopause (how can you possibly know that it’s the last time an egg will plop into the fallopian tube?), will probably go unnoticed and unmarked. It’s all about the years before – and after. It’s said that more than 80 per cent of women will have some symptoms before and after the menopausal moment. They may start a few months or years before, and last an average of four years after the menopause – but they might be as long as 10 years before and 12 years or more after your last period, which adds up to a good quarter of our expected lifespan. Incidentally, the…

One other common source of overwhelm is other people, even those we love the most. ‘I’m seeing people struggle with this, particularly as we try to return to normal after lockdown,’ observes the psychologist Audrey Tang. It’s definitely something I’ve battled with, trying to strike a happy medium between rest and peak socialising. ‘This is where we have to get really honest with some people,’ says Tang. ‘A lot of us have changed our perspective during lockdown and may no longer enjoy doing the things we did before. For example, I’ve started replying to friends who invite me to their amateur dramatics productions with words along these lines: “I’m happy to come – I want to support you and love seeing my friends, but I wouldn’t want to go otherwise.”…

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Social At the heart of social overwhelm is often a fear of missing out. Low-level anxiety and self-doubt can convince you that saying no to a social event is just too much of a risk to take. It’s often a fear of your own feelings, and doubts that you could cope with the disappointment if it turns out you said no to the best get-together all year. Social overwhelm can also be mixed up with other people’s feelings and what they think about you. Do you ever wonder whether your motivation to help someone or get involved comes from a genuine place, or is driven by a worry that if you say no, you risk being disliked? People pleasing is closely linked with social overwhelm,…

Suvilabs Botanicals + Collagen, £45, suvi-labs.com We felt the benefits of taking this single daily supplement within a week. It contains seven natural ingredients, including marine collagen, ashwagandha and turmeric, to help balance mood, reduce anxiety and support healthy brain function. Worry Not spray, £9.99, highernature.com Pop this oral spray in your bag for those moments when you crave calm. Along with theanine and B vitamins, it contains a blend of herbs, including lemon balm, lavender and passionflower. Innermost The Relax capsules, £18.95, liveinnermost. com Nip stress in the bud with these capsules containing research-backed ingredients that promote relaxation and reduce stress.…

“I can’t forgive my cousin for her cruel comment” Q I am 39 years old, have a good job and consider myself fortunate when it comes to friends and family, although I don’t have children of my own. Recently, at a family gathering, one of my cousins said: ‘If you don’t have children, you don’t have a life.’ I am finding it hard to forgive her. Can you offer some guidance? Next month, I’ll have to spend time with a person who I struggle to forgive, so my comments are offered in a humble spirit. The need to forgive nearly always springs from being hurt – even if it feels like anger, the anger is a reaction to pain. I find it helps to acknowledge the pain, phrasing it specifically…

“It was the start of me becoming unstuck… I began believing anything was possible and became positive and hopeful” After 25 years at the forefront of coaching and coach training UK, I remain fascinated by the psychology of human experience and behaviour. As pioneers of coaching to the highest standards, our focus is to inspire personal growth and make the world a brighter place through exceptional coaching. More than 4,000 people have completed our International Coach Federation (ICF) ACTP-accredited training and students leave as confident coaches ready to make a difference.…

Lucy Tulloch For 20 years, I managed teams and had a reputation for problem-solving. I am passionate about overcoming obstacles through self-awareness. My values at work evolved, so I studied a postgraduate degree in coaching and now work with clients to identify strengths, values and purposeful work. Raha Sepehrara My knowledge of coaching was limited until I met a coach by chance years ago. The encounter was the start of my personal development. Being coached was like an awakening and I decided to help others experience the same. Training to be a coach with a reputable company helped me build strong foundations, acquire valuable skills and confidence. Kate Hammer I’m proud of my credentials but it is within client relationships that I have become the coach I am today. Their…

You can’t walk through a park without seeing groups of zen people practising tai chi, and you can do yoga at any hour of the day or night with classes around the country and online. But a lesser known Eastern system of physical and breathing exercises is gaining ground – and with good reason. Qigong (pronounced ‘chee-gong’) is a meditative practice that uses movement, breathing techniques, postures and visualisation to balance mind and body and boost wellness. While qigong has had periods of popularity in the West and is enjoying a resurgence, this dance-like therapy has been practised in China for 4,000 years, making it the longest practised movement therapy on record. It shares similarities with tai chi in its slow movement, breathing techniques and rich history, but tai chi…

