Innholdsfortegnelse for March 2020 i Psychologies

Kate McGuire Sustainable fashion activist Kate is pioneering a fresh approach to sustainable fashion. She shows women how to transform their old clothes into beautiful ‘new’ pieces, delivering the ultimate planet-friendly fashion fix. ‘We already own our dream clothes,’ says Kate. ‘Our wardrobes are full of conversion potential.’ In her new column, Kate will carry out an outfit conversion, showing the power our clothes have over the way we feel. See page 84. Morna Young Writer Morna is a playwright from the north of Scotland. Her award-winning plays, including Lost At Sea, have been performed nationally and she was recently named writer of the year in the Scots Language Awards. This month, she writes about returning to her roots and rediscovering her home community (page 24). She says: ‘Moving home…

‘I spent years trying to avoid the tragedy in my life, blaming a “missing piece” for feeling incomplete – but it’s been there all along; I just had to be brave enough to find it,’ writes Morna Young about her journey to heal her past and build a new foundation for her future (page 24). Self-exploration is a theme throughout this issue. Cover stars Claudia Winkleman and psychologist Tanya Byron help us dig deep into our psyches with their wise new podcast, How Did We Get Here? ‘We all know what we’re doing wrong, but most of us don’t know why,’ they explain. Read our interview with these funny, insightful and intelligent women on page 20. Our in-depth Dossier (page 60) helps you figure out your attachment style in relationships…

When I sent a text to a group of my closest friends that rambled on for several paragraphs before ending ‘I’m lonely, I want someone to be there for me’, I knew I had hit a low point. I don’t think I had ever admitted to being lonely out loud. Even saying the words to the people who love me the most, and whose response was to instantly find ways to be there for me, made me feel vulnerable. I was ashamed to be lonely. Loneliness is a feeling we generally ascribe to outcast teens or the elderly; we rarely talk about what it feels like for those of us in the middle of life. As a 30-something with lots of friends, an active social life and a co-dependent dog,…

The series, hosted by Claudia Winkleman and therapist Tanya Byron, explores family life and relationships, from parental estrangement and gender identity to inheriting mental health issues and beyond. Claudia introduces the anonymous person and listens in as Tanya explores their story and helps find solutions to their problems. Claudia’s skill is getting people to relax and open up to Tanya and the listener is taken on an emotional journey with the interviewee, as Tanya peels back the layers to find the truth. At the end of each episode, the pair have a light-hearted, but insightful, chat about the issue and share useful links and contacts for listeners.…

Welcome to The Enough Experiment, our pioneering digital programme with coach, writer and podcaster Mandy Lehto. During our 12-month project, we will hone in on the areas of your life in which you may be doubting yourself and feeling lacking: work, health, wellbeing, skills and relationships, or a combination of those. You are not alone! Each month, we will address a theme and provide life-changing videos and insightful tips from experts. We’ll do quizzes created by writer and counsellor Sally Brown, who will help us understand what stops us feeling good enough. We’ll work on targeted experiments together, find ways to identify our not-enough triggers and start making more empowered choices. How would your world change if you felt good enough? 1 Come up with a definition of what feeling…

Q My mother and I have been estranged for five years, due to me revealing childhood sexual abuse by my father. She and my dad refuse to acknowledge the abuse (other relatives have also confronted him). She has been manipulated and controlled by my father for their entire relationship. She is depressed and unhappy. She emails me every month, pleading for contact. She’s never once asked how I’m coping with the aftermath of the abuse, yet its effects continue in all areas of my life. Up until now, I’ve ignored her emails as her state of mind is unhealthy for me. Do you have any advice? Name supplied A Rather than advice, I want to give you information and resources. One reason for making this distinction is that you have…

• TheUKCPAlongsideprofessional supportforourmembers,wearethe leadingresearch,innovation,educational andregulatorybodyworkingtoadvance psychotherapiesforthebenefitofall. Ourmembershipincludesmorethan 8,000therapistsand70trainingand accreditingorganisations.Members workprivately,inpublichealthor third-sectororganisations,offering arangeofapproachesforcouples, individuals,familiesandgroups. • To find the right therapist, log on to psychologies.co.uk/ find-a-therapist and look at our Life Labs Channel of experts who may be able to help, or visit psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist to locate a therapist near you.…

If you’re going back to work after a career break, or planning a career change, this exercise enables you to look at what you already have going for you and to pinpoint any gaps. • Identify the role you want, then develop a list of skills required for the job. • Consider where the gaps are and make a plan to gain the experience required to meet the skills you need. Evaluate your competence Make a list of the skills and qualifications you have and examples of how you have demonstrated them. Now make a list of the skills and qualifications you lack. • Where can you acquire those skills or qualifications? • What benefit would they be to you? • Who will be prepared to support you in your…

