Innholdsfortegnelse for April 2020 i Psychologies

Eve Kalinik Gut health specialist Eve is a nutritional therapist, functional medical practitioner, speaker and writer who specialises in gut health. She is author of Be Good To Your Gut (Piatkus, £17.87) – her guiding philosophy is to help others discover that health and happiness come from balance, consistency and showing compassion to oneself from a food and lifestyle perspective. You can read Eve’s monthly gut health column on page 99. Laura Alfred Coach Laura is a Barefoot Coaching-qualified coach who specialises in flexing the mind into a positive place. She is passionate about challenging people’s mindset through communication and coaching, and regularly contributes to our expert blogging website, lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk. This month in the magazine, she coaches a reader to navigate the maze of shared housework (page 56). Elizabeth Heathcote…

A TOOTH FAIRY WHEN YOU NEED IT MOST Was it a coincidence that I saw my first copy of Psychologies while waiting for an appointment at the dentist? Hands shaking, I picked it up from the table and started to read an article about healing your emotions, which gave me the calmness I desperately needed to climb into that chair. Needless to say, after my appointment, I rushed to buy my own copy. I can’t thank you enough. Lynne Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KN0B8z…

Dear client, WHEN YOU WALKED through the door as my client, I was a very nervous counselling student who was seriously doubting herself and lacking confidence. However, slowly over time, we built up trust and a genuine therapeutic relationship. You told me things you’d never told anyone, and it was a privilege to be part of that. Due to a family tragedy, I had to take a long break from my studies. When I returned, you came back and our sessions resumed. I want to thank you for showing me that empathy. You taught me that the relationship forged in the therapy room is more important than any theory. Your commitment and bravery inspired me and encouraged me to continue with my training even in the darkest and most doubtful…

One in six people in the UK struggle with literacy, which has a knock-on effect in their lives. Studies prove that when children engage with literature from a young age, it boosts their confidence and affords themgreateropportunities. The Story Museum, reopening in Oxford on 4 April, is dedicated to storytelling in all its forms and aims to enrich lives. One of its patrons, author Philip Pullman, explains: ‘The more we understand stories, the more we know about ourselves. Besides, they’re such fun!’ storymuseum.org.uk…

Ten years ago, neither I nor any of my friends would have been able to tell you when International Women’s Day was. Now, my social media feed fills with memes, inspiring quotes and pictures from IWD events. It feels like a celebration. IWD began 110 years ago, after the Socialist Party of America organised a Women’s Day to campaign for better rights for working women. The following year, the International Socialist Women’s Conference decided to make it a global event and 8 March 1910 became the first official International Women’s Day. The early days featured marches calling for women’s right to vote, to hold public office and to end employment discrimination – they had an overtly political message. One day? No way! In these times, it feels like International Women’s…

THE FILM: ‘Everything I Ever Wanted To Tell My Daughter About Men’ Lorien Haynes’ film explores the damaging repercussions of sexual assault on a woman’s relationships. Directors include Saffron Burrows, Tara Fitzgerald, Sienna Guillory, Jodhi May, Maryam d’Abo and Susannah Harker. The film supports RISE, founded by Noble Prize nominee Amanda Nguyen. RISE legislates for survivors and took the international Survivors Bill of Rights to the United Nations this year. Support the project by donating, and posting the campaign video, ‘I’m A Survivor’. For more about the film and RISE, see tellmydaughter.com and risenow.us • The rehearsed reading of Everything I Ever Wanted To Tell My Daughter About Men is at Shakespeare’s Globe on 20 February. Directed by Tara Fitzgerald and starring Jason Isaacs and James Purefoy, it will raise…

• Check in with yourself first and be aware of your emotions. Emotions drive us towards motion, or doing; but are your emotions pulling you towards or away from someone? • It’s easy to take a small step to start building a relationship with someone. If you like a person at yoga, why not chat to them after the class and strengthen your connection? • Do something or go somewhere you will both enjoy. Shared memorable experiences are a perfect place to initiate a relationship or make an existing one stronger. • If the person decides to keep the status quo, try not to feel rejected. You don’t know their narrative. They may have a lot going and it’s not a good time for them. apcounselling.wordpress.com…