Heather Darwall-Smith, who specialises in sleep, explores our inner experience of sleep in order to improve it When it comes to sleep, our needs and how we sleep are unique. When thinking about how we sleep in times of difficulty, we must understand the importance of looking inward at our experience of sleep. For example, if you feel anxious about sleep, take longer than 30 minutes to fall asleep, wake regularly during the night or if you are experiencing excessive daytime sleepiness, it may be time to seek support. A global increase in sleep problems has been reported during the pandemic. Our sleep has been affected due to the ongoing anxiety we feel about the unknown. We can think of sleep as the ultimate in letting go and, if we…

The UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) is the leading research, innovation, educational and regulatory body working to advance psychotherapy for the benefit of all. We have a register of more than 8,000 individual members who offer a range of therapy approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. We also have over 70 training and accrediting organisations for those who wish to become therapists. To find the right therapist for you, or learn how to become a therapist, visit psychotherapy.org.uk…

• 150g artichoke hearts (you can use a jar of hearts preserved in oil, for convenience – just drain off the excess oil first) • 1 clove garlic • Handful fresh basil • 2 tbsp Greek-style plain yoghurt (or any alternative thick vegan yoghurt) • 1 tbsp olive oil • 2 tsp lemon juice Place all the ingredients in a bowl or a food processor and blend together as desired for a smooth or chunky dip. Enjoy with salads, pasta or crudites.…

“I recently used the creative practice of tuning into my natural environment after a long-haul flight to the Caribbean to recover from jet lag. Describing the landscape outside my balcony in a five-minute free-writing exercise in my notebook helped me land and feel as if I had fully arrived. But writing words in a notebook does not always need to be your starting point for journalling. If the words feel stuck, try taking a photo of the same tree or plant over a number of consecutive days or weeks. Each day, you are bound to notice something different. As soon as I arrive in a new place, it’s my go-to habit to take a short walk. I grab a notebook and pen, and walk with an agenda. I start with…

“Reorganising can be a wonderful method for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation”Petronius Arbiter Q I’m worried about being made redundant. I’m 53 years old and have been in the same job for almost 15 years. I know the business is doing OK, but there’s talk about restructuring, partly as a result of the pandemic. The employment changed so I applied for a role, and who’s going to want me at this age? I’m going to divide my comments into two parts: emotions and practicalities. Your mantra should be: it is not personal. A role is made redundant, not a person. Please be aware of how you talk about this, even to yourself. It’s ‘the role might be made redundant’ rather than ‘I might be…

Psychologies’ mission is to provide you with inspiration and advice to support you to improve your emotional wellbeing. We aim to help you boost your happiness and resilience and lower your stress and anxiety. We do this by providing simple, achievable steps to make small changes that can add up to a real difference. Embracing the four pillars of your life, from mind and body to heart and soul, Psychologies engages with the world around us as well as the world within to help you discover inspiring ways to make every day better and create a life you love.…

WATCH – The long-awaited adaptation of high-school musical Dear Evan Hansen makes its big-screen debut on 22 October, with Amy Adams and Julianne Moore joining a number of the original Broadway cast members. LOOK – Kosovan artist Petrit Halilaj has turned his childhood drawings from his refugee camp psychotherapy sessions into an art installation, Very Volcanic Over This Green Feather. View it at Tate St Ives, 16 October-16 January. LISTEN – Weekly podcast Call Your Girlfriend features long-distance best friends – businesswoman Aminatou Sow and journalist Ann Friedman – as they chat about everything from sex to conspiracy theories and sustainable style.…

The past two years have been challenging for me – a single mother to two toddlers, having to juggle work and home life and living with lockdown. But I was lucky enough to go on holiday to Cornwall with the kids, my amazing parents and wonderful older brother. Being near the sea and watching the stunning sunsets, one of which I captured on camera, puts life’s difficulties into perspective and makes me appreciate the marvellous everyday moments we take for granted, until we stop and look. Would like to showcase photographic you talent in ‘Psychologies’? your What moment has made you feel inspired, grateful or moved this month? Capture it and tell us why. We’ll print the winner, plus you’ll receive a free copy of our bookazine, ‘Find Your Calm’,…