The journey isn’t over because you’re in a career lull, says coach Ros Toynbee, push on and keep your destination in mind. Here are a few travel tips 1 ‘This too shall pass.’ In fallow periods, this saying reminds us that spring is around the corner. Equally, when everything seems great, that can easily be lost. Nature is cyclical and our careers are too. 2 Keep your sights on your vision – what you really want personally and professionally – and take small steps every day that move you closer to it. Accept that the pace of change may be slower than you would like. Life really isn’t a race to the top or anywhere else; it’s there to be savoured and each stage of our working and…

Psychologies’ partnership with Barefoot Coaching gives you the tools to find a coach who meets your needs. Barefoot Coaching has been at the forefront of coaching and coach training for 25 years. Ithasa proven track record as a provider of high-level coaching and coach training to or ganisations and senior executives, nationally and internationally. Train as a coach with Barefoot Coaching The Barefoot Coaching International Coach Federation-accredited Postgraduate Certificate in Business and Personal Coaching is one of the most well-established coach training courses in the UK. Barefoot runs regular, free introductions to coach training throughout the year.Visit barefootcoaching.co.uk/taster-morningstobook.…

There’s no doubt it’s tougher to have political conversations these days without things degenerating into a row. Social media, although not the sole cause, provides such a surplus of information, true and false, that people can find confirmation for anything they believe; while tech firms just want users to stay hooked – which means keeping them outraged. The same forces make it seem as if other people are always to blame. It’s as if we’re all viewing the world through different coloured glasses – pink, green, blue – but, because yours are purple, you’re sure the world really is purple; you’re reasonable and everyone else is wrong. Is it a tribal display? To improve things – and to avoid contributing to the anger in the world – we need to…

If you circled MAINLY ANXIOUS Your attachment profile: ANXIOUS TYPES ARE tuned into others’ emotions and hypervigilant for signs of disapproval. MRI studies on the brains of anxious types have shown that the areas related to loss are easily activated and those for calming down emotions are underactivated, which is why you can feel as if your emotions hijack you.* There may also be a genetic connection – anxious types have a specific pattern of dopamine receptor DRD2 allele. How it influences attachment is still unclear, but we know genes influence areas of the brain linked with feelings of both bonding and reward.** Anxious types may have experienced inconsistent messages from caregivers growing up, so feel as if love and acceptance can be taken away at any moment. Good parents…

1 Watch out for rescuing. Be aware that secure types tend to attract those with chaotic, anxious and avoidant styles. A relationship with a secure type can help other styles become more secure, but it can come at a cost to you. Secure types can become responsible for their partner’s wellbeing and may feel convinced that they can make challenging relationships or jobs work. Just because you can get along with everyone doesn’t mean you have to – some situations are toxic and you’re better off out of them. 2 Don’t neglect self-care. Secure types aren’t saints – feeling overwhelmed or stressed can have an impact on your mood and you can experience confidence crises at work. Secure types are usually good at looking after themselves, but if self-care falls…

1 Self-awareness is key. Consider professional support to help you understand your triggers and learn healthy ways to get your needs met. Learning the difference between assertive and aggressive is crucial, and how to get your point across without either attacking other people or becoming defensive with them. 2 Seek out stable secure types to bring out the best in you. Chaotic types need a secure base – a key relationship with someone who is emotionally there for you and provides you with support, but also empowers you to find your own way and learn from your mistakes.* A positive relationship with a secure partner, friend, counsellor, teacher or colleague can result in you developing an ‘earned secure attachment’. 3 Be kind to yourself. Chaotics often lack confidence…

THAT’S WHY EACH product is carefully scrutinised by our Eco Living Editor Ellen Tout to ensure it meets our standards. The chosen products are then tested by our panel of 25 discerning readers to be rated and reviewed. We will only ever include brands we really trust – if it doesn’t match up,it’s not getting in! Cuts out plastic Vegan-friendly and cruelty-free Natural and organic Sustainable and ethical Shows real care for the planet…

THERE’S AN OLD coat lurking at the back of all our wardrobes – the one that gets hauled out when we re desperate. But shuffling around feeling vaguely embarrassed and hoping we don’t bump into anyone we know is disempowering and we don’t deserve that! Conversion is about discovering hidden items in our unwanted clothes that don’t make us feel good and turning them into garments that help us shine. The often-unforgiving coat is a great place to start. My feel-bad blanket ‘I love fashion and really want to wear more exciting things,’ said Vanessa Halipi, ‘but my young son and part-time job mean I’ve got a limited budget and no time to shop. I bought this standard coat from a supermarket five years ago,’ she explained, ‘but the sleeves…