When I was 17, I passed my driving test and got my first speeding ticket a month later. I haven’t got better with age. Just before I started my slow journey, I was thrown out of a speed awareness class for not switching off my phone. Selling my car and moving onto a canal boat that put-puts at an average speed of four miles an hour has been a shock to the system. I have started dating a new man and he is bemused by my pace. ‘Why are you always running everywhere?’ he asks. Going, going, gone A former soldier, he has taken early retirement and his tempo is a lot slower than mine. ‘Keep up,’ I laugh, and carry on running. But, during our first trip away together,…

● The UKCP Alongside professional support for our members, we are the leading research, innovation, educational and regulatory body working to advance psychotherapies for the benefit of all. Our membership includes more than 8,000 therapists and 70 training and accrediting organisations. Members work privately, in public health or third-sector organisations, offering a range of approaches for couples, individuals, families and groups. • To find the right therapist, log on to psychologies.co.uk/ find-a-therapist and look at our Life Labs Channel of experts who may be able to help, or visit psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist to locate a therapist near you.…

1 Make a list of things that annoy you in a relationship, then ask yourself why they irritate you. What need do you have that isn’t being met? 2 Identify the role you tend to fulfil in a relationship, (protector, homemaker or even drama creator – be honest), then pick another role to explore in your next relationship. 3 Consider a relationship that ended and write down the facts about why it ended. Note any stories that you’re making up about it. 4 Set an intention for your new partner. How do you want to feel in their presence? What will your relationship be like? When will it happen? 5 Treat yourself as you expect others to treat you.…

Psychologies’ partnership with Barefoot Coaching  gives you the tools to find a coach who meets your needs. Barefoot Coaching has been at the forefront of coaching and coach training for 25 years. It has a proven track record as a provider of high-level coaching and coach training to organisations and senior executives, nationally and internationally. Postgraduate Certificate in Business and Personal Coaching is one of the most well-established coach training courses in the UK. Barefoot runs regular, free introductions to coach training throughout the year. Visit barefootcoaching. co.uk/taster-mornings to book. Train as a coach with Barefoot Coaching  The Barefoot Coaching International Coach Federation- accredited…

• Follow your dream and find joy at work Suzy Walker chats to coach, artist and ‘dream chaser’ Kia Cannons, host of the popular Happy Hacks podcast, about how to find happiness in your job, not settling for less and how to connect with your true passions. • How to find your tribe Psychologies Associate Editor Anita Chaudhuri speaks to writer, broadcaster and therapist Lucy Beresford, author of Happy Relationships: At Home, Work And Play (McGraw-Hill Education, £13.99) about finding your tribe and why being part of a community is beneficial. • Channel your inner superhero Psychologist, scientist and author Janina Scarlet tells Suzy Walker about ‘superhero therapy’, which incorporates superheroes and characters from comic books, fantasy, science fiction and video games in evidence-based therapy to treat anxiety, depression and…

1 Don’t respond to every email straight away. ‘Plan your day according to your own agenda, rather than responding to or pleasing others,’ advises coach Hetty Einzig. 2 Socialise with the team – for one drink. ‘Set strong boundaries,’ says coach John Anderson. ‘There’ll come a day when you will need to call out behaviour that’s unacceptable.’ 3 Talk to recruiters, and not only about your CV. ‘If you see a job advert you like, ask them their opinion; what are the key skills they think you’ll need for the role?’ suggests Mary Fenwick. 4 Get a mentor . ‘Choose wisely – preferably someone outside your firm but in the same profession,’ says Fenwick. ‘They will know the landscape and can give you perspective.’ 5 Know the…

Sabrina Francis is a mindset and leadership coach. She’s the founder of Mind Set Match, a coaching and training organisation that helps people and teams step up, grow in confidence and influence others; to make a positive difference in the world. As well as being a support tutor for Barefoot Coaching, Sabrina has a background in education, business and professional sport, plus experience working alongside consultant psychiatrist and bestselling author of ‘The Chimp Paradox’, Steve Peters. mindsetmatch.com…

IF YOU SCORED MAINLY ♥ Collaborator Collaborators may not think of themselves as natural leaders, but their ability to bring people together and get them involved is a form of leadership that creates momentum and makes things happen. Collaborators believe in the power of listening and learning from others. They see the best in people and are natural networkers, even though they may not see themselves this way. When faced with a new project or challenge, their instinct is to think, ‘Who would be good for this?’ They are the opposite of a micromanager and feel relaxed about people doing things their own way, as long as it gets the desired result. With a developed sense of empathy, they can see everyone’s point of view, and they don’t like conflict,…