“A few weeks ago, I found myself browsing porn at 1am. Don’t judge me, we’ve all done it. What is the internet for if not to indulge a late-night craving for images of country cottages decked out with deVOL kitchens, coastal retreats flaunting a bathroom with a sea view, or a lovingly restored grade II-listed manor house with acres of land and a price tag even the Beckhams would wince at? Oh, you thought I meant sex? Sorry, too old for that now. Nowadays, nothing turns me on more than typing rightmove.com into my browser. Which is how I’ve come to spend many a morning sheepishly apologising to estate agents as I cancel the viewings I’ve booked in fevered excitement the night before. I know deep in my heart that…

1 Rethink the idea of work Many of us have been taught that work is action – sitting at a computer, writing emails or attending meetings. Reframe a walk in nature or a mindfulness session as work too. Almost everyone has experienced the solution to a problem or a new idea popping into their head while they are in the shower or upon waking… Your brain is still working for you. 2 Recognise the benefits Take a mindful walk and notice how much better you feel afterwards. Scientific evidence backs up the power of mindful moments, especially in nature. Give yourself permission to make this respite an important part of your working day. 3 Find your soft activity For me, it's swimming and walking in ancient woodland. For others, it…

Grief will touch all our lives. It can be tough to navigate and feel all-consuming, but there are ways to cope with the pain of loss. Radha Modgil, a medical doctor, and experts from the Mental Health Foundation shine a light on grief, offer reassurance, explain how grief manifests in our minds and bodies and share tips for how we can help ourselves and others. ‘Grief is a natural process following loss and it can have a big impact on our emotional wellbeing and mental health,’ says Dr Radha. ‘It’s vital that we understand grief so we are able to seek support for ourselves and be there for others. Grief is a feeling often experienced by people who have lost someone or something dear to them. People often associate grief…

‘Grief is experienced differently by everyone, but one common element is the type of comments grieving people might say or thoughts they may think, such as “I should feel differently”, “I should be able to cope” or “I should feel the same as others”,’ says Dr Radha. ‘It’s important to try to allay these fears and worries for yourself and others and understand that although grief is a personal experience, it’s beneficial to: Feel the feelings: Allow yourself space to be with the feelings you are experiencing – try not to feel bad or guilty or compare yourself with others. Understand that difficult feelings come with loss. Understand that grief is timeless: For many people, the intensity of feelings will diminish over a period of time but, for others, it…

If everything seems to be getting on top of you, it’s pointless charging ahead with a battle plan. Instead, take a couple of days to focus on attaining a calmer state. ‘A helpful thing to do is a body scan meditation,’ suggests Audrey Tang, a psychologist. ‘It’s a lovely practice that keeps us calm and gets us deep breathing. Starting from your feet, go through each part of your body, tensing and relaxing each in turn. Recognise how you feel. Notice those areas where you’re holding tension, and release.’ Tang also likes to tackle overwhelm with a daily gratitude stretch. ‘I stretch my legs and think of all the people in my life I’m grateful for. Then I stretch out my arms and I think of all the things I’m…

Paper of all kinds is one of the biggest issues that I help my clients with when they are overwhelmed. Paper comes into our homes all the time in some form. It can be easy to pick up piles and move them around, tidying up when they get out of hand, but what you need is a consistent system. Tackle paper the minute it comes through the letterbox or out of your bag. First discard all the obvious recycling material that doesn’t involve any decision fatigue, then sort into the following three piles: 1. File: These are the items that need to be kept for reference – insurance documents, product guarantees, invoices… If you don’t have a home filing system, now is the time to start one. 2. Follow-up: Items…

We call it serenitea! But these drinks don’t all need hot water 1 The Cacao Club Stress & Anxiety blend, £9.13, guanako.com Treat yourself to a cup of this medicinal drinking chocolate. It contains ashwagandha, a mild antidepressant, and Siberian ginseng, which encourages the adrenal glands to secrete stress-fighting hormones. 2 Bumble Zest Calm + Comfort CBD Shot, £28.95 for 10 bottles, b-zest.co.uk Take a sip of quiet on busy days. This boosting drink contains lavender, camomile and blue spirulina, plus CBD. Note: Not suitable for children or pregnant and breastfeeding women. 3 Natur Boutique Organic lemongrass tea, £2.99, naturboutique.co.uk Pop the kettle on – but skip the coffee and try a cup of this refreshing, zesty tea instead. Studies have shown that lemongrass…