Connecting to our common experience with other people through the soft, curious and kind lens of mindfulness can help us cultivate care, curiosity and compassion for ourselves too – essential when our view of ourselves gets clouded by negativity. IF NEGATIVE SELF-TALK around you and your health is difficult to shift, it can be helpful to turn your attention outwards. Try this meditation when you are experiencing negative self-talk – food guilt or a negative body image, for example. 1 Bring your awareness to your breath before dropping it into your heartspace and checking in with how you feel in the moment. Notice any emotions that come up or stories that you tell yourself: shame over what you consider to be a poor choice of snack, for example. 2…

Another month, another negative test. But instead of my usual ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again’ attitude, I felt very low. I was depleted of energy, happiness and the hope that I would become a mother. A few years after our miscarriage and the ensuing vacuum of ‘unexplained infertility’, I had reached rock bottom. For the first time, I struggled to restart the monthly treadmill of trying to get pregnant, to put on my brave face and start all over again. I had lost faith and I’d lost my way; cutting myself off from friends and family, focusing solely on the baby-shaped hole in my life. “I was an emotional wreck. I had spiralled into negative thought patterns and isolated myself from my friends” It…

Novelist and diarist Anaïs Nin said, ‘Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive.’ This is a lovely way to describe the process of making and maintaining genuine, strong friendships – a tonic in life for so many of us. What better way to celebrate and grow your friendships than on a retreat, while sharing experiences and making new memories? Many wellbeing retreats are at their most powerful when we attend them alone, but there’s also a range of beautifully crafted and healthy escapes designed to be shared with a trusted friend or treasured family member, or that are perfect for making new friends. Getting fit with a buddy is way more fun – especially when sweaty, giggle-inducing workouts are involved! Taking a…

Book of the month WEATHER By Jenny Offill (Granta, £12.99) In this elegant, entertaining novel, doomsday scenarios are pitched against domestic dramas in a zesty look at a post-truth world. Librarian Lizzie is worried about everything – the newfound sobriety of her brother, whose life had been ruled by drugs, her son’s schooling, other parents, environmental collapse and the climate crisis. Told in short, shimmery snippets representing her inner monologue, Lizzie ponders the world around her and wonders how it’s all gone so terribly wrong. Her observations are astute and acerbic, but this is also a funny tale and delightfully silly; jam-packed with wise and wistful sentences that you will want to underline and quote to all your friends. LOST IN TRANSLATION “It is clear that the books…

‘One man’s trash is another man’s treasure’ as the saying goes. Mass consumerism urges to buy more and more, swept away by the latest trends. Let’s appreciate the rare finds and family heirlooms we already have: that vintage chair or cabinet; Granny’s chipped table that you simply can’t part with… Resurrect old treasures and mix them with pastels or bold black walls, then add velvet, lace, florals and daring wallpaper for a unique decadence and sumptuous comfort. Psychologies readers can buy a copy of Faded Glamour for the special price of £14 (RRP £19.99) with free UK p&p. To order, go to rylandpeters.com and use code ‘FADEDPSYCH’ at the checkout. Offer valid until 31 March 2020.…

It’s easier than ever to bring Asian delicacies into your kitchen. Explore your local supermarket or nearest Asian food store and find inspirational ingredients to create dishes that nurture and nourish – from steaming bowls of ramen noodles, inspired by Japanese cuisine, to fragrant curries and sizzling stir-fries made with aromatic herbs and spices. Let your imagination run wild and fill your home with the evocative aromas of the East. BOWLS WITH SOUL…

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‘PSYCHOLOGIES’ WOMEN UNITE My absolute favourite part of Psychologies has to be the Life Leap Club for subscribers. I was so inspired that I have started a Life Leap meetup at my local community centre, which has been really successful. Your material sparked some interesting conversations and generated positive outcomes. From that, we have now started a community garden project, which will be the perfect haven in which to hold our meetings. The Life Leap Club has given me a new zest for life. Pauline To subscribe, see psychologies.co.uk/life-leap-club-subscribers Get your weekly fix! WANT MORE INSPIRATION, PERSONALITY TESTS AND INVITATIONS TO LIFE-CHANGING EVENTS? SIGN UP FOR OUR FREE NEWSLETTER – DELIVERED DIRECTLY TO YOUR INBOX! GO TO bit.ly/2KN0B8z…

My precious little brother, YOU WERE ONLY ONE HOUR OLD when I, aged seven, first held you in my arms. You charmed us all with your cute smile. We laughed hysterically as kids when you danced like Mick Jagger and could moonwalk better than any pop star. You loved your family, music and playing your guitar, always with a smile. We were heartbroken to be told that you had motor neurone disease. We watched as it ravaged its way through your body, taking the use of your legs, hands and arms, then your ability to eat, breathe and speak. I can’t even begin to imagine the fear you must have felt, lying in bed unable to move, waiting for the end. And still, you had that smile. You let us…