• TRADITIONALLY MADE, this soap is vegan, cruelty-free and uses responsibly sourced palm oil. Grapefruit and Calendula ‘Happy’ soap, from £2.50, beanandboy.com • VOTED OUR READERS’ CHOICE, Friendly Soap is cruelty-free, vegan and free from palm oil, SLS, plastic and parabens. Lemongrass & Hemp soap, £2.25, friendlysoap.co.uk • OUR BEST-VALUE BAR is vegan, natural, cruelty-free, free from SLS and uses only certified sustainable palm oil. Eco Warrior soap, £4, littlesoapcompany.co.uk • THIS NATURAL soap is handmade, plastic-free, cruelty-free, and free from palm oil, SLS and parabens. Cedarwood + Green Clay soap,from£4.80, wild-sage.co.uk • OUR ECO CHAMPION, Weleda’s soap is vegan, and uses sustainable palm oil blended with Weleda’s own biodynamic calendula. Calendula soap, £5.50, weleda.co.uk…

KNITS ARE THE ultimate hygge hug and, with a few detachable elements, you can take them from cosy to chic (and back again) to suit your mood. After falling down the stairs and breaking her neck, Heidi Herkes was paralysed from the chest down. She now runs a personal style consultancy for women with physical limitations. ‘After my accident, I lost my identity and confidence. I knew I was destined to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, but I didn’t want it to define me. I want people to see Heidi, not “Heidi in a chair”. Clothes were a huge part of that journey – finding the right styles and colours gave me the power to express the “new” me. ‘I love the vivid colour of…

Part of creating a bespoke wellness plan is to understand which practices to maintain and which to let go of; which areas of your life sustain and benefit you, and which drain you? The ethos behind ‘wellfulness’ is a holistic approach to awareness around your health practices, considering how you are supported, or sapped, in body, mind and heart. Let’s start simply… 1 Find a quiet five minutes and sit down with a piece of paper and a pen. You might want to calm your mind of chatter first with a few slow, soothing breaths or even a short meditation. 2 Draw a line down the middle of the paper and label one section ‘sustainer’ and the other ‘drainer’. 3 Begin to make a list of the things…

THE LINK BETWEEN a happy gut and a joyful visage epitomises the phrase ‘beauty comes from within’. Not surprisingly, the second largest microbiome (trillions of microbes that live in and on us) after the gut is on the skin, which goes some way to explain this intrinsic connection. A crucial part of the relationship relies on a harmonious gut microbiome. When dysbiosis– an imbalance of microbes in the gut – occurs, it can create a more systemic inflammatory situation that, for many people, manifests in how the skin looks and feels. Conditions such as rosacea and acne have been linked to this. The gut is also where most of our immune system is located and it is our microbiome that helps manage appropriate immune responses. If we have an unhappy…

START A NEW JOURNEY Azulfit, Fuerteventura, Canary Islands The award-winning Azulfit retreat offers a carefully crafted programme and space to declutter the mind, eat well, move mindfully and reawaken your inner spark. Set in a sun-kissed village, this tranquil retreat enjoys ocean vistas, quiet areas to recharge and amazing yoga and Pilates classes, where you can join kindred spirits to play, learn, laugh and grow. Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/azulfit-fuerteventura • azulfit.com LEARN AND CONNECT Skyros Holidays, Skyros, Greece Holistic retreats that offer an abundance of courses to satisfy mind,body and spirit on a glittering isle in the stunningAegean Sporades – a protected heritage site with oodles of traditional Greek charm.After 42 years,this retreat remains one of the best places to explore your creative potential and meet like-minded people,and is particularly good for…

Aristotle once said: ‘In all things of nature there is something of the marvellous.’ How true that is when we think about the varied wonders of each season; the colours, the plants and flowers, the changing light… In The Natural Home, stylist Hans Blomquist uses his love of nature as inspiration for some extraordinarily beautiful, yet simple, spaces. From earthy tones, stripped back decor, textures and fabrics to plants and decorative pieces with a vibrant natural energy, Blomquist shows us how to incorporate elements of the physical world to create a soothing and peaceful atmosphere in our haven. Real homes are featured to demonstrate the easy elegance of design evolved from the earth. Add your personal treasures and feel at one with your world. ‘The Natural Home’ by Hans Blomquist…