There is a moment in adulthood when you realise that your relationship with your parents has significantly altered course. The shift is almost imperceptible, but suddenly the dynamics aren’t quite what they used to be. One moment your parents are the supporting actors to your starring role and the next, your priorities change and their needs are taking centre stage. It’s difficult to paint a picture of the way parent-child relationships evolve as we get older without succumbing to lazy descriptions of doddery elderly folk becoming reliant on their offspring out of the blue. In truth, things change more subtly than that: They might ask, laughingly, for your help with new technology… You may find yourself instinctively offering an arm as they get out of the car… And instead of…

1 I always had an unrealistic to-do list and dwelled on what I hadn’t achieved. While working with Lucy, I realised that I couldn’t remember the last time I felt content. Coaching helped me understand my unhelpful feelings of not being good enough and comparing myself with others. During coaching, I learned to appreciate my strengths. Lucy helped me understand the negative labels I gave myself that were holding me back. It was a powerful and emotional process. I now feel in a much stronger place mentally – calm, content and relaxed. Lucy introduced me to the ‘career timeline’ – a supportive and reflective journey through my career. It gave me clarity about what I like, don’t like, what was important to me and gave me satisfaction. It highlighted what…

“I first started practising qigong two years ago with a friend who had trained as a teacher,’ says Laura Collins, 35. ‘I’d spent years suffering from anxiety and she said qigong would help. ‘During my first class, my legs didn’t stop trembling, which I learned was my body’s way of releasing stress. I felt so much lighter once the class was over, although my legs certainly felt as if they’d had a workout! Qigong gives me clarity, which enables me to self-reflect in a way that nothing else has ever done. It helps me accept elements of myself that I previously criticised. I sleep better, I breathe better and I laugh more.’…

1 Create the opportunity to sleep well. Time and your environment can make a big difference. Being in a cool, quiet and dark space, having a relaxed mind and body and carving out proper time to rest are important factors. 2 Don’t worry about sleep. Biologically, your body will sleep, taking what it needs when it can. People often believe that you have to have a perfect night’s sleep to have a good day, but that isn’t true. Sleep ebbs and flows. 3 Be consistent. Getting up at the same time every day can help you find a rhythm. Getting outside into the light will reset your body clock. Stick to the rhythm of the day – the light and dark. This is nature’s way of helping us prepare for…

One late summer’s afternoon, the celebrity stylist Gemma Sheppard was in a London brasserie when a couple approached her table to deliver a compliment. ‘The man said, “We want to tell you how wonderful it is to see someone wearing such beautiful colours, and what a fantastic dress!” His wife added, “You look lovely,’” recalls Sheppard, who has worked in the fashion industry for 25 years. ‘I regularly get stopped by people who say they love my hair and clothes. I wear a lot of colour, so I guess I make an impact! That thumbs up from a stranger or someone you know can have a positive impact on your day and boost your mood. It’s not just recognition of your appearance, it’s about being “together”, making an effort and…

Rewilding The Page: The Urban Forest Writing Map (available from jackeeholder.com, £7.99) Lush urban nature populates our towns and cities: flourishing gardens, parks and city forests create a green belt around us. In Rewilding The Page, discover 12 creative writing prompts to invite you to continue deepening your connection with the green spaces on your doorstep. The practices of writing, walking, drawing and meditation help you connect with the colours, seasons, trees and plants in and around the spaces you inhabit.…

WHO GOES? Before your employer selects anyone for redundancy, by law they must follow a consultation and selection process. They might consider changing working hours, offering voluntary redundancy or moving employees into different roles. Your employer must consult you and meet with you at least once, even if you’re not at risk of redundancy yourself. You can choose to put yourself forward for redundancy before being selected (voluntary redundancy). This is not a right, but if you are stopped from volunteering because of your sex, age, disability or another ‘protected characteristic’, it could be discrimination. Your employer must also not use criteria that indirectly discriminates against you. For example, if they use flexible working as a criterion, they could be discriminating against women. YOU HAVE A VOICE Your employer is…

Read In You Are The Music by Victoria Williamson (Icon, £9.99), the music psychologist reveals how tunes physically reshape our brains. Listen The Sound Affects Podcast: Music & Mental Health unpicks the impact of music on mental health, via interviews with experts, high-profile musicians, music therapists and fans. Attend The Music and Mental Health: Recovery conference, to be presented by North London Music Therapy on 20 November, asks how we can build resilient mental health care after global trauma. northlondonmusictherapy.com…