Innholdsfortegnelse for December/January 2021 i Cosmopolitan

With notes from editor-in-chief Jessica Pels 7 A.M. My truly wild but very cute German shorthaired pointer forces me out of bed to play fetch. 9 A.M. I pull a tarot card for the day. It’s the High Priestess, who tells me to listen to my intuition. I do just that while leaving editing notes on our latest TikTok Challenge Challenge video—my intuition says the cold open is too long! You don’t serve wine like this bc…? Flip to page 63 for *your* tarot reading. 10 A.M. I love engaging with the comments on our YouTube videos (okay, yes, I promise to try to get Paris Hilton for you!). I think viewers forget there’s a real person reading them, but I’m here! (Thanks for telling us how funny we are—we…

Meeting ID 816 5426 5918 speaker view Most likely to… mute stop video invite participants share screen chat record leave now…

1 The Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston hand-hold Where were you when they set the internet on fire with their physical contact at the SAG Awards? (You know, back when people could…touch.) 2 J.Lo and Shakira at the Super Bowl It’s like their next-level twerking disrupted the order of the universe and a higher power said, “Y’all are having too much fun.” 3 Love Is Blind mania It’s ironic that weeks before quarantine, a show where people put themselves in boxes went viral. What did Netflix know?! 4 Parasite’s history-making Oscar win We should have guessed that the high from Bong Joon Ho winning his bajillion Oscars wouldn’t last. 5 That “Imagine” video Lol @ celebs thinking they could sing into their cameras and cure all our COVID-19-related woes. 6 Tiger King…

Just hit play 1 No River BY ESMÉ PAT TERSON 2 Share Your Address BY BEN PLAT T 3 Then BY ANNE-MARIE 4 Sinnerman BY NINA SIMONE 5 Fiesta Pa’Los Rumberos BY ALBITA 6 Love Make the World Go Round BY JENNIFER LOPEZ AND LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA 7 River Deep Mountain High BY ADR IENNE WARREN, FROM TINA: THE TINA TURNER MUSICAL 8 Super Trouper FROM THE CAST OF MAMMA MIA! (THE MOV IE) 9 Somewhere FROM THE CAST OF WEST SIDE STORY 10 We Look to You BY MICHAEL POTTS, FROM THE PROM (THE MUSICAL) BONUS TRACK Good news: Every single track here is perfect for shower singing. A P.S. from The Prom, out now to glitter up your Netflix queue. 1. “I grew up in North Carolina, and I love…

1 It’s the face’s equivalent of constantly clicking a pen open and shut, and we all know how annoying *that* is to sit next to. 2 Your fingertips are starting to look like the iPhone 7 screen you cracked so badly that you couldn’t even IG-stalk your crush’s sister-in-law. 3 How else will you launch your international hand-modeling career? 4 No joke: Our boss once chipped a tooth from biting her nails. 5 You put waaay too much time into that DIY mani to chew it right the hell off. 6 You know what doesn’t go with your new tie-dye set? Raggedy hands. 7 It doesn’t ~actually~ help with anxiety or stress. (Therapy does tho!) 8 Maybe now is not the time to be, IDK, putting lots of extra germs…

Consider this my official love letter to bonnets. You know how a lot of us apply lip balm a dozen times a day and always have spare tubes in our purses, cars, desks, and nightstands? Well, in my South African household—and in tens of millions of other Black American homes—bonnets are just as common and just as critical. We use them for everything (both overnight *and* during the day): to protect our hair from breakage and split ends, keep our edges down and curls intact, and preserve time-consuming and very $$$ hairstyles. As a child, I remember going to Black hair salons with my mom and sisters and being groomed by Laketa, our family’s stylist, who would later teach me how to wrap my hair. Whether it was braided, straightened,…