WELOVE ‘Around The World In Eighty Days’ performed by Toby Jones and Don Gilet EMBARK ON AN EPIC JOURNEY in this audio dramatisation of the Jules Verne classic, featuring Toby Jones (The Hunger Games) as Phileas Fogg, George Blagden (Versailles) as Jean Passepartout and Don Gilet (Dr Who) as Detective Fix. One of the most celebrated tales of all time, this travelogue is part-thriller, part-fantasy. Pragmatic gambler Fogg has made a wager with the members of the exclusive Reform Club: that he can circumnavigate the world in 80 days, right down to the minute. Accompanied by his newly appointed French valet Passepartout, Fogg embarks on a fabulous journey across land and sea – by steamer, rail and elephant – to win the bet of a lifetime.…

Get clear about what is actually work. ‘If it feels hard, I think it’s work and if it feels easy, I assume it’s not work – and that’s not true,’ says Grace. ‘When the tasks on my work list became the only things I was doing, it hurt my spirit, relationships and business. Working constantly was unsustainable for my mental health.’ Write two lists, says Grace: work, say, recording a podcast, anything that involves a computer and emails; then make a list that’s not work: games, walking, eating pie! Where is your time? Create morning and evening rituals. Don’t wake up to your phone – buy an alarm clock. Have a morning routine that nourishes you – meditate, practise gratitude in your journal or read an inspiring book. In the…

While there’s no doubt smartphones make it easier to find a partner, mobile phone technology is wreaking havoc on our relationships, say psychotherapists. Experts have concluded that ‘technoference’ – the typical interruptions caused by smartphones to everyday communication and activities – is harming intimacy. It’s becoming one of the biggest sources of conflict in our relationships, right up there with arguments about money, children and sex. Runner-up to a device Whether it’s taking calls at the dinner table or texting while on a date, many clients report to therapists that sharing their partner with a digital device has a negative effect not only on their relationship but on their self-esteem. It’s almost second nature to many to have their phone in their hand and switched on at all times, so…

What I have learned over 45 years is that a simple life is the best life, and ordinary things can be the most extraordinary. What I care about most is family. I also value good people in my life and I suppose under that umbrella come kindness, compassion, truth, love and understanding. I knew my parents were actors [Edward Fox and Joanna David] but I didn’t know what that meant to anyone else until I was at secondary school. People assumed we led a grand life but it was the opposite. My parents are eccentric in many ways and live anything but a grand life! I learned my values from my parents. They taught me what is most important – family life and friendships, great love and putting children first.…

This is a useful exercise to help you examine your situation, identify your strengths and weaknesses and any unseen opportunities and threats that may be present. It is particularly relevant in career planning and career change. STRENGTHS • What are my strengths? • How do I know these are my strengths? What examples can I provide? • What strengths have other people seen in me? • How can I increase my strengths? WEAKNESSES • Where do I have gaps in my skills? • What behaviour has let me down in my life? • Where are my strengths a little overdone? • How am I holding back? OPPORTUNITIES • What new opportunities exist for me? • What support do I have from people around me? • What financial or other resources…

• Entrepreneurship. Our 40s are a peak time when creativity and experience combine with a ‘universal human longing to make our lives matter’. • Curiosity. A pivotal trait that requires an ‘independence of mind’, which often only develops later in life. • Spottingpatterns. This includes being able to identify other people’s emotional states, a skill which tends to peak in our 40s or 50s and remain with us until the end of our lives. • Emotionalcalm. Equanimity improves through middle age as our brains tend to seek calmness as we age, which is central to happiness. • Creativity. This is not the preserve of the young and we retain our creative abilities for far longer than initially thought. ‘Near peak creativity’ lasts through our 60s and, for some, can be…

You can become a people pleaser and find it hard to say no in an effort to gain approval – but resentment can build if you feel you’re being exploited. You may see criticism where none was intended and be fearful of doing the wrong thing, which can lead to a compulsion to recheck emails and go over your work. You may minimise or overlook positive feedback and magnify things that go wrong. Anxious types can be prone to impostor syndrome, which manifests as procrastination or perfectionism.…

You re a self-starter who can take a maverick approach, rather than being a team player. Avoidants often work long hours as this structured, boundaried world is a safe way to be with people. You thrive in creative or entrepreneurial environments and may find corporate life claustrophobic, especially any office politics. There may be conflict between your need to fit in and your drive to keep people at arm’s length. Avoidants can be stoic in tough situations and tend to keep their head down and get on with things rather than complain. This wins brownie points but puts you at risk of being used, or overlooked when it comes to a promotion or pay rise.…