It may be animal welfare or the future of the planet that sparks your interest in vegan cooking, but more plants in your diet will boost your health and vitality too. Vegan desserts and bakes are particularly accessible for novice vegan cooks, but have a look at the books below for main meal ideas – who doesn’t fancy a warming, guilt-free veg curry or a juicy portobello mushroom burger with caramelised onions? It’s less of a lifestyle ‘challenge’ than you think and a win-win for us all.…

Nutritionist Amanda Maguire is creator of the plant-based recipe blog, picklesnhoney.com. With an emphasis on seasonal produce, almost all the recipes featured are vegan and many are gluten-free. With busy lifestyles in mind, Amanda’s dishes include 10 ingredients or fewer, minimal equipment and only a few minutes of prep. Try zesty ‘No-bake lemon cheesecake bars’ or hearty ‘Weeknight mushroom stroganoff ’ to add some wholefood goodness to your diet.…

“All you need to know is that the future is wide open and you are about to create it by what you do” Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com…

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@SudakshinaKina: It’s been a few years since I last read an issue of @PsychologiesMag and it’s such a delight to see the content quality is as fresh, relevant and informative as ever. Well done and keep it up! @docofagesSophie: And now it’s time to… Put feet up › Drink tea › Get cat warmer › Read @PsychologiesMag › Under blankey › @hende04: I came across @PsychologiesMag and I love, love, love it. The recent issue serves as a reminder to stop getting in your own way and continue to work for the life you want. Choose joy. Begin to transform. LEFT: @wibexpouk: Suzy Walker from Psychologies magazine delivered a fantastic keynote address on ‘How to create the career you want’. We’re excited to partner with @psychologiesmagazine again in 2020 for…

Kate Hodges is fascinated by stories of fierce mythological women, such as Pele, the Hawaiian goddess (pictured), believed to live in Kilauea volcano, which erupts when she cries out for her true love. Hodges’ book, Warriors, Witches, Women, celebrates these tales. She explains: ‘These names are whispered in bedtime stories across the world, standing the test of time and capturing the imagination of all people, regardless of gender, age or race. These fabulous women may be from the darkest past, but they’re leading the charge forward.’ “Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it”ROALD DAHL 76% OF PEOPLE MADE RESOLUTIONS AT THE START OF THE YEAR, WITH ONE IN 10 HOPING TO GO VEGAN. STUDIES, HOWEVER, SHOW SPRING MIGHT BE A BETTER TIME TO MAKE LIFESTYLE GOALS STICK**…

WELOVE ‘Peter Pan’ by JM Barrie THIS AUDIBLE ORIGINAL takes listeners on a magical adventure with Peter, Wendy, Michael and John as they arrive in Neverland and take on Captain Hook, with the help of Tiger Lily and Tinker Bell. The story begins in London during the Blitz, and Mary Darling is hoping to evacuate her children to the countryside. However, her plans take an unexpected turn when a familiar face from her childhood returns – Peter Pan, the mysterious boy who never grows up. This enchanting adaptation, produced in association with Great Ormond Street Hospital, stars Rupert Everett as the villainous Captain Hook and Adeel Akhtar as his right-hand man, Smee. A tale adored by people of all ages, Peter Pan will transport the whole family to a world…

‘We all get lost in the dense forest of our lives, entangled in incessant worry, in judgments of others and in our busy striving to meet demands. When we’re caught up in that thicket, it’s easy to lose sight of what matters most. We forget how much we long to be kind and open-hearted,’ says Brach, author of Radical Compassion. Here, she shares a four-step process to find our way back to ourselves. Recognise. When you are triggered by a thought that makes you anxious or irritable, or you find yourself reacting instead of responding, try to notice the sensations you feel and your emotions. Become an observer of your reactions. Check in to the emotional tone of the situation: For example, you’re rushing to finish your work, a loved…