Call it the Facetune effect…. “I’ll tell coworkers, first dates, strangers in line at the grocery store.” first, some facts: Liposuction is now the second most popular cosmetic surgery behind breast augmentation in this country. In 2019 alone, a whopping 265,000 people got it on areas like their butt, stomach, and arms—and 1 out of every 6 of them was under 30 years old. That last part is the one that kind of shocks me. We’re talking about 45,000 young people getting a $3,500ish procedure in a time when lots of us are saddled with low wages and high debt. I’m not one to judge—women can (and should!) choose what to do with their bodies and money—but it’s not like lipo is a low-stakes thing: It’s a legit surgery that…

So it’s the holidays, and things are not normal at all. Still, your at-home-staring-blankly-into-the-pantry self deserves a celebratory sugar rush—even if it’s by yourself in PJs. Here, very easy, very festive treats for your very weird winter. Peppermint-and-Candy-Cane-Dipped Oreos They’re like Mariah Carey’s ’90s Christmas album in your mouth. THE INGREDIENTS 1 handful peppermints1 family-size bag candy cane Hershey’s Kisses for extra goodness1 box Oreos (Double Stuf, obviously) THE RECIPE 1. Crush the peppermints in a bag (or outside the bag if you’re into a wild holiday szn). 2. Microwave the Kisses in a bowl for 30-second increments until liquid-y. 3. Use a fork to lower an Oreo into the melted Kisses, then flip it to coat it entirely. 4. Place on a wax-paper-covered baking sheet and sprinkle generously with…

Things TikTok is good at: distracting me from all my responsibilities, making me feel like I *must* study random choreography, educating me and my fellow lazies about how to do laziness lazier. Please join me and Professor Tok as we embark on this journey of sloth life goals. Behold: a window into my soul. IF YOUR CHIP CLIPS ARE M.I.A.… …rip the plastic lid off a wipes container, like @RossSmith’s granny did above, and set it aside (it should still be sticky on the bottom). Grab a bag of chips and lay it down label side up. Stick the lid on the bag and use a knife to cut a hole in the lil opening. And now: Optimal Snacking Experience™. IF YOUR ROOMIE (RUDELY) REFUSES TO GIVE SCALP MASSAGES… …first,…

First, a lil refresher: Like astrology, tarot cards are a divination tool, meaning you can use them to gain insight into your past, present, and future. Each deck has 78 cards, and each of those is printed with a symbolic image loaded with meaning. In a reading, a pro (hi!) will listen to your concerns, then draw and interpret cards to help you figure them out. I highly recommend you try it, but in the meantime, here’s a quick DIY reading for you right now. I used my intuition to draw three cards, and you’re going to use your intuition to choose one for yourself. So bring this page somewhere quiet and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths. Open your eyes and pick only one of these three…

At least *we* have apps…? Please join me in wildly extrapolating about our future based on how our ancestors loved (and banged) after shitstorm times of yore, because yes, pandemics have happened and yes, dating has resumed. Here’s what we can expect now. SEX IS GONNA BE A WHOLE THING It usually goes one of two ways: People get weird about sex or have a lot more of it. Let’s take the case of the first bubonic plague. In the 6th century, the emperor Justinian used the pandemic as backup for his ban on same-sex sex, saying the latter caused “famines, earthquakes, and pestilences.” (I personally would love to have sex so good that it caused an earthquake, but that’s me.) Later, though, the 14th-century Black Plague was followed by…

STANDING BEFORE HER WERE EIGHT WHITE MEN, largely unmemorable except for what they all had in common: Confederate flag T-shirts and penises jutting stiffly out of their pants. She was here to have sex with all of them—she knew that; she’d signed the contract. But Ana Foxxx, then 23, was still trying to process the message, what was really being asked of her, when the director, another white man, pulled her into a side room. He showed her images on his computer of other Black women in videos just like this one. He told her that the experience would be fun and easy and quick. Everything would be over in 10 minutes. Was she cool with that? Ana had shown up to the downtown L.A. warehouse alone. It was 2012, and…