The Psychologies Life Leap Clubis a VIP club, free to all our magazine subscribers, offering complimentary coaching, podcasts, workbooks and featuring interviews with some of the best self-development experts in the world. I’m truly privileged to be part of such a compassionate, encouraging and inspirational community. It started with 47 ambassadors – so a huge thank you to you all for leading from the front, welcoming newcomers so warmly and creating such a brilliant tribe. “Reveal the default programming running in the background, influencing your behaviour and choices” SELF-DEVELOPMENT AND INSPIRATION For our Life Leap Club, we have put together outstanding downloadable courses with exclusive videos and podcasts and masterclasses on subjects ranging from ‘The judgement detox’ to ‘The ultimate declutter’, ‘Finding your purpose’ and ‘Stop feeling overwhelmed now’. There…

Sweet set of full marks Seed and Bean’s dark chocolate range is vegan-friendly, as well as being organic, Fairtrade and free from palm oil. The bars are wrapped in compostable NatureFlex and packaged in recyclable card, without any plastic. The company scores an amazing 100 per cent in The Good Shopping Guide’s Ethical Company Index and wins our Eco Champion award. • Mandarin and ginger single-origin bar, £2.69, seedandbean.co.uk “This is definitely one of the best vegan chocolates I have tried”JEN, Reader panellist, London Taste good, do good Winner of our Editor’s Choice award, Raw Halo is raw, vegan, free from palm oil, plastic-free and dreamily, creamily luscious. For every 50 bars sold, the company plants a tree, and the chocolate is produced in partnership with a social enterprise factory.…

• OUR READERS’ CHOICE is a rich blend that supports the RSPB. It’s vegan, organic and shade-grown to protect the rainforest. Seasonal blend coffee, £4.99, birdandwild.co.uk • THESE PLASTIC-FREE coffee pods win our Editor’s Choice award. Sales support The Blurt Foundation’s mental health projects. Discover the ‘world’s kindest’ pods, £4.50, coffeeandkin.co.uk • OUR ECO CHAMPION, satisfying Percol is plastic-free, organic, Fairtrade and a Climate Neutral company. Bold Peruvian ground coffee, £4.75, percol.co.uk • CAFÉDIRECT is a certified B Corporation and reinvests in grower communities. Fairtrade, organic and tastes lovely. Full-bodied Machu Picchu coffee, £3.99, cafedirect.co.uk • PLASTIC-FREE, compostable pods, and the brand supports projects in Ethiopia, where the coffee is grown. Arabica pods, £18 for four boxes, bluegoose.coffee…

Blueprint for holistic health HOW AWARE ARE you of your ‘whole’being? The aim of using mindfulness for health is to properly notice ourselves – paying attention to our bodies, minds and hearts to understand how the choices we make have an impact on how we feel in these three areas. This is the blueprint to achieving a unique holistic health plan that works for us. I call it‘wellfulness’ My book ‘The Wellfulness Project’is available for pre-order now;@aliroff Quest for quiet Radio turned up loud, the chatter of friends and satnav shouting orders, I recently found myself overwhelmed, overstimulated and having a panic attack in my car. We live in a noisy world, but honouring my need to spend restorative time away from crowds and noise is important. From the search…

EAGLE POSE Garuda mudra Otherwise known as eagle mudra, this hand gesture adds an element of energy to your meditation and is said to cultivate inspiration, commitment and discipline. Try it when dogged by procrastination or if you feel unbalanced. • SIT COMFORTABLY, propping yourself up on a cushion or rolled blanket to tilt your hips forward and make your cross-legged posture comfortable. Notice how it lengthens and straightens your spine. Or, take a seat on a chair – there’s no right way to sit when meditating. • PUT YOUR HANDS OUT in front of you, palms facing upwards, fingers relaxed but straight, and allow your fingers to separate evenly. • CROSS YOUR RIGHT HAND over your left so that the back of your right wrist sits on top of…

• A study published in the Journal Of The American Medical Women’s Association showed that 42 per cent of 132 women experiencing difficulty becoming pregnant conceived within six months of completing a mind-body programme. • Research has revealed that hypnotherapy is an effective aid not only in natural conception but also when used in conjunction with IVF. • A study published in Fertility And Sterility showed that 55 per cent of the previously infertile women who used mind-body techniques conceived, compared with 20 per cent of the control group who didn’t use these techniques. • AnIsraelistudy of 185 women found that the success rate of IVF treatments doubled from one to 28 per cent when the subjects had hypnosis during implantation.…