‘As a survivor myself,' says Lorien Haynes, ‘I urge people to get assistance. If you get to a point where anxiety is affecting your day-to-day life, the way you parent or your ability to do your job, you must do something. It’s not an admission of defeat. How the hell are we supposed to know how to navigate these complex emotional situations?’ Contacts • To find a therapist, contact the UK Council for Psychotherapy at psychotherapy.org.uk • For all: Rape Crisis; 0808 802 9999 • For children at risk: National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC); 0808 800 5000 • For adult survivors of abuse: National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC); 0808 801 0331 • For all: Samaritans; 116 123…

Your body image has a significant impact on your relationship with your sexuality, but have you considered that this image is just that – a mental picture created by an imagined ‘other’ who is critical of your body? Love scene Through this image, we can grow disconnected from the ‘felt sense’ of our body – our internal bodily awareness – and seek role models to ‘teach’ us what to feel and how to behave, mostly in the media, porn and advertising. Our sexuality becomes an act we play out, with the Critical Other as the main character. We don’t feel our bodies, desires and pleasures, we perform. But what if your sexuality is not defined by your body image? What if it’s defined by how you experience yourself from the…

Identify what you want to move forward and write it down at the top of a page. Now answer these questions: • What do you hope to achieve? What long-term result will it yield and when would you like that to be? • When you achieve your goal, or resolve this issue, what benefits will it bring? • What have you done about it before? Why has it not been achieved or resolved so far? • What support and resources are you going to need and where could you find them? • What would you tell someone else to do in this situation? List the actions you could take to resolve your predicament or achieve your aim – no holds barred. • Which of those options are you going to…

• Write down the qualities you admire in other people, then find examples of times you’ve demonstrated these qualities. • Plan a date night for yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, buy yourself flowers – whatever you would like someone else to do, do it. • Think back to what you loved to do as six-year-old, take yourself off on an adventure and do it. • Set an intention for what you want from your next relationship, write it down and repeat it to yourself every morning. • Spend time appreciating your body. Look in the mirror and find things you love about your physical being; its abilities and strength.…

One of the most inspirational businesswomen of her generation, designer, innovator, public speaker and parliamentarian Michelle Mone, author of My Fight To The Top (Bonnier Books, £8.99), started life in the humble East End of Glasgow with few resources. She built a hugely successful career and business empire after starting out as a bra designer and, after being made redundant, founded global lingerie brand Ultimo in 1996, which she sold in 2014. In 2010, she was awarded an OBE for her outstanding contribution to British business. “Treat people as you want to be treated; with respect. Don’t think you’re above anyone” Psychologies: What achievement are you most proud of? Michelle: Women loving the products that I designed. I think people forget that I am not just an entrepreneur – I’m…

EACH ISSUE, we’ll give you a series of questions to discuss with your Life Leap Club. Pose the question and listen to the answers, without interrupting. Subscribe to Psychologies now to take our course, ‘How to be the boss’. Ponder these questions: 1 Define what good and bad leadership means to you. When have you experienced good and bad leadership, and how did it make you feel? Imagine that you have the best boss in the world; what three characteristics do they have? Imagine that you have the worst boss in the world; what three characteristics do they have? 2 When have you stepped up into leadership and what was your experience? What worked for you and what didn’t? 3 Discuss three different types of leadership styles you’ve…

Green roots This hand cream is vegan, natural, organic and certified cruelty-free by PETA. Green People supports charities, including the Marine Conservation Society, and has also consistently received a top ethical rating from The Good Shopping Guide. • Manuka & Lemon Tea Tree Hand Cream, from £12.50, greenpeople.co.uk “Feels smooth and absorbs fast. My hands are rehydrated”KATHERINE, Reader panellist, Sunderland Sustainably scented Natural, plastic-free and vegan, this balm is made with essential oils and smells beautiful. The brand supports the work of Tiggywinkles, The Wildlife Trust Hospital, and also offers discounted product refills. • Neroli and Geranium Nourishing Hand Balm, £10, brambleandblossom.co.uk “I loved the smell. It felt really nourishing on my hands”HOLLY, Reader panellist, Hertfordshire Deeply moisturising Voted our Readers’ Choice, this hand cream is vegan and cruelty-free. Beauty…

THAT’S WHYEACH product is carefully scrutinised by our Eco Living Editor Ellen Tout to ensure it meets our standards.The chosen products are then tested by our panel of 25 discerning readers to be rated and reviewed.We will only ever include brands we really trust – if it doesn’t match up,it’s not getting in! Cuts out plastic Vegan-friendly and cruelty-free Natural and organic Sustainable and ethical Shows real care for the planet…