Don’t mind us, we’ll just do all your holiday shopping for you And since we know the splurge is real, we’re also here to help keep your $ situation in check. Hey, friend! We’ve curated a list of the 100 buzziest, need-it-now-est, just plain best presents to give literally anyone (even yourself, bc you definitely deserve it) right this second. Not to brag, but the entire thing is instantly shoppable, thanks to shopping service Klarna. Here’s how to scan, buy, and pretty much own this entire season: 1 Download the Klarna app (scan this little bb with your phone) if you don’t have it already. 2 When you get to our nine special It Gift pages throughout this issue, open your camera and hover it over the QR code next…

Be honest: What was your “time spent” on IG this week? 60% I’m scrolling for at *least* a full hour per day now. 24 % IDK, two hours? 16% Wait, you are talking single digits or…? Let’s talk about what’s hiding in your Saved folder… 55% At this point, it’s practically a Zillow for celebrity homes. % 25 Sorry, what? 20% Oh, you mean my vault of influencer drama receipts! When was your most recent post? 57% Last Thursday—obvi a TBT to better times.:/ 25% 2019. I’m more of a lurker, you feel? 18% Two minutes ago. It has 38 Likes already, which is fine compared to yesterday’s performance. Have you tried any good viral recipes from your Explore page? 54% As if I could ignore all that banana bread.…

As far as men go, the best ones are the funny ones…like Jermaine, who you might know from Sorry to Bother You and who you will definitely know after this month’s Coming 2 America. Before he gets too busy, I grabbed him for a chat. Alright, let’s start with the basics. What are you up to tonight? I’m taking my daughter for a walk. Well that’s incredibly sweet. I wake up every morning and try not to check my phone—I look at my daughter or I look at my son, and I say a little mantra and ask them how they slept. Most times, they just mumble words to me and giggle, which is enough. I think my ovaries just exploded. New topic: You have amazing skin, so there’s got…

1 KNOT IT Loop a short one around your neck, tie it on the side, et voilà. 2 WRAP IT Works best with square-shaped scarves for a three-point cowl effect. 3 ONE-SHOULDER IT Even better if there’s a cute color scheme and brooch involved. 4 BLANKET IT Just walk around cuddled up in a big one. What? It’s cold! 5 TIE IT Drape and knot a silk scarf around your head for retro vibes. 6 BELT IT For my asymmetrical bebes, slip one over a shoulder and cinch. 7 DRAPE IT Like #5 but with a longer tail to toss dramatically behind you. 8 PIN IT Sometimes your scarf is prettier than your shirt. Show it off like so.…

I get it. Little versions of big things are cute. Puppies, kittens, bags (hi, page 22). Cropped clothes follow the same rule—they’re adorable! And chic! But at some point, it’s winter and I need the rest of that shirt for, like, warmth? Here, a bunch of long versions of short things so you, too, can avoid hypothermia this season. The more you know Crops persist bc of our own shopping habits—consumers keep trends alive for years just bc we’re used to them.…

Me to about pounce on this stash. But literally, about the bunnies… All the brands on this page are vegan *and* PETA Beauty Without Bunnies or Leaping Bunny certified. And these particular products are my faves/SO worth trying.…

PRESENTED BY WINTER SKIN SAVERS Olay Body Wash visibly improves skin with powerful ingredients. Choose the formula that’s right for you! NOURISHES FOR A HEAD-TO-TOE REFRESH Olay Cleansing & Nourishing Body Wash with Vitamin B3 Complex + Hyaluronic Acid locks in moisture to keep skin hydrated throughout the day without feeling heavy. BRIGHTENS FOR THAT 365 GLOW Olay Cleansing & Brightening Body Wash with Vitamin B3 Complex + Vitamin C helps brighten skin while also fortifying its surface moisture barrier. FIRMS FOR A FULL-BODY BOOST Olay Cleansing & Firming Body Wash with Vitamin B3 Complex + Collagen improves elasticity for healthier, firmer, and more youthful-looking skin. Winter Skin Fiction or Cold, Hard Fact? Board-certified derm Dr. Sheila Farhang explains these common skin myths. “A SUPERHOT SHOWER SOOTHES DRY SKIN.” Nope!…