• Jini Reddy’s trip was hosted by Tourism New Zealand and she flew courtesy of Thai Airways. Thai Airways flights from London to Auckland start from £780 per person. Book at newzealand.com and thaiairways.com • Her guides and hosts were: footprintswaipoua. co.nz; rotoruanativetours. co.nz; goodheavens.co.nz; roguepony.co.nz • There was a volcanic eruption on White Island in December. The Foreign Office has advised that travel to most areas of New Zealand is safe. White Island, however, remains in unstable conditions with toxic gases and ash in the area. Around 200,000 British nationals visit New Zealand every year and most visits are trouble-free. gov.uk/ foreign-travel-advice/new-zealand…

Resurface Surf-Therapy Retreats offers group getaways at Riad Dar Haven, a traditional guesthouse with a relaxed vibe. You’ll be looked after by avid surfer and therapist Joshua Dickson, who specialises in treating anxiety, depression, relational issues and addiction. Sun, sea and blue skies are a rejuvenating backdrop for those who want to improve their health and happiness – a launch pad to change your life. To enter, go to tinyurl.com/ psyretreatwin. The closing date is midnight on 17 February 2020. The prize is for one, in a shared room, from 18-25 April 2020. All transfers from Agadir airport, accommodation, meals, surf hire and lessons are included but flights are not. There is no cash alternative to the prize.…

1 Saving Missy By Beth Morrey (HarperCollins,£12.99 ) This delightful debut will break your heart,then put it back together again as the story of prickly,stubborn and lonely Millicent Carmichael unfurls. Missy is 79, her son has moved to Australia, she’s estranged from her daughter and she’s missing her husband. Missy is fretting about her past and unable to imagine a future – but a walk in the park and a chance encounter change everything. A tender novel about second chances and friendship. 2 The Mercies By Kiran Millwood Hargrave (Pan Macmillan,£14.99 ) This retelling of a historical story follows an isolated community of women accused of witchcraft in Norway in the 17th century. After the men of Vardo island are drowned at sea, the women…

Whether you’re a keen noodle slurper, an Asian cookery aficionado or simply want to whet your appetite with something new, Wagamama’s latest book, Feed Your Soul (Kyle Books, £20), has got it covered. With an ethos of ‘positive eating, positive living’, the book encourages mindful cooking; taking the time to appreciate and enjoy creating and eating mouthwatering dishes made from the freshest ingredients. It includes quick and easy meals, ideal for during the week, plus those that take a little more time for when you want to cook from scratch. Try the warm and mood-boosting ‘Salmon and quinoa salad’; Wagamama’s iconic ‘Chicken katsu curry’ or the light and smoky ‘Mushroom ramen’. From Asia, with love! SHIITAKE MUSHROOM DONBURI In Japanese, ‘donburi’ simply means ‘rice and bowl’. A mixture of protein…

Shu Han Lee moved to London from Singapore as a student and taught herself to cook the food she’d grown up with. She is founder of Rempapa Spice Co (rempapa.com) and author of her first book ‘Chicken And Rice: Fresh And Easy Southeast Asian Recipes From A London Kitchen’. Shu shares her recipes on her blog mummyicancook.com. Try ‘her Two-minute noodle bowls’ or her mum’s ‘Ngoh hiang – five-spice pork rolls’ for an authentic taste of Asia.…

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@JulieSpencer4D: I have avoided professions that require public speaking for over three decades, in fear. This year, thanks to guidance from @PsychologiesMag I became a cover supervisor for hundreds of young people. Turns out, dare I say, I’m a natural. Bizarre these fears. @anniemel5: My morning brightened by finding that my library had the November and December @PsychologiesMag for me to take out! @sarahbartletts: I ordered Psychologies’‘Create The Career You Want’ book because, subconsciously, I knew change was coming… I was made redundant on Thursday. I’ve now read the features and I’m excited for what’s next. @nobleleaf: We’ve won the #Psychologies RealEco Reader’s Choice award, as voted by @psychologiesmagazine. A big thank you for including us in this category as we are up against some big tea brands. @creative womeninternational:…

‘Water is everywhere: about 70 per cent of our planet is covered by water. We were born from it and all life depends on it; it is the essence of life,’ says writer and environmentalist Charlie Ryrie. ‘Water links us to the universe, but we have lost our connection with this life-giving substance.’ Ryrie’s book, The Healing Energies Of Water (Pyramid, £14.99), explores water’s essential role in healing the body and calming the mind, as well as its importance in our homes and the environment. “I was a pebble. I was a leaf. I was the jagged branch of a tree. I was nothing to them and they were everything to me”CHERYL STRAYED 43% IS THE INCREASE IN GOOGLE SEARCHES ABOUT MEDITATION, COMPARED TO FIVEYEARSAGO** LESS IS MORE People who…