Well, well, well, less is more What’s on your wellness to-do list? Do you have a checklist as long as your arm, which inevitably never nears completion, and has possibly turned self-care into a chore, or worse, fertile ground for guilt? If this is you, write your list down as you would your work tasks, and take notice: is there simply too much on it, too often? Where can you simplify, streamline or pare back so you do less, but get more out of it? @aliroff QUOTES TO LIVE BY “Do not apologise for crying. Without this emotion we are only robots”ELIZABETH GILBERT, EAT, PRAY, LOVE Cold comfort This hot-water bottle is seriously versatile: Wrap it around your shoulders, lower back or stomach when it’s that time of the month.…

BOUND SIDE ANGLE POSE Baddha utthita parsvakonasana Requiring leg strength and shoulder mobility, if you’re already happy in side angle pose, this is the progression. Benefits include therapeutic remedies for constipation, sciatica, menstrual pains and lower backache. • WARM UP WITH SUN SALUTATIONS and twists, then bring your legs to warrior II pose: right leg forward, bent at the knee; back leg straight with your back foot parallel to the back line of your mat. • TIP FORWARD so your right hand comes to the inside of your right foot, and reach your left arm upwards. You’re in extended side angle pose. • THE KEY TO THE BIND is to bring your right shoulder under the line of your bent right knee. Then reach your right arm under your right…

I AM SO EXCITED about our next walk. Already our monthly jaunts have become  a beacon in my life. Even nicer that my friend is as thrilled as I am to be heading into nature and a day for ourselves. We step out of a tiny train station and are immediately immersed in the scents and sounds of proper countryside. We stride down a narrow lane and the path takes us into a vast open field – and thick mud. The field has been ploughed and the path runs through the middle. We tramp our way across, willing the stile in the distant hedgerow to draw closer until we finally reach it – and exit into another field that is exactly the same. Uh oh, this isn’t pleasurable! And it’s…

Going on a retreat is the perfect time to let go of what no longer serves you, so you can make room for the new. It’s a time to clear your body of toxins, so you can build it back up in a cleverer way and make it strong again. It’s a time to sift through your thoughts and dreams and understand, with calm attention, that you are not them – that these things come and go – and that, instead, you are a grounded witness, a calm core able to live your life to your highest potential. Retreating can also be a time to delve deep and rediscover your spirit, to give it a good shake and an airing, then bring it closer to the surface, so you can…

Bettina Campolucci Bordi hopes to inspire us to cook from scratch using nature’s bounty for improved health and happiness. In her new book, 7 Day Vegan Challenge: The Easy Guide To Going Vegan, she invites us to try a vegan diet for a week as a starting point; there’s no pressure, it’s an exploration for dedicated vegans and those who know it makes sense to eat more plants! Influenced by her travels to Tanzania, Sweden, Italy, Spain and Bulgaria, Bettina shares fuss-free, accessible, affordable and inventive recipes that encourage us to seek fresh, organic and local produce that’s good for our bodies and the planet. Bettina believes food should bring joy – the beauty of a colourful dish, bursting with flavour and the excitement of unfamiliar tastes – and everything…

In our Dossier, we explore how to be a great boss; how to step up and be the inspirational leader you were born to be (page 62). We also look at our inner authority. How do we become masters of our own minds? There is much we can’t control in life, but we can manage the way we respond. ‘Don’t let emotion control you. If you have awareness of your feelings, you can make better choices about how to respond,’ says psychologist Michael Sinclair on page 38, who gives us advice on how to stop getting irritated by the small stuff. I was inspired by Lorien Haynes’ interview with actress and director Saffron Burrows (page 20), and their frank discussion about abuse and empowerment. Lorien is a sexual abuse survivor…

I FEEL SO INSPIRED by my dad. Aged 91, he climbed Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, where this photo was taken. He encouraged a love for walking in me and, when I was an adolescent, he took me up Snowdon, Scafell Pike and the Yorkshire Three Peaks. Now 97, he has dementia and even a walk up the stairs is a bit of a challenge – but he keeps climbing. Chris WOULD YOU LIKE to showcase your photographic talent in ‘Psychologies’? What moment has made you feel inspired, grateful or moved this month? Capture it and tell us why. We’ll print the winner, plus you’ll receive a six-month subscription and access to our Life Leap Club! Share your photograph with us and explain its inspiration on Instagram @psychologiesmagazine with the hashtag…