COTTON CANDY Nailing the 2020 version of this chunky sitch is simple: It’s all about location—the highlights *must* frame your face—and color choice (pick one bright shade that contrasts with your base hair color). If you’re blonde, you can’t go wrong with bubblegum pink for a feel that’s equal parts fun and ~fashun~. SOFT GRUNGE You’ll need a hefty dose of bleach to (re)create this edgy Cruella 2.0 lewk, so do your hair a favor and deep-condition the hell out of it first to avoid damage. ICED OUT Behold, the ultimate E-girl vibe: piecey blue streaks against a deep-brown base. To ace that color placement, pull your hair into a low bun, then grab a rat-tail comb and gently pull out a few loose strands in the front—those are the…

“It wasn’t over in 2014. It still isn’t over!”—KALE I will die on the hill that kale chips are the biggest scam of our time, but the truth is that the leafy green can actually be pretty delicious—especially if you hide it in food you already like. Hence this article. Shall we? FANCY-ISH FRIED RICE Church up your take-out leftovers by de-stemming some kale, tearing it to pieces, and sautéing it with rice in a stove pan. Goop whomst? PA-FREAKING-STA You could do the same sorta thing as above or make a pesto-y pasta sauce by blending some kale leaves, basil, garlic, olive oil, Parm, and nuts. CAN O’ ZOUPA Don’t laugh, but: Slice up strips of kale (no stems, ty!), put those leaves in a bowl, dump a can…

I count 17 #NoFilters that are obvi filtered. my nighttime routine is pretty simple: wash my face, brush my teeth, hunt very thoroughly through the Instagram profiles of everyone I want to shade until my thumbs hurt or I blissfully drift off to sleep (whichever comes first). Repeat every night until the day I die. Sometimes I hate-stalk strangers, but mostly it’s people I do know but do not like (including you, girl who bullied me in middle school and now has 482 followers and lots of charcoal toothpaste #sponcon). It’s like settling in with The Real Housewives: I’m free to judge—which I definitely, definitely do—what’s playing out onscreen from the comfort of my sweatpants. “Ha! At least I’m not you,” my brain says when the unfamous GF of my…

NBD, WITH TRUST AND RESPECT By ASHLEY ALTUS Hi, just a reminder that no two people have the exact same life experience. Like, my partner and I had totally different educations, so of course we’re not going to see eye to eye on issues like funding higher education. And that’s okay. We also consume political media differently (I’m a news nerd, and he’s like, “Twitter whomst?”). But I don’t need to get in the way of him interpreting a situation for himself. Sure, we have disagreements: Up until recently, my partner didn’t think his vote mattered. Instead of me screaming, “I don’t care—it’s really important!!” we talked it out, and it made me question whether I really understood the process myself. In the end, our conversation gave us both stronger…

Honestly, is there anything better (besides happy hour or, like, world peace) than getting your makeup collection in perfect order? Didn’t think so—especially after you’ve spent the majority of the past year sitting at home staring at how messy it is. And also because this: “Organizing is directly linked to mental health,” says home stylist and KonMari decluttering expert Kristyn Ivey. “It’s a true form of self-care.” So here, our gift to you: a whole story of tips to accompany you on your journey to solve all of the world’s problems achieve some zen. STEP 1 Do an official purge Start by checking your expiration dates “Once they pass, active ingredients and preservatives start to become less effective,” says cosmetic chemist Ron Robinson. Translation: Your stuff won’t work as well…

3 DELICIOUSLY “UN-CLASSY” DESSERTS THAT WE TASTE-TESTED MORE THAN WAS NECESSARY. 17 scary screen-time reports 52 nemeses unfollowed 10 of those re-followed in the name of mental health*. *It actually works, page 58. 1 failed attempt at the hair trend on page 46. 80 million: the number of regrets one writer now has about not washing her Beautyblender (eek, page 100). 7 coffee mugs containing…not coffee, spotted on Zoom. 3 How many items one editor carries in her hands because purses just aren’t A Thing anymore, per page 22. 4 INSTAGRAM “SAVED” FOLDERS FULL OF KARJENNER ESTATES. SEE PAGE 10. 10 upgraded snack experiences (trick, page 56). 18 STAFFERS WHO CAN INSTANTLY VISUALIZE “THAT STRAWBERRY DRESS” FROM PAGE 24 WITH NO FURTHER CONTEXT. 5 SECRET THINGS OUR EDITORS USED TO…