REFORESTATION is one of our most vital tools in tackling the climate crisis. I love the ethos of TreeSisters, a global tree-planting charity. Its work aims to create a new culture: one in which giving back to nature is as normal as it currently is to take. Clare Dubois, founding CEO, explains: ‘If we take matters into our own hands, we can collectively reforest our planet fast enough to make a significant difference.’ Support the ‘Grow your own forest’ campaign at treesisters.org ‘Psychologies’ is proudly championing sustainability. Read more in the new Real Eco section of the magazine from page 79. This month, our panel of testers have awarded the best eco chocolate and coffee. For more, go to psychologies.co.uk/real-eco and follow @ellen_tout…

In this world of speed dating, lightning communications and bucket lists, it’s refreshing to be able to carve out some time and do things properly. It’s the same when it comes to holidays, and Yorkshire-based Inntravel have got it just right. Their award-winning collection of self-guided walking, cycling and touring holidays allow you to discover the most beautiful corners of Europe and beyond entirely at your own pace. That’s why they’re known as the Slow Holiday people. A ‘Psychologies’ promotion in partnership with slow travel specialist Inntravel…

1 If you are constantly absorbing other people’s voices, it’s likely that you haven’t stopped to listen to your own. A better relationship with yourself can be cultivated – spend time alone and think about what you enjoy, what you think and what matters to you. 2 It’s likely that at an early age you learned that other people’s opinions mattered more than your own. It might be that you weren’t encouraged to have your own opinions, or you found that paying attention to everyone else felt safer. What do you wish a grown-up had said to you? Now that you are the adult, you can offer this advice to yourself. 3 Try to separate caring for other people from caring what they think. You can love,…

Q How can we best start a conversation about excessive phone use with our partner? Try to refrain from saying ‘you’re always on your phone’! When we accuse someone of ‘always’ doing something we don’t like, or ‘never’ doing something we do like, it causes them to withdraw or get defensive. Instead, take responsibility for your behaviour: ‘I notice that when you’re on your phone, I tend not to want to engage with you’ or ‘we haven’t been spending as much quality time together without devices and I miss it. How can we change that?’ Then work out together how you can both be more present for each other. Q How should we deal with a social situation in which someone uses their phone all the time? Again, the key…

The ‘Psychologies’- endorsed ‘Find a Coach’ directory, with Barefoot  Coaching, provides readers with a choice of top coaches, all with postgraduate training accredited by the University of Chester and the International Coach Federation. Find a coach who suits you to help you navigate and transform your life – in the areas of money, work, relationships, parenting, health and leadership. Editor-in-Chief ASK THE EXPERT… Lucy Tulloch is a Barefoot coach who specialises in helping women professionally and personally by giving them space to make sense of everything they are juggling in life. Q My brother is so lost – he is always blaming me and others, as if we are the reason he doesn’t have positive things in his life, and when my family gets together, he often starts arguments. I…

Here at the ‘Psychologies’ podcast channel, we interview the world’s best experts and authors, from Brené Brown to Marian Keyes, to inspire change in your life. Whether you want to embark on a new career, heal from heartbreak or realise personal dreams, we’ve got practical advice to help you live a life you love. Magazine subscribers can access additional interviews, workbooks, videos and content. To find out about the Life Leap Club and begin valuable coaching to kickstart change, see psychologies. co.uk/ life-leap-club-new-subscribers. We’ll add a new programme every four weeks to support you on your journey. Our exciting new releases How to be the leader you were meant to be Released on 22 January Psychologies Editor-in-Chief Suzy Walker talks to coach Nick Williams, author of The Work You Were…

Out of four main attachment styles, around 50 per cent of people have a secure style, which comes with an innate confidence in getting their emotional needs met by their close relationships. But if you are one of the 20 per cent with an anxious attachment style, it can feel as if you never get the love and attention you need. The 25 per cent with an avoidant style, meanwhile, can get trapped in a ‘come here, go away’ cycle with friends and partners, and the five per cent with a chaotic attachment style get a double whammy of anxious and avoidant combined, and feel like life is an emotional rollercoaster.** 1 In your friendship group, you’re the: ♥ Steady one who can be relied on ◆ One who’s most…

1 Connect with your values. Rather than ruminating on what others may think of you, identify your values and what gives life meaning for you. Instead of looking to others for validation that you are a good person, ask: how closely is my behaviour aligned with my values? How can I bring it closer? 2 Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself with compassion if you feel insecure – anxious types have a vocal inner critic. 3 Savour time alone. Plan to do something special on a free day. 4 Create a secure base. You do best in long-term relationships where you can grow in confidence. Anxious women often repeat patterns by subconsciously seeking avoidant men who can’t meet their needs.*** Your ideal partner will give you the attention you…