AS WE TALK more about the vital role of rewilding in creating a better future for our planet, I heartfully recommend The Lost Words: A Spell Book by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris. It was published in 2017 as a response to the removal of everyday nature words, such as ‘acorn’, ‘bluebell and ‘kingfisher’, from the Oxford Junior Dictionary – and the addition of ‘blog’, ‘chatroom’ and the like. Beautifully illustrated with spells to bring back the magic of nature, it’s a poignant tome for all generations. The Lost Words: A Spell Book by Robert Macfarlane and Jackie Morris (Hamish Hamilton, £13.53) ‘Psychologies’ is proudly championing sustainability. Read more in the Real Eco section of the magazine from page 81. This issue, our panel of discerning product testers give…

Black comedy Everything I Ever Wanted To Tell My Daughter About Men was originally written by Lorien Haynes for her daughter, Lilac, 17. It debuts this month as a reading, supported by Psychologies, at Shakespeare’s Globe in London to raise funds for RISE, a non-profit organisation that helps victims of sexual assault and rape. Haynes explains how her project came to fruition and how Burrows, who directs two of the short films, became an integral part of it: ‘I started the year with thank-you emails to eight people,’ says Haynes, ‘people who moved mountains to support my passion project. Saffron is one of them.’ Of their friendship and collaboration, she says: ‘I first met Saffron in a changing room in Covent Garden in the 90s. She had recently starred in…

Q I met my best friend when we were babies. We are now in our mid 40s and our friendship has survived, despite decades living on different continents. We both felt like it would last forever. However, about two years ago, my friend became distant. She did not answer some of my texts and her phone calls became less frequent. I worried that I was to blame: I had gone through a few tough times and a divorce, and I assumed that I had monopolised the conversation too often. I wrote my friend a long letter apologising about that, and we resumed our, now slightly chipped, friendship. She offered once to explain why she had distanced herself, but I didn’t want her to have to justify herself, so I replied…

1 Diffusion. Pay attention to your thoughts and recognise that they are just thoughts and not anything that anyone is doing to you. Yes, there may be an external irritant but your reaction to it is yours – and you can modify how you react. 2 Distance. Describe your irritation. Give it shape, colour and form and in doing so create a sense of distance between yourself and the emotion. This will also enable you to make wiser choices about how you deal with it. 3 Kindness. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that something is irritating you and try to soothe yourself the way you might soothe someone else. Breathe slowly or give yourself a hug; both release oxytocin, which promotes feelings of wellbeing.…

Q Can love can be addictive? There are similarities in the psychological experiences and behaviour of those who are addicted to substances and those who are in love. In her research on the human brain, anthropologist Helen Fisher argued that romantic love can, in some ways, basically be an addiction in terms of its behaviour patterns and brain mechanisms. Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has shown that feelings of intense romantic love engage regions of the brain’s ‘reward system’: namely, dopamine pathways, associated with energy, focus, motivation, ecstasy, despair and craving – the same regions associated with substance, and non-substance, addictions. Q Are all forms of love equal in their essentiality for people? Some argue that the love they feel for their child is the most unconditional love, and they…

I learned how to keep going during low points when I was 14 years old, playing rugby for a team in Colchester where I grew up. Not only did we never win a game, we never even scored a point! It was a big life lesson – I learned about teamwork, sticking together and endurance. I still play five-a-side football with two of the guys from that team; we’ve been friends for nearly 30 years. I believe in a meritocracy; you have to work hard at something if you want to succeed. After university, I knew I wanted to get into TV and I wrote 300 letters to production companies and got something like 295 rejections. I got a job as a runner with a documentary company and did work…

The ‘Psychologies’- endorsed ‘Find a Coach’ directory, with Barefoot  Coaching, provides readers with a choice of top coaches, all with postgraduate training accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coach Federation. Find a coach who suits you to help you navigate and transform your life – in the areas of money, work, relationships, parenting, health and leadership. Editor-in-Chief ASK THE EXPERT… Laura Alfred is a Barefoot coach who specialises in ‘flexing the mind into a positive place’. Here, she helps a woman find a way to deal with disagreements over household chores Q My relationship is great in every way, except one sticking point: housework. We have a cleaner, and I admit I am a little messy, but my husband is what you might call a ‘neat freak’.…