FIND OUT 1. Morning, sunshine! You just bought a new electric(!!) toothbrush and are lowkey excited about it. How will you clean your pearly whites? a With three brush cycles. Chip Skylark’s shiny teeth are shaking in their gums. b Not yet, pls. I’m just going to rinse with some mouthwash and go back to bed. It’s still early. c I’ll go over each tooth in little circles with the love they deserve, just like the TikTok dentists taught me. 2. After the shampoo of a lifetime, what do you do with those pesky hair balls clogging your drain? a Put ’em at the bottom of the garbaggio. Clean pipes = peace of mind. b Make a design on the shower wall until someone yells at me to throw it…

Since you cannot, unfortunately, *actually* ditch your trash-fire life and run away to join the royal fam/forget all your troubles this season, here are some of their ~fancy rituals~ so you can at least pretend like you’re joining the royal fam/forgetting all your troubles this season. Long live denial! Country up your digs The Queen has hosted the entire crew for the past 30some Christmases at Sandringham House, a modest (lol) estate slash working farm. Recreate the upscale English countryside vibe at home with wooden decor accents, a roaring fire (or, you know, yule-log video), and plenty of plaid. Livestock optional. Demand decoration approval Yes, even at your relatives’ places. The Queen personally signs off on the festive decor for every royal residence. But just in case you think this…

I think we’ve all come to this realization together silently: Not going places = not needing to wear half your apartment on your shoulder. I mean, my only (masked, obviously) outings right now are to the coffee shop and the park if I’m feeling adventurous—places where all I need is the holy trinity (phone, keys, wallet). Know what those fit in? Pockets. Hands. Or if you’re committed to an outfit or bringing along additional items (sunglasses, sanitizer, sanity), a tiny bag. And know what that feels like? Freedom. BABY BAGS IF YOU MUST…

OKAY CONDITIONS EXTREMLY NOT OKAY CONDITIONS…

This game-changing EXFOLIATOR I’m a shaver through and through, and this makes managing my ingrowns NBD. It removes dead skin cells with polyhydroxy acid (glycolic acid’s chill distant cousin), which makes my bikini line and underarms soft and smooth. A deeply moisturizing HAIR OIL Honestly, just one teensy drop of this lightweight oil smooths my flyaways and dry ends. The best part though? It never leaves a greasy residue on my fine hair (and, okay, it also looks really cute in my bathroom). The legit most perfect EYESHADOW I have two requirements when it comes to makeup: (1) It needs to be easy to use and (2) it needs to look ~subtle~. This slightly shimmery liquid shadow fits the bill to a damn T, and the fact that it’s spiked…

My apologies to the 47 tubes of black in your cabinet. I recently bought a brown mascara by mistake (too much pinot while late-night Amazoning, as one does). So I tried it, and you know what? Forget what you’ve heard: This stuff is *actually* great. It just doesn’t do the most—and honestly, that’s its sneaky appeal. Think of brown vs. black mascara like tinted moisturizer vs. foundation. The former is soft and ~fresh~ like a Glossier ad, in the best woke-up-like-this way. It gives lashes just the right amount of oomph without being extra, and that’s especially clutch for days when I don’t want a full face of makeup (so basically every day in These Times). And that’s the story. I’m crowning brown mascara my beauty “discovery”—aka the thing I…