1 Use mindfulness to get in touch with your emotions. Many avoidants are so adept at denying their feelings that it can take time to get back in touch with what they need. 2 Take baby steps towards opening up and sharing what’s really going on for you. Even if avoidant types are good at supporting others, they can remain a closed book about their feelings. Start by banning the word ‘fine’ when people ask you how you are. 3 Find your tribe. Friendships can take time to develop and one-to-ones can feel too intense, but joining a group that has a focus can take the pressure off, allowing relationships to build at a comfortable pace for you. 4 Be upfront your need for space. Help those closest to…

EACH ISSUE, we’ll give you questions to discuss with your Life Leap Club. Pose the question and listen to the answers, without interrupting. Subscribe to take our course ‘Are you making the right decision? What’s your decision-making style?’. Ponder these: 1 REFLECT: Recall a good decision that you have made. Why was it a positive decision? How did you make the decision? Think back to every part of the decision-making process – how did you make your beneficial decision? 2 PAUSE: Recall a bad decision that you have made. Why was it a poor decision? How did you make it? Think back to every part of the decision-making process – what might you do differently next time? 3 CONSIDER: How do you connect with your inner wisdom? How do you…

This month, our Real Eco pane of readers has been taste-testing sustainable chocolate and coffee. These winning brands are our favourites because they put the planet before profits – by supporting charitable projects, finding conscionable ways to source coffee beans and reducing plastic usage in their packaging. As a vegan, I have struggled to find chocolate that matches up, but these five bars are delectable, creamy and rich. Our five Real Eco-winning independent coffee companies are also going above and beyond. Let us know what you think with #PsychologiesRealEco and read more reviews at psychologies.co.uk/real-eco…

As living, breathing human beings, mindfulness provides a window to look inside and become aware of the tiny synchronicities within; to understand and know ourselves better. But, as our practice develops, and we start to notice more, a beautiful evolution of mindfulness practice occurs: connection with the common experience of humanity; the gentle noticing of other people, their feelings, thoughts, plans, goals and fears, and that they are often on the same journey as us.…

MAINTAINING A SUNNY disposition literally relies on sufficient amounts of natural light. Daily sun exposure of 10 minutes gives us adequate levels of vitamin D, which has a crucial role in maintaining healthy bones, keeping the immune system robust and supporting cardiovascular health. Vitamin D is also an important factor for gut health because it helps regulate the release of serotonin, which has a significant effect on mood. We can get dietary sources from eggs, butter and oily fish although not in large amounts and the greater amount of vitamin D is synthesised internally via skin exposure to sunlight. Here in Blighty, it is paramount to supplement throughout the winter months, unless you are heading off to warmer climes. Walking on sunshine Going out for a walk isn’t just for…

ARE YOU A mountain or sea person? I think we all have a landscape that calls to us, the fantasy place we would escape to if we ran away from it all. For me, it is mountains and, in particular, the wild Cumbrian fells, which I have walked all my life. As the months grow since my last visit, I start looking on property websites, fantasising that I can somehow square the circle of work, family and friends in London, and the peace and natural beauty that I crave. A nibble, if not a bite So, for the second of my big walks, my friend E and I are heading out to the Surrey Hills, an area of outstanding natural beauty just an hour away by train. Will these hills…

CONQUER PEAKS Mountain Beach Fitness Retreat , Switzerland Focus on health, fitness and wellbeing in the Swiss mountains, with the stunning natural environment as your playground for workouts. Expect hikes, runs, HIIT, yoga, stand-up paddleboarding, strength circuits, core conditioning and more. Luxury chalets and nutritious food ensure optimal recovery. Retreats run on set dates or book a bespoke trip. Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/ mountain-beach-fitnessretreats-switzerland • mountainbeachfitnessretreats.com/verbier FREE YOUR CREATIVITY Artful Reset Retreat, Crete The arts are as good for our mental health as exercise is for our body,and this mesmerising art therapy-based retreat will help you become playful again,express freely and discover your creative self,especially if you are stressed or overwhelmed. The retreat is hosted in gorgeous villas on a secluded estate near a charming village,next from 28 May-2June. Review queenofretreats.com/retreats/artful-retreats-crete…

“Compassion not a relationship between the healer and the wounded…It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others” Pema Chödrön is our favourite wise woman. Beloved Buddhist teacher, author, nun and mother, she has inspired millions of people around the world who have been touched by her example and message of practising peace in these turbulent times. The Pema Chödrön Foundation is dedicated to preserving and sharing Pema’s inspiration and teachings in order that they might help us all awaken wisdom and compassion in ourselves and the world around us. pemachodronfoundation.org To buy her books, go to shambhala.com; bookdepository.com; betterworldbooks.com…