When I was just 24, I got promoted to the coveted editorship of the business magazine that had employed me as a junior reporter fresh out of journalism school. Unsurprisingly, although fizzy with ambition, I felt scared, overwhelmed and ill-equipped to take on such a high-profile role. Sensing this, my publisher sent me for management training, an innovative move in journalism at that time. Alas, the leadership guru took one look at me and shook her head. ‘No, no, no,’ she declared. ‘This simply will not do.’ “The very word ‘ambition’ conjures up an image of those shrill candidates on The Apprentice” Bewildered, and also baffled because I had yet to open my mouth, I couldn’t fathom what she meant. She seemed to be referring to my appearance, but how…

1 To you, good leaders should be prepared to: ♥ Consult and work with others ■ Step outside their comfort zone • Think outside the box ◆ Put the welfare of others first 2 You are at your best when you feel: ◆ Needed • Useful ■ Respected ♥ Connected 3 You’re most likely to step up to lead if: ♥ You are asked to by a group or community • You can see where you can make a difference ◆ No one else is prepared to step up ■ It can help important change happen 4 Which of these descriptions would you be most pleased with? • Always has an answer ■ Always sees the bigger picture ◆ Always calm and in control ♥ Always finds common ground 5…

This month, our Real Eco panel of readers has been trying out sustainable hand creams and plastic-free soap bars. These winning brands are our favourites because they put the environment first – whether that’s by launching a refill scheme or growing organic herbs onsite. If you’re trying to reduce your plastic usage, switching your shower gel and hand soap to a bar is a simple first step and makes a big difference. Choose these hand creams to soothe your skin while lessening the impact on the planet. Let us know what you think with #PsychologiesRealEco and read more reviews at psychologies. co.uk/real-eco. Enjoy!…

This month, my book, ‘The Wellfulness Project: A Manual For Mindful Living’ (Octopus, £16.99), is published. My hope in writing it is to provide a tool to help you know yourself better, to figure out which health practices serve you and which don’t; to know which to keep and which to let go of, in order to create a wellness plan for your individual needs – in body, mind and heart. We are all different and there is no blanket approach to wellness. I compile these pages in the same way. Take what works, leave what doesn’t, and share what inspires you……

TRANSFORM YOUR SNACKING HABITS with these protein- and fibre-rich low-GI snacks. Containing prunes and slow digesting pea protein, they are designed to stabilise blood sugar, keeping you fuller for longer while boosting concentration and mood.They’re perfect between-meeting bites if you’re on the go. Sour cherry with orange and a pinch of allspice is a favourite over here! @aliroff • Nibble protein bites, from £1.49 per packet, nibbleprotein.com/shop…

Vale de Moses, high in the Serra da Estrela, is one of the top five yoga retreats in Europe. Retreat at any time of the year for inspirational yoga, suitable for all, healing massages and nourishing, plant-based food. Enjoy your practice in a beautiful glass shala with incredible views; explore pine forests; wild swim and mud bathe in rivers and immerse yourself in nature. Our winner will glamp in the heart of the forest. To enter, go to tinyurl.com/ winportugal. Closing date is 11 May 2020. There is no cash alternative to the prize. Prices from £812 pp per week. If you don’t want to wait to hear if you’ve been lucky enough to win, all readers have a 5% discount if you quote ‘Psychologies2020’ when reserving your place online.valedemoses.com;…

1 The Crying Book By Heather Christle (Little,Brown,£12.99) Poet Heather Christle is fascinated by tears; how and why we cry and what it means when we do. Marrying scientific and psychological research with the personal and poetic, this examination of a universal impulse describes the difference between weeping and crying, the role of professional mourners and reflects on Christle’s own experiences of depression and grief at the suicide of a friend. Despite the subject matter, there is hope within this book. 2 Dear Edward By Ann Napolitano (Penguin,£12.99) Twelve-year-old EdwardAdler is the sole survivor of the plane crash that killed his family. Taken in by his mother’s sister and her husband,Edward sinks into disbelief and grief. He forms a friendship with a neighbour,the impetuous Shay, waters…