Will be neck-deep in this beaut until further not ice, thank you. MAKE A WATERMELON PUNCH BOWL Slice off the bottom half-inch of a watermelon and stand her up straight. Then lop off the top third and hollow out what’s left with an ice-cream scooper (you can, btw, puree these melon balls into your dancing juice). Fill your basin to the brim and top with lots of mint sprigs, lemons, edible glitter, Timothée Chalamet’s tears, etc. TRY SOME LIME SHOT GLASSES Cut off both ends of your lime, chop it in half at the equator, and stand each half on its flat part. Remove the insides with a spoon, add a salt rim, and fill with ~iced tequila~. CAN WE INTEREST YOU IN A PINEAPPLE CHAL ICE? Cut off the…

Why aren’t summer eclipses national holidays? 1. JANUARY 30 The first Mercury Retrograde of 2021 begins (it’ll be back again on May 29 and September 27—fun!), so watch out for tech, travel, and communication shitstorms. 2. FEBRUARY 17 NBD: Saturn makes its first sharp connection with Uranus (this will also happen twice more, on June 14 and December 24), totally smashing your 2021 vision board. Be ready to dream bigger—and act bigger. 3. MARCH 20 Happy New Year!!! Aries season kicks off a new astro calendar, giving you a fresh start on everything. 4. MAY 13 Jupiter dips into mystical Pisces until July 28, starting off a ~dreamy and magical~ summer full of love and luck. 5. MAY 26 The lunar eclipse in Sagittarius hits reset on your education and/or…

it’s true: Astrologers did warn us about 2020. Aaand now they’re warning us about 2021—but don’t worry, they’re also providing legit helpful advice. We asked five ~cosmic interpreters~ five big questions about what to expect. Here’s what they said. (Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll be over here breathing into a paper bag.) How’s love looking? Can I start planning an IRL wedding? Or at least an IRL date? Okay, so Saturn, planet of commitment, is in revolutionary Aquarius for the entire year, meaning we need to get even more creative about how we couple up. Aka it’s time to think outside of Zoom, like with a (post-negative-COVID-19-test) socially distanced road trip, virtual concert, or phone sex. BTW, big days for romance are January 28 and May 17. —SIX, @BLACKWOMENCRY…

How do you keep things spicy with someone after being trapped in quarantine together? K, so this sounds ass-backward (ass-ward?) but: Schedule sex. Yes, BYE, ye olde trope of a passionless couple sending GCal invites for sex three years into things, because it turns out that planned intimacy can actually *help* build anticipation, says sex and relationship therapist Shamyra Howard. Think: Christmas Eve vibes all year long. I LOVE cervical orgasms. Is there any position besides cowgirl that can get me there? To stimulate the cervix, aka the doughnut-shaped tissue at the top of your vaginal canal, try deep-penetration positions like doggy-style, says ob-gyn Kiarra King, MD. Add-ons like a wedge pillow (try Dame’s Pillo, $95, dame products.com) can also help make positions like missionary or spooning feel deeper than…

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE… You, soiree edition. Who cares if no one’s there to see your showstopping embroidery or puff sleeves—that’s what Instagram is for. Secret upside: The Zoom people can’t tell your polish is still wet. GO TOTAL BODY WITH IT Your holiday challenge: Show off a full-length ’fit on a chest-up screen. Honestly, these satin slacks deser ve the at tention! You on NYE or a fabulous ’80s starlet primping for her first red carpet? ALL THAT GLITTERS IS…FIRE It *is* the holiday season, my friend—if you haven’t been sparkling it up all year, now’s the MF time. Wear this dress and be the whole damn present. RAMP UP THE DRAMA, MAMA Yes, frills! Yes, dots! Yes, more shiny satin! Throw it all on and…

My overall night-stand vibe Spontaneous and surprising—much like me! You never know what you’re going to find. what’s on top A box of tissues in case I cry while watching a sad movie. Never not inside My TV remote and my favorite lotion. And water—hydration is key!! And only sometimes inside Fake eyelashes, if I ripped them off in bed the night before. What I wouldn’t want my mom to find Wouldn’t you like to know? Current bedtime reading The Sleep Revolution, by Arianna Huffington. When it comes to alarms, I… Set, like, five or six. I love them, unless I forget to charge my phone and it just dies in my sleep.…